Monsters & Mazes (Warlock version)

You decide to be the Warlock. They're pretty cool.
Britt hands you the figure of your choice.
It's a cloaked figure identical to Britt's.

Angus hands you your character sheet and dice. You look over your stats, and as far as you can remember, they're typical for your class.

eddie "Kinda sucks that the only people who like RPGs in this town are like, way older than me."
britt "I'm pretty much the same age."
eddie "Yeah but, like, that's it?"
eddie "My mom doesn't actually know you two are, like, over twenty. 'Cause that would sound weird, don't you think?"
angus "Call it adult supervision."
angus "Anyway… is everyone ready?"

The group nods eagerly. Eddie reaches for a handful of snack mix and loudly munches on it. Gregg takes another sip of his ale.

eddie "Yeah."
player "As ready as I'll ever be."
britt "Indeed."
gregg "Let's go!!"
gregg "It's time to go on an adventure!"
angus "Ok then, let's get to it."

Angus clears his throat and straightens himself.

angus "You have arrived in a small village, where you have heard rumors of bandits who have kidnapped much of the local children."
player "And we're here to rescue them?"
angus "Exactly."
angus "Their parents are distraught, but are afraid of the bandits. They threaten to harm the children if they do not pay three bags of gold, but none among them have enough."
angus "They have tried to gather all their life's savings together, but they sadly fall short."
gregg "Such cruel miscreants these bandits be!!"
gregg "Let's save the children!"

Well that was some hokey dialogue.

angus "You are standing at the outskirts of the town. Villagers are milling about in the marketplace, and there is an inn nearby, where a tavern can be found."
angus "Further down the road is the town hall."
angus "What will you do to find the children?"

You look at your character sheet. You have a pretty high "Magic" stat, typical for a Warlock.

player "What if we, uh… summon… somebody? Somebody who can find them?"
britt "Or something?"
player "What would help?"
britt "We warlocks have allegiances with the underworld, they will help us."
player "You mean… demons?"
britt "Indeed."
player "Then… we'll summon demons to help us find the bandits."
gregg "Ooh, scary."
britt "Yes, they can surveil the town and find anyone hiding in the nooks and crannies."
eddie "Alright, but let's do it quick, so I can give those bandits a taste of my blade as soon as possible!"
player "I summon some demons to help us."
player "Er… in a quiet, secluded area so as to not disturb or frighten the locals."
britt "I will aid you. Two spellcasters is better than own."
angus "Roll for Magic to see if you successfully summon a demon."

Both you and Britt roll your dice, and you get pretty good numbers.

britt "Success!"
britt "A summoning circle appears in the earth, glowing with arcane magic."
angus "A haze of black smoke appears from the circle, as a hideous demon emerges."
angus "It's colored like dark stagnant water and covered in gnarly hair."

Angus puts on a snarling voice, almost sounding like death metal.

angus "Who dares summon me?"
gregg "Woah! Awesome voice!"
britt "You may call me Drearkor, Warlock of the Eastern Wastelands."
gregg "Call me Gregorious, dashing scoundrel of the Woods!"
gregg "My arrows shoot straight and true, like… like an arrow!"
player "Gregorious?"
angus "Oh right. Most of us are playing characters we've been playing for a while."
player "Ah, right."
eddie "I am Yüb, Barbarian of the Northern Mountains!"
player "And, uh, I'm…"

You realize you have no idea what to call yourself. You've never been a part of a proper adventuring party.
Not since you were a kid, anyway.

player "I'm… I'm Rorkat, Black Stormbeast!"
britt "…What?"
eddie "What the hell is a "black stormbeast"?"

You blush.

player "I dunno… those were the first words that came to my mind…"
player "It sounds cool, doesn't it?"
britt "Well, sure, but…"
gregg "I think it sounds awesome!"
player "Ok, ok… Rorkat the… Conjurer?"
eddie "Ok yeah, that sounds cool."
britt "Sounds morally ambiguous."
angus "Whatever you like, [newname]. I take it you haven't played a game like this in a while?"
player "Er, no. Not in years."
angus "Well, it's not that complicated. Ask me anything, if you're confused, and I'll try to catch you up."

Gregg takes another swig of pumpkin ale and passes the bottle to you.

player "Oh, um, thanks Gregg, but… I'm driving my motorcycle home, remember?"
gregg "Huh? Oh right. I forgot."

