Thread 38: Stories 61-75

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>Chitania
"OO7"
~~

>....what... what just happened?

"I don't have any idea."

>Is... is this good? Bad? That guy fell down.

"They're cheering, though."

>Huh.

"...Noticed you aren't bothered by all the mass damage, by the way."

>Meh...

She scooped up a hoof full of popcorn, and brushed some rubble off her shoulder.

>Not bad for amateur night.
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'18'
[Poindexter]
{Mane-Iac}
~~~

>....We are never going to speak of that again.

"Really."

>Never.

'I think we should.'

>We're not talking about it.

[Please stop looking at me, I want no part in this.]

>We. Are never. Going. To mention that. AGAIN.

{AHAHAHAHAHAHH...Wait, mention what?}

>EXACTLY!

{I don't get it, what are you talking about?}

>NOTHING.

"Hm? Oh, well, that's funny, I could have sworn I heard something. Oh, what was it..."

'On the tip of my tongue, really.'

"Could come out at any second."

>DON'T.

'You're right, that scream like noise was probably just the wind.'

{...OH! You mean when Isectoria yelled out-}

>MANEY NO! This is a no-talky situation!

{OOOOHHH... got it!}

>...

"...Screw it, I can't hold it in."

'Me either.'

"On three?"

'Please.'

>I WILL END YOU-

"'SHIIINHYYYYYY!'"

>... I shall have my reveeeenge...

'Totally worth it.'
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>56
“???”
______

It took a second for him to catch his breath but when he did, 56 started bouncing up and down on the tips of his hooves, wings abuzz.

She was so cool.

She really, really was.

Everyone else had done the exact same thing — sunbutt, orangebutt, even Ms Diamond No-Ass over there — but for some reason, Luna just struck out as the most awesomest mare there in that moment. The way her horn ignited effortlessly, eyes barely fluttering as she assisted Shiny with the others.

>Soooooo coooool!

He made to go hug her, his arms splayed to give one of his patented, congratulatory rump-hugs, when something stepped in his path and he bounced off.

>Whu…?

“What in the hell did I just run into, a brick wall…? Oh… it’s you. Watch where you’re going, youngling.”

56 didn’t recognize the cloaked unicorn wearing shades but that didn’t stop him from laughing at the odd streak of slime-green running through his mane.

>...snrk! GAHAHAHAHAHA! What… w-what happened to your hair?!

The stallion only pushed up his shades and kept walking. But there was something sullen about his scowl.

“Apparently your wretched Queen is full of tricks… it’s going to take a blasted fortnight for this dye to come out….”

56 didn’t understand just what that fellow had done to his not-mom to wind up with his hair streaked and, after turning back to Luna, subsequently decided it didn’t matter.

>Butt hug time!
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>AJ
"Rarity"
'Spike'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
~~~

>SWEET MERCY NO! NOOOOO!

[THIS IS A NIGHTMARE! THIS IS THE WORST FREAKING THING EVER!]

>WAH!? WAH WOULD ANYONE DO THIS!?

[OH DEAR CELESTIA WHYYYYYYYY!?]

"...Applejack? Dash? Really, darlings, he's fine."

'Uh, yeah. Even I'm not that worried about him. He's been through worse.'

[WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT HIM!?]

>YEAH!

'...Harsh.'

{So, what's the issue?]

>DON'T YA'LL GET IT!?

[THE BENT STRUCTURES!]

>THE GLASS ON THE GROUND!

[THE GOO THAT NEEDS SWEPT UP!]

>[THERE IS SO MUCH PAPERWORK NOOOOWWWW!]

"...You do realize you're not going to do any of it, right?"

'Pretty sure that's, like, Pinkie's job?'

>...Oh, yeah, right.

[We are totally disconnected from this in any meaningful sense, and will have to deal with none of the fallout.]

>No papers.

[No wages or paystubs.]

>Nothin'.

[...So, today was fun!]

>Yep, real great time.

[Oh yeah! Can't wait for next year.]

{...So you only care about this, if it affects you directly, nevermind that Twilight's brother-}

>Nope.
[Don't care.]

{"'..."'}

>You guys up fer' snacks?

[Totally, AJ! Lets get snacks... if we can find a still in tact vendor.]

