[16:57:39] <~Alynna> are you awake Taoki?
[16:59:12] <~Alynna> i'm going to make this public, just because I think everyone has to know.
[16:59:18] <~Alynna> [7:05:33 AM MDT] Taoki: Hi hon. I was talking to nashi earlier, and we allso spoke about you. I will not say anything private without her permission, but I wanted to just tell you something I'm VERY concerned about
[16:59:18] <~Alynna> [7:06:29 AM MDT] Taoki: Nashi believes you are doing some very horrible things, which I am certain you would never do. It hurts me to have even heard her saying these things about you. I know you don't talk to her yet... but I wanted you to know this because I am very concerned at this.
[16:59:18] <~Alynna> [7:09:12 AM MDT] Taoki: All I want to ask you is to please do what you can to clear this up with her. At least do this for me, if you don't believe you should apologize to her for some things you said. Maybe think of a way to prove her she is wrong. I don't care what happened and who argued with who. But such things need to be cleared up, no matter what
[16:59:21] <~Alynna> [7:12:30 AM MDT] Taoki: If it is true you tried to hurt family (just supposing it would be), you can be sure I will expect you to do everything in your power to change yourself. I will never agree to doing evil against someone else, no matter who is doing it and why. I will always love you regardless, but if you harm anyone I might have to distance myself until you change. Again, supposing it is the case. I don't believe it's the case for yo
[16:59:26] <~Alynna> u, like I told Nashi.
[16:59:28] <~Alynna> [7:14:14 AM MDT] Taoki: Anyway, I just wish to ask you to please clear this up. Even if you won't talk to nashi again, please clear all of this with the family. If you love us and don't want us to hurt, please try to clear this.
[16:59:53] <~Alynna> now I have some responses to make about this.
[17:02:03] <~Alynna> 1) I am tired of baseless allegations.  What is "very horrible things"?  I am literally doing nothing, the situation ended for me at 'she's welcome to come to this channel an apologize and come be here with the family'.
[17:03:21] <~Alynna> This can all easily be cleared up but I am not going to debase myself in front of her and beg for forgiveness for her wrongs, especially when she continues to make accusations against me as you have just illustrated.
[17:05:05] <~Alynna> 2) She hasn't done anything that encourages me to seek her out for any kind of reconciliation.   She is not banned from here, she is not banned from minecraft, but its been over 3 months now and I am still banned from there, so you tell me, who is the one propagating the evil?
[17:06:26] <~Alynna> I can't even talk to her, because she has me on every sort of ignore, and yet I am supposed to 'resolve this somehow' when it is her still doing the hurting?
[17:08:39] <~Alynna> 3) If you want to distance yourself from me, go ahead.  I am doing absolutely nothing to continue this situation, this channel is free to enter, she can come and talk to me whenever she wants.  But she has to make me into a devil because its literally the only defense she has left for her actions.  To pin some otherkin magic evil mumbo-jumbo on me.   And the fact that you still entertain the idea that I am doing anything is pretty damn offen
[17:08:39] <~Alynna> sive.
[17:10:11] <~Alynna> 4) I will not apologize.  I simply will not.  Even if that means me and Nashi never talk again, I've come to the conclusion that if I apologize Nashi will write off the whole situation as my fault, she'll have gotten away with it, and will have learned nothing about how she treats people.
[17:23:38] Rua_Whitepaw hugs Alynna
[17:23:53] <~Alynna> hi Rua.
[17:23:59] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Hi
[17:24:41] <~Alynna> I have to ask, while Nashi has me banned and I do not have her banned, how can the accusation that I am the Dark Lord be justified?
[17:26:00] <~Alynna> For me the situation is pretty much passed.
[17:27:14] <~Alynna> The only thing stopping Nashi from being back with all of us, including myself, she would still be my cub, is that she does not come here.
[17:27:40] <~Alynna> I am no longer even expecting her to apologize, just to come into this channel and to be with us.
[17:28:50] <~Alynna> Does she feel the need to simply destroy me for the rest of the family, by saying these things and making these accusations?
[17:28:57] <~Alynna> if so, who is harming who?
[17:29:35] <~Alynna> I'm not apologizing to her and I'm not going to a channel where she has the power to ban me and that is about the extent of my declared intent.
[17:30:32] <~Alynna> i really want to hear Taoki's defense of this.
[17:33:13] <~Alynna> she wants me to 'clear something up' when I have 1) no idea of what I am being accused and 2) been doing nothing to harm anyone so I can't even make an inference as to what I am allegedly doing to hurt people.
[17:34:04] <~Alynna> i mean what's expected of me?
