She Who Laughs Last

Edgelordanon's ghost story
Part 1
Luan kept laughing.
Even after Lincoln mounted her and began to ground and pound, she kept cackling like a woman possessed. She only stopped after her head has been reduced to an unrecognizable pulp of meat and bones.
Lincoln still heard her mocking laughter however and continued to smash his bleeding knuckles into the floor beneath what was once her skull, screaming "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP" until his finger bones fractured under the strain.
The house went quiet, nothing but Lincoln's panting and the dripping of blood could be heard.
Gingerly, Lucy descended the stairs, assessing the situation beneath her thick bangs.
"Lincoln"
The sound of her soft monotone snapped Lincoln out of his murderous rage. He stared in a daze at his bloodied hands, and then back at his sister. His Dead Sister.
Luan. He had killed Luan.
"Wait here." He was once again brought back to the present by Lucy's voice.
"Lucy, I.....I don't...."
"Wait here." She repeated and walked past him into the garage.
She returned holding a black plastic tarp and cleaning supplies. "Help me"

Within an hour, they had Luan's body on the tarp and most of the blood off of the floor. They dragged the tarp and most of the evidence into the woods behind their house. "Here." Lucy pointed to a small patch of dirt in between a small grove of trees. She handed Lincoln a shovel. "Four feet at least. Don't fill the hole until I get back."
Lincoln was left alone with Luan. Well what used to be Luan. Fuck, even now it looked like she was mocking him. her shattered jaw was snapped in such a way it looked like she was smiling at him. He was tempted to bring the shovel down, hard on her neck, make her stop once and for all. But he sighed and began to dig, careful not to look in her direction.
After some time, Lucy returned, carrying a dead opossum in a paper towel. "I've been letting this guy ripen for a few days, just in case." she said by way of explanation, before helping Lincoln hoist their deceaister into her new home and putting a layer of soil down. On top of that, she gently placed the opossum and covered the hole completely.

After they were done, Lucy took Lincoln's hand and guided him back to the backyard. "Strip" Lincoln stared at his gothic sister. "Unless you want everyone to see the chunks of Luan on you when you get back, strip." Lincoln obeyed, shakily stripping down to his skivvies and turning around.
Lucy was secretly glad Lincoln had turned around, as the sight of her half-naked brother had sent her into a full-blown blush. She swiftly grabbed the nearby hose and sprayed down Lincoln until not a trace of blood and viscera remained. "Here, change into these." She laid out a new set of clothes for him. For once, she was glad he wore nothing but the same clothes every day. As Lincoln began to change, Lucy laid out their alibi "You and me have been together the whole day. I have been reading new poems to you. We heard a sound from downstairs, and when we went to check, Luan was nowhere to be found. The lock on the back door was forced open when we found it." Lincoln could only nod as he got dressed. He forced himself to talk, to say anything. "so....I guess you were prepared for this."
Lucy nodded. "I always figured someone in this house would kill somebody. Eventually. It's best to be prepared, in any case." Lincoln nodded and finished dressing. "So, did you think it would be me?"
Lucy shook her head. "Honestly? I figured it would be Lori. She has a bit of a violent streak."
Lincoln thought for a second "I would have thought Lola." The siblings shared a small laugh and for a second it seemed like everything was alright again.

Until Lincoln began to tear up.
"I swear Lucy I don't know what happened, She just kept laughing and she wouldn't...."
This earned him a swift slap across the face, followed by a hug.
"I don't care what you did. You're still my big brother and I don't want you going anywhere."
The two embraced like this for some time "Well, come on Lincoln. We can pry open the backdoor lock with my shovel. Lincoln?"
Lincoln wasn't listening. His eyes were fixed on the woods behind the house.
"Lincoln?"
"Oh, sorry Lucy. I just......Did you hear anything?"
Lucy took his hand. "Lincoln, it's just us here. Do you understand?" Lincoln nodded and picked up the shovel with an awkward smile.
That hadn't been laughing he heard. Right?
It all went exactly as Lucy planned. When everybody returned to the house, they bought the story, hook line and sinker. The police were called and after statements were taken, they put out a county-wide alert for the missing girl. Lucy even managed a few tears during the story. The pair were doted on as the family thanked their lucky stars that the two children weren't harmed in what appeared to be a particularly brutal kidnapping. All in all, it seemed that everything was perfect.

