Everyday Life with a Humanboi (Bonus Chapter 2)

“Alright, lights are good,” a round, male orc gave a thumbs-up to the program director.

“Cameras are ready too,” a thin male mono-eye spoke from the main camera system with the same gesture.

“Good,” The director nodded. “Get the cast,” he then waved across the stage to a dryad woman who strode to the back.

Three of the four cast members were sitting in various chairs to accommodate their bodies, the centauress standing.

Raising her botanical hand, the dryad waved to the four stars as they gave one another nods with nervous looks.

As the crowd waited patiently, the director pointed to the mono-eye man who in turn responded.

“Going live in 3, 2...” he then went silent as the light above the stage with the label ‘On-Air’ illuminated a rosy hue.

A second light shone bellow it with the word ‘Applause’, the audience following suit. As the second light then switched off, the crowd’s clapping and shouting subsided as the cameras changed to the one in front of the host of the talk show

“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, monsterfolk and human alike to another episode of ‘The Scene’. I’m your host, Persephone Lopoda,” the female Scylla host spoke into the camera as her skin changed to warm yellows and oranges beneath her sleeveless button-up top and mid-length skirt that showed an acceptable amount of her tentacles. “Today we’re broadcasting for the first time across dimensions simultaneously in HD to bring you a very special show! We’ll be devoting today to a special inter-dimensional exchange of both humans and monsterfolk with trends of both worlds and news in the entertainment world. But first, we have four VERY special guests for today’s show, and I know you’ve all been itching to hear from them. From the hit romantic-comedy series, please welcome the cast of ‘Everday Life with a Humanboi!”

Right on cue, the audience began clapping and cheering at that exact moment.

“Say hello to Kora Mantic!” The host cheered, as Kora then walked onto the stage clad in a black, girls’ t-shirt that went all the way to her hips where she wore a pair of khaki capris. Waving to the audience, the manticore girl blew kisses at different sections before heading to the far end of the stage to sit in a cushioned armchair.

The audience continued their excitement as the host continued.

“Hippa Basilequos!” The audience grew more excited at the centauress’s name being announced as Hippa trotted in next with finesse and grace in each hoof, her upper body in a burgundy blazer and manilla blouse underneath with a matching dark red skirt for her equine half. Waving slightly with a calm smile, she made her way to her spot one seat away from her sister, taking a seat on a special concave ottoman built for Centaurs.

“Kumoko Latrodecta!” The audience cheered as the blue-haired arachne scuttled out, then roared in excitement at seeing her ensemble. Waving delicately to the crowd with confidence and a seductive look in her humanoid eyes, the crowd grew wild at seeing Kumoko in her sheer silk cocktail dress that left little to imagination about her humanoid body (though she had lacy black undergarments on underneath). Her seat was similar to Hippa’s as she sat to the leftmost of the group.

“And finally,” the Scylla host began, elation building in even her tone. “The star of the series, please give a warm welcome to the Humanboi Kazuma Nishino!”

The audience screamed in unparalleled delight as the brown-haired boy walked out, dressed in a collared, green button-up shirt, jeans, and a pair of converse sneakers. Waving to sections as he made his way, Kazuma smiled as the monstergirls (and a few monstermen) in the crowd chanted phrases such as ‘We love you, Kazuma!’ and ‘Marry me!’. After Kazuma took his seat between the two stepsisters the audience took a good twenty seconds to calm down and finally stay silent.

The Scylla host cleared her throat as the camera turned to her. Gliding along her octopod legs she went to her desk next to Kora at the far right of the stage, taking her seat.

“Well now,” she smiled to the group of young stars. “This has been an exciting year for you four, hasn’t it?” Persephone smiled.

“Truly,” Hippa nodded.

“Totally,” Kumoko crossed her arms in front of her chest with a confident smile.

“You bet,” Kazuma chuckled.

“Understatement of the decade,” Kora quipped as the audience laughed.

“So much has happened between our world and yours, Kazuma,” the host smiled to the human. “Tell me, what’s been the hardest part about adapting to the monsterfolk world for you?”

“Oh, well,” the young man scratched the back of his head with a blush. “I guess all the attention I keep attracting as a human. Even with our worlds doing exchanges I’m still seen as a curiosity.”

“And what about you girls?” The Scylla woman turned to the female cast members. “I understand you all had quite a time adjusting to a Humanboi in your lives as well.”

A single lascivious whistle rang out from the audience, the three young women each blushing with different expressions. Kora smiled meekly, Hippa frowning as she gave a faux cough to the side, and Kumoko bared her sharp teeth in a haughty, smug grin that went ear-to-ear. Hoots and catcalls began to percolate from the audience as Hippa loudly cleared her throat.

“T’was indeed a most trying experience for us all,” the heiress began with a serious glare. “Even with the mutual culture-shocks and many initial misunderstandings,” Hippa’s frown then melted away to a pleasant smile, her pale cheeks glowing a light pink. “Trying as they were, none of us regret any of it, for the memories that were made art without a doubt priceless.”

With awes of compassion, the audience applauded the centauress’s response.

“Quite a flowery way to say that you enjoyed banging Kazu,” Kumoko snickered.

Flustered, the elder girl threw daggers with her eyes at the spider-girl as the audience gave more lewd cheers mixed with laughter.

“M-Moving on,” the host of the show cleared her own throat with a weak chuckle. “We have some questions by viewers of the human dimension wanting to know some things about the four of you and our world itself. For our people this will be common knowledge but we do have questions for Kazuma here too from monsterfolk. Shall I begin?” The Scylla host smiled as her shimmering skin swirled paisley patterns of blue and pink.

“Sure,” Kora nodded.

“Certainly,” her sister gave a slight bow.

