World Wahhhh Burst S3

[19:41:14] <Henriette> Some time after the girls return through the portal, Henriette stands outside of Cille's room, staring blankly at her feet. Her fingers twist and turn together nervously. For the fourth time or so, she raises a gently curled hand to rap on Cille's door, but like the previous three times, she hesitates. Finally, her knuckles knock against the wood, and she stands there waiting, rubbing
[19:41:14] <Henriette> her other arm uncertainly, near tears (which has been par for the course lately).
[19:54:10] <Cille_Lund> Cille, after finishing her breakfast (and having lunch immediately after), had stuck herself in her room. She might not be sobbing in there, but...well, if it weren't for Lily, she'd have been in a super awful mood, but now it's just really bad! On hearing the knock from within (at long last!), she opens the door, and...proceeds to take a seat on her bed! "Suppose you want to talk to me about something?" ...To be honest, she doesn't even have a guess as to what EXACTLY it is? Probably something about Vladko, but...she's not quite sure as to what. It's getting harder to tell!
[20:03:46] <Henriette> "Cille..." she starts, but she stops, continuing to stare at her feet. She can't bring herself to look at the other girl. "Non. An apology is... May I come in?"
[20:06:18] <Cille_Lund> "...You can. I mean...er, whatever it is you have to say, I imagine it would be bad for everyone if you kept it inside." She can still make reasonable guesses, at least!
[20:13:13] <Henriette> Following her in, Henriette continues quietly. It's a farcry from her normal brash loudness. It's far from maternal, even far from mature. It's more like a child who has broken a prized vase. "An apology is insuffisant. I feel... err... I do not believe there is an Albaean word for it. In Gaulian, we would say 'nuisible'. Perhaps... 'toxic' is the best word. When we were given command,
[20:13:13] <Henriette> Lily and I, over this flight, I was excited to be charge. I wanted to ensure the safety of my flight as... as my superiors did for me, though I did not like it." She pauses for a moment, letting the words echo into silence. "Mais I do not know how to feel now. I have done you... and the others... a terrible disservice. I have allowed a prisoner with far too much knowledge about our powers
[20:13:13] <Henriette> and vulnerabilities to escape back into his homeland. I nearly jeopardized all of my flightmates on multiple occasions. Naida and Lily were ready to kill him, which would have been the proper decision, but I stopped that too."
[20:13:53] <Henriette> Quiet again, she finishes with... "Mais the worst pain in my chest is that I have wounded your trust in me. Irrevocably, I fear."
[20:25:41] <Cille_Lund> She considers all these words! "...Hm...to be fair, you did not start with much trust. Considering the current position of Cimbria, that is, smothered by Albaea in the name of protection, your blood would certainly need to be watched. Of course, it's...sort of obvious that I don't pay attention to that sort of thing all too much, but even so, the very first thing I saw you doing was...well, the tub incident. And between that and the attitude, it...didn't have far to fall." She sighs. Before, she didn't feel quite as free to say such things! Now she's pretty much got nothing to lose. She pauses for a while, seeing if she has a reaction to THEM ACCUSATIONS. Silently judging.
[20:36:01] <Henriette> She winces at the mention of the tub incident, but her eyes continue to bore a hole into the floor. "... and I was mistaken to believe I had any to begin with. Yet another of my faults." Her mouth moves as if to say more, but no words come. "I imagine this will not be taken lightly by our superiors, mais the burden of guilt will be mine alone to bear. I want you to know that. I did not
[20:36:01] <Henriette> trust that man. I do not know if I do now, but I trust you, and it hurt too much to think of taking you both back where I could... as he said to me... 'not protect you from my own', so I have done as I hope is best so that you will be protected from my own, C-cille..." She stumbles on the name.
[20:50:54] <Cille_Lund> "...And I suppose I should note that despite...my instant liking to him, I held as much distrust as I was able. ...But, even so, I ended up trusting him more than anyone else here...even more than Lily, as he wasn't quite twisted by magic to do insane things from time to time. And call me a fool for doing that if you must, but I still do trust him a lot, regardless of...where he stands. That said, despite you not thinking the same, you still let him go, and to have acted against your own principles even with the consequences in mind...the signifigance of that doesn't elude me." BIG WORDS, but she totally knows em.
