Thread 42: Stories 1-15

Thread 42 archive: http://archive.moe/mlp/thread/19775771
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Welcome, this is the series of tales based on the ascension and new rulership of a one Princess Applejack. With the addition of my species and other such changes to her life, there have been many a trying time since her newfound title and power, but also quite the amount of fun to be had, I suppose.

All and all my species losing the fight could have ended with far greater losses. Have not needed to bring out the army or anything, so... it could be worse.

How did it start for me, you ask?
>So, wait, why do I have to go into this pit again?
>...It's a surprise.

And I have just been told that I probably should not mention what happened after that.

These tales are vast, filled with laughter, adventure and massive battles! If you wish to see them all, you can right here. http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack

Or perhaps you already know of this, and merely wish to see the most recent of events? I shall provide that for you as well. >>>>>>>>/mlp/thread/S19662234

If you are so bold, try adding a tale of your own. What, I ask, is the worst that could happen?
Or if you are the more physical type, artful depictions of these grand events are always appreciated.
Or if neither of those are your style, simply say what you liked or did not. You would be amazed at what power your words can hold.

With this, we christen thread number 42... oh, come on, really? Is that really the reason I'm doing this? Because it's thread 42. Really. I'm only here because my name is 42 and... ugh.

Thread 42, everyone!
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>Twilight
~~~~~

It was a curious sight, the purple princess at work.

She had been separated from her lab for so long, it honestly felt alien to be back in the saddle so to speak. But with her friend suffering from a terrible level of chaos dosage, and the charge of her surrogate little brother exuding some kind of strange pheromones, it was a necessary kick in the plot to get her back to doing science.

>WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?

Despite this, she was quite irate.

Strangely, her ire was directed more at the latter problem then the former. She could deal with chaos magic easy enough, so long as she helped Fluttershy keep calm they could keep it under wraps, but the strange substance floating before her did nothing but baffle her.

What was this stuff supposed to do? She had artificially stimulated over six hundred different mental chemical reactions, just to see what its 'trigger' was and how it would react, but it remained completely benign. Content to float there as if it didn't mean anything at all.

And that was making her mad.

>What are you intended to do? Make someone like you better? Blur their vision? Make them forget? Make them laugh? WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO!?

The pheromones, being non-sentient particles, could not answer.

This just frustrated her further.

>RRRGGGG!

Dejectedly, she slumped against her chair, and began tapping her hooves together.

>What are you supposed to do...

Wearily, she sighed, and realized she as going to have to get more... 'invasive' with Arana. It probably wouldn't be pleasant, but had to figure out what was producing this, when and why.

For all their sakes.

>...Okay, are you up there? Strange, otherworldly higher beings that logically I probably shouldn't put too much stock in? Listen, I need a favor... please... PLEEEASE don't let Chrysalis be right on this one, I will never hear the end of it.
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>Dash
"Fluttershy"
~~~~

>Alright, come on now. Peace.... peace... meeeeditation...

"Are you really the best choice for this?"

>Normally, no. In fact, I'm the worst choice, but my doctor says if I don't get my blood pressure down, I'm going to literally pop an artery. So we are doing this together, as friends!

"It's just... you keep twitching."

>IT'S SO BOOOOORRRRING!

"It was your idea..."

>Look, do you want to stop with the crazy chaos stuff or not?

"Well, I do, I'm just saying it's a problem with how much you keep fidgeting. It's very distracting."

>Good! More training for you to focus on. Now, be quiet, deep breaths, eyes closed, and....

"..."

>...Ohmmmm...

"..."

>...Screw yoooooouuuuu...

"...There's, uh, a-"

>I feel it, Fluttershy. Is it a candy cane snake or a gummy snake?

"Candy cane that stretched like gummy."

>Ah....GET IT OFF MY FAAAAAAAACCCCCCE!

"This isn't very relaxing."

>AHHHHHH!
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>18
"Dash"
~~~~

>AHHHHHHHHH!

"...Is my organization really that bad?"

>AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"I mean, you just looked at the budget and started screaming."

>AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"...Do I even want to show you how the really bad stuff looks?

>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Take that as a noo..."

>KILL IT WITH FIRE!
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>SA
"Fluttershy"
~~~~

>...

"...S-sorry."

>No no, it's fine. Just... tell me when the water is going to change from rock candy back to water again.

"Uh... probably better to just start chiseling."

>...You killed Shiny time, I want you to know this. I don't want you to feel bad, not all of me, but a tiny, petty part of me is mad you killed Shiny time.

"Sorry..."

>...She's going to offer to lick me out of this. You know she is.

"...Sorry..."
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>Chrysalis
~~~

>I WAS BORN FOR THIS DAY!
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>SA
"Dash"
~~~~

>Your formations are a little loose.

"Shut up, Shiny."

>She's falling behind in the left corner, you need to tell them to close in tighter.

"Shut UP, Shiny."

>Are you using a megaphone? Wind resistance makes it hard to hear, you should definitely-

"SHUT UP, SHINY!"

