Amy: Monster 1.2

You sit quietly, mind churning with the events of the day before.

Of that boy, Ivan.

It was strange really. Rare that you’d remember anyone’s name after you’d performed your work on them, everyone just seemed to blurr together in a horrible rush of patient after patient. No matter how unique their symptoms, no matter how nicely or badly they treated you... it always seemed like an inexorable rush into the dark. No Ivan seemed to stick in your mind, your every alteration, while vaguely recollected, still there in your memory. You remembered him it seemed, not by who he’d been, but by what you’d been making of him.

Considering it, this was just one more proof of the kind of horrible person you really were inside.

“Fuck...” You lamented into your soggy, piping hot mush of milk and shredded cheese laden cereal, Victoria’s morning rush special, you really didn’t deserve to even this much from her, but you’d cling to even this. “... Why am I such a fuck up?”

Fucked up.

Yeah that was the entire situation. Breaking your rules like they never even existed, experimenting on people at a whim...

You stared almost blankly at your hands.

It felt numbing.

It felt liberating...

It would be another twenty minutes of eating your breakfast-comfort food mush before you could pull yourself up from out of the pity party parading about within your head. The spreading feeling of sickness at your actions abating with every soggy sweet bite.

Vicky remembered to overload it with sugar just the way you liked it.

By the time you were finished you’d calmed down a bit, the numbed panic within your chest having abated slightly as the guilt was subsumed slightly by a strange, guilty excitement. The very memory of the act of making changes still tingled at your fingertips, leaving you almost bouncing in both wonder and anticipation at doing something like it again.

The guilt which hit at the idea wasn’t as strong as the last wave.

“... does it have to be human?” You questioned yourself lightly. Lip bitten in thoughtful excitement. Maybe, you began to rationalize, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you practiced a bit on something else, made something to redirect the urge away from another incident like last night.

Yes. That had to be the answer… something else you could do.

Your stomach churned almost pleasantly at the thought, even as you cast a glance across the room at one of the house-plants which Carol liked to decorate the place with. Vague thoughts, almost plans, permeated your brain as you looked upon them. Memories conjured of going out with Carol, Mark, and Victoria as ‘quality time’ together, a rare event in which you were all forced together, reinforcing everything you already knew. All the little ways in which you could tell that Carol favored Victoria over you, all the seeping wrongness that you knew had to reside within you to have so systematically been snubbed.

Victoria had chosen the plant in the corner herself even as Mark smiled wanly in a corner, signs of his meds having left him tired and listless despite his attempts at normality.