Thread 102: Stories 1-15

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OOCO
>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~

>Tia? Got a question.

"HOOFATTACK!"

>WHA-CHA!

BOOM!

"...You have grown skilled, my pupil. Your dodging skills have become somewhat respectable."

Dramatically, the princess pulled a hoof through the flowing white beard she now had.

"But you are not a warrior yet."

The chiming of bells and the sound of a pony going UHWAHHHHH rose in sync with the apple princess, reaching it's crescendo just as she rose up to a single hoof.

With a flick of her wrist, a paper came from nowhere.

>Ya'll are gonna do yer' paperwork, Celly.

"...Bring it on."

A gong sounded, and the battle was on.

~~~~

>So this here subsection, B-eight one four, it needs an addendum to protect the lower class.

"I need to use the bathroooom-"

SMACK!

"OW!... You know, this isn't fair."

>All's fair in battle, Celly.

"Not pulling out a gun and shooting me in the leg!"

She spun Charity on the tip of her hoof, blowing out steam before putting it back in her holster.

>Never bring kung-fu ta' a gunfight, Celly. Now, about section B-Eight one five...

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 >Cadence
"18"
~~

"Filefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefile-"

>...So... um... do you want me to help?

"-filefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilenewformneedsrevisionrevisingfilefilefilefilefilefilefilefile-"

>... Do you need me to call an exorcist?

"-filefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefile-"

>Your eyes have just... gone up into your head, I don't even know what that means but I'm terrified.

"-filefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefile-"

>Just... so much filing. How can you read that?

"-veryquicklyfilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilehaChrysalisissosillythisisdumbohlookTwomadeanewpictureputtingthatupfilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefilefile-"

>...Are you doing that thing where you use up a bunch of love and-

WHUMP!

>.......

"...I might need to go to the sleepy place now."

>Is... is that safe?

"..."

>Eighteen?

"..."

>...Uh oh...

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>Pinkie
"Maud"
~~~

>So... he knows you're HERE, right?

"Shining Armor has been a very gracious host."

>You don't think any of this is weird? Like... none of this?

"It seems acceptable."

>Where have you been sleeping?

"There was a guest room provided, it is very comfortable.'

>And he knows you're in it. He, ya' know, knows you sleep there?

"He gave it to me when I got here, sister."

>Right, but he knows you're STILL there, right?

"I see no reason why not."

>...what have you been eating?

"The Crystal Empire is filled with many very tastey treats, and he has let me sample them."

>By 'let you', do you mean he's okay with it or he hasn't stopped you?

"I do not see the difference."

>...Do you even use the bathroom?

"Of course, he has a very nice bathroom."

>Oh, okay, so you use HIS bathroom... well, I guess it would be kinda weird if he didn't know...

"Also, he is a very late sleeper. He gets up well after the sun is, how strange."

>Now, see, now I'm worried again. He KNOWS YOU ARE HERE, right!?

"...Yes."

>You pause. Maudy, you paused. Your little sister knows you Maudy and you just paused, why did you pause?

"...I did not."

>You did it again!

"That is just how I talk."

>That works on literally anyone else but me!

"...He likely knows."

>...

"..."

>...It is fine.

"You're doing this to drive Daddy up a wall, aren't you?"

>................................................no.

"MAUDY!"

>Have you tried this crystal? It is very good.

"OH! MY! MAUD!"

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OOCO
>SA
"AJ"
'Celestia'
~~~

>...This is all wrong! My world has turned upside down! THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE!

"Oh stuff it ya' blueballed ninny, the pipes in our castle just burst."

'Really, this is not that surprising to wake up to me in your bathroom. I'm over here all the time.'

"Iffin' the tabloids could be a fly on the wall..."

'They would know you spend an abhorrent amount of bits on apple flavored toothpaste.'

"It ain't abhorent!... It's a little much at worst."

>OH SWEET FAUST MY DRAIN!

"Yeah, sorry, accidentally forget Ah've been sheddin' a bit here recently."

'And I might've cleaned out my brush at a bad time.'

>IT LOOKS LIKE AN ORANGE CAT DIED IN THERE AFTER BEING DROWNED BY TYE DYE!

'Well, I assure you that no such animal was harmed in the making of that!'

"Ain't that a relief?"

>OH FAUST! MY SHAMPOO!

"Ah' forgot ta' get mine. Sorry, Ah'll pay ya' back."

>...No... nooooo-

'I also had to borrow your soap. Sorry!'

>NOT THE SCENTED LILAC!

"Is that what it was? Smells awful."

'You used up half the bottle!'

"Didn't say it didn't work. Just that it's smelly."

>Ahhh... ahhhhh... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Drama Queen."

'Right? He barely even cleans up after he's done in our bathrooms!'

"A found a hair once, and Ah'm like twenty percent sure it wasn't yers'. And he even used mah' towel that time!"

'See? One and the same.'

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

'...Do you suppose he's screaming because most days when a stallion wakes up to two mares in his bathroom, he had a way more fun night before it?'

"That's gotta be it. Bad Shiny!"

>AHHHHHHHHHHH!

""Drama Queen."'

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 >SA
"Spitfire"
'2'
~~~

'And fer' my show and tell, I will now make ya' DISAPPEAR!'

