Anon In Equestria - Chapter 11 'Human Intuition'

>Okay.
>Twilight’s Library. Answers about Applejack. And…
>Augh! You’re forgetting something!
>”You okay Anon? Your face is all like;” She smooshes her face into something that accurately represents the state your mind is in.
“Yeah. I just forgot something.”
>”Hmmmm… Was it-“
“I’m not really in the mood for 20 questions.”
>”What’s that?”
“Human thing.”
>”Okey Dokey!”
>You ignore the bad feeling for the time being and lightly knock on the Library door.
>Spike is the one to open it, as always.
>You give him a round of bro-fives. Pinkie joins in the fun even though she doesn’t have fingers.
>”So what’s up, guys?”
“Twilight told me to swing by, figured I ought to do it earlier than later.”
>”Alright, she’s in the back with her brother.”
>Pinkie lets out an exaggerated gasp.
>”Shining Armor is here?! I haven’t seen him since the wedding! Is Cadence here, I really really want to know how their honeymoon went. Ooh! Do you think they had cake? I bet they-“
>You cover her mouth with your palm again.
>She’s still trying to talk.
>You release her, she keeps going.
>You slowly back into the Library as she continues to ramble to herself.
>Massive success. You close the door on her, slightly muffling her voice.
“Soooo… You said in the back?”
>”Yep,” He throws a thumb over his shoulder, “Just in there.”
>He points to the room you were in yesterday.
>And the place Applejack tried to first rape you.
>You don’t like the things that happen in that room.
>But, Spike mentioned something about Twilight’s brother so perhaps everything will be cool.
>Unless he was into some weird shit but you’re going to give him the befit of the doubt.

>You give the door a quick rap before entering. Twilight and a large diamond white stallion eyeballed you one you came into sight.
>The stallion you suspected to be Twilight’s brother was fully clad in golden armor with a purple trim. His helmet donned a navy blue Mohawk with sky blue streaks, matched by his tailed.
>”This is it?” The stallion says.
>Condescending mother fucker.
>”Erm, yeah. Hey Anon, come meet my brother, Shining Armor.”
>You approach the stallion. You WANT to be an asshole. You can totally beat this nerd up.
>But, you gotta play it cool on this one.
“Pleasure to meet you, the name’s Anonymous.”
>He doesn’t answer. He studies you, walking around, looking up, down, side to side.
>”It doesn’t LOOK dangerous. I can’t believe I was worried about something like this.”
>”Ehehe… Don’t mind my brother. He’s a little… protective.”
“I can see.”
>”It appears I didn’t even need to be here. Look at it! No claws, no sharp teeth, no horn or wings, stands on two legs. Is your entire species as weak as you or are you just special.”
>Ho boy, you’re teetering on the edge.
>”Um, he may not have those but all have something he called ‘Human Inginuity’ right Anon?”
>”What does that even mean?”
“It means that while we may not have the ability to sharpen our claws on a bedpost, we have the ability to create weapons capable of wiping out millions of lives within the blink of an eye.”
>That shut him the fuck up, not to imply you were done.
”Yeah, scary right? We were afraid it would ignite our planet’s atmosphere, turning our planet into a giant fireball of death but, we REALLY didn’t like these guys.”
>He audibly gulps. You’re kinda bullshitting at this point but it’s putting him in his goddamn place.
“The best part about all this? We didn’t blow up Gryiffons or Zebras or Minotaurs. We dropped this weapon on fellow humans. Civilians. Innocent people. So, you can imagine the prejudice we’d show against a species that humans have already enslaved.”
>You went on a hell of a tangent but he’s shitting his armor at this point.
>”Uhhh… Twily, I need to use your bathroom.”
>Oh my god he really is shitting his armor.
>Hold the laugh, hold the laugh…
>He’s gone.
“AHAHAHAHA!”
>”Anon!”
>You tone down the laugher a little bit to gab.
“Yeahaha, what?”
>”You never told me ANY of those things when I asked you about human history! Don’t make stuff up just to intimidate my brother!”
>There goes your fun. When Twilight was asking questions, you gave her some twisted answers.
>Telling a peaceful species about how well humans get along would be problematic.
>”I know he was being a jerk but he was just looking out for me,”
“Twilight.”
>”Ugh, what?”
“I wasn’t lying. Most of the history stuff I told you was a lie…”
>”Bu-… What?!”
“Before I go on, you have to promise none of this will go into your book thing.”
>”I don’t know. I can’t print lies for a non-fiction book!”
>You put your hands on her shoulders.
“No. Twilight. This shit could get me executed. I am not a violent human but humans are a violent species. What I just said? Not even the worst thing. Not by a long shot.”
>”Get your hands off my sister.”
>Great, Skidmark McShitpants is back with a vengence.
>You put your hands up in sarcastic surrender.
"Sorry, she's just too pretty."
>”I heard what you said. Not a violent human? So, everything you just said was just to frighten me?”
“Successfully? Yeah.”
>”Please, I would have never fallen for that!”
"I believe you."
>Twilight snickers somewhere behind you.
>Shining shoots a glare at her before returning to you.
>"I don't want you to see my sister anymore, got it?"
>Was that some sort of threat?
"Oh I can imagine how that letter will go."
>You do your best Twilight impression.
"Dear Princess Celestia, my mean big brother won't let me spend time with the human!"
>Twilight can't hold the laughter in anymore.
>You feel that familiar levitation magic as you glide through the air.
"He's so dreamy but my big brother just won't leave the two of us alone! He can be such a jerk!"
>Shining sets your ass down not-so-gently just outside the room.
>"I'm keeping my eye on you. I am Captain of the Canterlot Royal Guard, so if you even sneeze in the wrong direction..."
"Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle."
>Slam. Lock. Twilight still laughing behind the door while Shining tries to get angry at her. Dramaaaaaaa~
>But, maybe you shouldn't have fucked with The Caption of... Fuck it, He's The Cap.
>Fucking Unicorns.
>Fucking Earth ponies, too.
>Fuck Pegasi, as well.
>”Anon?” Spike’s voice came from behind.
>You turn on a heel hoping to see that cool smile of his.
>Nah, not a cool smile.
>”Were you telling the truth in there? I mean, about the weapon thing…”
>Sigh.
“Yeah but it takes a team of very smart people and several months to make something like that. I fulfill neither category.”
>Spike lets out a small chuckle.
>You kneel down to his level and hold out your hand.
“Still bros?”
>”Hehe, yeah.”
>Bam, high-five.
>Spike is the coolest dude in town. Shining Faggot can go eat a dick.
“Soooooo… What are you doing today?”
>”Uhh… Just chores.”
“Laaaaame. Let’s go do somethin’.”
>”I can’t right now, Twilight might-“
“Eh, what’s the worst that can happen?”
>”Sorry, Anon but I can’t. Maybe later, you know?”
>You let out an over dramatic groan.
“Fiiiiine, we’ll hang out later.”
>You childishly knock over a pile of books on a table, gauging a laugh out of Spike, and exit the treehouse.
>Outside, Pinkie Pie is still fucking talking.
>To Applejack.
>She notices you.
>Heart, did you stop?
>No.
>Can you? Please?
>No.
>”Mornin’, Sugarcube.”
“Go away, please.”
>Applejack snorts out a laughter.
>”’s all ya got ta say?”
“I said please…”