[20:52:14] <Cille_Lund> "For that, I still have to thank you. ...And apologize, for putting you through it. S-sorry about all this."
[20:59:49] <Henriette> "D-don't apologize to me, Cille..." Henriette says, tearing up. "I... I don't deserve that. I wasn't thinking of you at first. N-not really. I do not know that I really ever have before now. Protecting you from them was for my own self-righteous goals, and when suddenly we had one in our home, I did not know what to do. I wanted to be the leader and take charge, but I am too weak to kill
[20:59:49] <Henriette> a defenseless man with my own hands. During that battle where we captured him, I... I could not even kill that other pilot. I... I had Naida do it in my place." Her voice nears a whisper. "Did you know I have destroyed sixteen airplanes since I became a pilot? Each must have been flown by as many as four men. That means I have killed at least thirty people. I should be proud to have
[20:59:49] <Henriette> served my country. It is what they told me to do, mais... I feel empty, Cille. I do not know the names or faces of a single one of them, and each of them must have been there for the same reason I was..." She stops to scrunch up her face and ball her fists in anger. "Because they were told to be there."
[21:37:04] <Cille_Lund> HEAVY STUFF. "...This is...sort of hard to take in, but...to think about it too hard might drive one mad. What started the mess from my end was me trying to find a middle ground. I...had to accept that the people that I was fighting were ready to die. And that probably wasn't far from the truth. Whether they believe in what they're fighting for, or were told to be there if they wanted to live. All I could do was see if someone stuck out from the crowd, someone that seemed different. ...Well, I certainly found that person, that's for sure, but...I suppose considering the events that occured, there really isn't any saving to be done. It is a war. We have to fight, and the blood we spill...could very well have been coerced into the situation, one way or another. Vladko joined the army because the war destroyed all the job opportunities he studied for in the university you caught us in, he was deep in debt, poor to begin with, and the signing bonus seems to have been massive. He hadn't much of a choice."
[21:43:04] <Cille_Lund> "If there's anyone I can really singlemindedly hate, it would be the very higher ups involved. The ones in Albaea are strangling Cimbria. The ones in Novgoraad seem to have recently risen to power as the result of a rebellion, and have taken to both quelling rebellions, perhaps from the very people that had paved the way for them, and are now recklessly attempting to expand their territory. In fact, that university was empty because they were closing it down due to it 'promoting subversive ideas'. Of course, higher ups are much harder to shoot, and we're stuck in a defensive position. From here, we'll only be able to shoot the wrong kind of people. Will this even help? Perhaps they're fortifying Cimbria so the Novs change to another place to go, and the Albaeans will proceed to strangle another country in the name of...well, themselves?"
[21:45:01] <Cille_Lund> "...Pardon me for getting long-winded, there. But what I want to say is...while I am prepared to do what I must, I would like to do it in the name of ending the war, and little more. Patriotism be damned, I just want everyone to stop shooting each other. ...Of course, this is hard to do from here, and I don't like it."
[21:45:30] <Cille_Lund> "...Long-winded? ...I think I rambled. I'm not even sure anymore." She shakes her head. All those words.
[22:50:03] <Henriette> "I thought... I thought that they wouldn't lead us astray. I was naive." She sniffs. "I thought that we were protecting our homeland. The Novgoraadi must all come with their ill intentions to destroy what we hold dear. I... romanticized it..." More fist balling. She clenches them so hard the knuckles are white as a sheet. "Like everything. I'm doing it now. I know it, mais... Patriotism
[22:50:03] <Henriette> is important to me. I cannot return to Gaulia now, I am sure. Albaea became my home, et now Cimbria is." She smiles at Cille suddenly, a wan, tired, corners-barely-pulled-up look that still doesn't meet her eyes. "Et I have no family left but you and the other girls." The smile disappears. "That is why I regret not being better to you, Cille... Maybe things will improve once they relieve
[22:50:03] <Henriette> me of command..."