"How is that impressive? He can do that, he literally can do that with teleporting. That is something he, and a great many others, can just DO!"

>Please do not dash the hopes of the child, she is in her zone.

'Annnnd... alakzoo!... TA DAAAAA!'

"...W-wow! He's totally gone!"

'Ta daaaa! Ah'm magic!... More magic than ah' was, Ah' mean!'

"Yep. Totally gone. Where could he be?"

'He's in the marchmalley zone!'

"Gasp, not the marchmalley zone!"

'THE SAME! It's a land made o' nothin' but Marchmalleys!'

"Wow, that sounds like a place you would enjoy."

'...Ya' know, thinkin' bout it, Ah would! Move Shiny!'

Shuffle Shuffle.

'...Land o' Marchmalleys is really dark.'

"Does it look like a curtain in a box?"

'How'd ya' know? You been here?'

>Once or twice.

'GASP! Ya' brought 'er ta' the land o' marchmalleys, and YA DIDN'T TAKE ME!? BETRAAYYELL!'

BOOM!

'BETRAYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyaaaaalllll...'

>...

"...I can see your hooves-"

>I know.

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 >AJ
"???"
'Changelings'
[Guards]
~~~

>Can ya'll PLEASE stop takin' pictures of the dang changelin's!? They're tryin' ta' show they ain't no different than you! Look, Ah'm happy ya' visitors are gettin' ta' see them, and Ah' hope you'll take this here knowledge back ta' yer' homeland so they know, but STOP FLASHIN' 'EM IN THE EYE!'

'IT HURTS!'

"Woooeee, this bug thing rearry speciar!"

"Look like yokay!"

'Please stop poking my shell.'

"No! You like rucky cricket! Me rub you for good ruck!"

"Can you make tentacurr?"

'...Can I make WHAT!?'

"Tentacurr? Rike octopus!"

'Oh. TENTACLE... uhhh, no, I'm not that good with my shape shifting.'

"NOO! MY DREAMS ARR SHATTERED!"

"It not like my doujin!"

[...Does anyone else feel really, really racist?]

[To who?]

[...Yes.]



"Can you fry?"

'Actually, yes! I'm a good cook if cooking involves throwing stuff into hot oil and not setting everything on fire right away.'

"Noo! Not fry, fry!"

'...Help.'

"FRY YOU FOORS!"

>...Ah' have never felt so uncomfortable in mah life...

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Cadence"
'DT'
[Luna]
{Rarity}
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night/pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but sleep deprivation caught up.

"We did it! I guess you can say she's all washed up."

DT facehooves
'Ugh, is it over? Can we go now?'

[Yes. I don't sense any traces left, so I'm unsealing the barrier.]

{...are there really instant videos?}

>Oh there are. I'm sure my producer can work things out to prevent your toilet scenes from being leaked though. It's a good thing you're very dramatic because I don't think your shadow would have left otherwise.

{...thanks.}

[That was rather unorthodox, but we are glad that this has worked out for the better. We thought we'd have to shatter Rarity's mind and fortunate we didn't have to.]

Brings everyone together for a hug.
>We were awesome weren't we? Maybe we could be of help for other nightmares don't you think Princess Luna?

[...Ehhhhh...while we are busy looking after the dream realm, we aren't really hurting for extra help.]

>Aw c'mon, we can be the P-team! We can help!

[...ehhhh...we'll...call you should the need arise. How is that?]

"'Yay?'"

>YAY! Start us off Cadence!

"N-now? Um...I'm the pretty one <3"

'*sighs*...I'm....I'm the grumpy one.'

>And I'm the crazy one! That's the end of our adventure! Thanks for watching everypony. Join us next time when I cash out the insurance on my dreamhouse and fix it up better than ever!
Upbeat music and credits roll. Lost in the Dreeeeamhouse~
Rarity wakes up.

{...that was the strangest dream I've ever had...oh my why am I having such lewd thoughts?}

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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~

>...Honey? What's this charge for?

"What charge, sweetie?"

>This one for... ingrained crystals?

"Oh! That's crystals you can bury in any furniture, and then they grow! It looks amazing!"

>... and this makes the furniture... stronger?

"Well no, but they look better."

>Can't you, I don't know, grow crystals? I've seen you do it.

"But not these kinds!"

>...How did you get this past 18? She normally runs interference for me.

"I asked nicely!"

>Uh... huh...

"Oh, come on, Shiny! It makes me so happy, don't you want me happy?"

>Well of course I do, but-

"Good. Well, gotta go, love you honey!"

SLAM!

>...why can't I stand up to the sad pout...

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>AJ
"Sunset"
~~~

>...hrm....