Until later that night.
Lincoln shot up straight in his bed. His eyes darted around the room. Something was in here with him. "wh-who's there?"
"Silly, you're supposed to wait for me to say knock-knock first."
Lincoln's hair, had it not already been snow white, would have been bleached then and there when he heard the voice. His eyes focused on the foot of his bed, where a figure sat, staring at him. It was Luan. Muddy, bloodied, missing part of her forehead, but unmistakably Luan. The figure smiled, her braces seeming to glint in the moonlight shining in through the window.
"L-Luan? No..."
"Of course it's me, who did you expect? Victor Pascow? In all seriousness, do you have any aspirin? My head is KILLING me. Haha, Get It?"
Lincoln tried to scream, but nothing came out but a terrified whimper.
Luan slowly crawled closer to him.
"I forgive you brother. Just like all the times you forgave me for April Fools. Because that's what family does. We stick together."
Lincoln could smell the soil, blood and dead opossum as she came closer. He nearly vomited but could only manage a hack.
"Whoa there, I'm the one who does the gags around here. Can you move over? I'm bunking with you tonight. I know I usually sleep under Luna, but I don't want to MUDDY the situation. Haha, get it?"
Lincoln fixed his eyes on the ceiling. She wasn't here. This wasn't happening. He was just having a bad dream.
And yet.
Luan gave him a peck on the cheek. "good night little bro."
Lincoln didn't sleep that night. All he could do was stare at the ceiling and whisper to himself that he was hallucinating, it wasn't real and that his dead sister most definitely wasn't snuggling in next to him. The sister he killed. Come to think of it, why had he killed her? Try as he might, he couldn't remember what had set him off. His memory ended right after coming downstairs and resumed immediately when Lucy shook him out of his fury/stupor.
As if in answer to his question, Luan placed an arm around his shoulder. "It doesn't matter Linky. All that matters is that we're together now. Forever."

"LINCOLN? HEY WAKE UP, IT'S TIME FOR SCHOOL!" Lincoln shook himself awake to the sound of Lynn's shouting and took stock of his room. No blood. No soil. No Luan. He breathed a sign of relief. It HAD been a dream. He threw on a new set of clothes and headed out of the door.
"Took you long enough. You look like crap." Lincoln sighed. "I had a rough night okay?"
Lynn looked embarrassed. "Oh, right. Um, Luan still hasn't come back yet. Mom and Dad are getting worried. You okay bro?" Lincoln smiled as best he could. "I'll be fine. Thanks Lynn." There was no use in worrying his other siblings after all.
"Good to hear. By the way, you've got something on your face."
Lincoln touched the spot where she indicated. A mixture of cherry lipstick and blood came off on his hand.

Part 2
Clyde shot another glance towards the boy he called his best friend. It had been a few days since Luan had disappeared and Lincoln was acting…Weird. Not his normal baseline weird, the kind that earned him sideways glances and affectionate shrugs from his friends, but….Creepy weird. After a great deal of time(some would argue too much time) at a therapist’s office, Clyde knew the signs of grief well.
This…wasn’t quite it.
Lincoln stared straight ahead. The teacher was droning on about something he already knew. Normally he would take this time to talk with his friends, but he knew he had to keep his eyes straight ahead. He kept his eyes straight ahead even as the voice behind him started speaking again.
“Hey Lincoln, I think somebody’s got their EYE on you!”
To his credit, He barely flinched when the disembodied eye landed on his desk. He stared straight ahead, refusing to acknowledge the specter of his dead sister, perched on top of the storage cabinets to his right.

It had started out small. Lincoln would catch glimpses of Luan, smirking at him from reflections, sliding between shadows. Then she started to mime. Imitating people behind their backs, pretending to be choking when Lori farted, and most egregiously of all, pretending to be the hog Lynn Sr had brought home to cook. Lying there on the table, with what looked like a piece of her own brain in her mouth in place of an apple, Lincoln nearly greased his drawers when she turned her head 180 degrees to face him and whispered. “Get It?”.