[23:10:48] <Cille_Lund> "...But in the end, we are doing something not unlike that. Like any soldier, they have to follow orders. The consequences of failure are dire, and the consequences of disobeying are probably worse. Both sides that have pressured us...new recruits into this mess seem to have their moral faults...but it is clear that we still have to fight if we want to help end this, because we're against a higher force that has ill intent...or if I use all of my optimism, very, very misguided. Alas, our more immediate foes have no real choice in the matter, and thinking that a majority of them are fighting for something that isn't right might be all we can do to stay sane about our position."
[23:14:29] <Cille_Lund> "...And thus, for all it's worth, if we were actually advancing, perhaps I'd feel better about this. But, here we are."
[23:14:34] <Henriette> "I know..." is Henriette's only answer.
[23:17:43] <Henriette> She stares at her feet again, despondent. "I fear it will not matter much longer... for me, anyway. They won't let me remain here after this, I'm sure. Willfully allowing the prisoner to escape is equivalent to treason. The punishment for treason is... death."
[23:23:02] <Cille_Lund> "...You can always fail to leave out some details. Magic is weird, and unless they've eyes and ears right here or all the way in Novgoraad, you can go nuts with the explanations."
[23:23:48] <Cille_Lund> "...I sincerely doubt they have them in the middle of an abandoned academy, and if they have them right here, we're all probably in a spot more awful than we realized."
[23:25:42] <Cille_Lund> "...In which case, I would refuse to let you die, even if it meant I put myself at risk. If Albaea wants to execute you, they can answer to me. I've no loyalty to them, in fact I'm pretty sure I'm not even getting paid."
[23:32:04] <Henriette> "You would ask me to lie about what has happened?" Suddenly, Henriette gives Cille a sharp glare. "I may not be intelligent- I know that much- mais I would... never act against my country..." She's quiet again. "Mais I have. I have permitted his escape. I enabled it..." Then a spark of realization. "Y-you what? Mais... after what I have done to you, you should let me hang, Cille. It
[23:32:04] <Henriette> is the... what I deserve."
[23:48:11] <Cille_Lund> Cille, gone full words mode. She's hardly even thinking about her posture anymore! "No, no. You're staying alive. After what you've done to me, what you did deserve is some sort of verbal thrashing. ...And you've already put yourself through enough of that. If you die, we'll be one short on the battlefield if we manage to figure out what to actually do to STOP it, Lily will have to grieve over your loss, and your death will effectively be my fault, which is not something I want hanging on my shoulders. I am not letting you die while you're starting to open your eyes, especially not over saving an innocent life!" She continues to insist Vladko ain't a jerk.
[00:00:05] <Henriette> Henriette promptly starts crying. Full on waterworks. "How does everyone else realize these things when I do not? I-it's not fair... I can't even serve my country properly by accepting my punishment. I must choose Lily and Naida and Rosalyne and yourself or Albaea. If I give myself up, I will be denying them my strength even if I deny them my stupidite. They made me the leader when...
[00:15:43] <Cille_Lund> And now she's making Henriette cry! ...And it is a situation where nothing is OK, thus it's perfectly OK to cry, as she poses questions and statements that she cannot in good conscience refute. ...In addition, she's the one that Henriette faulted the most, making her one of the worst people to comfort her during this kind of situation (it's sort of like going to the mother of an infant you ran over to beg forgiveness right after running it over). Also, two out of three other people would probably make this situation worse, so if anyone walks in this is very likely to spiral downwards horribly. ...Well, shit. This is why the party needs Lily.
[00:17:42] <Cille_Lund> Cille, with no idea how to help this situation get any better than the awful thing that it is right now, with a side of 'traumatic situations still happened recently', curls up in an emotional stress-ball!
[00:17:51] <Henriette> And yet it would make the most difference for the person that Henriette faulted the most to comfort her. :3c
[00:18:15] <Henriette> [Whoops, did I say that in the in-character channel whoopsmybad]
[00:19:18] <Cille_Lund> Of course, when someone's used to being useless and isn't having the best time, this sort of thing happens naturally.