Walking and scribbling at the same time was always a challenge, but if there was one thing this whole last year had drilled into the skull of the new princess, it was this one truth of the cosmos.

How to multitask.

"Hey, Applejack? That one changeling keeps awkwardly hitting on Quicksilver... should I tell him that he's a she? Applejack? Should... oh come on!"

>Hm?

"Are you still doing paperwork!?"

>Yep.

"Really? REALLY!? Are you addicted to it or something!?"

>...Maybe.

"APPLEJACK!"

A sigh came from the once famrers lips, and quit great reluctance the paper dropped from her vision, and let her see the angry face glaring down at her.

>Sorry, it's just.... Ah' made a promise, and Ah' gotta keep it up.

"A promise for what!?"

>...Ya' wouldn't get it.

"Try me."

A longer, harder sigh followed that. With it, even more reluctance as she turned the paper over.

"...A what to what now?"

>It's... look, Ah'm tryin' ta' appoint some positions to... ya' know, go check out the worst places in cities and see iffin' they can get, Ah' don't know, fixed up?

"...This seems really random."

>Told ya' that ya' wouldn't get it.

"It's just really random and out of the blue."

>...And?

She had no answer to that.

>Just help me, Ah' can't watch all of 'em.

"..."

>What?

"Nothing."

Nothing indeed. She said nothing as she turned away, and-

"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! PUT THAT DOWN!... NO YOU CAN'T HAVE A PORNO MAG! WE"RE TRYING TO-YES I'VE SEEN ONE SHUT UP!"

-got back to work, as it were.

>...Whole lotta problems round here.

Her signature appeared with a flourish. And with another, the paperwork was folded up, and sent off to where it needed to be.

>... Whole lotta fixin' ta' do.

The greatest truth of the cosmos.

Learn to multitask.

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>Maud
"Mane-Iac"
~~~

>Mane-Iac, I have a question.

"AHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! WHAT IS IT, STONE BREAKKKKKAAAAAA!?"

>That is not my name. My name is Maud.

"BOULDER BASHER!"

>Maud.

"PEBBLE PUMMELER!"

>Maud.

"GRAVEL GRINDER!"

>Maud.

"IGNOMINIOUS IGNEOUS!"

>Igneous is my father, I am Maud.

"GALLIVANTING GRAPHITE!"

>Maud.

"CONCRETE CRUSADER!"

>Maud.

"MUDDY MAUD!"

>...Close enough. I have an inquiry.

"And WHAT would that BEEEEE, oh Mare of Malachite?"

>Does Shining know I'm here?

"AHHHHAHAHAHHA! Why... that would be silly! I talk to you all the time! How could he not?"

>That is my expectation, but my sister inquired about it, and I wished to be sure.

"I mean... we have lunch every other day and everything!"

>Yes, even though you never eat anything, which is still weird.

"And you even helped me FIIIIIND the eye of Stormbringer!"

>That was an adventure, yes. I just wished to check.

"AHHHHAHAHAHAH! THEN CONSIDER IT CHECKED, GRANDER GEO!"

>Maud.

"ROCK RUMBLER!"

>Maud.

"SUPER SEDIMENTARY!"

>...Maud.

"AHHHHAHAHAHAH!"

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>Maud
"??"
~~~

>I am glad she was able to assuage my worries, I was starting to think he had somehow missed my presence.

"What, you?"

"That's just silly, we see you all the time!"

"ALL the time!"

"If nothing else, he'd spot you with us when he was noticing us."

"I mean, come on."

>My worries are gone. Thank you again.

"No problem!... Oop, three o'clock."

"Already?"

"Yep. Do you mind?"

>I do not.

"Cool, we'll be done exercising in a second... altogether now!"

""""RAINBOLTS! TOKUSENTAI!""""""

~RAINBOOOOOOOM!~

>...I enjoy our talks.

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>Maud
"???"
~~

>...Do you ever wonder if you're going unnoticed?

"Wonder... hope for it... pray it is actually happen... all the same to me!"

>Really.

"Um... oh, uh, was that too much? Did that sound bad? Yep, that probably sounded bad. I'll just let you handle the conversation."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...you're my favorite pony to talk to..."

>What did you say?

"I said hrmrmmsmm..."

>I see...