Ever since, it seamed that Luan had gotten bolder. Everywhere Lincoln went, she was. Gliding through the halls between classes, pulling faces at the students. Flying alongside Vanzilla, imitating a race car driver. At the mall, head poking out of the top of a mannequin’s neck. “Hey Lincoln, looks like I’ve got a HEAD up against Leni in the fashion department! Haha Get It?.”
Of course, nobody else could see her. He kept an eye on each member of his family, looking desperately for any sign that they also saw Luan, but nothing. Lynn Sr and Rita were still convinced their daughter was out there, somewhere. Lori tried to keep a happy face for the younger kids, but Lincoln could see she was starting to lose hope. Leni had convinced herself that Luan was on some kind of extended vacation and simply had neglected to inform the family. Luna started devoting more and more of her time to finding her roommate, putting up flyers and even performing songs about her missing sibling. Lincoln and Lucy always found excuses to leave when she began to sing. Lynn Jr threw herself into her sports. It was as though she thought that every game won brought her prodigal sister closer to home. The Twins didn’t seem to even comprehend that something could be wrong. Lana still got messy and Lola still acted like a princess and they both still fought. They believed, as Leni did, that the disappearance of the comedienne was a temporary situation, and that the house would play host to her raucous laughter once again. It was just taking a while. Lisa, as always, was hard to gauge. But Lincoln had seen her talking out loud, and then looking over her shoulder as though waiting for someone to make a chemistry pun. Lucy, for her part, seemed to act the same as usual. She kept the semi-depressed monotone in response any query, and the family simply shrugged it off as “Lucy being Lucy”. Lincoln had never wanted her bangs shortened as much as now. He couldn’t tell if she was staring off in space, looking him over for signs of breaking down or snapping again, or looking at the reminder of his crime that all too often floated just behind his left shoulder.

“Mr Loud?”
Lincoln was brought sharply back to reality. Ms Johnson was looking directly at him, clearly expecting an answer to something.
“Well Mr Loud, what is the answer?”
Lincoln had no idea what she was talking about. Caught on the spot, he lamely replied “I’m thinking.” Behind Ms Johnson, Luan emerged from the wall. Smiling, she scooped a bit of blood out of her mouth and wiped it on the board, forming a number. Lincoln kicked himself internally for what he was about to do. Still, this would prove once and for all if this was a haunting or just a figment of his tormented consciousness. “Eight.”
“No Lincoln, the answer is not Eight. Would anyone else like to answer?”
Lincoln breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t being haunted by the ghost of the sister he killed, it was just…
“Umm, excuse me Ms Johnson? Lincoln was right.” Girl Jordan spoke up. Ms Johnson frowned and looked down at her book.
“Oh, I’m sorry Lincoln, you were right. The square root of Sixty-Four is Eight.”
Girl Jordan smiled at Lincoln, expecting a grateful smile in return. She was disappointed as his eyes remained fixed ahead, staring at something behind the teacher.
“No need to thank me Lincoln. It was just a DEAD reckoning. Haha Get It?”

Part 3
Lincolns head rested on his desk. It was one of those days where he couldn't concentrate at all. The time seemed to stay still as Miss Johnson explained something.
A loud noise interrupted his thoughts, the bell rang.
'Finally' he thought to himself. It was Lunch time, usually Lincoln’s favorite time of day. If it wasn't for his father’s lunch bag he carefully prepared then for the fact that he can spend some time with his friends. Even after Ronnie Anne had left Royal Woods, he still enjoyed the brief moments of free time in school.
Yet his latest problem wasn’t exactly something he could confide in to his friends.
He took a look inside his bag. 'No luck today' he quietly moaned as he took out a lonely apple.
He could smell the chicken and his hunger became noticeable to him. He lined up at the queue and grabbed a tray.
'Hey Lincoln'
Luan’s severed head lied between the chicken legs. Her split open cranium revealing a frothy mess of brain matter and blood, dripping down between her partially gouged eyes and splattering on birdparts. Lincoln could barely hold back his disgust.
'I guess I’m a Poultrygeist! Haha Get It?'
Lincoln moved quickly past the pan without taking anything. Trying to forget what he just saw.
“That wasn't real' he thought to himself. 'Not real..'
As he neared the milk cart, he could hear the familiar chuckling from within. “Oh come on Lincoln, I’m just trying to MILK this situation for all its worth! Haha Get It?”
He really wasn’t that thirsty after all either.

