EE - metalzchamp: So there I was
EE - metalzchamp: In the middle of a frou way intersection when suddenly...
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: Mr. Musso, Mrs. Walter, and Mr. Slobodnik
EE - metalzchamp: A UPS truck, a FedEx Ground, and a Postal service all stopped at opposing signs
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: LOL.
EE - metalzchamp: Being driven by the aforementioned
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: 10/10, better than what I was thinking.
EE - metalzchamp: I knew than, that I was in the middle of some real hot shit
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. Musso, a staunch advocate of the UPS movement, stepped out of his vehilce
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: OH SHIT
EE - metalzchamp: He drew out a package. It seemed larger than normal
EE - metalzchamp: The package read: "Handle with Car Mutha Fucka
EE - metalzchamp: are
EE - metalzchamp: Care
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: OH FUCK YES.
EE - metalzchamp: Using his lazer engraver, Mr. Musso opened aid package, a fervor in his eyes that would unsettle even a titan
EE - metalzchamp: The opposing trucks held theri breath, only to be both staring down the barrel of a 3D printed RPG-7
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: SHIIIIIT
EE - metalzchamp: They must not have noticed me in the middle of it all. If revenge is a dish best served cold, than revenge is probably those pigs they have in Hawaii, Poi, with no eyes
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. S was not impressed, with a simrk he exited his vehicle> He was a member of the Freedom Fighters, an Allaince formed bu Postal Service heros to fight the repressive regime of Tim not getting his computer stuff until Wednesday
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: YES PLEASE GO ON
EE - metalzchamp: An expert on the History of Warfare, and close realtive to the Slovenian counterpart of Commodor J. Norris, as well as great gran nephew of Ol' Blood and Guyts Patton
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. S. reached for the banner of the First Regiment, celverly beguiled as one of those poster tubes
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: This is so fucking wonderful please go on
EE - metalzchamp: With an inspirational shout, he summoned the enitrety of the Postal Network. A mass congregation of the boys in Blue and White
EE - metalzchamp: They stood resolute in the face of UPS's superior fire power, but sometuimes quantity over quality is the best way to get a job done
EE - metalzchamp: However, neither side accoumted for FedEx, or Mrs. Walter
EE - metalzchamp: The tension was...palpable, yet if it could be cut with a knife, Mrs. Walter was the one with blade
EE - metalzchamp: All sides looked to the direction of a sinister laugh. Mrs. Walter had also disembraked from her vehicle, yet she carried no weapons nor did she lead an army of Social Service workser
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: This is the best. I'm putting this shit on the internet when you finish.
EE - metalzchamp: Mrs. Walter stood in the midle ground, beleiving that both sides could work together to acconmplish the goals of a greater America
EE - metalzchamp: However, sometimes the only way to advance socially, is to kill, inhumanly
EE - metalzchamp: Mrs. Walter's belief stemmed from the idea that if neither sides would compromise, both would need to be destroyed.
EE - metalzchamp: Absolute. Unforgiving. Destruction
EE - metalzchamp: Her laugh resounded throughout the intersection. Nobody took notice of me, I was parlyzed by fear, and intrigue
EE - metalzchamp: Mrs. Walter became surrounded in a sort of Particle Accumulation Pattern
EE - metalzchamp: Behind her stood an armada of bitchy Biomed Students, blindly following her to their inevitable graves
EE - metalzchamp: The Patter thet enveloped Mrs Walter was in part do to her BViomedical expertise.
EE - metalzchamp: A field Medic, augmented soldier, Supporting Gneral were all of the things that Mrs, Waklter had at her disposal
EE - metalzchamp: However, Jacks-of-all-trades are want to be masters of any
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: This is the best thing I've read in weeks. Keep going.
EE - metalzchamp: The climactic battle would soon ensue. I was assured that the only thing that would remain of this intersection were the charred remains of all, and my perfectly intact Brutus X-7 which I decided to drive suddenly
EE - metalzchamp: However
EE - metalzchamp: "Insert Disc 2"
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: LOL
EE - metalzchamp: JK
EE - metalzchamp: The intials emenated from one location. The remaining way. Me being stuck in the middle of the intersection, I knew that shit was real
EE - metalzchamp: What could these letetrs mean? Precepts of a future America, rid of all delivery services?
EE - metalzchamp: No, in reality, no one could guess th enigmatic meaning of these scribes. JK was derived from a bastardization of 2 gay words
EE - metalzchamp: Google. Chrome.
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: LAUGH OUT MOTHERFUCKING  LOUD.
EE - metalzchamp: Indeed, the Joogle Krome, an archaic tribe of internet deliverd content entered the fray
EE - metalzchamp: Headed by feared Battlemaster and Lord High Swindler, Gabe Newell.
EE - metalzchamp: All sides stopped, and gazed at this fourth party. The oringial conflict was almost forgotton
EE - metalzchamp: Out of one of the sides, "Where the Fuck is Half-Life thr..."
EE - metalzchamp: The words on his lips died along with him
EE - metalzchamp: Newell quelled the faggot with his Portal Gun, modified to be deadly. On tis side where the Aperture Logo should be, was scrawled, "Left 4 Dead" in blood
EE - metalzchamp: It seemed all the angles were covered
EE - metalzchamp: The Postal Service
EE - metalzchamp: UPS
EE - metalzchamp: A third party headed by FedEx
EE - metalzchamp: and the Digital Distribution Rebellion
EE - metalzchamp: How they all gathered that day, nobody would know. Perhaps a cosmic joke played by the Gods. A literal Divine Comedy
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: This is so beautiful
EE - metalzchamp: It was over in an instant
EE - metalzchamp: I will try my best to recount the conlfict
EE - metalzchamp: Newell shouted, "Steam Holiday Sale!"
