Reddit WP - Tony Stark, Muggle Extraodinaire

WP = A muggle genius successfully uses his advanced technology to fake magic and infiltrate the wizarding community to assess if they are a threat. Hogwarts has a new professor: Tony Stark

[This is before The Avengers.]

Tony sat in the chair, rattling the handcuffs that kept him chained to the steel table before him. The last thing he remembered was going to sleep last night, Pepper was out of town on a business trip. Well, the business trip and he forgot about the strawberry thing again and something about an anniversary?
"Hello?" He called loudly, slamming the handcuffs repeatedly. "COME ON!" He shouted, clanging the cuffs loudly one last time as hard as he could before going limp with lidded eyes staring towards what was clearly one-way glass.

A door opening behind him was enough to make him sit up. He turned around, trying to get a view before giving up and frowning at the table in front of him.
"You know," He said in a bored tone to whoever had entered, "I've been in a situation like this before. Though the cuffs were pink, fuzzy and I was naked. Although looking around I don't think I want to find out what freezing metal feels like on bare ass."

"Oh I don't think that'll be necessary." A deep baritone voice said as an imposing figure with a patch over one eye strode past him to the other seat. Before sitting down he tossed a heavy looking envelope on to the table.
"Oh!" Tony said in a chipper voice, "If it isn't my favourite agent." He paused then lidded his eyes before saying dryly. "Oh wait. That's Colson."

"Very funny Stark." Nick Fury said dryly.
"Why am I here Fury." Tony demanded, voice equally dry. "Last I remember I 'don't play well with others.'"
"Well Stark. Things chance and you're here 'cause we need you." Fury said without preamble
"Well what if I don't want to be needed?" Tony retorted with equal aplomb. "Being kidnapped in the middle of the night isn't exactly my idea of a good time."
Unless Pepper was doing the kidnapping and the destination was the Bahamas. Or Hawaii, maybe Europe. You know, all the good places.
A S.H.I.E.L.D holding cell, interview room, bedroom, whatever this damn place was did not rank amongst 'the good places' in Tony's mind.

"Well Stark, if that's your answer you're free to go." Fury said, motioning to the door behind him.
"Oh." Tony said, genuinely taken aback. He looked down at the cuffs, their chain was rather long allowing him to rest his hands in his lap. He moved his hands up so Fury could see them. "Then can I-"
"Free to go straight in to a nightmare of lawsuits, felonies and state violations." Fury said, a dark glint of humour entered his eye. Tony was beginning to hate that look. Whenever he saw it it meant Tony was going to have to do something he was not going to like.

Wait. Since when did Tony know Fury well enough to know his mannerisms? He didn't even WANT to know Fury.
Shit!

"What felonies!? What Lawsuits? And what damn State violations?" Tony demanded, anger making his voice slightly faster and higher then usual. Fury eyeballed Stark.
It was disconcerting.

"Oh, just your contribution to the wanton destruction of that science expo you're so proud of. A couple thousand attempted murders when you were flying around letting off machine guns in the middle of a crowded damn city and the murder of one Ivan Vanko." Fury didn't smile on the outside but damnit, Tony knew he was smiling on the inside.

Wait, how does he know that he's smiling on the inside!?
Shit!

"Vanko!?" Tony sputtered. "But he was a-" He got no further as Fury interrupted, adopting a tone of sympathy, accusation and disgust.
Impressive.
"A poor man who needed help in an uncaring world. He turned to you when he was in need and you just..." Fury paused to shake his head sadly before looking back to Tony. "Shut him out. Is it any wonder he went mad? The man he looked up to for so long snubbing him? That poor, poor unstable genius. Gone before his time. Think of all the things he could have taught us, gone!" Fury finished, staring deep in to Starks eye. "Just think of it Stark!" He said mockingly.

"Like how to go insane and try to kill people?" Tony asked dryly. "Besides where is your proof for all this crap? Do you really think you can spin it like that? Everyone saw Vanko try to....kill me...." Tony trailed off.
"You're realizing now that the only things anyone saw trying to kill you were the Hammer drones?" Fury sounded like he was explaining things to a five year old as he continued. "Which you hacked in to out of jealousy, watching your old rival Hammer soaring higher then you really just did NOT make you feel good. What better way for a bitter, angry loner like yourself to get back in the spotlight then a juicy conspiracy story?" He finished, looking around with a wide eye as if imploring a hidden audience to understand.

"Damn it Fury, Ivan tried to kill me! Rhodey will back me u-" Once again Fury cut Stark off with by simply saying.
"Gag order." Calmly. He had his jaw in his hand now as if he was considering something deep. Tony felt his jaw drop. He didn't bother asking if Fury could do that. After all, he was THE Spy.

"I...." Tony tried frantically to find a way out. An incredibly slim ray of hope shined his mind and he grabbed for it. "You still can't prove ANY of this, Pepper will back me up!"
"Pepper is mad with love for you, everyone knows that. She would do anything for you." Fury responded, blank face giving off an aura of smugness. He let the silence stretch on as Tony kept trying to find a way out until he decided to play the card up his sleeve. He loved this shit.
"Do you remember my friend Agent Romanov? You know the beautiful woman who has been working for you and Pepper for the last few months who has an unlimited access to you, you're workplace and your most intimate private thoughts? Im sure if we asked her a few things we'd find out the.... heh, 'truth' fast enough." As he finished, Fury's eye bored deep in to Tony's skull.

"I...!" Tony began, looking around for a way out of this nightmare he had woken in to.
"....Shit." He finished, utterly defeated.

Fury waited a few momebts before asking, "Am I to take that look of loathing on your face as you agreeing to help?" Without waiting for a response he slammed his hand down on the table. "Good!" He said loudly, a wide smile breaking out on his face. "We'll be glad to have you on the team." He prattled on while standing up from his seat. "Everything you need to know is in that envelope. Talk to Agent Colson on your way out he'll get you whatever you need." Fury swept past Tony has he strode to the door. A slight rattle was hear and Fury head Tony shift slightly.
"Fury." Tony said in a tone that demanded attention.
"What?" Fury asked wearily, turning around to see Tony looking at him sideways, holding his hands above the table. They were still cuffed and he was unable to reach the envelope.

"Oh!" Fury laughed, smacking his head lightly in a way that was both mocking and bored. Tony thought about how Fury was good at that. "Silly me. Check under the table." Fury said calmly.
Tony turned fully to look at Fury blankly before fumbling his hand under the table, feeling for anything underneath-
Keys...

Son of a bitch.

Sighing deeply, Tony ripped the taped key off the underside of the table and, whilst he was uncuffing himself, asked "So where am I going?"

Fury was half out the door when he heard the question, he put his hand on the doorframe and leant back in to the room.

"A little place called Hogwarts."