[17:34:27] <~Alynna> I mean at this point i wish Taoki would just leave.
[17:35:24] <~Alynna> wherever you are, you're listening to Nashi make all sorts of crap up about me, and I have to answer the charges as if there was any evidence whatsoever that I have done anything to harm anyone
[17:35:47] <~Alynna> you're not even considering the idea that she might be the one out to harm me
[17:36:41] <~Alynna> so not only do I have to protect myself from Nashi I have to protect myself from you as well, being her willing puppet
[17:37:13] <@Rua_Whitepaw> I think Nashi should say these things herself instead of letting Taoki do it...
[17:37:45] <~Alynna> I think she should drop the matter and join this channel and let the whole situation be forgotten and be part of our family again.
[17:38:29] <~Alynna> I'm willing to drop the whole matter, and even forgo apologies so that her pride isn't bruised
[17:39:05] <~Alynna> but I dont think thats good enough for her, she needs to have a victory over me.
[17:39:59] <~Alynna> i've given as much leeway as can be given.
[17:40:38] <~Alynna> but I will not sit here and apologize to her for the hurts she inflicted on me.  Frankly i'd rather just never see her again.
[17:40:40] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Now you're making accusations back...
[17:42:06] <~Alynna> accusations have to be proven.  I'm reiterating what she has already known to have done.  If I really wanted to make an accusation, id make up some pie in the sky thing like she does to me/.
[17:42:23] <~Alynna> i'd say something like "evil forces are working through her to hurt the family"
[17:42:38] <~Alynna> THAT is an accusation.
[17:43:06] <@Rua_Whitepaw> [16:45] <Alynna> but I dont think thats good enough for her, she needs to have a victory over me.
[17:43:27] <@Rua_Whitepaw> That's still a conclusion you draw from how she behaves, no matter how obvious it may seem to you
[17:44:32] <~Alynna> So why do you think she doesn't lift the bans, doesn't lift the ignores, even though I have done so for her, and instead tries to spread lies about me to others?
[17:45:20] <~Alynna> if she really wanted to end this situation she would simply accept my very modest terms, which requires nothing of her but to come to this channel.
[17:46:27] <~Alynna> i've been willing and I have stated this, to just forget everything, if she would come here, and reopen dialog with me.
[17:46:58] <~Alynna> even if I were to be the one to initiate, I cannot because she has me on every possible ignore
[17:47:20] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Then don't initiate it and leave it at that...
[17:47:21] <~Alynna> but i'm not going to, because I am not going to be the one to grovel at her feet to have her back.
[17:47:35] <@Rua_Whitepaw> If she wants to be here she'll come
[17:47:51] <~Alynna> well, I was satisfied with that until I wake up this morning to find out that she's been telling Nashi i'm attacking the family
[17:47:58] <~Alynna> I mean Taoki
[17:48:15] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Taoki is smart enough to know what's true and what isn't
[17:48:31] <~Alynna> It makes me wonder really.
[17:48:40] <@Rua_Whitepaw> And if she sees things differently is that such a bad thing?
[17:49:06] <@Rua_Whitepaw> If you rejected Taoki just for not seeing things as you do, would that be any better?
[17:49:08] <~Alynna> If she didn't think it was true, why send me a message saying "if it is true, then I'm going to distance myself from you"?
[17:49:42] <@Rua_Whitepaw> I think Taoki should think for herself on this... does she think it's true?
[17:49:59] <~Alynna> i guess you never read the paste
[17:50:06] <@Rua_Whitepaw> I did
[17:50:30] <@Rua_Whitepaw> But I think you went a little too far in disproving it
[17:50:43] <@Rua_Whitepaw> You went on a counterattack
[17:51:01] <@Rua_Whitepaw> I understand why but still...
[17:51:25] <@Rua_Whitepaw> You don't need to defend yourself against accusations if they're not true...
[17:51:43] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Isn't everyone innocent until proven guilty?
[17:51:44] <~Alynna> Thats what I used to believe.
[17:52:09] <~Alynna> But i've found in the last decade that baseless accusations have a pretty long lifespan on the internet.
[17:52:18] <@Rua_Whitepaw> In the end you can't change what Nashi or Taoki or anyone else believes
[17:52:40] <@Rua_Whitepaw> But what you can do is not lower yourself to change it
[17:53:17] <~Alynna> You would be surprised how many people will leave a room i'm in or ban me from a channel before i've even been in it before, based solely on what they have heard
[17:53:32] <@Rua_Whitepaw> You can't fix the things other people do wrong... but you can try not to perpetuate it...
[17:53:41] <~Alynna> well you know what?