[00:24:40] <Henriette> Eventually, Henriette's sobs turn into nothing more than a quiet whisper as the tears run themselves dry. In the dead silence of the room, her mumbles about "...not fit to lead..." and "...disappointing the others..." can barely be heard over the rustle of wind against the shutters. Finally, when all has died away, Henriette says in a croaking voice, nothing more than a hoarse whisper,
[00:24:40] <Henriette> "Cille... what do I do now? How do I... Is it possible for... for me to... for you to..." She trails off, unable to find the words that all seem so inappropriate for anyone in her position to even consider uttering.
[00:27:34] <Lily_Blevins> KNOCK KNOCK
[00:27:55] <Henriette> [HONK HONK]
[00:28:03] <Cille_Lund> [WHO'S THERE]
[00:29:04] <Cille_Lund> "Y-you can come in..." Bawling Henriette and curled up Cille. Fun times!
[00:30:13] <Lily_Blevins> Lily craaaacks the door open to check in.  "Are you okay Cille and oh wow Henriette too do you two need anything should I make food or um...okay."  She walks in.  She's wearing the same sundress she put on near the end of her last conversation with Cille.
[00:33:30] <Cille_Lund> "T-this is why we had to talk before I grasped the situation. ...I am doing that and it is terrible, and Henriette fares worse."
[00:36:19] * Henriette hides her face from Lily. The shame of her position is astronomical. Too many judging eyes now. Nope. Done.
[00:38:27] <Lily_Blevins> She sits down on the...the bed?  Yeah, the bed.  And looks over the two of them.  "I think what we need is an outing or something some kind o fbreak from all this work and something to take our minds off this because all we ever do is think about the hard stuff and I mean that stuff is important but it's all we have around us constantly so it's bearing us down!  ...does that sound right
[00:38:27] <Lily_Blevins> to you two?"
[00:45:36] <Cille_Lund> "I...that...while that is a good idea and we could all using an outing, I don't know if Henriette is even capable of having a good time right now, and I think Rosalyne wants to mentally impale me."
[00:47:46] <Cille_Lund> *use
[00:49:10] <Henriette> Henriette doesn't respond. She can barely look over her knees at the other girls. Her eyes flick from Cille to Lily, still unsure what to say or what to even do.
[00:52:06] <Lily_Blevins> "Also we need money, whether for outings or just keeping ourselves fed and all so I was thinking we could ask Naida how we could help set up this place as an actual bar, maybe if we did some other kind of work it'd take our mind off the more stressful stuff? And besides, we need something to do whenever we're not blowing up planes since all we do is sit around and wait for them to try
[00:52:06] <Lily_Blevins> and blow us up again!"
[00:57:18] <Cille_Lund> NNNNNNNN. There are so much things wrong with that sentence (it's all one sentence) that she visibly curls up and tips over. ...The state doesn't last for long, but damn was it ever there. She returns to a sitting position and takes a really deep breath.
[01:05:39] * BigTentacruel ([email protected]) has joined #WorldWarBurst
[01:07:31] * BigTentacruel is now known as Lt_LeClair
[01:07:37] <Cille_Lund> "You probably don't know why right now but hearing all of those ideas at that speed was kind of painful to hear, and that while thinking about the situation less would make things easier for everyone, that was proof enough that I need to explain at least a few things as quickly as I can muster. ...First off, Henriette feels like a failure as a leader, in between being responsible for the tub incident, her general attitude, every single part of how she handled Vladko-including letting him go, she's stressing out over being a traitor-and I find myself at a loss as to how to comfort someone when I've seen little good out of them, and the good is its own bag of worms. I know she means well now, and I forgive her for putting me--really, us through all this, but..."
[01:08:27] <Lily_Blevins> Lily's expression contorts into a grimace.
[01:09:06] <Lt_LeClair> The eyes that were wondering quickly shutter away behind curled arms. All for naught~ It'll never improve at this rate!
