[17:45] Yuuki Asuna: How do you mean didn't get to? Was she holding you back on that?
[18:01] Kirigaya: Not exactly, but I was always kept busy and if I had to be perfectly honest I always putting up this facade of things would always be alright/good even though arguments and drama seemed to happen over the dumbest of things for no reason.
[18:01] Yuuki Asuna: Awww...
[18:02] Kirigaya: I don't blame that on anyone tbh but myself for not realizing the problems and even neglecting some of my friends because of it.
[18:02] Kirigaya: Hopeful optimism sorta blinded me to what was a far larger issue and it ended up becoming far too late for me to kinda realize it until everything was already said and done.
[18:06] Kirigaya: Just wanna avoid that from ever happening again.
[18:07] Yuuki Asuna: It's not going to anymore, not if you just keep yourself crowded by good people!
[18:07] Kirigaya: What I want to do and I don't wanna say they weren't good people, I just don't think they were the right people in the end.
[18:08] Kirigaya: And I sorta deluded myself into thinking they were and that any issue that happens will always be resolved, that wasn't the case.
[18:11] Yuuki Asuna: have you found the right people this time then?
[18:12] Kirigaya: This time I hope.
[18:12] Kirigaya: Like I want the people in this room etc to be the right people this time around.
[18:15] Kirigaya: I don't say it, but a lot of my fondest memories come from people in this room and how nice and accepting they are, even if I fuck up or do something stupid it's never made a big deal etc and I feel like that's what I ended up dumbly removing myself from and instead put myself with people who were nice sure, but they didn't understand me or try too and sorta put everything on me to fix things that I couldn't just fix, like a computer etc, even after the things I'd do for them etc.
[18:15] Kirigaya: Those people aren't in this room now and never show up in this room, likely because I'm still here.
[18:16] Kirigaya: And I hate saying that about people I considered to be friends no matter what, but I guess it wasn't the same way with them.
[18:20] Kirigaya: Blagh sorry about all that emotional dump, I usually don't drop that on people.
[18:23] Kirigaya: Just felt like I needed to get it off my chest.
[18:24] Yuuki Asuna: No no its all fine
[18:24] Yuuki Asuna: you can say as much as you're comfortable with
[18:24] Yuuki Asuna: I dont mind listening to what you have to say at all
[18:27] Kirigaya: I mean I dunno, I felt like there was something really there and what really sorta kicked me to the reality, is when I gave them space few months worth, let things sorta cool down a bit maybe some time away would help and all, I reached out and just got met with 'I cut ties and have no plans to lock back' it just felt so heartless and cold, not even one chance to even hear me out or give me that chance, just sit down and talk hopefully settle things once and for all, avoid that sorta stuff from happening again.
[18:28] Kirigaya: That just sorta opened my eyes to say Were they really my friend? Because friends always eventually argue etc but they also always eventually forgive each other.
[18:29] Kirigaya: It kinda just made me feel like I was someone they just 'talked' too and that was that.
[18:30] Kirigaya: Despite the fact that I saw them as a Best Friend and no matter what, unless it was something horrible I always would consider them to be that.
[18:31] Kirigaya: I'm not gonna say I didn't fuck up or did things wrong of course, but I always feel like it's better to Forgive and move past that then to just abandon each other over petty arguments.
[18:33] Yuuki Asuna: Yeah I agree with what you say
[18:33] Yuuki Asuna: I've been there before alright
[18:34] Kirigaya: Of course, I'm not gonna name names, I'm not that type of person I'm not vindictive and nor do I want to make people change their opinion on them because of what I see,
[18:35] Kirigaya: It's just sad because this isn't my first Rodeo with this sort of thing it's happened to me for years now, so it always makes me loop back around to the question of are there people that will eventually accept my flaws and all, or will just eventually abandon me to wayside.
[18:36] Kirigaya: It hurts every time tbh and it always because of dumb arguments that could easily just be settled with simply talking and apologizing.
[18:37] Yuuki Asuna: I know, but I just always feels like it tells enough of the other person about how much they care
[18:38] Kirigaya: I always kinda wish, that me reaching out and how much I sorta agonize over this sort of stuff eventually shows that person how much I really do care.