>...But they're off balance-

"DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS!? HUH!? YOU WANT ME TO GO GET YOU SOME WINGS AND THEN YOU DO THIS!? TAKE TO THE AIR UP THERE, FLY AROUND AND DO THIS YOURSELF!? YES!? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT!? YOU WANNA FLY, SHINY!? DO YOU WANT TO FLY!?"

>...

"..."

>...

"...Your, uh, you lip just started wibbling a bit."

>Sorry, sorry, just... remembering old dreams...

"...I sympathize. You will never know how much, but I sympathize."
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>SA
“Dash”
[???]
{???}
~~~~

>Okay, so, give me the bad news first.

“You don't want that.”

>Okay, fine, good news first.

“That I haven't given you the bad news yet.”

>Dash...

“Okay, so, it's like this. Your guys are the worst I have ever seen.”

>That bad?

“Do they even fly? Like, at all?”

>Well, I guess airspace is a little limited thanks to the shield, but I didn't think it was that bad...

“They're so bad I think Scoots could give them pointers.”

>...who?

“She was a flowergirl at your wedding.”

>Oh! Oh, yeah, right, gotcha. Little white one?

“...orange.”

>Ah. I am not good with children's faces.

“Didn't you recognize Two from the crowd?”

>What's your point?

“...point is, your guys suck.”

>Well, how do I make them not suck? That's the whole point of this temporary exchange. You help me, and 18...

~~~~~~~

[Miss, I realize asking you to slow down is a pointless endeavor, but don't you think you should at least breath more often?]

{AIR IS FOR THE WEAK!}
~~~~
>Yeah.

“Truth is, I don't know where to start. I'd have to put them through so many remidials just to get them up to speed.”

>Soooo...

“I'll have to think about it.”

>Guess that's the best I could hope for. So, uh.... Why is my stadium on fire?

“Totally unrelated to the trials.”

>Ah. Good?

“I should hope so...”

>...

“...”

>...so, uh what DID...

“....”

>....nevermind.

“Good call.”
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>JJ
"Actarius"
~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...Really?

"What? I uh... I was just, you know, waiting for you, on this park bench here, where we normally meet up, and I just got so tired that I must've fallen asleep!"

>It's six in the morning.

"Wow, really? I must've been more tired than I thought! Good thing I had these newspapers on hoof, otherwise it would've been really cold last night."

>...

"...That is my story and I am sticking to it like that green goo you guys spit."

>Did your dad really kick you out?

"What, me? Nooooo! My dad loves me, would never dream of telling me I couldn't stay with him. Even if he is a little disappointed I quit, he still understands the ethics behind it, and doesn't hold it against me."

>..

"...Now, my MOM, the ex-guard, on the other hoof..."

>That bad?

"She, uh... likes my big brother a little better right now, let's just say. Which I guess is good for him? She was really mad when he asked to be stationed over in Manehatten to be closer to his marefriend... you know what, I'm rambling. How are you? You doing okay this morning?"

>...

"I'm fine, by the way, still have at least a little savings left. Should keep me from starving until I find a place. Maybe not enough for, an apartment, but nobody kicked me off the bench or anything."

>...Do you, uh...

"..."

>...You want to come stay over at my place?

"Your place?"

>The ballroom, I mean.

"Is that... okay? Are they okay with that?"

>Well, I mean, Dadlings spot is still vacant. Couldn't hurt to ask, right?

"I don't know..."

>Do you really want to spend another night out here?

"Ah... no. No I do not."

>Worst she could say is no, right?

"I guess you've got a...She?"

>Well, yeah. Have to ask her majesty, it's her ballroom. Well, technically it's Applejacks, er, Celestia's, but they have said it's 'dead to them', so I guess it's ours now.

"Well... I guess it can't be worse than punching a raccoon for the bench..."

>...

"...You don't even want to know."

>Agreed.
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NC
>AJ
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>...Why are ya'll carryin' a fire extinguisher?

"You don't want to know."

>...M'kay.
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>Fluttershy
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

"Really? You call me. Of alllll of your friends, you call me."

>Oh, well, I don't want to impose if you had plans.

"I did. Full schedule of fucking up Shiny's paperwork what good."

>I thought Princess Celestia said that mission was off?

"Mission? The fuck are you talking about?"

>...Nevermind. Anyway, I just want you specifically around because you're the only one who can mind-dive if things get too far out of control. I accidentally summoned a venus fly trap to eat Pinkie yesterday, and I'm a touch worried now.

"Well... fine, whatever. Never a bad idea to work on the old mind-zotzing. Been mostly out of practice since the wedding."

>Oh, um... good?

"Not good."

>I think it's good. It's good for me and by extension everyone I know..

"Well, it's bad for me and everyone I know. So we are at a stalemate."

>It's good for Shining Armor and Cadence.

"Cadence, maybe. Shining Armor, no. You have no idea how laid he'd be getting RIGHT THIS SECOND if-"

>Point taken, please don't continue.

"You brought it up."

>And I have regrets... many... many regrets...

"Fine, whatever-MINDZOTZ!"

>AH! What was that for!?

"You brought the couch to life."

>Oh... thanks!

"Anytime-MINDZOTZ!"

>OW... what did I do that time?

"The floor was growing teeth."

>Oh my, you are on top of-

"MMMMMIIIIINDZOTZ!"

>OWOWOW!... What did I do that time?!

"Huh? Nothing, I'm just keeping in practice."

>...

"...What?"

>I'm starting to see why we never hang out...
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>Spike
"Twilight"
~~~

>...Twilight.

