Sleepy Intruders

>"Psss, Anon. Anon. Are you awake?"
>Anon kept his breathing steady and his eyes closed. He was awake, he had been since he heard his front door being unlocked and opened. That didn't mean he was going to get up and greet the intruder.
>He might not have been the smartest man in the world, but he was certain about one thing. This truth had been passed down his family line for generations from father to son. It was an idea that had helped him weather the worst times of his life and made the cold hard world feel a little less so. The the truth was this: if one closed their eyes and ignored the problem it would go away.
>Now, to be fair, it had never worked a single time whenever he tried to do it, but that didn't mean he wasn't holding out hope that it would this time.
>"Anon. I can see your eyes moving. Are you awake. Hey, Anon. Anon. Hey Anon."
>Anon's floor creaked as the intruder took another step into his bedroom
>Already the scent of bubblegum and peeps was starting to fill the air. He knew that she knew that he was awake. Her crazy alicorn powers could no doubt not only see him in this pitch blackness but probably see his heartbeat as well. Nevertheless, he was steadfast in pretending to still be asleep.
>Something pressed against the tip of his nose. It was warm and fuzzy. That bubblegum smell became so thick that he could chew on it.
>"Annnnnnnnoooooooooooonnnnnnn."
>Anon, with a sigh, cracked open an eye, looking up at her Most Royal Majesty Empress Mi Amore Cadenza.
>The alicorn was wearing a nightcap that did nothing to contain her hair. Even in the darkness he could see that she was wearing those offensively pink and furry socks that she wore whenever she wanted to slide up and down her castle's hallways.
"Cadence, what the fuck are you doing in my goddamn house?" he asked
>Cadence yawned, covering her mouth with a hoof.
>"I can't go to sleep."
"Okay. So?"

>"I need a full night's rest, Anon. If I don't get a full night's rest then I can't run the empire like I should."
>Cadence poked him with her snout
>"The empire needs a big, tough, good-looking marely mare like me to be at her best, Anon. I can't be at my best without at least ten hours of sleep."
"You don't need ten hours or sleep, you're not a goddamn cat."
>"But I dooooooo!" Cadence whined, wiggling her body as she scrunched up her face
"No you don't," Anon replied, placing a hand on her muzzle. "Now go home and let me sleep."
>Cadene pushed against his hand, letting out a pitiful whine.
>"But I need somepony to snuggle."
>The tip of her horn glowed. With a magical might that could move continents, she removed his hand from her muzzle so that she could boop his nose with hers. She did it again and again until, making a noise of frustration, Anon sat up.
"Go sleep with your husband," he said. "Isn't that why you married him, to--"
>He paused when he saw Flurry Heart curled up on his pillow, fast asleep. There was also a big lump right next to him, rising and falling as if whatever it was under his covers was breathing. Pulling the blanket back, he saw that it was none of the than Shining Armor snoozing.
"What the FUCK is wrong with all of you," Anon demanded. "How do you all keep getting into my house? I have magic proof locks! I have like six of them on door!"
>"You can't lock out your friends, Anon," Cadence said. "Especially when they know your locksmith. Now, if we could get back to you cuddling me."
>Anon looked around his room for something to hit the alicorn with. Alias, all of his shoes were across the room, and his lamp was just out of reach. He could have used his pillow to bludgeon her to senselessness, but that would have required waking Flurry and he had desire to die horribly via god magic.
>He laid back down, defeated.

"Fine. Get on in here then," he said throwing back the covers just enough for her to slip into the bed. "Hurry up. It's cold in the room."
>Cadence's fact lit up.
>"Really?!"
"Get in here before I get up and throw you out."
>The empress did a happy little dance before crawling into the bed. Anon made sure to stay still as she settled right against him with a mass of wiggling limbs and light taps with her wings and and horn.
>She settled herself as she usually did, a hoof slipped under his arm and her muzzle resting against his shoulder.
>He knew from experience that she liked to be the little spoon the most. Such a desire was a bit of a problem for someone her size however. Even her husband, a big stallion in his own right, needed to look up at her. Luckily for her, even lying like they were the human was still bigger than her by at least two feet.
>"Night, nonny," she murmured, nuzzling his cheek.
>Anon let out a grunt.
"I swear if you eat all my cereal again I'm gonna drown one of you in my birdbath outside."
>Cadence giggled.
>"I can promise nothing."
>The two might have drifted off into a peaceful slumber, three ponies and a human, if not for Flurry heart who, still asleep, let out a grunt. Her forelegs pressed themselves against her chest. Her face scrunched up in concentration as her back legs curled toward her body. This happened only for a few moments before the baby relaxed, a small, content smile on her face.
>Both Cadence and Anon's eyes snapped open as another smell filled the all, one that smelled nothing like bubblegum.
"...Cadence, I swear to god if you kid just took a dump on my pillow I'm going to have a conniption.
>Slowly, Cadence picked up her head to look at her daughter.
>"She's... wearing a diaper?"
"I do not give a single fuck."
>"..."
"..."
>"..."
"..."
>"I'll go and change her."
"You better."