He ambled over to his friends. Clyde waved him over and opened up a seat next to him. Lincoln took the offered seat and idly began to chew through what little he had gotten from the cafeteria. Zach was the first to speak up. “Hey Lincoln, any word about your sis?”  For some reason he had hit upon the idea that Luan had been abducted by aliens. Even though Lincoln knew the truth about her disappearance, some days it felt as though that was a good enough explanation as any. Try as he might, he still couldn’t remember what had happened. If it wasn’t for his crystal clear memories of standing over Luan’s mutilated corpse, blood dripping from his hands, he would have sworn the entire affair happened just as Lucy had dictated to their parents and the police. Zach continued rambling about UFOs and Infowars as the other members at the table glared at him, trying in vain to get him to take the hint, any hint at all about how insensitive he was being. Lincoln didn’t mind though. He knew in his own way that Zach was trying to make him feel better.
There was something else at the table that he minded much more.
“He’s got a point Lincoln. Cattle aren’t the only thing getting mutilated around here.”
Luan was floating just above the table. Her injuries dripped and splattered upon the table, forming bloody pools underneath her that spread and dripped onto the floor. For a second Lincoln considered wiping up some of the blood with his napkin, if just to show someone, anyone. Then again, if they didn’t notice the floating, wisecracking ghost spreading her viscera across today’s special, them noticing a napkin soaked in spectre blood was unlikely.
At about this time, everybody was pulling out their various lunches and starting to eat. Lincoln had just bitten into his apple, when Luan spoke again.

“Hey Lincoln, check this out”
Luan distended her lower jaw, almost detaching it completely. She then proceeded to fit her gaping maw over Liam’s head. Sitting directly across from him, Lincoln had a perfect view as her disfigured head descended almost past Liam’s eyeline. Even with her full mouth Lincoln could clearly hear her. “He’s a Luan tamer now! Haha, Get It?” Something that looked like her tongue dropped onto Liam’s sandwich just as he brought it too his mouth and took a bite.
“URRK”
Holding his mouth, Lincoln jumped up from the table and sprinted towards the trash can, proceeding to vomit into the can.
His friends looked on with concern.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know, but I’m not touching that apple.”

Part 4 The Mall
Lincoln was sent home after the vomiting incident. He didn’t really want to go home, but school rules were clear on the matter. When he came home, he went straight up to his room, being careful to avoid one specific dent in the hardwood floor of the living room. Partially for the memories, and partially because Luan was taking up residence there, laying on her back, head in the groove, tongue hanging out, cranial wound seeping onto the floor.
“It’s okay Lincoln, I’m not a libertarian, you can tread on me!”
 Lincoln didn’t get the joke. He was focused on getting into his room. Not that there would be much better. As he expected, Luan was there waiting for him when he got to his room.
“Actually, I think somebody might be treading on me right now.” She looked in the direction of the woods. “I think it’s a deer. Sorry Bambi, I’m not your mother but I understand the confusion. Haha Get It?”
 Lincoln tucked himself beneath the covers and hid his head under a pillow. He just wanted this to stop. Every day she tormented him and every night she clung onto him. Even now he could feel her cold hands wrap around him.
“I’m so sorry Luan. I didn’t mean to kill you”
Her cold breath glided over his ear as she hugged tighter. “I know Linky. And I forgave you already, remember?”
At this point, Lincoln could feel her icy flesh pressing up against him and the smell of the grave enveloped him. A tear began to form at the edge of his eyes. “Then why are you…”

