After my memorable first trip on 4-aco-dmt last summer -a last-ditch effort to alleviate my crippling depression- , my life has changed dramatically. That unforgettable psychedelic experience has greatly improved my  outlook on everything, and has made me a better person as well, on many levels.

4-aco-dmt seems to have reprogrammed or rewired my brain; I can now have what we would call "deep thoughts" almost constantly, at any time and for no reason whatsoever. I find this to be very helpful in reminding me of what really matters in life when I worry a little too much about mundane stuff. I sail through immense seas of abstract thinking (which I love) on a daily basis. Very therapeutic.

I can also, and very easily, actually trip on weed. Smoking marijuana was never the same after that first ego-shattering voyage. Before it, smoking pot wasn't all that cool. It was just smoke > laugh > hungry > sleep.
Now I can have rich, insightful contemplations, or crazy bouts of creativity, depending on the strain available at the time.
Listening to music, watching movies and reading are now much more enjoyable while on weed than they used to be.

After my ego-crushing first trip, I've been having a good time so far...

But as of lately, my depression has been trying to make a comeback. I could feel its shadowy presence slowly creeping up on me, and for a good reason. Without getting too personal, I'll just say that my life is in pretty rough shape compared to last year.
This issue has been weighing heavy on my mind, bringing on stress, bringing on depression, bringing on lack of motivation, bringing on more poverty. A downward spiral.

Two weeks ago, I went to my doctor to ask if I could be prescribed Adderall for the mental fog and motivation deficit. He basically said that he only prescribes that medicine to 10 year-olds getting shitty grades at school, while looking at me like I'm a junkie related to Hitler. He recommended a therapist and antidepressants instead. Thanks but no. Fuck your shrink and your zombie drug and its side effects.
Depression was starting to grab my ankles rather tightly, and after some considerations and a financial feasibility study to come up with the 25 dollars, I decided to trip again. On 100mg of 4-aco-dmt. Fuck it.

I was fairly suicidal anyway.
TONIGHT, WE TRIP.

I got home after work and the envelope with my 4-aco-dmt was in the mailbox. I took it out of the 6PM heat, and put it in the fridge immediately. I ate a sandwich, then toked some while watching some TV, nodding off all the while. After taking a shower, I promptly proceeded to prepare the limonade for my trip. Lemon juice and Sprite, 50-50.

The tiny plastic bag containing the 4-aco-dmt stated the actual powder weight: 115mg. A bonus! Using a small butter knife, I scooped out what I considered to be a smidgen of about 50mg and put it on my tongue, and drank the limonade rapidly afterwards. My plan was to re-dose on another 50mg as soon as I peaked on this first go.

I then smoked some pot to get a more chilled vibe (had a crappy day at work), sat at the computer and waited to be blasted out of my reality...

After only 15 minutes, I could already feel the gentle, yet strong comeup; beautiful trailings, colors so strong that almost hurt to see, and a strangely familiar buzzing sound. Suddenly, I can't read anymore; my pupils must be huge.

This stuff is potent, looks like I'm in for a treat.

Forty-five minutes have passed, and I can barely walk. I go sit on the couch, and officially start tripping. Heavy.
I look around, and my living room turns into a semi-translucent, glowing cube. I can see past the walls, and then I mentally zoom out of the room, Google Earth style. I gain a three dimensional view of my room, then of the entire house and then the entire block. I feel urged to lie on the couch, as I began to detach from reality, including losing control over my body. My breathing  was getting shallower by the minute, and I could feel my sad, tired facial expression turning into one of infinite love, understanding and awe.

By now, I'm about 1.5 hours into this trip. My body feels paralyzed, but inside my mind, everything is going on. I understood that my body sort of shuts itself down as a means of protection, and also because me, or rather my consciousness (the body's "controller"), isn't really there. I'm elsewhere, marveling at the beauty of the Universe.

I feel a mega yawn coming up...my soul wants out. Here I go...

Time doesn't exist anymore. I have completely detached from reality. I have left the room. My ego has finally dissolved. It all starts to feel very familiar. I get this "Welcome back home" message, sent to me using what I can only describe as telepathy. As all of my human experiences are being instantly assimilated by a Universal "database", I get a strong "Thank you" vibe. The love irradiating from everything covers me like a warm blanket. Sounds cliche but it's the best description. I quickly look at my human woes, from this wonderful vantage point, and I can't help snickering at my depression. It all seems so trivial.


I keep further exploring my own human life from this angle. I close my eyes, and I see myself on the couch. I see all of my memories. All of my sorrows, and all of my happy moments. All at once. I shift my focus to the entire human race, and I see millions of people, one by one, and I feel each and everyone of their problems and burdens, all at once and in complete detail. Simply put, I become them. The feeling of love, connection and oneness with everybody and everything is almost too much to bear.

