I suck imaginary cocks

IF OBJECT_ID ( 'dbo.GetEmployeeByStat', 'P' ) IS NOT NULL
    DROP PROCEDURE dbo.GetEmployeeByStat
GO

IF OBJECT_ID ( 'tempdb..##EmployeeRankings') IS NOT NULL
    DROP TABLE ##EmployeeRankings
GO

CREATE PROCEDURE dbo.GetEmployeeByStat (@Kind VARCHAR(5), @Stat VARCHAR(20))
AS
BEGIN
    DECLARE @StatColumn VARCHAR(20)
    IF @Stat = 'Orders' SET @StatColumn = 'OrdersAmt' ELSE
    IF @Stat = 'Profit' SET @StatColumn = 'OrdersPrice' ELSE RAISERROR('Unknown stat', 0, 0)

    IF @Kind != 'Best' AND @Kind != 'Worst' RAISERROR('Unknown kind of order', 0, 0)

    DECLARE @EmployeesNamesAndIDs TABLE (FullName VARCHAR(20), ID INT)
    INSERT INTO @EmployeesNamesAndIDs (FullName, ID)
    (
        SELECT Employees.LastName + ' ' + Employees.FirstName, Employees.EmployeeID
        FROM Employees
    )

    DECLARE @EmployeesOrders TABLE (ID INT, Amt INT)
    INSERT INTO @EmployeesOrders (ID, Amt)
    (
        SELECT Employees.EmployeeID, COUNT(Orders.OrderID)
        FROM Employees, Orders
        WHERE Orders.EmployeeID = Employees.EmployeeID
        GROUP BY Employees.EmployeeID
    )

    DECLARE @OrdersPrices TABLE (ID INT, EID INT, Price INT)
    INSERT INTO @OrdersPrices (ID, EID, Price)
    (
        SELECT Orders.OrderID, Orders.EmployeeID, SUM([Order Details].UnitPrice*(1-[Order Details].Discount)*[Order Details].Quantity)
        FROM Orders, [Order Details]
        WHERE [Order Details].OrderID = Orders.OrderID
        GROUP BY Orders.OrderID, Orders.EmployeeID
    )

    DECLARE @EmployeesProfit TABLE (EID INT, FullProfit INT)
    INSERT INTO @EmployeesProfit (EID, FullProfit)
    (
        SELECT OP.EID, SUM(OP.Price)
        FROM Employees, @OrdersPrices as OP
        WHERE OP.EID = Employees.EmployeeID
        GROUP BY OP.EID
    )

    CREATE TABLE ##EmployeeRankings (FullName VARCHAR(40), OrdersAmt INT, OrdersPrice INT)
    INSERT INTO ##EmployeeRankings (FullName, OrdersPrice, OrdersAmt)
    (
        SELECT ENamesAndIDs.FullName, EP.FullProfit, EO.Amt
        FROM @EmployeesNamesAndIDs as ENamesAndIDs, @EmployeesProfit as EP, @EmployeesOrders as EO
        WHERE ENamesAndIDs.ID = EP.EID AND ENamesAndIDs.ID = EO.ID
    )

    DECLARE @Data INT
    DECLARE @TemporaryResult TABLE (Result INT)
    DECLARE @Query NVARCHAR(200)
    IF @Kind = 'Best' BEGIN
        SET @Query = 'SELECT MAX(ER.' + @StatColumn + ') FROM ##EmployeeRankings AS ER'
        INSERT INTO @TemporaryResult (Result) EXEC sp_executesql @Query
        SET @Data = (SELECT * FROM @TemporaryResult)
    END

    IF @Kind = 'Worst' BEGIN
        SET @Query = 'SELECT MIN(ER.' + @StatColumn + ') FROM ##EmployeeRankings AS ER'
        INSERT INTO @TemporaryResult (Result) EXEC sp_executesql @Query
        SET @Data = (SELECT * FROM @TemporaryResult)
    END

    DECLARE @StatString VARCHAR(40)
    SET @StatString =
        CASE @Kind
            WHEN 'Best' THEN 'Best by '
            WHEN 'Worst' THEN 'Worst by '
        END

    SET @StatString = @StatString +
        CASE @Stat
            WHEN 'Orders' THEN 'orders'
            WHEN 'Profit' THEN 'profit'
        END
    SET @Query = 'SELECT ''' + @StatString + ''', ER.FullName, ER.' + @StatColumn + ' FROM ##EmployeeRankings AS ER WHERE ER.' + @StatColumn + ' = ' + CONVERT(VARCHAR(100), @Data)
    EXEC sp_executesql @Query

END
GO
EXEC dbo.GetEmployeeByStat 'Best', 'Profit'