His door opened wide. Lori stood at the entrance to his bedroom, phone in her hands. “Hey Lincoln, feel any better?”.
He sat up in bed. Luan was no longer clutching him. In fact, she was nowhere to be seen.
“Umm, a little.” Lori gave him a smile. “Good to hear. I’m heading to the mall. Feel up to coming?”
Lincoln was about to say no before a thought hit him. The Mall. Luan had never appeared at the mall. It way farther away than school, the furthest place he had ever seen Luan manifest. He might just be able to relax there.
“Sure Lori! Just let me grab my coat.” Lori looked him over as he stood up. “Are you ok Lincoln? Your eyes are a little...”
Lincoln quickly dabbed at his eyes, attempting to mask any evidence of the almost-cry. “I’m fine. Race you downstairs!”
“Oh, you’re on twerp!”
Lincoln took off like a shot, only sparing a single glance back at his thankfully empty room before turning the corner and launching himself down the stairs.

Lori piled every kid who wanted to go to the mall into Vanzilla. Of course, this was nearly everyone. When they reached the mall, everyone split off into their own groups. Lori, Leni and Lola went to the clothing stores. Lynn and Lana headed into an outdoors/sporting goods store. Luna and Lucy headed towards a record store. Lincoln was left on his own. Glorious, Beautiful, Perfect alone. He spent some time wandering up and down the mall, taking in the sights. People shopping, shouting. Couples holding hands. Small children fighting over the cheap fair rides. It was almost….normal.
“Hey Lincoln.”
Lincoln screamed and levitated almost 3 feet in the air. Lucy was bemused. She never startled him this badly.
“Oh, hey Luce. What’s up?” Lincoln said, recovering from his small heart attack.
“Come to the arcade with me. I’ve got to show you something.”
She took him by the hand and almost dragged him into the arcade. “Behold.”
Lincoln’s jaw nearly bounced off the floor. Before him stood an original House of the Dead cabinet, in all its gory glory. He hadn’t seen one since the local movie theater had theirs taken away when some kids had nightmares.
“It’s the same.” Lucy pointed to the high scores. LAL and LHL shown proudly from 3rd to 9th places. She pulled out her small knit coin purse. It looked like a bat that had been stuffed to bursting. She selected four quarters and handed two to Lincoln.
“Tonight is our night. We shall beat this accursed game once and for all and rescue our beloved Edwin.”
Lincoln stared at her. “I thought it was Sophie.” Lucy met his gaze.
“Of course. What did I say?”
 “Nevermind. Player one or two?”
“I want two. Agent G’s voice speaks to me.”

They played like they had never played before. Blazing through the hordes of undead like a pair of Ash Williams, possessed. Aside from Lincoln giving a visible flinch whenever a female zombie or researcher was killed, it was one of the best games they had ever played. The game was not forgiving however and before long Lucy’s bat purse was looking anemic. G had just lost his last lamp to a barrel zombie when Lucy thrust her last 4 quarters at Lincoln.
“Keep playing, I’ll go get some money. I think Luna still owes me something.”
She dashed off into the mall as fast as her pale legs would take her. Lincoln kept playing. He was almost to the final boss. Nothing could ruin this.

 “Hey Loud, Watcha doing?”.
He knew those voices. Hank and Hawk, local bullies. Lincoln tried his best to ignore them and keep playing. He had just reached The Magician. He had never even seen the end of the game before and Lucy was going to be back soon with the quarters. He didn’t want her to miss this either.
“Hey, I’m talking to you Loud!”.
Hawk shoved Lincoln, causing him to miss shooting a fireball and take a hit. Undeterred, he fired off screen and continued shooting.
“Yeah Lincoln, what’s with all the DEAD silence. Haha Get It?”
This made him turn, and when he did his stomach dropped. Luan was floating just in front of Hank, smirking at Lincoln. Lincoln came close dropping the gun altogether. He was brought sharply back when The Magician wasted him with a spray of fireballs and the game over countdown began.
“Dang it.”
He fished around in his pockets for his last set of quarters. This should keep him afloat until Lucy returned with the rest.
“Oh no you don’t!”
 Hawk slapped the start button, ending the countdown. Agent Rogan slumped to the floor dead, and GAME OVER flashed on the screen.
“Aww, I know how that feels. Don’t worry, sometimes you get a continue! Haha, Get It?”
Lincoln just stared at Luan. Hank, assuming the stare was one of fear, smirked.
“That’s right ‘Stinkin’ Loud, we know you’re the reason we lost all of our Halloween loot. And now we’re going to pay you back in full!”