"...I think the vacation might not be enough."
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>Spitfire
"Soarin'"
'Lightning Dust'
[Gilda]
{Bulk}
~~~~

>...Pshoooo... bored.

"Well, we could actually DO SOMETHING if you hadn't left our bits back at the hotel."

>Meh.

'Told you we should have gone to the amphitheater.'

[Shut up Dweeb, nothing interesting happens over there.]

>It's just used for concerts.

'But Bulk really wanted to go!'

{YEAH!}

>Well, that's one of the many reasons I said no.

{Aww...}

"...sooo... we going to go back to the hotel now or what?"

>Meehhhhhhhh.

"Figured."

'...Feel like we're missing something interesting is all.'

[Plplplpl.]

"How... how did you do that without lips?"

They all froze.

[...I... I don't know.]

>"'[...]'"

{...Never speak of this again time?}

>Nailed it right on the head, Bulky.

{YEEEEEEAH!}
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>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Tour Guide'

>Damn it.

"Ha."

>Damn it...

"Haaaaaaa."

>DAMN IT!

"HA!"

'Yeesh you suck at this.'

>Shut up.

"Yeah, shut up, my rival not yours, buzz off!"

'I would, I so totally would if I hadn't been BLACKMAILED into this.'

"Meh."

>Damn it!

"Haha!"

>This is so hard!

"Is not."

>It totally is!

"What is so hard about using a dinky little crane to pick up stacks of tickets?"

>Oh, I dunno, the part where I have to use a dinky little crane to pick up stacks of tickets?

"Pfff, loser, here, move over and let me try."

'Guys it's getting pretty late, aren't you hungry?'

>Kinda yeah.

"I feast on love, I don't need your solid food...but my mouth is kinda dry, though."

'They got a food court here, want me to get something and we can take a break?"

>Huh? Oh yeah just get me a Whomper from Burger Princess with some of those waffle fries from El Saguaro if the got them.

"The hell are waffle fries?"

>I'll share them with you.

"No need, judge bitch-"

'My name is Bottom Line!'

"...Judge bitch, get me what he's having hold the tomatoes!"

'Ugh, fine, meet me at the food court when you're done doing this.'

>Can do.

"Now, SUCKer Punch, lemme show you how it's done...uhhhh...damn it."

>Ha.

"No no, I got this...damn it..."

>Haaaaa...

"DAMN IT!"

>HA!
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>Cadence
"Velvet"
~~~~

>...

"..."

>...

"...You've been sitting there bouncing at me for ten minutes now, did you want something?"

>Did you mean what you said back there?

"About what, dearie?"

>You knooowww...

"...The Celestia thing?"

>Uh huuuuhhh...

"Well... yes. You do have a lot of qualities I feel you are superior to Celestia in, and I-"

>EEEEEEEEEE!

*GLOMP!*

"Uh..."

>Oh, you would not believe how good that is to hear! With how you act around me sometimes I'm always worried that you don't like me or think I don't do enough around the Empire-

"could help with the paperwork a bit..."

>-but now I know you like me! YOU LIKE ME YOU LIKE ME YOU LIKE MEEEE!

"W-well, of course I do! You're my daughter-in-law. You're famly."

>EEEEEEE!

"...I mean, you've got some negative qualities, but-

>EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"On second thought, I'm going to let you have this. You seem like you need it."

>EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"So... any chance on getting some grandbabies?"

