Merry's Christmas

“Remind me again why we needed to go halfway across town on CHRISTMAS EVE!?” The slow, fuming rage they had bottled up inside was about the only thing keeping them slightly warm at the moment. It was nearly enough to keep their mind off of the numbness in their legs.

“Hush up human, I’ve already told you” Merry was dragging them along by the hand as she kept a steady pace, somehow unfazed by her fancy red coat dragging along the snowy sidewalk.

“Oh please, enlighten me. You just said we needed some tea, so why is it that we’re walking a mile into the city through the snow?” Merry didn’t give them much notice after she had prepared her own outfit for this impromptu little trip, the only thing they managed to grab was a light windbreaker before she had practically pushed them out the door.

“It’s your fault for being too incompetent to find a closer parking space!” She closed her eyes and softly pouted “But if you must know, there’s an exotic tea shop that receives a shipment of rare Christmas tea a week before Christmas. It reaches peak flavor today! It just won’t be the same if we waited until after Christmas”

“And why couldn’t we have picked up some when they got it in!?”

“HAHAHA, it would have never aged correctly in your hovel! It needs to be kept in absolutely perfect conditions” Sterling better give some kind of compensation for putting up with this little witch.

The temperature continued to drop the further they marched on, their arm feeling like it would snap off like an icicle from Merry’s constant pulling.

“Do keep up, human. If you start to slow down any you’ll throw my whole schedule out of order!” What schedule!? Drinking tea and “sleeping”? They got mad enough to slightly squeeze her hand after that last statement, to which she promptly responded with an elbow to the gut “NOW NOW HUMAN, DON’T YOU GET TESTY WITH ME!”

Ugh, why couldn’t this numbness in their ears affect their hearing at all… or was it? A loud ringing had suddenly filled the air… wait, was that a bell!? Did Merry actually bring that freaking thing?

“Oh lookie human! There’s a Santa Claus giving out gifts, and he knows the proper way of getting your attention as well!

“Merry… dith” Had to catch themself there, didn’t want another lecture or slap in the face quite yet “He’s not giving out gifts, he’s collecting them to give out to underprivileged kids on Christmas”

“Nonsense, it’s a Santa’s job to give out gifts, I’m sure he’d be delighted to give me something! Maybe I’ll even let him give you a little something, human” Heh, that’s the nicest thing she’s ever said.

She quickly tugged on their arm and dragged them towards the Santa, this time really feeling like she popped it out of the socket.

“Ho ho ho little missy! Have any last minute donations for the children?” She mostly ignored the Santa as she scanned around the bin, trying to decide on the perfect thing to take “Oooh, Barbie dolls and good PlayStation games! Ahh, that’s even this years Christmas edition! I definitely need that one”

“What the hell do you need a Barbie doll for, Merry!? I’ve never seen you… WAH” She gave them another quick elbow jab, this time right into their freezing ribs.

“It’s Meredith to you, human! How do you keep forgetting that!?” She crossed her arms and pouted, as if she had just experienced a grave injustice “Santa! I’d like that Barbie doll right there, it’s absolutely the best thing you have here!”

“Uhhh, excuse me missy? These are donations for less fortunate children, for Christmas” That was clearly not the answer she was looking for.

“WELL MY CHRISTMAS IS CERTAINLY GOING TO BE LESS FORTUNATE WITHOUT THAT MARVELOUS DOLL!” Great, now she was shouting at a Santa Claus.

“H-huh… umm, sorry, but I can’t give it to you” She stomped her feet a few times, before being gently pulled away.

“Come on, leave the guy alo… fuuuu-” She sharply stomped down on their foot “Do not touch me, human” While they were reeling in pain, she quickly scanned the display for any kind of address, she was going to get that doll one way or another.

“Let’s go human, we still need to get that tea” She yanked their hand and stormed off.

“Ho ho ho ho, I would have expected a girl named Merry to be much more festive!” The Santa laughed out as they walked off.

“Oh humbug, you obese yokel” She quietly mumbled to herself.

The sun was quickly setting as they continued to make their way towards the tea shop.

⬤ ⬤ ⬤ ⬤ ⬤

After nearly an hour of suffering through chilled extremities and constant dragging around, they finally got back to their warm car, ready to go home and hopefully nap for a couple of hours under toasty blankets…

“Human, we’re going to be making a slight detour. 58 Silver Boulevard” They couldn’t help but stare as she made this request, mouth agape “Quit your gawking and do it, NOW! CHOP CHOP” She clapped her hands together twice, waiting expectantly.

She wasn’t going to take no for an answer… might as well do it, if only to shut her up for a little while.

By some fortune, it was quite close by, on the way back home even, but where exactly was this place? It wasn’t located in the shopping district, so why would she want to make a stop here?

As the GPS remarked that they were approaching their destination, the feelings of curiosity grew, they just had to ask what this place was… looked like a warehouse of some sort.