Luan continued hovering just in front of the bully, spinning around in the air, taking stock of the situation.
“Jeez Lincoln, these two aren’t the sharpest wits are they? If you wanted to join me, you could climb their number of chromosomes and jump to their IQ.”
Lincoln kept his eyes firmly on the floor. “Shut up Luan.”
Hank took exception to this and shoved Lincoln hard against a nearby air hockey table.
“Hey don’t you tell me to shut up! And don’t call me Lan!” Hawk thought for a second.
“Hey, maybe he’s talking about one of those freak sisters of his.”
A predatory glint appeared in Hank’s eyes. “Oh really? Well they aren’t here to save you from a pounding this time.”
 Luan once again glided in front of the two bullies, obscuring Lincoln’s view with her semi-transparency. To Lincoln it seemed like she and him were the only people in the arcade. He kept his eyes on her, barely acknowledging the bullies. Hank and Hawk were oblivious to the invisible battle in front of them, fixated on what was sure to be a very cathartic revenge.
“Hey didn’t one of them go missing lately?” This brought Lincoln’s attention back to the bullies.
“S-Shut up about my sisters.” This only brought laughter.
“Ooooo we’re so scared! She’s probably in a ditch now anyway.”
Lincoln stood up. Something glinted off his bucked teeth. Odd, considering the dearth of clear light in this part of the arcade.  “I said shut up. Don’t you talk about my family.”
Hank spoke up again. “Well one down, 9 to go I say.”
Lincoln launched off the table behind him.
“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!”
Lucy was heading back to the arcade with quarters she had loaned from Leni when she heard the screams. She dropped her bat purse and took off at a full sprint into the arcade.
“No….Lincoln….Not again….”

Part 5 Truths
Lucy sat outside of one of the mall bathrooms. Lincoln stood inside one of the bathrooms. He had to almost strip to wash off the blood on his clothes.
“Wow Lincoln, you look like Tom Savini used you as a model. Then again, I’m not sure I have any room to speak! Haha, Get it?”
Lincoln got it but wished he didn’t. It seemed like Luan looked worse with every passing day. Where once sat a gigantic pair of buck teeth, there was now a gash through her face to her exposed cheekbone, so that the upper left of her mouth threatened to fall off with every word. Her braces were twisted and bloody, sticking out of her mouth and face at rakish angles. Her right eye was missing, and exposed brain matter leaked from behind it. Her clothes now appeared rotten and worn from the grave. Lincoln didn’t know which was worse, her steadily deteriorating appearance, or the fact that it no longer made him nauseous. He finished washing his shirt best as he could. There was still a stain, but it was unrecognizable. He had other shirts anyway.
“Don’t forget to wash your hands! You don’t know where their faces have been!”.
Lincoln ignored Luan as best as he could and walked outside. Lucy was waiting with ketchup packets, spreading some on her outfit. Still in a daze, Lincoln could only stare at her in a daze.
“Lucy?”
“You and I were playing a game, then some bullies threw food at us. They ran off and got in a fight, and you and I went to clean up.” She said it with the same authoritative tone as last, as if she was stating factually what had happened.
 “O-Ok”.
Lucy stared up at her big brother with what he could only assume was concern. “Lincoln. We have to talk about this.”
Lincoln looked behind her. Luan was doing a Lucy impression, pulling her rotting, stringy hair over her face and sighing. “Yeah, I know.”

“Hey Guys, here they are!” Lynn was leading the rest of the family over to them.
“Where were you guys? What happened?”
Lucy quickly palmed a pushpin and squeezed it. Hard.
“A bunch of bullies threw food at us and messed up our game.”
A single tear rolled down her pale face. Seeing Lucy cry was a strange enough sight that the rest of the Louds forgot everything except for comforting their strange sad sister. Lori decided then and there to cut the trip short, knowing what Lynn and Lola were libel to do to anyone who laid a finger on one of their own. Everyone headed back to the van, fawning over and comforting Lucy and talking up what a good big brother Lincoln was. All except for Lisa, who kept one eye on Lincoln’s dull surprise expression and the other on Lucy’s left hand.

