Etika - I'm Sorry Video Transcript

*deep exhale*

I'm sorry y'all. I'm sorry I betrayed your trust. I'm sorry I pushed you all away. I'm sorry I made a clown of myself. I apologize. I wish it didn't have to be this way. But unfortunately, I'm breaking my... my own rules. No bitch niggas and shit.

I shouldn't have pushed so many people away - now I have got nobody.

You know I wasn't suicidal before - I really wasn't. But one thing I didn't realize were that the walls were closing around me so fast. I really had no intention to killing myself but I would always push it too far. I guess I am mentally ill. Or maybe I will, uh, I'm not trying to put responsibility on it, I mean, I did a lot of wrong too. I did a lot of wrong. Everyone's gotta pay for what they've done wrong at some point. Everyone's gotta pay for their sins at some point. I guess mine caught up to me.

I'm sorry to those of you who I betrayed. I'm sorry for leaving such a stained legacy. I hope that my story maybe helps to make YouTube a better place somehow in the future to where people know boundaries and limits and how far things should go.

In an attempt to be edgy I fucked up my entire life. It was a fun life - I had a great time, it was great but for it to be cut so short... it's fucked.

I know this world's gonna forget me. I know y'all gonna move on and everything is gonna be good, you know. There'll be technology and games and movies on that receipt...
I'll never see Attack on Titan *groans happily* that last episode with Grisha was crazy too, bro. I'll never see how Attack on Titan finishes. Uhm... I guess it's starting to hit me now cuz I'm starting to break up a little bit - I'm like "oh, fuck" - tears are coming, nigga, here we go - bitch nigga time, it's bitch nigga time. Fuck! But, nah, I'm gonna keep my composure.

There's a lot of things I won't see. A lot of people who I wanted to see grow up. You know, John, shoutout to Katie and you and the kids... wish I could've seen them grow up. Wish I could've seen what happened with the boys, you know. Wish I could've seen what happened with... everybody, you know.

I've come too far.

Was it the social media? Was it the mental illness? Was it the edginess? It was a mix of all of them but I ultimately turned down help. And you know what they say: "You can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves.". I just never realized I needed help. That's how deluded I was, man. It's not your fault - I don't want you to blame yourselves. It's all my fault. I'm the one that pushed you all away. And then I deluded myself into thinking that somehow I didn't destroy a big part of my life, that somehow I was ahead of the curve. It was that heavy delusion that I couldn't pull myself out of, even though I was in it. I was saying and doing things that made no sense. All because I was too scared to drop my image. Fuck man.

So, I deserve, uh, whatever's coming to me, I suppose. I suppose.

I'm sorry I let you all down. I really apologize. I wish I could've been stronger. I wish I could've lived better, I wish I could've done more. I wish I was more receptive, I wish I was more open. I wish I wasn't so combative. Wish I didn't think I always knew the best.

It's a confusing world sometimes, dog. I'm sorry to all of you - I'm sorry to Christine, I'm sorry to Fiona, I'm sorry to my mom, I'm sorry to Ben, I'm sorry to... Ray... auntie Ann, everybody on Instagram, Twitter, I'm sorry to son... I'm really sorry. *sigh*

Let my story be one that advises caution on too much of the social media shit, man - it can fuck you up. It can give you an image of what you want your life to be and it can get blown completely out of proportion, dog. Unfortunately, it consumed me and made me forget about consequences to my actions. It made me forget that we have to pay for the things that we say, it made me forget that there are, uhm, there is weight behind words. I was so consumed with this great image that I had that I was invulnerable to everything. I thought "Oh, I'm destined for this - nothing can stop me.". It's stupid - everytime I made a bad decision, one that I didn't think could hurt me, friends would always be like "Hey, you sure about this, dog? You doing okay, you feeling okay?". Probably shouldn't do that. And I did it anyways.

I made a lot of bad decisions, dog. Now when it comes to pay the consequences, I'm too much of a pussy to do it... and it's sad.

The world will be better off without me - at least, learning from my lesson.

Keemstar *chuckles* I wish you the best, my nigga. Uhm, Poké, sorry for scaring you so much... I really am, sorry for that, I apologize. That was being stupid. *sigh* Christine, sorry for being so hard-headed and all the other horrible things I did. I mean, hey, two... two wrongs don't make a right, but I mean, you know.

*purses lips* Hm.