Eddie licks his lips, as if watching Gregg drink triggered his thirst.

eddie "Do we have anything to drink? This snack mix is kinda dry."
gregg "You want some of my pumpkin ale?"
eddie "Yeah."
angus "Gregg, he's underage. He can't have any."
eddie "Killjoy."
gregg "Yeah, total killjoy."
angus "Besides, would you want him to be caught by his mom with alcohol on his breath?"
eddie "…Dammit."
gregg "Then his mom's a killjoy!"
eddie "Hey! That's my mom you're talking about! You want me to get into trouble?"
gregg "Ugh, fine. More for me, then."
gregg "Unless Britt wants some?"
britt "Uhh, no thanks. I prefer wine."
gregg "Whatever…"
angus "You drink wine?"
britt "Only sometimes!"
angus "Well no matter, because we're not serving anyone under 21."
gregg "I drank my first beer when I was eighteen…"
eddie "Hey, are we gonna talk about booze or are we gonna keep playing?"

Gregg takes another drink.
What's happening here? You've never seen Angus and Gregg argue before.
You'd gotten the impression that they were very happy.

angus "I have some sodas in the fridge."
angus "…Seems like Gregg forgot to bring them out."
gregg "…Alright, alright, sorry I forgot the sodas, ok??"
angus "…It's fine."

You can tell that it isn't fine.
The two of them exchange a look. You have no idea what that look means, but it makes you nervous.
Angus briskly stands up and goes to get the sodas. When he returns, Eddie cracks one open and acts as if nothing happened.

angus "Anyway…"

Angus goes back into character.

angus "What do you want of me, mortals who have the power to call upon me?"
britt "We'll give the short version. There are bandits hiding somewhere outside of town."
angus "And you want me to find them to seek revenge?"
player "More or less."
angus "Do you wish me to destroy them for you?"
player "Er… no, not exactly."
angus "Perhaps it is just as well. You would owe me a debt otherwise."
britt "All we want is for you to find them. We shall take care of the rest."
angus "Very well."
angus "I will call upon the aid of some of my… friends."
angus "The demon vanishes."
player "Hopefully it does what we ask…"
eddie "Demons are known to be deceitful creatures."
player "So now what? Do we just wait?"
gregg "Yeah! I don't want those bandits to stay hidden much longer!"
angus "The demon suddenly reappears in a burst of flame."
gregg "GAAAAAHHH!!"
angus "Uh…"
angus "Oh, did I surprise you? It was not my intention."
angus "…Or was it?"
eddie "Cut the comedy and tell where you've found the bandits."
angus "Very well. The bandits you seek are the woods, to the east."
angus "I advise that you be… cautious. They are… stronger than they seem."
eddie "I doubt that they can survive a blow to the head with my axe."
angus "They may surprise you."
angus "The demon disappears yet again, this time for good."
gregg "Dammit! Didn't get in a final quip!"
player "Ok everyone, we have a lead. We need to get to the woods straight away."
gregg "I head towards the east!"
player "Hey, wait up!"
player "I, uh… hurriedly follow after him."
eddie "Ditto."
gregg "You guys, hurry up!"
angus "As you work your way through the crowd, the houses begin to thin out, and you see farmhouses on the horizon."
britt "I start huffing as I try to catch up with him."
eddie "Ditto."
angus "There's only a few houses left, and then the street ends at the beginning of a large field."
britt "Gregorious, hadn't you better save that energy for when we must fight the bandits?"
gregg "I thought you were as impatient as me, Drearkor!"
gregg "This dumb plot has just barely started! I want action!!"

Gregg suddenly stands up to strike a dramatic pose, but winds up nearly knocking over his beer.
He barely catches it, and some of the fluid spills onto the table and soaks a corner of the map.

gregg "Oh crap, sorry…"
angus "Gregg, please! Be careful!"
gregg "Ok, ok…"

Gregg tries to wipe off the beer with his leather sleeve. All it does is spread it around.

angus "Use a napkin."
gregg "Ok! Geez!"

Gregg grabs a napkin and cleans up as quickly as possible, and tosses the soggy thing on the ground.

angus "Not on the floor!"
gregg "Ok, damn!"
britt "Guys, calm down. We're here to have fun, remember?"
gregg "Yeah, Angus."
angus "She means both of us. Sorry everyone, I guess I'm not in the best of moods right now."
gregg "You can say that again."
angus "…And you're not helping."
gregg "…Sorry."