The ride back was much of the same. Lori in particular decided that Lincoln had earned a ride up front with her, which she mainly used to talk about how good it was that he was looking out for his younger sister, and how many girls would find that attractive in fact just the other day she was talking to bobby and…….
Lincoln wasn’t really listening, trying instead to remember what had just happened. For the second time he had blacked out and awoken covered in someone else’s blood. For the second time he couldn’t remember anything. All he could focus on was the road ahead and the person standing right in front of them.
“LORI LOOK OUT!”.
Lori screamed “WHAT? LITERALLY WHAT?” as the van tore through the person on the road. Lincoln covered his eyes waiting for the inevitable…Nothing. He was confused until he heard her.
“Uh Oh, I guess I’ve been roadkilled! Haha, Get It?”
Lincoln peeked through his fingers. Luan was sprawled across the hood of the car, gaping head wound splattering brains across the windshield. Her left arm was twisted almost completely around her body, in ways no arm should twist. Her remaining eye fixed Lincoln with an unblinking stare.
Lori was about to scream at Lincoln when she looked over and saw him shaking like a leaf in the passenger seat.
“What what is it? Did we hit a possum?” Lana had almost climbed into the front seat in worry.
“No, uh, we just missed it.”
“Thats good. Pothums seem to have a bad habit of dying around here. Don’t they Luthy?”
Lisa and Lucy were engaged in a staring contest, Lisa’s beady eyes attempting to pierce the thick curtains of Lucy’s bangs by sheer willpower. It wasn’t working.
“Death comes to all. The yawning inevitability of life’s tragic end is the one constant all creatures feel.”
Lori decided to put a stop to this. “Alright guys knock it off. I think you’re making Lincoln sick again.”

When they arrived at the house Lincoln rushed upstairs and closed the door to his room. Lucy rushed after him and was reaching for the handle when she felt a tug on the hem of her dress. Lisa pulled her into her room and shut the door.
Lincoln sat on the edge of his bed, hyperventilating. It only got worse when it felt the cold clammy hands of Luan reach around him and hug him tight.
“Hey there little bro. I think Clyde is starting to rub off on you. I’d offer you a bag but Aunt Ruth isn’t with me, unfortunately. Haha Get It?”
The tears came hard and fast as Lincoln’s entire body convulsed with sobs. “Why are you doing this to me? I thought you said you forgave me!”
Lincoln cried until he felt his entire face burning. Luan only gripped him tighter in response.
“Shsshsshshshs”
She ran her fingers across his face, causing some of the loose skin on her fingers to become stuck and pull off of her digits, falling into Lincolns lap. “I did Link. I meant everything that I said. I want you and me to be together forever.”
Lincoln managed to choke out a painful response. “But…But…But why does this keep happening? And why don’t I remember anything?”
Suddenly something pricked in the back of Lincoln’s mind. He turned around as best as he could and looked into Luan’s eye. “Luan? What did you say to me that day?” Luan smiled, leaned close, and whispered in his ear.