[17:53:50] <~Alynna> Until today I thought this matter was dead!
[17:53:55] Rua_Whitepaw hugs
[17:54:03] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Then ask Taoki not to talk about it?
[17:54:26] <~Alynna> whats the point?
[17:54:35] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Letting it die?
[17:54:50] <~Alynna> It wont die.  Thats the problem with the internet.
[17:55:12] <~Alynna> once one person starts spreading around a lie, its the truth until I can prove otherwise.
[17:55:34] <~Alynna> that may not be truly true, but it is effectively true on the internet.
[17:55:37] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Would you really consider someone who believes those things a worthy friend?
[17:56:04] <~Alynna> you really don't get it.  Why do you think I don't do much on SL anymore?
[17:56:24] <~Alynna> because there are too many people who don't like me and use me as their personal scapegoat
[17:56:33] <~Alynna> because I hurt their feelings somehow
[17:56:56] Rua_Whitepaw hugs
[17:57:00] <~Alynna> and they have spread enough shit about me that I find myself banned from places
[17:57:07] <@Rua_Whitepaw> I am going now but I'd like to say something first
[17:57:08] <~Alynna> that i've never even been to before.
[17:57:18] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Please stop trying to be everyone's friend. Be your own first.
[17:58:05] <~Alynna> That is great advice and I wish i could follow it.
[17:58:22] <~Alynna> but it is in my basic nature to love first and ask questions later.
[18:00:05] <~Alynna> i probably won't be able to change that in this lifetime and a thousand after it.
[18:41:39] Rua_Whitepaw hugs Alynna
[18:41:52] <@Rua_Whitepaw> It's not a bad thing
[18:42:21] <@Rua_Whitepaw> Just don't forget to love yourself above all else...
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[19:53:01] <Taoki[laptop]> back
[19:53:28] Illusia mewstretch
[19:54:01] <Taoki[laptop]> Alynna: Short answers. Nashi believes you have done things such as harming family astrally, which hurts me to know. Also, I said I could distance myself from you ONLY if you would be doing these things, and would e a danger to our spirits. Which like I said, I do not believe to be the case
[19:54:08] <Taoki[laptop]> So no, I do NOT plan to distance myself from you
[19:55:01] Illusia cuddles Alynna tight
[19:55:37] <Taoki[laptop]> Alynna: The only thing that hurts me is that you are not doing more to get back together with your cub. I don't wish to judge though. Just that if I were you, I'd be trying harder to talk to her more and show her you are not someone evil doing harm
[19:55:53] <Taoki[laptop]> You have your own way of being a mother and im not judging that
[19:56:47] <Taoki[laptop]> When I see nashi believing you are someone harming family spiritually, it hurts though. As well as other things. And I wish you could both open up and clear these things up and get back together
[19:58:13] <Taoki[laptop]> I just find it hard to watch nashi believing such things about alynna, and noticing nothing is done. I don't care how much anyone believes I am letting myself bend too easily for the sake of love and other people, but I believe that when it comes to family, we should all do our best to talk to each other and open our minds and not stay upset
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[20:00:12] <Taoki[laptop]> I am sure I have a very good image of what is wrong, and how this situation is stuck. But, it doesn't help anyone. I just wish something was done
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[20:03:17] <Taoki[laptop]> Just to clear one thing up: I don't believe any lies "spread on the internet". For people like us (family), it doesn't matter that it's the internet or not. Just that in text, it can be harder to make yourself clear. I stated clearly that I do NOT believe that Alynna is harming anyone astrally. Just that I consider all possibilities, and would be upset IF it were true
[20:04:13] <Taoki[laptop]> But like I said, right now, I'm just hurting because we aren't taking more care of each other.
[20:05:40] <Taoki[laptop]> And that we don't choose to be a family letting go of fears and argues and opening entirely to each other. I am talking of both sides here more or less. I learned that nashi sees things i never thought of (and they are right), but in such cases I do think she slips mistakes too.
[20:06:40] <Taoki[laptop]> And a family not blaming each other or anyone any more, and just doing our best to fix all issues. I always just wanted for us to be such. Of course, I could never ask anyone to be in a way they are not. But I just wish we were all this way...
[20:08:32] <Taoki[laptop]> How did we end up suspecting each other of wanting to harm each other, and not even thinking of fixing it?
[20:08:40] <Taoki[laptop]> And clearing it
[20:09:37] <Taoki[laptop]> I'll shut up now though... I'm just too sad about this. I guess it's just not possible for families to work this way overall, and there are issues that can overcome family working like this, even for us kin.\
[20:10:06] fluffyfox hugs Taoki[laptop]
[20:10:49] <Taoki[laptop]> And Alynna hon, I'm not upsed at you nor nashi nor anyone else, just so you know. I love you all, and always will. Including no matter what argues exist between you two. But I'm just sad about this, and feel its very wrong...