EE - metalzchamp: My wallet cringed at the words. Other sides were not quite so enthralled
EE - metalzchamp: The words echoed, resonated, invaded their thoughts.
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. Musso, once cool-headed, was dripping with sweat. The words had a slight impact. All they needed to do
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: LOL
EE - metalzchamp: Ever since Mrs. Walter entered, Musso's finger had found a happy home on the trigger mechanism on the Russian AT devastator
EE - metalzchamp: A twitch
EE - metalzchamp: Ended it all
EE - metalzchamp: At least for him.
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. Musso failed to realize the importance of modifying ssaid RPG with 80 mm, HS rounds, with LST compatability
EE - metalzchamp: The Heat Seeking Inferno was immediatley attracted to the UPS truck, harboring a gallery of shipments, all housed in a non-air conditioned compartment
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: NOOOOO
EE - metalzchamp: They said they couldn;t tell the packing peanuts from whatever was left of Mr. Musso
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. S and his Resistance let loose and howl of victory. Mrs. Walter saw her chance.
EE - metalzchamp: She commanded her Bio-dead kids to launch tha asshault, spear-headed by none other than Red Octoboer, which wash shtanding by
EE - metalzchamp: I mean, Shpear-headed
EE - metalzchamp: for the ashault
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. S silenced his underlings with a word.
EE - metalzchamp: He to, commanded his postal army to launch a counmter-offensive
EE - metalzchamp: There were two things Mrs. Walter did wrong that day.
EE - metalzchamp: One: She dismissed the conditions the Postals worked under. Rain or SHine. They would march. They were fearless in assualt.
EE - metalzchamp: Forged in the fires of foul weather, temperment, and schanuzers, the postal workers would not retreat. They showed no Pity, No remorse. No fear
EE - metalzchamp: The second thing Mrs. Walter doubted, was Mr. S himself
EE - metalzchamp: If an army marches on its stomach, than a general is judged by his tactics, not his muscle
EE - metalzchamp: Well educated in historical stand-offs, Chis "The Slob" Slobodnik had ordered a portion of his men to surround Mrs. Walter and her brigade.
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: I love yo
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: you*
EE - metalzchamp: Fools. The Bio-med bitches were so busyin kissing ass to Mrs. Walter, they failed to attedn to their flanks
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. S's forces tore through Mrs. Walter like a tendon
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: LOL.
EE - metalzchamp: Among the losses, was her counter-intelligence operatives, code named, Digital Media Infiltrators.
EE - metalzchamp: They were responsible to feeding misinformation to students and opposing sides, by forcing them to use Software they have never even heard of before
EE - metalzchamp: Without this vital battallion, Mrs. Walter's forces were much like a chicken without a head.
EE - metalzchamp: Still capable of scrambling around, but dead nevertheless
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: This is the greatest epic ever written.
EE - metalzchamp: In an attempt to control her condused masses, Mrs. Walter bellowed a sort of speech,
EE - metalzchamp: Her words were, "Follow me if I advance. Kill me if I retreat, avenge me if I die."
EE - metalzchamp: Unfortanatlye, her words bigger than her courage.
EE - metalzchamp: Her stupid forces took her literally, and the second option, an order from the leader herself, was to be her Eulogy
EE - metalzchamp: Indeed, she retreated in the midst of combat. She died a coward
EE - metalzchamp: I was unscathed, as plot holes are omnipresent in any narrative
EE - metalzchamp: Gabe Newell saw the opportunity
EE - metalzchamp: With two sides elminated, defeating the weakened Postal Service men would be simple.
EE - metalzchamp: Rallied behind the cause of a total shipping monopoly, the warriors would be the ushers to a new digital age
EE - metalzchamp: Heralds of the destruction of the status quo, agents of change.
EE - metalzchamp: Their cause was great enough for them to believe
EE - metalzchamp: They routed Mr. S's forces with the sanp of a finger
EE - metalzchamp: Mr. S, with his dying breath, having been beaten to death with useless Steam coupons, uttered a phrase
EE - metalzchamp: The phrase that ended a war
EE - metalzchamp: "Luck is the art of being totally prepared."
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: Jesus Christ you're a master of epicry
EE - metalzchamp: If the words were true, than Mr. S was the luckiest man in the world
EE - metalzchamp: Newell never accounted for the fail safe
EE - metalzchamp: When his heart stopped beating, Mr. S would detonate a powerful WMD
EE - metalzchamp: The blast earned its title
EE - metalzchamp: A quarter of Newell's forces were disinitegrated
EE - metalzchamp: The remainder, would be close behind/
EE - metalzchamp: All of the excitment boosted Newell's already celestial cholesteral level. His heart went the way of Mr. S, and exploded
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: LOL
EE - metalzchamp: Without their leader, the Digital master committed hara-kiri
EE - metalzchamp: Mass suicide over the death of their Shogun
EE - metalzchamp: 2: Total War
EE - metalzchamp: I survived because I played Battlefield 3
EE - metalzchamp: And that's why we're doing dungeons now
{EoH} Diamond Tiara - Fabulosity: In a few, I need to copypaste this.
EE - metalzchamp: OH EM GEE repost