idk I guess symptoms of attention problems I have.

whenever I need to do something, I push it off or get distracted. I end up not doing that thing ever, or maybe a week or two later even at times.

trying to do art for the last 4 years, and been trying to learn languages for the past 4 years, and I can get maybe a few hours of it done over a few days, before I quit, and it can take me months to retry it.

in school I have trouble paying attention in class and would scribble and doodle for the entire class, or just leave if I was bored.

For homework I'd push it to the last minute always, or just say "it will only affect my grade this much" and just not do it.

I have to reread sentences a lot.

when doing recipes I hsve to read every single step several times while I'm doing it even.

in online conversations I completely stop paying attention a lot, and then I forget they were talking to me.

I feel like I have to reread things a lot to get it all in my brain at once.

I want to do one quick task, and then get sidetracked into doing something else just like I'm typing right now, I meant to make toast instead.

I set myself schedules when I was in highschool and college and would fail it almost every single time. I still try to write schedules and I still have yet to have one succesful schedule.

sometimes people talk to me and I don't know what they're saying at all and I just stare at them and feel emberassed.

I talk about something and then switch topics really quickly, multiple online friends who I've talked to for years say this about me.

when applying to jobs I just feel the urge to not want to do that, and do something like read manga (japanese comics) instead.

back in highschool I would always avoid school, and went over the yearly amount allowed of days to be absent, I would almost always forget to do homework, and forgot to do a lot of projects. In college I did the same.

I have a lot of lazy mornings that progress into the entirety of the day.

I cant remember conversations that I had just minutes ago, earlier today, or from the past. I have to reread text a lot if it was online messaging, or I have to ask again what we were talking about.

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this is all I can think of that would be my attention problems. I feel like I have been able to ignore these problems as I was probably a gifted child, and K-12 was easy, but college is where my problems started to manifest a lot as much more effort was needed there. A lot of this was ignored as I was raised in a family that would say things such as depression, or adhd isn't real, so it was hard for me to actually seek help for this since I had a bias from my parents. I get sad over the fact that I have so much trouble doing anything, and my life has been getting worse I'd say for the past 5 years especially. I cant hold onto anything, and its impossible for me to start doing anything. I dont know if things like drugs will help me, I've tried keeping schedules and read books on how to not procrastinate, how to achieve your goals, and I just keep failing. Even removing all access to the web I have and forcing myself into somewhere like a library I find other ways to distract myself. Maybe theres some method I dont know of, maybe some drug might make my brain not be like this.

I just want a functional life.