[20:11:00] Taoki[laptop] hugs fluffyfox and kisses deeply, and strokes and covers you with her tails
[20:11:01] <Taoki[laptop]> <3
[20:11:06] <Taoki[laptop]> Love you cute little sis
[20:13:10] <fluffyfox> love you too sis
[20:13:16] fluffyfox murrcuddles with Taoki[laptop]
[20:19:12] <Taoki[laptop]> Sometimes, I feel I see family this way because I'm the only one who has hurt all their life for not having a kin family, and having a human one instead (almost the same as having none). I'm glad that nashi has the same vision of family, even though she won't decide to get past some feelings to talk to someone after getting upset with them.
[20:19:42] <Taoki[laptop]> Not saying anyone here doesn't have it, of course.
[20:19:45] <~Alynna> taoki, how can I do more?
[20:19:50] <~Alynna> She has me on ignore.
[20:19:54] <~Alynna> I've tried to talk to her.
[20:20:08] <Taoki[laptop]> I know. That's true too...
[20:20:26] <~Alynna> My door is open.
[20:20:30] <~Alynna> Hers is not.
[20:20:34] <~Alynna> She is the one hurting me
[20:20:35] <Taoki[laptop]> You could email her...
[20:20:48] Taoki[laptop] hugs
[20:21:24] <Taoki[laptop]> I wish i could do anything to fix this
[20:21:30] <~Alynna> I'm not going to apologize to her for her hurting me.
[20:21:36] <Taoki[laptop]> I need to go eat now though. Be back soonish
[20:21:48] <~Alynna> I think you should call her out on saying these things about me..
[20:22:13] <Taoki[laptop]> Alynna: I wouldn't agree with that either. But, I would agree with apologizing for saying some things to her, like she asked. Such as not loving her (if you did say that) or wannting to disown her
[20:22:28] <Taoki[laptop]> That I believe is right, over my own feelings, to apologize for. Just my opinion
[20:22:41] <~Alynna> I didn't say I didn't love her.
[20:22:41] <fluffyfox> brb
[20:22:48] <Taoki[laptop]> ok
[20:22:48] <~Alynna> and I didn't say I wanted to disown her/.
[20:22:56] <~Alynna> I said her actions said she was disowning me.
[20:23:00] <Taoki[laptop]> i need to go eat now, sorry
[20:23:24] <Taoki[laptop]> Maybe you can email her and tell her these things. I dunno what to say... i just keep hoping it will all be fixed
[20:23:30] <Taoki[laptop]> soonish
[20:24:12] <Taoki[laptop]> At least nashi believing you have tried to hurt darken or kill family spiritually. Even if you won't talk to each other right after...
[20:24:21] <Taoki[laptop]> Anyay BRB. Love you all no matter what
[20:24:24] <~Alynna> you know I haven't.
[20:24:34] <~Alynna> Why do you give her claims any weight at all?
[20:24:42] <~Alynna> you know she's just trying to hurt me with them.
[20:41:37] <Taoki[laptop]> When Nashi says "Alynna is trying to hurt me" and Alynna says "Nashi is trying to hurt me", I feel most hopeless and sad
[20:51:13] <~Alynna> Maybe.
[20:51:20] <~Alynna> But keep in mind who has who banned.
[20:51:47] <~Alynna> Until she's willing to lift the ban and come into here, this situation is not equal.
[20:51:58] <~Alynna> tell me.  WHAT am I doing to hurt her.  Name one thing.
[20:54:33] <Taoki[laptop]> I try not to find anyone more right or wrong than another here. I can't really say though... just what happened in the past I guess.
[20:54:54] <Taoki[laptop]> I dunno if i wanna get into it more thouugh
[20:55:21] <~Alynna> the problem with doing that is you blind yourself to the fact that wrong is being done here.
[20:55:39] <~Alynna> Its pretty obvious to me now, that she just wants to hate me and to have others hate me.
[20:58:31] <Taoki[laptop]> All I see is both of you are upset at each other, and believing the other is doing their worst to harm them as much as possible. The only thing I feel like saying to both sides, right now, is to just hug each other and say you love each other. The rest I don't think I even care about, at the moment at least.
[20:59:50] <Taoki[laptop]> It's really all I think i want, myself at least.
[21:08:20] Taoki[laptop] hugs Alynna and kisses all over
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