This is definitely souring the mood. And making the game drag on longer than it should.
Gregg picks up his trash and tosses it in a wastebasket, and sits back down.

gregg "Let's just go."
gregg "I head towards the woods."

angus "You walk across the field, and when you reach the edge of the woods, the sun has set, making them very dark. You can't see very far into it."
player "That must be where they're hiding."
britt "Surely we'll find the bandits' hideout if we continue east?"
gregg "It could. Or it could be a dead end."
eddie "Umm… why do you say that?"

Gregg doesn't seem to have heard the question.

player "Uh… should we try to navigate our way through it?"
eddie "We could try."
player "Um… alright, let's try it. It's not *too* dark, right?"
angus "Roll for Intelligence to find your way through, everyone."

Everyone rolls their dice. You all roll high numbers, except for Gregg, who rolls a 2.

gregg "Dammit!"

He takes a big chug of beer, exhaling loudly and spreading the smell across the table.
Eddie wrinkles his nose. Gregg belches.
Everyone tries to pretend nothing happened.

angus "You manage to get fairly far without getting lost for a few minutes."
angus "Except for Gregorious, who mostly runs into trees."
gregg "…Wha-?"
angus "But then the sun disappears behind the horizon, making it too dark to see."

gregg "Pff. I was runnin' into trees." *drunken smile*
britt "Worry not, Gregorious, for your arrow will take down many a foe!"
gregg "Yeah, I just point my arrow and shoot it, an' everything will be fine."

Gregg laughs for some reason, a snorting, snickering sound, and polishes off the bottle in one swallow.

gregg "Here's to new foes!"
britt "Huh?"
gregg "To new foes! To new friends! Long live the King!"

Gregg falls silent for a moment.

gregg "The straight, pointy arrow guy needs another drink…"

He stands up awkwardly, causing the chair he's sitting on to make a dreadful screeching sound. He spins around and grabs another bottle of pumpkin ale from a cooler in the kitchen, and returns with it already open.

gregg "Ok, but… what if we're outarmed? Er… outnumbered? Like before?"
angus "…Before?"
gregg "Uhh… nevermind."
eddie "Outarmed? Is that a real word?"
britt "I'm not sure."
britt "Why do you ask, friend?"
gregg "Well, I have my bow an' arrow, and you have your axe…"
player "And I have arrows too."
gregg "Ok, but… all Mr. Wizard here has is her…"

Gregg waves his fingers around, presumably to mime the casting of a spell.

gregg "Oooooh…"
britt "I'm a Warlock, remember?"
gregg "Well… what's the difference anyway? They're both male."
britt "It's… mostly a difference in the style of magic."
britt "I thought you'd remember, we've played these characters before."
gregg "Is it important?"
britt "Not really. I just like the character."
gregg "…Oh."
eddie "I like the finer minutiae of the game as much as the next guy, but…"
angus "Anyway… like I said, it's too dark to see."
gregg "What now, Mr. Warlock? We can't see anything."
britt "We go in, I illuminate the area with a flame spell, and we see where the prints lead from here."
angus "Roll for Magic."

Britt rolls her dice, and comes up with a number somewhere in the middle.

angus "Your fireball is only decently sized, so it only creates a light in a seven foot radius around you."
gregg "…Too bad your fireballs aren't bigger, huh?"
britt "…Excuse me?"

Gregg snorts again and takes another large drink. Everyone ignores him.

player "Um… let's go."
player "I walk forward into the woods."
angus "You see a thin winding trail before you. There are more footprints and signs of someone dragging a large object."
britt "Follow me, everyone. I see a trail!"
eddie "Do you suppose that's where the child was dragged in a bag?"
gregg "Dragged in a bag. That almost rhymes."
eddie "Er, yes it does."
eddie "But if that's the case, there are even crueler than I surmised!"
eddie "We begin to follow the path."
angus "It twists and turns in a zigzag, and despite never losing sight of it, you begin feel as lost as a person could feel in these woods."
gregg "How can we feel lost when we're still on th' trail…?"
angus "You… you can't see where the woods begin nor where they end."
gregg "Oh. I see."

Gregg seems to drift off, as if trying to think.

eddie "Keep your eyes open, you never know if there are bandits hiding in the darkness…"
angus "You keep your eyes open and continue, but it's at this point you notice a large shadow in front of you."
player "AAAAAAAA!"