[01:14:33] <Lily_Blevins> Lily's dress seems frillier than what she usually wears, and she grabs at some of the frills as she thinks.  "Okay.  Henriette.  What we need to do is work together as leaders to rectify it because it's just as much my fault as yours I mean I went nuts and tried throwing him off a cliff that's awful even if I had a contingency to make him survive it!  I'm just as guilty of us not having
[01:14:33] <Lily_Blevins> anything productive to do in our time off and that's why I'm proposing it because the both of us need to both work on this instead of doing it halfway or just letting Naida do whatever she wants and not help her and all and..."  Lily grabs Henriette's shoulders and starts shaking.  "I know you feel awful but I feel awful too and I think the only way either of us you or me is going to
[01:14:33] <Lily_Blevins> unawful is by working together so get ahold of yourself!"
[01:21:36] <Lt_LeClair> Henriette makes a sound somewhere between a mouse squeak and a creaking rocking chair. "It does not matter!" she quails. "She said it herself. I have only caused trouble since we arrived, and I do not know what to do. I do not want to make decisions, Lily! Je ruin them! J'ai mal au coeur. Et... et... I can do nothing to change that."
[01:23:48] <Lily_Blevins> "The only way to get good at making decisions is to make bad ones so you know those are bad in the future!"
[01:27:18] <Lt_LeClair> "And further cement the belief that I am not only incapable but dangerous as well?" She stares at the blank wall, searching for anything but Cille's and Lily's eyes to look at.
[01:29:39] <Cille_Lund> Thankfully, Cille has averted her gaze downwards. It is hard to meet!
[01:33:04] <Lily_Blevins> Lily's looking straight into her eyes.  "Gauging the consequences of your choices is hard I know I mean remember back in Ternwald when I took the prisoner and screwed everything up that was the worst I mean I would've been okay with it if I had had to take responsibility for it but no Stranahan had to and I made her leave I made her leave and I also indirectly made the thing that I've
[01:33:04] <Lily_Blevins> never seen but heard about and that thing's messing up Albaea right now and there's nothing I can do about it and then I took another prisoner and I mean this time it technically didn't screw up things quite as badly as it did last time but I'M NOT TAKING PRISONERS AGAIN I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON and I'm sure you've learned something too that will make you better at decision making and
[01:33:04] <Lily_Blevins> you're already realizing how bad you've screwed up which is good because that's how you unscrew up okay?"
[01:39:06] <Lt_LeClair> "And who will tke the fall this time, Lily?" she answers. "They won't let it go this time. Let me do that much... If it means keeping the rest of you away from harm, I want to accept my punishment." She sniffs. "I can understand how everyone sees me now. Cille made that clear, et... I do not even know how to BEGIN to make it up to her except by taking the fall."
[01:39:40] <Lily_Blevins> "They don't have to know!  We disposed of the prisoner, didn't we?"
[01:42:03] <Lt_LeClair> "I won't lie to them!"
[01:42:38] <Lily_Blevins> "That's not lying!  It's true, you got rid of the prisoner!"
[01:43:20] <Lily_Blevins> "Where none of the locals will never find him!"
[01:43:31] <Lily_Blevins> *ever
[01:48:41] <Lt_LeClair> "We- no, I set him free in some unknown region in Novgoraadi territory. In their eyes, I will have helped a prisoner escape. I will have not followed conduct regarding those under my command. They will tell me I should have killed him when I had the chance, and they are right! I did not because... because... I could not do that to Cille." She pushes Lily away. "And yet I am still no better than dirt to anyone here!"
[01:49:27] <Lily_Blevins> "You are much better than dirt, and they have no way to prove you wrong if you say you disposed of the prisoner."
[01:50:25] <Lily_Blevins> She grabs Henriette and tries to hug her.
[01:50:43] <Lily_Blevins> "Don't ever say you're worth nothing!"
[01:56:03] <Lt_LeClair> More shoving away. "I let him go because I care about Cille. If I lie to anyone about that, I will have soiled that decision. I let him go because any other situation would have put Cille jeopardy with our own superiors. This is how is has to be!"
[01:57:06] <Lily_Blevins> Lily pauses.  "Soil, huh."
