BlondeNonny

Gen-onymous (Anon in Series Bible Equestria)

Oct 31st, 2015
337
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  1. >Day ??? in Equestria
  2. >Be Anon
  3. >And you're just starting to come to.
  4. >A has come to.
  5. >Yes.
  6. >You grunt, letting Applejack know you're alive.
  7. >"Anon? You're not hurt, are ya?"
  8. "I'm alright."
  9. >You slowly start to get up.
  10. "Urgh..."
  11. >Turns out the spell accidentally broke your foot.
  12. >Hurts like hell.
  13. >"Oof...guess Twilight did a number on ya, didn't she?"
  14. >You sighed.
  15. "Yep. Turns out long-distance teleportation is only safe for the caster."
  16. >She nodded. "Ah told her that it was a bad idea, but the girl wouldn't listen."
  17. >Shaking your head, you gave a chuckle.
  18. "Meh, it works."
  19. >You grunted as the pain in your leg started to flare up.
  20. "I mean, besides the whole making my foot limp thing and all."
  21. >She sighed. "Welp, hopefully you'll get better soon."
  22. >You nodded.
  23. >Hmm..
  24. >You glanced at your phone/brick/whatever.
  25. "Anyway...I gotta head out."
  26. >"Where ya headed?"
  27. "To Pinkie Pie's. Still got a job to do."
  28. >She tilted her head.
  29. >Ruh-roh, were you not clear?
  30. "What?"
  31. >"Who's Pinkie Pie?"
  32. >Okay.
  33. >The absurdity of that question caught you offguard.
  34. >You laughed.
  35. "Bahahahah...'Who's Pinkie Pie?'"
  36. >She scowled.
  37. >"Seriously, 'Non. Who is Pinkie Pie?"
  38. >Oh shit she's serious.
  39. >You'd laugh even harder, but it's not like Applejack to lie about this stuff.
  40. >Maybe for a one-line joke.
  41. >But not like this.
  42. "Uh, pink hair pink mane? Bounces a ton, talks a kiloton?"
  43. >"Eenope."
  44. "Throws a ton of parties?"
  45. >"Can't say ah know her."
  46. >Oh boy.
  47. "Let me guess. You've got amnesia?"
  48. >She shook her head. "Nope. Anon, are y'all sure ya didn't hit your noggin on th' ground when you teleported here?"
  49. >Ohhhhhh boy.
  50. "I'm pretty sure. Unless..."
  51. >You try to think about where Twilight was going to send you.
  52. >Probably just to somewhere close to here.
  53. >However, this was a spell she hadn't tried before...
  54. >...!
  55. "Uh, okay. I need to check something. See you later, Applejack."
  56. >And you make your way back to Ponyville and over to Sugarcube Corner.
  57. >But as you walk up to the door, you are blinded by a hoof over your eyes.
  58. >And you hear a distinct giggling as the other hoof embraces your torso in a tight hug.
  59. >"Hey Nonny! Guess who?"
  60. >Phew, at least you're not completely crazy.
  61. "George Washington," you state, jokingly.
  62. >"Nope!" she giggled, her hold on you growing.
  63. "Princess Celestia."
  64. >"I wish."
  65. >You would have shaken your head were it not being held in place by Pinkie.
  66. "Evil Emperor Zurg."
  67. >"Not even close!"
  68. "Pinkie Pie, I know it's you," you finally say.
  69. >That joke was starting to get old.
  70. >"Wow, you're way off."
  71. >Wait what.
  72. "Then who the fuck-"
  73. >It's about this time that you noticed that your feet were no longer on the ground.
  74. >...
  75. >Wait WHAT.
  76. "WHY ARE MY FEET NOT ON THE GROUND?" you yell out of fear.
  77. >"C'mon, Nonny, don'tcha recognize me?" asked the pony that was apparently not Pinkie.
  78. "APPARENTLY NOT."
  79. >You struggle to break free, not even caring that you're gonna fall.
  80. >However, you're soon restrained by the hoof that was formerly on your eyes.
  81. >Okay.
  82. >Thank FUCK you can at least see clearly.
  83. >You look down.
  84. "Don't look down~"
  85. >Too fucking late for that.
  86. >Yep, sure enough you're in the fucking air.
  87. >How the fuck-
  88. "If you're not Pinkie then who the fuck-"
  89. >"Pinkie" turned your body around so she could see you face to face.
  90. >And...well..
  91. "Surprise!"
