Dr. Phane smiled softly to himself as he entered the lobby. A little hustle and bustle kept the place alive, but for the most part things were quiet. The hospital was a placid, calm place this morning.

And then it wasn't.

"PLEASE, DOCTOR!" Sanji cried as he kicked the front doors off their hinges, staggering in with Yang's body in his arms. "PLEASE HELP HER!"

Despite the chaos, Dr. Phane was surprisingly calm. He'd dealt with these sorts before while tending to the injured drunks in his home realm of Nawlins. The majority of the panic came from Nami, who trailed behind Sanji begging him to calm down, apologizing for deceiving him.

"She's really beat to hell and back," Dr. Phane noted as he gestured for the nearby nurse to get a gurney for the patient. "Whatever happened to her, she's within an inch of her life at best. Someone must have had a real grudge to do something like this."

Sanji tried to hold it in, but couldn't. "IT WAS MEEEEEE!" he wailed in despair. "I'VE WOUNDED THIS BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! I'VE VIOLATED THE PURITY OF THIS MAIDEN! I'VE COMMITTED AN UNSPEAKABLE SIN! I'M GUTTER TRASH, NO BETTER THAN THE WORMS IN THE DIRT!"

"PLEASE, SANJI!" Nami cried. "JUST CALM DOWN! WE HAD TO DO IT TO GET YOU INTO THE TOURNAMENT! IT WAS THE ONLY WAY!"

"Hmm. I agree." Dr. Phane said.

Sanji paused, and Nami sighed with relief. "Thank you, Doctor. Sanji, just-"

"No, I meant the other thing. I agree that you seem like a real piece of shit." Sanji broke into anguished sobbing once more, and Dr. Phane continued undeterred. "I think we can save her, but it's a long shot. She might not make it through the night."

Sanji grew terrifyingly still, disturbingly calm. "...I understand. If a life is the cost..." He drew a chef's knife from his pocket, pointing it at his own stomach. "Then a life will be given to atone for my sins."

Nami dove for the knife, wrestling it from Sanji's grasp. "OH MY GOD SANJI NO STOP RIGHT NOW!" She grabbed the Den Den Mushi receiver from her pocket, yelling into it as she held the knife at arm's length away from Sanji. "HEY! LITTLE HELP HERE! SANJI IS GONNA KILL HIMS- WHERE DID YOU GET ANOTHER KNIFE-"

As Dr. Phane wheeled away Yang's unconscious body, he sighed to himself. Just another day in retirement. This beats the hell out of running Scramble, at least. "Hope things are alright for you, Free, you fucking sucker."

- Season 13, Sign-ups, FreestyleKneepad (Sanji)