>Nope.... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"Figures."
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>Screwloose
“Redheart”
‘???’
~~~~

“Screwloose!”

>Redheart!

“…”

>…Oh, my bad, I thought we were doing a thing. A name shouting thing. No? Ah, sorry. Moving right along, what did you need again?

“Where did you get those toys? You know you’re not allowed any type of contraband-”

>Then I would highly suggest you don’t leave such things lying around, my dear Greenheart. There are far more ill-minded ponies than me here who would just love to lodge one of these down an unsuspecting esophagus.

“You frighten me sometimes, Screwloose. I want you to know that and believe it true.”

>I also believe it old news. I’m in a straightjacket practically twenty-four seven, doesn’t take a diamond dog to see I’m something of a threat.

“About that... um… well, here’s a funny story-”

>And, of course, that means I’ll glean little next to no humor from it.

“-because we, the staff and me, we had a right laugh about it and figured, hey, why not share it with the mare it concerns, right?”

Screwloose continued to use her back hooves to play with her figurines, one of a dog and a Chitania action figure.

>Naturally.

“Sooooo… it’s kinda like… see, what I want to say is-”

>You lost the key to my straightjacket.

“…yes.”

A manic giggle escaped the silver-maned mare as she brought the dolls together in pitched combat.

>Old news, Nurse Heartbreak.

“When… when did you figure it out?”

>Ooooh, about a month ago, whilst I was sticking the end of a rather thick needle into the neck of a helper. He offered the secret in exchange for his life.

“…”

>Course I wasn’t actually going to kill him, even if he did try to stick me first.

“No hard feelings then, yeah?”

>You mean no hard feelings over the fact that you, the supposed proprietor of this hospital, have lost the only instrument capable to undoing this industrial strength straightjacket?

Screwloose smiled.

>There’s plenty hard feelings.

“…”

>And you’ll suffer them all in due time. More accurately, in about a day or so.

“…Look, Screwloose, I-”

>Hold that thought, Nurse Deadheart.

She glance towards the door and spoke in a chilling singsong tone.

>Come innnnn~.

When it predictably opened to her call, a rather confused Changeling stood in the entryway, one hoof extended like he’d been seconds from knocking.

>Ah, my favorite pervert!

‘Ah, my favorite pain in my ass!’

>Cuuute. Ain’t he cute? He’s cute. But anyway, do me a favor, perv. Can you usher our dear nurse here out of the room before my attention completely seeps away from these toys?

‘Why?’

>Because if that happens I’ll have to hug her. Tightly.

There wasn’t a need for 12 to do anything when Nurse Redheart gave them both a quick bow and excused herself.

12 stared from the slamming door to Screwloose, one eyebrow arched.

‘So all of that? Care to explain?’

>Later. Want to play with me? You can be the dog.

‘Hm. Why do I get the feeling you mean that in more ways than one…?’

>Get over here, pup, and entertain me.
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>Changeling
"Other Changeling"
~~~~

>Soooo....

"Yep."

>Should we, uh... help?

"I don't think the stuffed animals will take us, they look racist."

>...Meant the guards.

"Now they are definitely racist."

>Not, like, all of them.

"I DON'T SWING THAT WAY!"

>Alright, eeesh... but you know, we shoot lasers, so, we'd probably be a huge help.

"If you say so."

>...We're not going to, are we?

"No, you know what? Let's make this fair. The exact number of us should rush out to help them equal to the number of them that, oh I don't know, rushed to help us when the robot's invaded."

>...Sooo... none?

"No, you're right, let's do the exact number that helped us when the giant fuckoff monster tried to kill us."

>Still sore about that?

"..."

He just sat down, and started angrily shoving popcorn in his mouth.

>You've got issues.

"I'm working through them."

>...

"...Pass the butter. I got fifteen bits on the little giraffe taking out that guard on the left."

>You don't have any money.

"Oh, well, good thing too... that hippo beat him to the punch."

>So, who're we rooting for?

"Us."

>GO TEAM US!

"Now you've got it!"
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>JJ
"Actarius"
~~~

>....Huh.

"Uh... huh."

>So... you used to be under that guy?

"Not like I was going to top him anytime soon."

>Yeah, kind of see the point. Those guys punch rocks for a living, this is what they do for FUN, and he beat them all. Sans magic, even.

"Yeah, uh... he's got a heck of a punch to him, I guess."

>Knows how to use that head.

"Yep. That too."

>...

"I feel inadequate."

>Yeah, me too.
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>Twilight
"Pinkie"
~~~~

>Phew. You know, as fun as it was, I'm glad it's over.

"Yeah, it was pretty exhausting. Parties are fun, but they can't last forever!"

>How long were we doing that anyway?

"...Uh, well, let me put it this way. What were you feeling for Dinner?"

>What? That's silly, it was lunchtime when this all started, why would I...

"..."

>...Bullshit.

"TWI! Family friendly zone!"

>...

"...Didn't say I disagreed.
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>Maud
"2"
~~~~

>Did you have fun?

"OH YEAH! It was all sloopy and gooey and we got to hit the buttons with the numbers and then we got to ride on the roller coaster so we could hop the thingys to put the whistles on the other thingys and then we got to be all "I'll take that one for three hundred!" but that was boring and not fun but Grandma liked it and if she likes it I like it even though it was sooooo boring but then we got to watch Caddy try to balance on a ball and that was funny and then Shiny got to get into a bopping match but they didn't let me watch most of it which isn't fair cause I have holes but they don't but it's nice when I'm putting marchmalleys in there but you guys can't which I guess sucks and I wish you had them so I could see Shiny bop fight but I didn't but we won and we got a toaster YAY!"

>Good to hear.

"..."

>...

"...Did ya' listen ta' all that?"

>Yes. It was interesting.

"..."

>...

"...C-... can I hug you?"

>Sure.
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>DT
"77"
'SS'
[Cheerilee]
~~~~

>Well, that was fun.