“So, what about that pothum?”
Lisa was standing between Lucy and her door and Lucy was getting increasingly annoyed. Lincoln was in the next room and judging by the sound coming out of it, needed her help. “The what.”
Lisa stomped her tiny feet. “The Pothum! The Pothum! The only marthupial in North America!”
Lucy kept her cool demeanor. Not a challenge considering she had kept it up for her entire life. “Oh that. Are you upset you didn’t get something new to dissect? I would have thought that your siblings would be enough.”
Lisa gave the smuggest smile she could muster and pulled out a flash drive.
“Not that Pothum, This pothum! This here is footage of you taking the carrion in quethtion out from the garage 1 week ago. The same time frame as the disappearance of our dear thisther Luan. Now would you care to explain why the footage on this camera is the only evidence recovered from that night? Ethpethially considering that you told the police you and Lincoln were in his room all night?”
Lucy was kicking herself inwardly. She hadn’t even considered the possibility of cameras in the garage.
“So Luthy, is there anything you want to say in your defenth before I call for our parents?”
Lucy weighed her options. On the one hand, punting a toddler out of the second story window wouldn’t be all that difficult. On the other hand, this was her sister, she couldn’t just airmail her to hell without good reason. She could maybe talk her way out of this, but her and Lincoln’s official story had already been contradicted. Every other tape from both Lisa and Luan’s security system she had personally microwaved and dumped in a neighbor’s trash. This didn’t mean much if Lisa already suspected an inside job. And since Lisa already knew about the possum, that torpedoed any chance of her anti-searchdog defense working once discovered.
“Lisa, please. You have no idea what you are getting into here. Just drop it.”
Even as the words left her mouth, Lucy could tell Lisa was having none of it. First her big sister goes missing, then her equipment is destroyed, and now her only brother was getting worse each day and to top it off another sister was hiding something from her. Well, if there was one thing Lisa Loud could do, it was discovering the undiscovered.
“NO I WILL NOT! Why did you lie to the police? Why did you have a dead marthupial in an airtight container in our garage? And what is wrong with Lin….”
They were both cut off by a loud THUNK from next door. A swift look at each other declared an unspoken truce and they rushed to open Lincoln’s door, to be greeted with their brother swinging by his neck from his ceiling fan.
“LINCOLN NO!”
Lucy and Lisa sat side by side in the hospital waiting room. They didn’t look at each other, preferring instead to examine the intricacies of the tiling, and eccentricities of the other people in the waiting room. Lisa amused herself by pretending the carpet patterns were puzzle pieces and counting the different ways she could combine them. Lucy engaged in a vigorous bout of peoplewatching, making up stories about their lives but was always led back to her brother. Lying there in the emergency room.
How could things have gotten so out of control? She just wanted her big brother to stay with her. That wasn’t wrong was it? Her brother just made a mistake. Granted, beating your older sister to death on the living room floor was a pretty big mistake.
She broke the silence. “Lisa? Lincoln is going to be okay right?”
Lisa pushed her glasses up.
“Well, theoretically, we should have gotten to him on time. His neck didn’t seem theverely fractured, and he couldn’t have been…..hanging there….for more than a few minutes. He could very well make a full recovery baring any complications.”
Lucy focused hard on her shoes.
“He was so still. As though there was nothing left.”
The goth’s lamentations were cut short by the sniffling next to her. Lisa’s glasses were beginning to fog up from her tears. This left Lucy in the unenviable position of having to comfort someone, which was not exactly her strong suit. “Um. There there? I’m sure you’re right about Lincoln. You’re the smartest person I know.”
Lisa wiped her nose with her sleeve. “I’ve been wrong befo….”
She was cut off by Lucy wrapping her in a hug and pulling her tight. They sat in that position for what felt like forever. Even though they were surrounded by their family and a hundred other people, they still felt completely alone.
“Loud Family? Come with me please.” The doctor beckoned the 12 strong group back towards the Emergency Room.
“How is he doctor?”
The doctor opened up the door to his room. “See for yourself.”
Lincoln was sitting up in bed, eagerly devouring some hospital food.
“Oh, hi everybody!” He said with a wave.
The doctor was nearly trampled as the family rushed into his room. They all began to shout over each other, variants of “Are you ok?” and “What happened?”.
The doctor finally managed to get a word in edgewise. “Physically he is in perfect shape. I hesitate to use the word in my line of work, but it’s almost miraculous. He doesn’t have any brain damage and there isn’t even any residual bruising.”
Lynn Sr and Rita were beside themselves with relief. “We’re so sorry Lincoln. You were hurting all this time and we didn’t see it. We’re going to get you the help you need, don’t worry!”
“Thanks Mom and Dad. I’m just glad to be back.
“Lincoln I’m so glad you’re not deceathed!” Lisa, against her better judgement, jumped up onto the hospital bed and embraced her brother.
“Me too Lis. Me too.”
Lincoln took stock of his loving family. All gathered to see him.
“I feel like I’ve got a new ‘Lisa’ on life!”
Lincoln turned to Lucy with an ever-widening grin.

“Haha, Get It?”