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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food no atmosphere,
I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts,
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison,
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta,
What do you get if you stand between two llamas? Llamanated,
Want to hear a joke about construction? Im still working on it,
Yesterday a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester,
Can February March? No but April May,
Why couldnt the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired,
What do you call a hen looking at a lettuce? Chicken Caesar Salad,
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Its a little fishy.,
What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.,
What do you call cheese that isnt yours? Nacho Cheese.,
My computer sings. its a Dell.,
I used to have a job collecting leaves. I was raking it in.,
Wanna hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.,
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Just read a few facts about frogs. They were ribbiting.,
How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together,
How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You will see one later and one in a while.,
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.,
My sea sickness comes in waves.,
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.,
I just read a book about Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first but by the end I liked it.,
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus and I lost my job as a bus driver.,
Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!,
Wife: I look fat. Can you give me a compliment? Husband: You have perfect eyesight.,
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.,
Ninetailz's roulette skills,
Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months,
Doctor:I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live. Patient: What do you mean 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?! Doctor: 9,
a man walks into a zoo. the only animal in there is a dog. its a shitzu,
what did the pirate say when he turned 80? aye matey!,
a Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. Unos... dos...and poof he disappears without a tres,
People don’t like having to bend over to get their drinks. We really need to raise the bar.,
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks,
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head,
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.,
A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.,
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine he woke up.,
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they're so good at it.,
I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!,
What's brown and sticky? A stick.,
The rotation of earth really makes my day.,
To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.,
What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.,
What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.,
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