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- BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
- "Urgh... fucking alarm..."
- >BE ANON
- >Welp
- >It looked like it was that time again
- >Time to get up, go to work, and be a productive member of society
- >Grumble grumble fuck work grumble
- >Though you REALLY don't want to get out of the comfort of your nice warm bed the Quill and Sopa's store was acallin'
- >Unfortunately
- >Fucking book horse taking away your government checks because you called her a tubby tuba tummy tum tums...
- >Yawning hugely you sit up in your bed and open your eyes
- >Your bedroom was just as you left it
- >Not too neat, not too dirty
- >Every place had a thing and everything had it's place
- >But it looked like all was not well in Candyland folks
- >There, sitting on your nightstand, was a single apple
- >A Red Gaia you think
- "Fifth time this week... goddamn apple fairy..."
- >Rubbing an eye you reach over and pick the apple up, running your fingers over the perfect apple-y skin
- >Yep
- >It's an apple
- >A plain, ordinary apple
- >Just like all of the other apples that had been appearing in your house for no fucking reason
- >With your apple in hand you get up and start your day
- >You're greeted with another apple-- a granny smith-- in your bathroom
- >After your shower you find two more in your underwear drawer
- >And three more in your closet
- >When you went downstairs and into your kitchen you saw about a dozen of them stacked up on your counter
- >Shaking your head you place all of the apples on your table and grab yourself a glass of OJ
- >Last week seeing all of these apples around your house would have freaked you the fuck out
- >In fact it HAD had freaked you the fuck out
- >Pretty badly in fact
- >You had rushed to the locksmith and got brand new locks for everything and locked your doors and slept with a baseball bat all of that shit
- >You weren't going to be murdered by some weird apple fetishist!
- >But then it just kept happening
- >You'd wake up and find an apple by your head or by the counter or some shit like that
- >THAT had scared the shit out of you
- >You were expecting to wake up in some rape dungeon or murdered or something
- >But then... nothing really happened
- >Whoever was going through the trouble to break into your house wasn't doing anything other than leaving you a whole bunch of apples to find
- >They weren't stealing anything
- >They weren't breaking anything
- >To the best of your knowledge they weren't doing anything to you
- >They were just leaving apples everywhere
- >So you had eventually calmed down and rolled with it
- >It wasn't like finding a bunch of apples every morning was a BAD thing
- >More weird than bad if you thought about it
- >And at worst there was just some apple fairy running around leaving apples in peoples houses... or something like that...
- >Sure, it was weird, but just another day in horse land right?
- >And for all you knew there actually WAS a fucking apple fairy running around
- >'Tis a silly place horseland is
- "At least I don't have to go and buy apples anymore," you mused, grabbing one of the apples and rubbing it against your shirt before taking a bite out of it
- >Hmm
- >Apple-y
- BE APPLEJACK
- >It's lovely ah day out
- >Celestia's sun was a'shinin'
- >The apple trees were ready for buckin'
- >An' there you were outside Anon's window watching as he took ah bite out of one of the apples you left him
- >An' NO
- >You weren't stalkin'!
- >You were just... scoutin' out for a potential mate the good ol' Apple way!
- >Like your ma and her ma before 'er you left apples all 'round Anon's house while he was sleepin' to see how well he'd take to 'em
- >If'n he liked the apples you left him that meant that he'd like you
- >'Cause you liked apples and apple accessories
- >And were also an Apple
- >So it make a whole lick of sense
- >You guessed...
- >...At least that what Granny told you...
- >...
- >...
- >...
- >But why would Granny be wrong?
- >In her day she'd have the stallions darn near knocking down the door!
- >You were gonna listen to your gut and stick to the Apple way
- >An' the Apple way said that you needed to find a stallion that loved apples
- >Though it looked like you didn't have to worry none about that with Anon there!
- >No ma'am!
- >Every morning the big colt would walk all through his house lookin' for your little gifts
- >An' most importantly he'd eat one or two before headin' on to his job where he's wear that cute little outfit of his!
- >Heh
- >You couldn't WAIT to get him in a cute little outfit yourself...
- >...Hey!
- >HEY
- >Now none of that there fantasizin''!
- >You needed to stay focused ya hear!
- >Giving your head a shake and doing your best to ignore the blush that had somehow made its way to your face you watch as Anon took another bite out of your apple
- >You could almost HEAR him hummin' at the taste
- >You sure could see that pleased look on his face though!
