Feedback for From A to A

Good stuff in 5 and 6 (using site chapter numbers). It’s the first look at the material you’re personally introducing into Keit-Ai, and it’s solid. I’m interested to see where the dead parent business with Kirishima will lead. Nice use of the visual medium; the shot of the 99-cent rice bowl stood out to me in particular as a crafty unspoken way to convey information (though 99-yen would have been more fitting). Your incorporation of the cellphone motif into the page layout is also appreciated, as was that brief primer on the framing techniques. I still got lost on page 6 for a moment and misread it as Ayazaki being the orphan, but it cleared itself up quickly. Moving on to 7…

I’m less sold on Ayazaki’s attraction to Kirishima at this point than the reverse, and I’m having a hard time placing why. I think it’s because we hear more from K about what he likes in A than we do the other way around, even if it’s something as shallow as a particular pair of boots she wore. A’s comment about K’s intelligence on page 8 would have been a great chance to highlight what she sees in him.

Just got the Kei+Ai/pun with the plus as the T and all. Nice.

The scenery on 10 is great; it’s refreshing to break up the white space backgrounds every so often. I like the “old friend” development as well.

Ah, conflict on page 12! That’s a welcome change.

And some development for Sawamura. Also nice.

Making good on that line from the pasta about “DRAMA ensues as they begin to fall in love with each other instead”, I see.

I laughed at the webtoon joke.

And that’s the end of the main body of work (through 19). I get the sense that the long-distance relationship material could go on for another twenty chapters, really, which I find interesting. Reading the pitch for Keit-Ai, what came to mind first was a story where their acknowledgement of the fact that they actually love each other and not their same-universe counterparts comes towards the end, but you’ve placed it at what feels like the middle. I have to say I like that choice of pacing. Frankly, the sorting out of an existing relationship feels like a more compelling conflict here than the establishment of a new one.

On the art, you clearly know what you’re doing. More than just the characters, the layout is very functional and lends itself well to the story. It feels professionally executed.

Story-wise, it’s all splendid as well. Any quibbles I had in earlier chapters sorted themselves out quickly, and it was a pleasure to read. I still would like to know where, if anywhere, the dead parent thread will lead. Cute SoL chapters like 20 are fine, but you definitely have the material to take the story in a weightier direction. What’s A’s family situation? Is Sawamura going to be relevant again? What becomes of the other A and K? Are there other characters to be introduced? Will their deteriorating cellphones prove an issue? What caused the fork in the universes anyway? Why is the only difference whether they like each other or not?

And of course, the real question is how you’ll sort out the eternal problem of Keit-Ai, namely getting the couple together in-person, or coming up with a satisfying ending where they don’t. Whatever you choose to do, I eagerly await the day I get to read it.

Best of luck,
Editor-anon