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- TL;DR: Fuck you Apple.
- 10:30 PM, parent needs iPhone update to update Messenger. How hard can this be?
- Need to update iPhone from 9.x to latest, which is so outdated it still required iTunes. Fk.
- Boot iTunes on Windows 10 pc that is at least 10 years old.
- Completely unresponsive
- Crash in task manager
- Launch and is completely unresponsive. (Also starts playing unrequested music.. Oh joy..)
- Fuck this, go to apple.com to download iTunes exe
- Gives me some Microsoft store link. Fuck that shit, just give me the executable
- Google “iTunes download”. click around on shitty Apple website. Success.
- Control panel. Uninstall iTunes. (Takes forever, but it works)
- Restart required (of fucking course).
- 2 eternities later. Run iTunes exe. Restart required. Fk.
- Only 1 eternity later. Run iTunes, connect iPhone.
- Actually detects the device. (holy shit, a miracle)
- Starts syncing an empty library to the phone. Ya, fuck that.
- Google. Disable option. Connect phone. Find option to update.
- Update started. Going nowhere fast. Time for a walk at 1:00 AM punching the air.
- Come back. Generic error message: Update failed (-1). Phone is stuck installing update. (O shit)
- 1x hard reset
- 2x hard reset
- Google. Find Apple forum with exact question. Absolutely useless replies. (I expected no less)
- Google recovery mode. Get into recovery mode.
- Receive message: “You can update, but if it fails, you will have to reset to factory settings”. Fuck it, here we go.
- Update runs (faster this time). Fails again. Same bullshit error message. (Goddammit, fuck. This might actually be bad.)
- Disconnect phone.
- … It boots latest iOS version. (holy shit, there is a god)
- Immediately kill iTunes. Fuck that shit.
- Parents share Apple account
- Sign in, 2FA required.
- Fat finger the code.
- Restart “welcome” process.
- Will not send code. What. The. Fuck.
- Requests access code on other parent’s iPhone.
- No code is used. What???
- Try restarting welcome process again. No dice. (Of course)
- Set code on other parent’s iPhone.
- Get message “Code is easy to guess”. Ya. IDGAF
- Use code on newly updated iPhone. Some success.
- Requires reset of password.
- Password cannot be the same as old password (Goddammit)
- Change password.
- Welcome process done.
- Sign in again on same phone after welcome process done in settings. (Nice.)
- Sign in again on other phone with updated password.
- Delete passcode on other phone.
- Sign in required to delete passcode. (ohmygawdareyoufuckingserious???)
- Passcode deleted. (not that I agree with that)
- Update Messenger.
- Update hangs. Needs more space.
- Delete shit.
- Update frozen in App Store (Really??)
- Restart iPhone.
- Update Messenger.
- Update complete past 2. Well that was easy.
- Apple, fuck you.
- Some call Android unintuitive, but I look at the settings app on iPhone and realize you aren’t any better.
- This company hasn’t been innovative since 2007. Over 1000 USD for a phone? Are you fucking kidding me?
- Updating an iPhone from iOS 9.x is probably uncommon anymore. But this is a fucking joke. Fix your shit.
- Shit like this is why I’ll never again own an Apple product. I have HAD IT with the joke of a business.
- Thanks for reading.
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