"Spike."

>How are you?

"Doing good, yourself?"

>I could be better.

"Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, anything I can do to help?"

>Maybe, it's mostly anxiety based.

"Oh, that's unfortunate. What do you want me to do?"

>Well, if you could put out the fires in your lab, that would be a great start.

"...no."

>Ah. That bad?

".."

>And all questioning stops. I will now go get my trusty fire extinguisher.

"That's my number one assistant."
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>29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~

>How we continually end up in your hut, I will never know.

[Because dear 29, the events we go through have a tendency to tax. In here, we can at last relax.]

'Trixie does not need a break! She is perfectly fine!'

>Yes, because you are 'between shows', and thus not working.

'Correct.'

>...Ugh.

'Alright, when are we breaking out the drugs.'

>WHAT!?

"What? I heard drugs, we talking drugs now?"

'Don't hold out on us, stripy!'

[Now now now, there is no need to shout. Tell me, Trixie, what are you talking about?]

'You know what I mean! Those two are off duty, they don't have to be in till the afternoon tomorrow, and we all know you're carrying!'

"Trixie! That is a horrible stereotype to assume!"

'It's not a stereotype when it's a provable fact. Which is is. And we know it is. Because we all went on a 'trip' because of them.'

"Uh... got me there, I suppose. You got any?"

>MAREY!

"What?"

>Those are illegal and you are sworn to uphold the law!

"...Point. Zecora! Only the ones we haven't declared illegal."

>Now that is just missing the spirit of the matter!

"Not on the books, not getting booked, that's my motto."

>Besides, clearly those were medical wares, NOT substance abuse ones!

[He speaks the truth, you know-]

>THANK YOU!

[-but that which heals the body is also useful for other things, although.]

>...What?

"Are you licensed?"

[In my old country, sure. Many a time did I have to make a cure.]

'GOOD ENOUGH FOR TRIXIE!'

>This is going to end badly, you realize this, right?

"...So? Doors locked."

>...If I get abducted by aliens again-

'Oh sure, NOW you're on board.'

>Never implied I was not. A cultured soul needs a little...'freedom' every now and then.

[Then take off any cloths you fear in your insanity you will rip! Breath deep, grab hold, and let's all take a nice... happy...]

She flicked on the multi colored strobe light, and played some smooth music.

[Trip.]

>...I am suddenly having second-

'TOO LATE!'
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>Spike
"42"
'77'
~~~~

>Okay, so, official A-team meeting is now in... where's DT?

'Poppet mentioned something about needing to get parts to repair habalblubu.'

"I think it's pronounced tbliabtso."

>Really? That's embarrassing, I've been calling tickkytablu this whole time...

"..."

'...How the fuck does she say that?'

"I'm pretty sure not even she knows."

>Well, I guess it's kind of a good thing she's not here, because it's her I want to discuss. You guys, uh... get the impression she might, you know... take over the world?

"Constantly."

'It is one of my greatest fears, yes.'

>Well, what are we supposed to do about it?

"...Get Applejack?"

'She is the one who requested her.'

>I guess, the alternative is one of us-

"ONETWOTHREE-"

'"NOT IT!"'

>...By that I mean Applejack is a wise idea, and I thank you all for your input.

"..."
'...'

>...Shut up, she's scary.
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>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>Tia? Got a question.

"Shoot."

>What, really? Givin' up just like that?

"Hm? Oh no, I'm telling you to shoot. Shoot me. In the head. BLAM!"

>One o' these days ya' ain't gonna wake up from that.

"And when that day comes, I have a great many soap bars waiting."

>...what?

"Nothing. What did you need?"

>Jus' wonderin', since Canterlot ain't exactly been warmin' up ta' the changelings, ya' ever consider movin' 'em somewhere else?

"One, that is a very transparent attempt to be rid of them on your part."

>MAH' CIDER CAKE, CELLY!

"Two, yes. I did consider it, but where too? It's not like anywhere else would take them. I've heard the Crystal Empire is a little more open to them thanks to what Two did, but Shiny tells me they're facing overpopulation and lack of space as it is, adding another eighty or so to the populace would be an issue, especially if they started 'intermingling'. Empire aside, no place big enough to hold them would take them."

>Really? Why?

"...You're serious."

>Well, Ah' jus' mean, is there a particular reason?

"...Chitania."

>Ah, right, stomped a whooole lotta the places.

"In short, they're not fans of the love eating, 'hides as the one you care about most', pitch black laser spewing bug monsters."

>...

"And may I just point out how bad it is you are asking me? I'm the one who washed my hooves of this."

>Ahhh...

"Specifically so I could say thiiiiis."

>Please don't.

"That's riiiight, we're stuck with them, and-"

>Please.

"And it's all your-"

>COME ON CELESTIA!

"..."

>...

"...It's all your DANGER ZONE!"

>NO YOU DID NOT!

"Ahahahahah!"
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