Humboldt Dialogue Simplified

.:HUMBOLDT'S DIALOGUE TRANSLATED INTO SIMPLER ENGLISH:.

HUMBOLDT: Ah. A human. How quaint.
SIMPLIFIED: You're a human, that's interesting.

HUMBOLDT: Though I am certain you are most alarmed by my bewildering cephalopodic stature...
SIMPLIFIED: I know I look like a giant scary squid...

HUMBOLDT: Let it be known that I have no intention of causing you bodily harm for the time being.
SIMPLIFIED: But I'm not gonna hurt you, at least not right now.


HUMBOLDT: It would not be advantageous to me by any stretch of the imagination.
SIMPLIFIED: I have no reason to hurt you.

HUMBOLDT: That said, do not so much as THINK about being so bold as to refer to me as your ally or compatriot.
SIMPLIFIED: Don't get the wrong idea though. I'm not your friend.

HUMBOLDT: The undertaking of such sentimental drivel and ineffectual adherence to assuaging fidelity...
SIMPLIFIED: Friendship is so sappy and mushy.

HUMBOLDT: Egregious. Garish. Repulsive, even.
SIMPLIFIED: It's yucky.

HUMBOLDT: Such things are indubitably kilometers beneath a pseudodeity such as myself.
SIMPLIFIED: I'm too big brain for friends.

SIMPLIFIED FULL TRANSLATION:
*You're a human, that's interesting.
*I know I look like a giant scary squid...
*But I'm not gonna hurt you, at least not right now.
*I have no reason to hurt you.
*Don't get the wrong idea though. I'm not your friend.
*Friendship is so sappy and mushy.
*It's yucky.
*I'm too big brain for friends.