Eddie seems startled by your shout, but quickly brushes it off.

player "I raise my wand and aim it cautiously!"

Gregg yawns.

britt "I stop in my tracks, and prepare to fire my magic flame, just in case."
eddie "I raise my axe, ready for battle!"
eddie "Who goes there?"
angus "The figure steps forward, into the light."
angus "It's a huge, hulking wolf, carrying a spiked club. He pats it into his palm menacingly, and he glares at you through his black mask."
eddie "It's a bandit!"
eddie "Get out of our way, child snatcher! Or else face our wrath!"

Angus puts on a low growling voice, unlike his usual softer tones, although it's not as scary as his demon voice.

angus "Your quest ends here. You're not going any further!"
gregg "Ooh, that's your hardcore punk voice!"
angus "Umm… yes."
angus "The giant bandit raises his club and prepares to bring it down upon your heads."
gregg "Pff, we'll take care of this."
gregg "I whip out my bow and arrow and fire!"
angus "Skill check."
gregg "What?"
angus "Roll the dice, Gregg."
gregg "Oh right."

Gregg rolls his dice. He comes up with a 3.

gregg "Crap!"
angus "You miss the bandit entirely. He laughs at you, a big, booming sound."
gregg "What?? That's not fair!"
angus "The wolf tries to smash you with his club."

Britt and Eddie roll their dice. You're not sure why, but you do it as well anyway.
The numbers are good this time.

angus "You're able to dodge the bandit's crushing blow. You duck and dive out of the way, and the club smashes a tree instead, knocking it over and causing leaves to fly everywhere."
angus "Stay still, puny heroes!"
angus "He lumbers around, trying to swing at you."
britt "He's slow! Keep moving everyone!"
angus "Roll for Agility, everyone!"

The others roll, getting high numbers.
You roll your dice. You come up with a 2.

player "Ouch."
angus "Your agility isn't the best, but it's passable."
angus "You just barely get out of the way of his club, and one of its spikes scrape your head, leaving a small bloody wound. You lose three hitpoints."
britt "Go go go!"
angus "What are you waiting for, weaklings? Attack me!"

You notice Gregg seems to be staring at you, smiling lopsidedly. You try to focus on the game.

britt "I blast him with my fireball!"

She rolls her dice, and it's a mediocre result.

angus "You manage to scorch the wolf's clothes, and he roars in pain, but now everything is shrouded in darkness."
eddie "What are you doing? I can't see! I can't hit the wolf with my axe in the darkness!"

Gregg keeps grinning at you, seeming to forget that he's still playing.

player "Are you gonna help, Gregorious?" you say.
gregg "…Hmm?"
gregg "Oh, you three are doin' fine."

You're starting to feel a bit frustrated.

player "Is this some sort of Rogue thing? Standing back and letting the others do the work?"
gregg "Oh no, it ain't that… Just admiring… your skill, tha's all."

What skill? You've barely contributed to this game at all.
You sigh, and he takes another drink of pumpkin ale.

player "I… I try to cast another fire spell!"

You roll your dice and come up with a 5. Not bad, but not great, either.

angus "You manage to get in another hit, but it still stays dark."

player "Dreary… er, Drearkor! Keep firing over and over while I give you light!"
britt "Hey, good idea!"

You both roll your dice, and this time they come up with a much better number.

angus "You repeatedly shoot fireballs, just managing to illuminate the wolf every other second. He howls in pain as each of them hit."
angus "You keep firing, but now the wolf is too close and he manages to close his vice-like grip around your wrist."
britt "I create another flame and set his hand on fire!"

She rolls, and it's the maximum number.

angus "You set his fist ablaze and he screams bloody murder and releases his grip. He jumps up and down, trying to put out the fire."
eddie "I strike him with my axe while he's distracted!"
player "I, uh… blast him with magic!"

Both your dice have high numbers.

angus "You hack into him and zap his hide with bolts of magic, even though it's hard to see yet again. Soon, the beast falls over, dead!"
eddie "We did it!"
eddie "Yeah! We're the best warriors in the realm!"

You feel like you accomplished a lot, coming up with the idea to illuminate the area while Britt shot fireballs repeatedly, but you can't but wonder why Gregg didn't contribute anything.