Why can't I feel this happy every day?
REDOSE. NOW.

While tripping, I remember going back into my body, to sort of check on me and make sure everyhing is fine. Cold, sweaty hands? Within normal range. Breathing? Shallow and slow, but consistent. Increased thirst? Check.
I regain some control over my body, clumsily standing up. I'm going for the other 50mg. I got to the kitchen, prepared some more limonade, and ingested the remainder of the 4-co-dmt powder. Let's see what happens...

I managed to step outside, and the noises and smells of this warm spring evening hit me like a ton of bricks. I live in a semi-rural area of Provo, Utah. About 2 miles from Utah Lake. I live surrounded by grass, hay, flowers and animals. I can distinguish each and every one of the different smells and sounds, and I find them all equally beautiful: my freshly mowed lawn, the neighbor's cows, the breeze coming from the lake, and a hint of Linden flowers, just floating around. The crickets, nocturnal birds and frogs, cars coming and going, and the occasional train in the distance. So beautiful.

I stand in my little porch for an undetermined amount of time, just letting the night flow trough me. I go to my old Chevy S-10, and sit on the tailgate. I see the last colors of the sunset, marbling the sky with breathtaking oranges and reds.
Why the fuck is not possible to see this level of beauty without tripping?.

As it got darker, stars began to appear. Light pollution is still relatively low in this area, making for some magnificent views of the night sky. In the summer my daughters and I sit on the tailgate at night to look at the stars and to talk about space, while eating watermelon. All three of us find space just mind-boggling.

I lie face up on the back of my truck, gaining a 360 degree, multi-dimensional view of the sky. I feel like I'm about to be ejected into hyperspace. Jesus, the other 50mg are kicking in.

I decide to go back inside the house. I must hurry, the soul wants to jump out again. I barely make it to my bed where I rest on my right side. I then, left my body with total abandon. Once more, I became Everything.

I'm loving this. I'm truly happy.

I'm in a completely new dimension this second half of my trip. I zoom out of my reality, and I see what could have been billions of different people, and their respective everyday realities. They seem to be in cubicles, but upon closer inspection, these cubicles are their own Universes. I'm witnessing a Multiverse (something like this, which formed a cube when zooming out), with everything happening at the same time, with countless ramifications, all probable. I experienced each and every one of them, all at the same time and down to the most minute detail. I realize that I'm but merely one of these people. I feel their emotions, and they feel mine. I can sense their understanding of my troubles. I become one with them.

A soothing mantra of sorts began to pulsate within our collective consciousness, very faintly at first, growing exponentially in intensity every time it was "chanted". The message was clear: "Love". This collective voice could be heard, but also felt. All of my senses have fused into one, I can feel sounds, see noises and touch colors. On a whim, I zoom out of that Multiverse realm, only to discover that the picture keeps getting bigger. I find this really hard to explain, but I felt as if the entire known Universe is just a fraction of something much bigger, which in turn is a part of something even bigger. And it keeps going forever. I found these "levels" to be somewhat off limits, and I understood that a higher level of conciousness is required to comprehend what they're about.

I'm peaking on the second dose, and I don't know how long I've been outside of my body. I decide to check on it. Vitals are fine, but I tell my body to start breathing a little faster. I go back to being the Universe experiencing itself. What happens next is the pinnacle of my trip, and a most beautiful experience: I become raw energy. I interact with particles and light. I'm now a cell, reacting to different stimuli. I feel like I'm experiencing the very origin of life. I get to a point where all traces of my ego have vanished, and there is no me at all. I just...am.

In this state, I'm very playful. I can "touch" matter and watch it form incredibly complex and beautiful fractal patterns, of colors that I cannot describe, extending throughout space. I can feel me being absorbed by this Everything, as all of my "Being" starts to pulsate at its frequency. It seemed as if the Universe has a pulse, or what I could describe as energy fluctuations. Sounds crazy, I know.

I got up, went to the kitchen, drank some more lemonade and dropped myself on the living room's couch. As soon as my head touched the armrest, I was gone. I get shot out of my body, into the last, and most insightful, part of this trip.

I can see my own life, and absolutely everything in it, from every imaginable perspective. I can exactly pinpoint the things I need to work on, the kinks to be ironed out. Then, I get this last pulsating message from the Collective Consciousness: "Life is an illusion, but you have to live it". Read as: "Get your shit together, because the show will go on; with or without you".

I'm coming down, I can tell because I'm hungry. Still no sleepy at all, and it's 7 AM. I eat something, take a shower, toke a little, and go to sleep.

It has been a spectacular night.