  92. "What? What happen?"
  93. >"That's my name, silly!"
  94. >Oh.
  95. "Oh."
  96. >Okay, that's-
  97. "Wait what."
  98. >Sure enough, it's a pony that looks almost exactly like Pinkie.
  99. >If Pinkie were blonde and white and a fucking pegasus.
  100. >Okay.
  101. >You take a minute to let that sink in.
  102. >This is Ponk.
  103. >Except she's calling herself Surprise for some reason.
  104. >And she's also a pegasus and not pink.
  105. >You shook your head.
  106. "Okay, Pink- I mean, Surprise. What in the WORLD is going on?"
  107. >"Well, okay so I woke up at like 6 in the morning to get supplies for the party later this evening, and-"
  108. "No I mean, like-"
  109. >But before you could stop her, she started to ramble.
  110. >"-and then I went back to Sugarcube Corner to help Mr. and Mrs. Cake with baking and-"
  111. "Pinkie."
  112. >"THEN I went with Applejack to go visit-"
  113. "PINKIE!" you yell.
  114. >After she stops rambling, you finish what you were trying to say.
  115. "Where AM I?"
  116. >"Riiight here!"
  117. >FUCKS SAKE
  118. "Okay, y'know what? I need answers, you're not getting them to me. I know for a fact you're not answering them. Where's Twilight?"
  119. >She pointed to where a hole in the ground should be.
  120. >There's no hole in the ground.
  121. >There IS a treehouse, though.
  122. >Not a castle, a treehouse.
  123. >You don't remember ever seeing one of those in Equestria.
  124. >"She's at home. Wait..."
  125. >She narrowed her eyes.
  126. >"Weren't you doing an experiment with her earlier this morning?"
  127. "Actually, yes, but I think something went horribly wrong."
  128. >She shrugged. "She tends to do that."
  129. >No kidding.
  130. >"Ooh! We should go visit her and tell her everything's just super-dandy!"
  131. >Before you can say otherwise you find yourself whisked away to Not-Friendship Castle.
  132. >The interior of what you're dubbing Starbutt Treehouse is pretty much what you'd expect from a house built into a giant-ass tree.
  133. >Roomy as fuck, candle-lit, wood all over the place.
  134. >Feels kinda cozy, you gotta admit.
  135. >Once you and Surprise landed in the front door, you look around.
  136. >Books are littered all across the shelves.
  137. >MAN, Twilight's got a problem.
  138. >"TWILIGHT!" yelled Surprise. "YOU IN THERE?!"
  139. >You hear a quiet voice come from upstairs.
  140. >"Shhh! Surprise, you're in a library!"
  141. >Alright, here goes nothing.
  142. "YEAH, BLONDIE, SHUT THE HELL UP!"
  143. >Surprise looked at you in shock, prompting you to wonder what you said.
  144. >Usually that gets Pinkie to chuckle.
  145. >"'Blondie?' Not even -you- call me that."
  146. "Well, see, there's a reason-"
  147. >You hear a couple of hoofsteps come bounding down the stairs.
  148. >And that's when you see her.
  149. >A pink unicorn with white hair, with a dark purple streak.
  150. >That CAN'T be Twilight.
  151. >"Anon? You're alright!" she says, in the normal Twilight voice.
  152. >OH GOD IT IS.
  153. >Okay, play it cool.
  154. >Gather as much info as you possibly can.
  155. >Assess the situation.
  156. >Don't fuck this up.
  157. "Uhhh..."
  158. >I said don't fuck this up.
  159. "Okay, this is gonna be incredibly awkward."
  160. >"Well? Where did the spell send you?"
  161. >Okay, so she sent "Anon" to somewhere.
  162. >She's assuming you're HIM.
  163. "Well, here's the thing. The teleportation spell sent me to Sweet Apple Acres."
  164. >She tilted her head.
  165. "Y'know, the apple farm?"
  166. >"You're thinking of Big Apple Orchard."
  167. >Oh great.
  168. "Whatever. Problem is, you didn't cast that spell. Someone else did."
  169. >She blinked. "Oh? So wait...you were at the Golden Oak when I cast the spell. It sent you to Big Apple Orchard, but you remember somepony else doing it."
  170. "Yeah. Someone else named Twilight. See, here's the problem - I'm Anon, but I'm not actually -your- Anon."
  171. >They gasped. "T-Then...where are you from?"
  172. >You paused for dramatic effect.
  173. "I am from another world. Another Equestria."
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