WIP

Nitmer yawned tiredly as he stepped from a rift into his little dimension pocket. He scratched at his cheek a bit, worn eyes opening to-- WHAT THE FUCK?! “Wh-wha…”

The entire place had been hit by Hurricane Retkan. Sure, it was a bit of a college dorm room dump before… but now that mess was scattered into a bigger mess all around and there was a distinct bump curled up in his blankets on his beanbag chair. It was sobbing and surrounded with ice cream sandwich wrappers among the crumpled up wads of scrolled notes and his take-out containers from over the last few weeks.

“R-ret?.. Retty?… Retkan?..” Nitmer approached the sobbing bump, a shaky hand reaching down to lift the top layer so he could crouch down and peer inward.

He came nose to nose with Retkan’s tear-streaked face, mouth surrounded with the remains of the ice cream sandwiches she had conquered.

“Uh.. You.. okay in there?…”
“No! No I am not okay in here. My eyes have started leaking and my cheeks are red but not with Acrush! I am not okay here!”
“I-I-I know! I can tell you’re not okay! It was one of them rhetorical questions! Yanno, the type you ain’t supposed to answer? But are kinda supposed to explain…”
“Do not ask questions that are not meant to be answered or f you do not want an answer!”
“I want an answer I just-- Okay! Okay! Eeeesh… What I meant is.. what’s wrong?… The whole leaking eyes bit is called tears. You’re sad.. or.. mad.. or both! It’s that uh.. upset word. I-I dunno…”
“Yes, yes I am. I am upset and upset females eat ice cream and yours is all gone now.. and now my stomach hurts.”
“Thaaaat’s ‘cause you ate too much of it. Okay.. let’s uh.. start at the top of this shitlist! Why are you upset? What made you sad or mad ‘zactly?”
“I wanted to do the sleeping over. I was going to invite Miss Roberu and Fu. But then Fu said female demons are terrible! And then I wanted a girl’s night for the girltalk. And then our nonsense clashed and then Shroomie said that Fu was very clear that he has no girlfriends and that I.. that he thinks I really am terrible...”
“...There is so much wrong with that I dunno where to start Retty..”
“Am I.. terrible?.. Am I a terrible girlfriend? I am girlfriends with Rhoswen and Beelzebub and wish to be girlfriends with Miss Roberu and Miss Putine. They are very smart females. And I thought I was girlfriends with Fu but..”
“You ain’t terrible at anything, okay? Well.. maybe your memory and cooking and being social and your magic has gotten pretty wonky.. but! You ain’t terrible in general. Females are.. uh.. complicated to males! DON’T take that wrong! We just.. don’t understand.. so.. like all friends, we mess up. A lot. We’re not as smart as you females. That’s why males mess up and females forgive. It’s what we do and what you do. I did that with Rhoswen… I mean.. I called females complicated. She got mad… I.. have not been forgiven yet.. Gunna work on that.. Now Fu called females terrible.. but uh.. this… hurt you…”
“I do not like being hurt and leaking!”
“No one does.. I mean.. I’ve never seen you this way soooo… I dunno…”
“I have never been this way that I can remember! It is the nonsense!”
“Aaaaand it’s not your whole.. Acrush-thing?..”
“No, no it is not. It is a different nonsense! While Fu is pleasing to look at, I like to look at Beelze more and.. give him my dates and time. And Fu has helped me with things for him.. and he is.. why I stayed around, because Fu is very interesting and.. knows a lot about Beelze, who is also VERY interesting..”

Nitmer pursed his lips. He took a deep breath, nostrils flaring as he cleared his throat to avoid losing his own little grip on things. That wad of blanket-burrito’d Retkan was scooped up so he could plop down in his chair with her on top of him. “Okay okay.. so uh.. yoooou want to be ugh.. girlfriend with Fu, right? Thaaaat seems to be where this hurt is all welled up at in some big mess of knotted misery.”
“Yes. I like to share my notes and accompany him on studies and see what he does. His company is very.. um.. fun! I do enjoy it. And he is brilliant and a fascinating subject to record and research.”
“...Ergh…. Uh.. then.. well.. Okay Retty! There’s.. so much wrong here.. Er… Uh.. Okay! So.. males mess up. Females forgive. You want to be eh.. girlfriend still.. so… Forgive Fu!”
“B-but he said females are terrible!”
“Forgive. Fu. Ugh… I can’t believe I’m saying that… So yeah.. forgive him.. and ask him why he said it and what you can do for uh.. …guh.. being his.. girlfriend…. or just.. do what you.. whatever you did  in the first place to uh.. be his.. girlfriend…” Nitmer’s face had all kinds of soured. It was that moment of being there for a female you liked when she’s talking about a male she may not quite like in the way you assumed and using all the wrong terms and you’re pretty sure she may have a THING for the male’s cousin who happens to be your best bro and said cousin had already announced he had a thing for the girl you liked who you’re trying to do right by.
“So.. step one.. forgive Fu… Step two.. be a better girlfriend!”
“S-something like that…”
“You are the best attendant Nitmer.”
“Yeup! I am! That’s me! Now uh.. I’ve got some attending to do sooo how ‘bout I attend to your stomach with some mint tea and uh.. I think these are your notes all over the place here… Kinda sticky.. I guess I shoooould clean up a bit…”
“Yes, tea. And umm.. why are you beaten-up Nitmer?..”
“...Galen.”
“The human?.. Why did he beat you up? What did you do??”
“HEY! How come I had to DO something to get beat up?!”
“Because you are a buffoon.”
“...What happened to best attendant?..”
“You are that too! So why did Galen beat you up?…”
“...Because I am a good guy and he is a bad guy. Bad guys beat up good guys.”
“But Nitmer.. you are not always so good…”
“And it’s GOOD for him to want to take you AWAY?…”
“No.. no it is not…”
“I rest my case!”
“You do not have a case and if you did, it would not require rest.”
“.….I’m gunna go get your tea now…”