[02:01:21] <Lily_Blevins> "You know what we'd have without soil?  Nothing.  The flowers wouldn't grow, the animals wouldn't have flowers to eat, and the people wouldn't have animals or flowers to eat.  Soil and water are the most basic essentials for life, for rebuilding and growing and changing.  And guess what.  Me and you are the soil and water this group needs to function.  If you go off sacrificing yourself
[02:01:21] <Lily_Blevins> like that, martyring yourself for your ideals, there'll be even fewer people here to protect the town, to prevent more children from becoming orphans like Ingra, and to give this country, this entire side of the war hope.  You want to just throw that away, and leave me and Cille and Naida and Rosalyne out in the cold?  I understand you're doing this for Cille but do realize that you can
[02:01:22] <Lily_Blevins> do a lot more for Cille here by helping here and all of us keep going!"
[02:04:04] <Lt_LeClair> "Argh! La langue Albaean me trahit aussi!" She smacks at the wall with a clenched fist. "Je veux entendre dire que Cille. Je veux l'entendre me dire qu'elle croit tout ce que vous dites!"
[02:05:35] <Lily_Blevins> Lily's mouth stays slightly open, her expression going to one of confusion.
[02:10:56] * Lt_LeClair simply looks directly at Cille with an hopeful, pleading look in her eyes. The question was never answered~ "What should I do, Cille?"
[02:15:35] <Lily_Blevins> *her
[02:26:01] <Cille_Lund> Cille's curling up re-intensifies the moment she starts speaking in a really foreign language. Sadly, she only knows two languages. Albaean, and the one she spoke when she started to ruin everything by thinking too hard and wanting to do something nice, resulting in this entire situation. The gravity of it, tis crushing. "I...well, more than anything else right now, I can't bear to see you beat yourself up anymore. I don't know what we're going to do about our...current situation, for it is complex and maddening, but I do know that you are worth a lot more than you're making yourself out to be! Sure, so far, it's been a string of failures, but as Lily said, from our failures, we can grow, and I can tell that you can do that! There's a lot of people that just blame others and refuse to learn, but I can tell you're better than that!"
[02:30:59] <Lt_LeClair> Like a taut rope suddenly gone slack, Henriette sighs and leans against the wall heavily, eyes blankly staring at nothing. "I suppose I have no choice then... I will just do as you say then..."
[02:38:43] <Lily_Blevins> "Listen Henriette, it's going to be okay.  You, and me, and everyone else here is gonna' make it okay, okay?"
[02:44:32] * Lt_LeClair nods solemnly. "If you say so..."
[02:45:18] <Lily_Blevins> "But we have to work hard to make sure everything is okay, so are you with me?  I know you can do it, all of us can do it."
[02:46:10] <Lt_LeClair> "Oui..."
[02:49:08] <Lily_Blevins> Lily offers Henriette a hand.  "C'mon.  Stand up and face me and tell me you're going to work hard to make everything better."
[02:49:47] <Cille_Lund> The depression in the air is so thick, it seems even Lily has a hard time getting through it. Fun times. The bright side, suppose she isn't suicidal. She'd hate to see that getting popular. The dark side, everything else.
[02:55:03] <Lt_LeClair> She stares at the hand. Lily's been there for her the whole time, but her eyes keep flicking over to Cille and even once to the other girls' rooms. If things are going to improve, it's going to take more than Lily believing. "Oui, Lily, ma cherie. You are right. You're always right, it seems." She takes the hand and pulls the girl into a hug, looking over Lily's shoulder at Cille. "Cille... I want to... to make things better
[02:58:28] <Lily_Blevins> She hugs Henriette tight.  "I can't be the fairy that makes everyone's dreams come true if I'm not always right, can I?"
[03:02:47] <Cille_Lund> Cille gets up. She can't just sit there if she wants to at least attempt to make this god-awful situation slightly better! Rather, it ought start with a good hugging. ...She can't think of anything to say at this point. All she can do is proceed to make this a group hug! ...And start tearing up, if only a little. ...Sniff.
[03:04:32] <Lt_LeClair> </mini>