“Uhh, Meredith? Why did you want to stop here?” They asked as they were pulling up the curb. For some reason they had a bad feeling about this.

“Isn’t it obvious, human? That’s the distribution center that Santa Claus was taking those presents to. It says Toys for Tots right on the side of the building” She reached over them to the trunk release then ran out of the car.

“Oh…. w-what, now just what the hell are you planning here!?” Christ, was she really going to steal toys from poor kids!?

“Hush now, human!” She shouted as she was digging through the trunk “Ah, here it is!”

She approached the driver’s side door with a huge pair of bolt-cutters in her hand. She stared through the window for a moment, clearly expecting them to exit the car.

Now, this would have been the perfect opportunity to book it out of there… but she would eventually make her way back to the house, and she would be VERY angry…

They decided to go along with it… as it would probably be better to keep her from shouting and screaming while they were here…

The frost immediately hit them as they left the car, but before they could process the cold she snatched their hand and ran off to chain-link gate.

“Here human, cut the lock!” She handed them the cutters and smiled.

“What what what!? Why do I have to do it!?”

She stomped on their foot again, which was still sore from earlier.

“FU… o-okay, fine, I’ll do it” They reluctantly grabbed the cutters and tried cutting the lock. It took a few tries, but after a few minutes and several punches, they powered through.

“Okay human, this garage right over here contains all of the currently outgoing presents! That Santa’s shift was nearly over when we talked to him, so his bin should be in the recently dropped off pile”

After another lock and another punch, they were in. It was filled with loads of bins, each with a clipboard detailing the designated drivers and addresses to deliver the gifts to. It had almost seemed like a gargantuan task to find this one particular bin, but after merely a moment of scanning the room, Merry found what she came for.

“Over here human! Oh, and grab one of those sacks too!” Each shipment contained a Santa’s sack, a cute little holiday touch for the delivery’s.

“Jeez, you’re really going to take the entire bin?” Of course she wasn’t going to stop with just the doll, why would they have ever thought as much?

“It’s going to make for such a wonderful Christmas, don’t you think?” She giggled as she started piling the gifts into the sack “Hmm, you know what, for making me have to take extra time out of my day, I’m going to take another one of that Santa’s bins”

“Merry… uh, Meredith” Oh shit shit shit.

She looked at them with cutting daggers, but somehow decided to contain herself. There’s a first for everything.

“This one right here, it’s another one he brought in today” She pointed at the clipboard, then tossed them another sack.

They looked down and face palmed “Do you really want a bunch of Play-Doh and GoBots?”

“Maybe I do, human, now let’s load that sack, chop chop!” She clapped her hands together twice and crossed her arms.

After getting everything loaded up and breaking their back with two huge sacks slung behind their back, she graciously decided to carry the bolt-cutters for them.

“Everything sounds clear, human, but let’s be quick about this, shall we?” She snatched the keys out of their jacket pocket and ran towards the car, popping open the trunk and starting the engine.

She couldn’t have helped even a little, of course not.

Huffing and wheezing as they finally made it back to the car, they slammed the sacks down into the trunk.

“Took you long enough” She was standing there impatiently tapping her foot against the ground.

“You’re welcome” They coughed out while shivering, slowly making their way towards the driver’s seat “Y-y-you couldn’t have even put the heater on!?”

“Oh, I’m plenty warm with this coat!” How ironic that she was wearing such a Christmassy getup, considering she had just stolen a ton of toys.

⬤ ⬤ ⬤ ⬤ ⬤

Other than wrapping up all of the toys and putting them under the tree, Merry somehow didn’t have any other orders for them that night, she didn’t even demand her special tea. It was almost like a Christmas miracle.

Of course, by now they knew better than to expect miracles to last. They started brewing the tea right on schedule the next day, since they knew she was going to start ringing that bell by noon.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding

They poured the tea into a special Christmas teacup and placed it on a serving tray, carefully making their way towards Merry’s room.

“Enter, human!” They were about to knock, but as they’ve already discovered, she hears just about everything anyway.

They opened the door and set down the serving tray, her eyes lighting up when she saw the teacup they poured the tea into “Ooh, you remembered to use the Christmas teacup! You’re learning, human!”

She sat down and took a drink, warmly smiling. It was quite peculiar, seeing her look so calm and peaceful “I’d like to open my gifts now, human, go fetch me that Barbie doll”

Well, at least she wasn’t screaming at them to do it.

They were still sore from last night, but they quickly grabbed the toy and made their way back up the stairs.

“This is going to be the best Christmas ever!” She exclaimed to herself as she tore open the wrapping paper. At first she smiled, but as she examined the doll more closely, she started to fume. “UUGH, this isn’t this year’s Christmas Barbie, this is from last year! You can tell by the shade of the coat, that pot-bellied yokel’s shadow was obscuring the finer details!”

So much for Christmas miracles.