IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE CENTRAL DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA.
UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
v.
HOMER CARLSON ET AL.
The grand jury of the People of the United States charges:
1. On or about the ninth day of August in the year One thousand nine hundred and sixty-nine defendants Homer and Ada Carlson did knowingly and intentionally trespass upon the property of another, namely, the Pacific Telephone and Telegraph Company, at or near the city of Los Angeles, within this District, and did, with intent to steal a thing of value moving in or otherwise affecting interstate or foreign commerce, namely Telephone Access Codes, break into a building owned by the said Pacific Telephone and Telegraph Company, thereby committing the crime of burglary.
2. Prior to the tenth day of July in the year One thousand nine hundred and sixty-nine and continuing to the fourteenth day of February in the year One thousand nine hundred and seventy-one defendants did willfully and with intent to obtain services without paying therefor use a certain device, to wit, a "blue box", in order to simulate the signaling of the Pacific Telephone and Telegraph Company, thereby making telephone calls on the lines of such Pacific Telephone and Telegraph Company to each other, and defrauding it of value, to wit, Twelve Dollars Thirty-Four Cents.
3. While making such fraudulent calls defendants did transmit certain obscene, lewd, lascivious, indecent, filthy, and vile material  praising each other's genital and anal regions, which a decent respect for the frailty and fragility of the jury requires us not to declare, thereby committing the crime of transmitting obscenity and pornography in interstate commerce.
4. Defendants did purposefully, maliciously, deliberately, and recklessly fail, refuse, and neglect to invite their closest friends, relatives, and acquaintances to their wedding thereby intentionally and negligently inflicting emotional distress on them.
Wherefore, the defendants warrant the penalty of death to be carried out by public gibbeting.
AND IT IS SO ORDERED.
"Hey...why do you have your back turned?" Homer looked ahead.

"You don't recognize my voice?" It was Clement. Homer ran to him and gave him a hug. "And I was just wearing a blue jacket and I managed to get you to stop in your tracks!"

"A grand jury indictment would conclude 'A True Bill', not 'And It Is So Ordered', anyway," corrected Ada.

Claire came outside. "Is it so? Oh...yes." She blushed.

"You're supposed to be the lawyer here!" Ada pushed on.

"I just finished the first year of law school," pleaded Claire in mitigation.

"Still more legal training than any of us have," responded Homer, "put together."

"Are you sure you know all of 'any of us'?"

"Surprise!" About twenty of their best friends jumped out of the surrounding rooms. "Congratulations on getting married!"

"Did...did you mess anything up?" Ada choked out.

"If this counts as messing up," one of her friends gave them a wrapped gift. "Want me to unwrap it?"

"It's a microwave oven!" Ada exclaimed as the first corner of the gift was revealed. "Thank you so much!"

"Come on, let's skip to the fun part!"

"Oh, here!" Another friend set a large box on the ground. "It's a vacuum cleaner. All you do is turn it on and pass it over the dusty part and the dust goes away!"

"Hey!" Someone pointed out, "what if someone's listening?"

"Did we hear anything about a criminal charge?" Ada replied.

"No," everyone murmured.