"Yeah, it was kind of exciting."

>Not really as much destruction as I would have liked, though. Nothing even exploded!

'Poppet, issues, you have them.'

>Yeah, I have an issue with the total lack of explosions. That's a huge issue with me.

[Still though, it was funny to watch. I'd watch it in a theater.]

>Maybe.

"..."
'...'
[...]

>Anyone else feel really disconnected from all of that?

"I don't know any of them."

[I know Twilight, but we are not close. So I guess I was rooting for her?]

'Likewise, I suppose, it only because she used to lead the A-team. But I haven't even spoken to Pinkie all that much.'

>Shouldn't you be rooting for Shining Armor since your Queen is seriously hungry for some white meat?

'DIAMOND TIARA!'

>I live in a place where the school is a portal to hell, and that bothers you?

[...She has a point.]

"But yeah. We didn't really have a dog in this fight, did we?"

[Guess not.]

>...
"..."
'...'
[...]

>...Who's up for some food?

"I could eat."

'I feast on the very emotion that gives you most joy in life, the energy that beats with every second of their heart, the power that fuels you every day. I am a creature who lives off the very love you feel most joy from, not of the material world.'

[...I've wanted to try the cotton candy hay.]

'OH! That sounds delicious!'

[Doesn't it?]

>...And you said I have issues?
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>Sucker Punch
"41"
'Bottom Line/Tour Guide/Judge Bitch'

"Oh sweet Hivemind, you guys..."

>So who do you think is winning?

"You guys..."

'I dunno.'

"These waffle fries, you guys..."

>What do you mean you don't know!?

"You guys, these fries..."

'I'm just making sure you don't cheat, I'm not counting the tickets, that'd be insane.'

"Ohhhh sweet mystery of life I've found thee~"

>Sheesh.

"Taking back everything I said."

'Hey, screw you, I got you guys dinner!'

"Ponies are so much better."

>Eh, true, I suppose. Remind me to get you something when we get done here, you deserve it.

"Ever since they invented this."

'Really? Well...thanks.'

"I'm gonna go get some more."

>No problem, it's the least I can do.

"Walking over there and stealing all of them."

'Well I mean, I know you guys are leery of me-oh crap she's actually walking over there.'

>Huh-41 no!

Crash!

"Noooo! Get off me! I must have more of the delicious fries!"
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>Cadence
"Velvet"
'Nightlight'
[Twlight]
{2}
~SA~
~~~~

>Honey? Are you, uh, are you okay?

~...~

"He twitches every now and again. It can't be that bad."

~...~

'Ah, come on sport, you won! Beat that guy right into the wall, yessir.'

~...~

[And hey, wasn't it nice to spend time as a family again? Come on, whens the last time we all got together and did stuff? We never do stuff!]

"Yeah!"

>Heck, I never get to spend time with you two at all!"

'Family outing, that's what this was. Was great.'

~...~

[...Two?]

{I keep huggin' him, but he ain't movin'.]

>Hoo boy. Might have to bring in the big guns for this one.

"Big guns?"

[Isn't that a little extreme?]

>Desperate times call for desperate measures.

'I'm lost here, what's going on?'

[I'm just saying, that's the scorched earth option. You'll end up burning yourself just as much.]

>Two hugs aren't working, what other choice do we have?

[I don't know...]

>Too late! Shiny? Guess what I've just decided!

~...?

>You know, it just doesn't feel like home when we're sleeping in the hotel bed. Oh! I know what we should do!

~...You wouldn't.~

>Yep yep yep! I've decided we need some... company.

~Noooooo....~

>Let's see, I'm sure 18 will be happy to oblige, and then of course we need 42 in there, and OH! I know, let's see if Celestia wants to relax with some Two snuggles!

{YAY!}

>She's excited! Oh, and of course, we can't leave out...

~...NOOOOOOO!~

>Oh, what's that, you'll snap out of it because if you don't I'll drag them all into bed? Well, too bad!

~NO CADDY NO!~

>I'm going to go tell them right now!

~CADDY WAIT! WAIT CADDY! I'M HAPPY WITH THE TOASTER! REALLY! I AM.... COME BAAAAACCCCCCCccccckkkk...~

{WHEEEeeeee...}

'...She's threatening him... by saying she'll bring more mares into the bedroom?'

[Yeeeep. Wait for me, guys!..]

"...Honey?"

'Yeah?'

"Cadence isn't... secretly a male, is she?"

'I... I'm not even sure anymore...'
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