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 >Chrysalis
~~~

It was so much warmer inside.

The snow came off all at once, gone away in a wash of fire she so loved to call upon for so many a use. Soothing, so very unlike the bitter cold she had left behind. The room around her, barren though it may be, was so much warmer.

Perhaps, in turn, caused by the only other 'occupant' this room saw.

>...I should have known, shouldn't I? It always comes with a price.

A hiss, low and dangerous, escaped her lips as she began to circle the unseen, but eternally present, shield that kept any away from the thing in the center of the room.

>Everything we do comes with a price, doesn't it?

What had once been such warmth in her chest when she looked upon it not felt... hot.

>And that cost is always the same thing...

A bitter snarl curled her cheek, the glow upon her face twisting the shadows to cast an even more menacing look upon the stationary, unmoving thing before her.

>It's always the same.

In disgust, she turned away.

>... but it's not exactly something I haven't been willing to lose before, is it?

Her breath slowed, stilled, as another thought crossed her mind, one far less dark than had been before.

>If you came from the Hivemind, then you still have a connection to it, don't you?

Of course, the orb did nothing but glow. That is all it was, a light in the dark, a nothing.

>...If you can hear me...

At last, green filled her vision once more as she looked to it. Direct, hard, and strong.

>You're still the best mother in the world.

She hoped. She prayed, as silly as it sounded, that she could hear her.

She didn't know if she had heard the last time.

>But this isn't the same choice I made before.

A choice, a future, a kingdom perhaps even a meeting lie ahead if she paid that cost again.

>You're still awesome...

So why did this time around, it felt so high?

>...But I am the greatest Queen who ever lived.

The fire came to her, just as it always had before.

And she was gone.

>I have to prove it.

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OOCO
>AJ
“Celly”
____

“Can we have a mare-talk moment?”

>Hang on, jus’ gotta bolt these papers down real quick annnnn’… there we go. Alright, what?

“…Why?”

>’Cause this paperwork is haunted somethin’ fierce. It likes to walk away when Ah’m not lookin’ an’ it’s a pain to chase it down. So Ah’ got a lock in place.

“…”

>Don’t think about it too much, what’s on yer’ mind?

“…Right. Well, it’s just… lately I’ve been so… disappointed? Yeah, I think that’s the right word. Downright disappointed.”

>Really? Over what, ‘Tia?

“The fact that it used to be my fucking dream to wake up to a hot, wet stallion waiting in my bathroom.”

>Knowin’ you and yer’ sexually frustrated mentality, sounds ‘bout righ-

“And I guess, if I had to have some sort of comparison, I’d say it was kind of like waking up to find a certain tall, purple dragon of sorts all sweaty and glistening and ready to wash away all that day’s grime with some steamy water.”

>…Hawh. Point.

“Yeah, but now it’s just annoying as all hell. The hot stallion I wanted is always sniveling and whimpering and just ugh….”

>Can ya’ blame him? His bed gets conquered almost every night.

“Can I? Yes! Yes, I can! He’s ruining my fantasies, damn it! Go make him stop!”

>…How?

“I don’t know, that’s your job, isn’t it? That’s why I upgraded you to alicorn status! To fix problems!”

>Ah’ remember somethin’ ‘bout beat cops and Luna bein’ shit at trade. Nothin’ in there ‘bout makin’ yer’ fantasies a reality, ‘Tia.

“…Too late to go back and add an addendum?”

>Far too late.

“Damn!”

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>Trixie
"???"
~~

>So thus, that is why the GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE requires your place of being in order to fully realize her obscene powers and hone it better than some bug thing ever could! So... if you could move?

"...Okay, couple things here, one, the screaming is not needed-"

>But then how would you know how GREAT and POWERFUL Trixie is?

".... Putting a pin in that, anyway, this is not my 'place of being', this is where I work. This is my job. Heard of that?"

>TRIXIE HAS A JOB!

"I'm sure she does. And furthermore, this won't help you hone any powers, it just makes you crazy."

>Ha ha! Perhaps a lesser like yourself, but none can drive TRIXIE crazy!

"...Except fo-"

>EXCEPT FOR THE AMULET YES OKAY YES LET'S NOT GO THERE.

"On that note, lesser? Wow. Woooow. Racist."

>N-no! It's not a race thing! It's because Trixie is Trixie! Not because you are... you!

"Sure sounds like it."

>It's not!

"You know what? Fine, benefit of the doubt, I'm moving onto one more thing before the final point, bug thing?"

>...

"You do realize I'm engaged to a-"

>Bug thing ONLY refers to 29!

"My fiancee likes 29. I like 29. He got me gala tickets once."

>Ah, ohhh, eeee...

"...And now on our final part, you do realize this is a school day, right?"

>...The children are not just here to see Trixie?

"They are not. I was teaching them about photosynthesis."

>Ahh hah, so-

"So asking me to move is pretty dumb, yeah."

>...TRIXIE SHALL RETURN!

CRASH!

"I really, really hope not... now class, if you can turn your blood soaked pages to number six, we'll learn about plants!... yayyyy plants! I'll try to talk loud enough you can hear over the screams."

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