- >You can't help but do a happy little wiggle in your hide-y bush
- >Anon liked your apples!
- >An' you liked your apples!
- >The two of you made for each other
- >As sure as sugar!
- >He done passed the first test!
- >He liked apples! Maybe even loved them!
- >An' don't forget him being good lookin' and nice and...
- >You try not to yelp as Anon looks through his window in your direction
- >OhsweetCelestiayougottahide!
- >You duck into the bush that you were hiding him and pray to both Celestia and Luna that he didn't see you
- >You didn't want to explain why the hay you were out here like this...
- >Granny sure was right!
- >It was harder an' hay gettin' yourself a mate
- >You had to stake out his house day in and day out
- >You needed to pick the most perfect apples to give to 'em
- >You needed to break into his house--making sure he didn't wake up-- and leave them apples where he's find'em
- >AND you had to keep yourself from pokin' at'em while he was asleep in his bed!
- >Shoooot!!!
- >None of your friends had to deal with any of that nonsense you bet
- >Though, to be fair, your friends usually weren't racking the stallions in
- >'Cept Rarity
- >But you knew the ones she got weren't the kind that you'd want to bring home to your parents...
- >Like Anon was...
- >You can't help but smile
- >Even though you knew that this all was a bit of a pain you knew it'd be worth it
- >Anon would be the mother of all catches
- >He was a hard worker
- >He never complained
- >He was an' honest one
- >An' he had the best flank in town
- >An' you were gonna reel'em in!
- >Just you wait an' see!
- >A couple more apples an' he'd be chasing YOUR tail!
- BE ANON AGAIN
- >Humming a little tune to yourself you walk out your door you finish the apple that you'd been munching on and toss it into a nearby bush while hefting the apples that you'd gotten this morning in a paper bag
- >You kinda needed to get rid of all of these
- >You liked apples and all but you must have had like six dozen in your house right now
- >There was no place to put them and he had others to eat so these one's had to go
- >...But who you were going to dump them off on?
- >THAT was the question of the day...
- >A question that you were going to have to answer later
- >Right now you had to go to work and earn your pay check!
- >You're about to start walking when you hear a little voice squeaking out in the distance
- >"Hey Mr. Anon!"
- >Looking around you see little Applebloom trotting toward you with a smile and that ADORABLE little bow of her's
- >Goddamn is that horse a weapon of HNNNG destruction
- >You swear your teeth hurt just by looking at her
- "How's it going Applebloom?" you greet as the little filly stops right in front of you
- >"I'm just headin' on ta school," she says, eyeing the bag in your hands with a curious expression. "Whatcha got there?"
- "Apples from the apple fairy."
- >The little filly blinks owlishly
- >"Apple fairy? What the hay's that?"
- >You shrug
- "Someone that breaks into my house everyday and leaves a bunch of apples around my house for some reason."
- >You receive another blank look
- >"Is that right?"
- "Yep, it's been happening for a couple of days now."
- >Nodding slowly, the little earth pony follows you as you step off your porch and onto the dirt road that led to town
- >"Ain't ya worried 'bout whoever's breakin' into yer house?"
- >You shrug again
- "Nah, not really."
- >Humming thoughtfully you look down at your bag of apples
- "Hey, you think Cheerilee would want these for her class? I got so many apples I don't know what to do with all of them."
- >It's Applebloom's turn to shrug
- >"You can come an' ask 'er if'n you feel like it," she tells you. "I'll take a couple if you're really hankerin' to get rid of 'em."
- >You can't help but smile at that
- >Those silly little appul horses really do love their apples
- >That and their countryisms
- "I got a bit before my shift starts so I can go and ask her. At the very least I can just dump them off you kids when teacher pone isn't looking."
- >There's a rustle behind you
- >"B-But muh a-apples of marely l-love!"
- >Both you and Applebloom stop and look around
- "...Did you hear that Applebloom?"
- >"...I recon I did, Mr. Anon."
- >Huh
- >There's no one around though...
- >Maybe it was just the wind?
- >Eh, whatever
- >You had to get to work
- >You could deal with talking shrubs after your shift was over
- "Come on, Applebloom, let's get you to school."
- >The tiny little horse smiles up at you and does a happy little hop
- >"Alright, Mr. Anon!"
- "Hey, whatever happened to that sister of yours? I swear I haven't seen her around in like a MONTH..."
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