“Fire away, Sephie,” Kumoko gave a thumb’s up as the crowd and even the host laughed at the remark.

“Heh...Right then,” she then held up a set of cards as she then read aloud. “First question: ‘What is the most common monster race in the monsterfolk world?’ Ah, this one is a tough one even in our world.”

“I shall answer this,” Hippa raised her hand, then looked into the camera. “There hath been many worldwide censuses over the century to find out just that. However, the results can fluctuate significantly within even a year. But, two facts hath remained constant: there art more races within the mammalian group than any others on land, and the aquatic and amphibious races art largely comprised of the piscine variety. Within these super groups, though, the further demographics are more diverse with several groups fewer in total population than non-mammalian land-dwellers and non-piscine water-dwellers. Anthropoids and carnivorans make up the largest groups of mammalian land-dwellers, whilst non-elasmobranchid merfolk make up the majority of piscine water-dwellers.” Smiling with pride, Hippa blinked when the audience began murmuring softly.

“Basically for those of us who don’t speak nerd,” Kumoko interjected. “Bony-fish merfolk rule the waters, and humanoids are tied with carnivore mammal monsterfolk as the biggest groups on land.”

With a mild chuckle the audience gave an equally soft clapping of the arachne’s translation.

“W-Well put,” Hippa sighed with a bit of shame in her look, wiping her brow with a handkerchief.

“Okay then, the next question is less technical,” the cephalopoid host returned to the segment as she read the next card. “Do monsterfolk have guns, or do you rely on what nature gave you? Another good question!”

“Yo!” Kora finally spoke again with a raising of her paw. All eyes on the manticore girl, she began with a confident smile. “Guns exist, but laws and regulations vary all over the world, which is basically how humans have it over in their dimension as I understand it. In fact, it seems like we’re identical in which countries’ laws are what when it comes to guns. The Americans have civilian-ownership, while we Japanese have virtually no civilian ownership outside of the police and JSDF. As for natural weapons, well, that’s honestly just given traits about our races. Like how if you’re facing a big, muscular, tall guy in a fight you naturally should expect him to have some hard punches and kicks, y’know?”

“Or when facing a manticore you should expect having to deal with a tail with venomous barbs that turbo-charge your libido,” Kazuma finally broke his silence as the audience snickered in response. Kora’s ears perked straight up as she pouted at him.

“It was ONE time! And TOTALLY an accident!” She humphed. Reaching over to the red headed monstergirl, Kazuma briefly scratched behind her ear, eliciting a throaty murr from Kora as she sighed with pink cheeks.

“Works every time,” Kumoko smirked as the crowd lightly chuckled themselves.

“Well, onto the next question,” Persephone cleared her throat. “This one is specifically for Kora.” Turning towards the host, Kora gave the Scylla her full attention. “When you first encountered Kazuma, your immediate instinct was to assume that he was a Doppelgänger. Why did you not consider that he could be a Dullahan?”

Rolling her eyes, Kora spoke into the camera focusing on her.

“Not sure what you humans assume Dullahans look like, but in our world they have distinct differences from humans. Firstly, their heads aren’t attached to their neck, and if you’d recall in the first episode when I met Kazuma I threw him off my bed in surprise, knocking him unconscious.”

“I still have a bump from hitting my head against the wall that time...” Kazuma added.

“AS I WAS SAYING,” Kora glared at her boyfriend with flushed cheeks. “His head would’ve bounced off elsewhere were he a Dullahan. The second obvious difference between humans and Dullahans though is that their skin ranges between sky blue and obsidian with hair normally grey or white. Clearly Kazuma lacks those colorations.”

“Even I thought Sir Nishino was but a Doppelgänger whenst I first encountered him,” Hippa giggled slightly.

“Yeah...Same here...” Kumoko laughed weakly.

“Well, to be fair,” Kazuma chimed in with a pleasant smile. “If any one of you had appeared in my world instead I would’ve assumed you were just a human girl that was a really convincing cosplayer.”

With a brief but hearty laughter, the audience took joy in the human boy’s jab.

“That actually makes sense,” Persephone chuckled. “Here’s the next question-...Oh MY,” her body swirled in pinkish hues as she grew embarrassed. “Well, th-this one’s for Kora as well...”

All four cast members turned their attention to the host immediately.

“Um...Kora, there has been a lot of mention of Kazuma having a petite...penis. Wh-What is the average humanboi penis size in humanfolk-lore, and what size were they in...y-your fantasies?” Whispering to the director at the camera station, she asked, “Is this safe to ask for this show?” The director merely nodded with a dastardly grin, unseen by the cameras. Gulping, the host nodded softly as she turned to the manticore girl. “S-So...Kora...?”

The aforementioned redhead had turned a tomato-red at the question, looking down as she fidgeted with her paws. Even her recently de-barbed tail twitched nervously.

“D-Do I hafta...?” She asked with a choked voice. She sat up straight as Kazuma placed his hand on her shoulder. Turning to her boyfriend Kora was then given a wink by the human she loved as she took a deep breath, facing the host.

“W-Well...M-Most of the artists I followed over the years...they...um...typically draw a humanboi of Kazuma’s build and size with a...p-penis about f-four or three inches long when...aroused...”

A whistle and a lewd yip suddenly came from the crowd.

“Y-Yeah...so...n-needless to say that’s, uh, roughly what I...expected...” burying her hands in her paws, Kora gave a very muffled scream of embarrassment as the audience cheered with more whistles and laughter.

“Yeah...Gonna fess up,” Kumoko raised her exoskeletal arm with an uneasy smile. “I’ve usually expected it to be only...one or two inches stiff....”

The monsterwomen of the audience gave an even more excited response to the arachne, who continued to smile nervously while attempting to keep cool.

“W-Wow...” The Scylla host gulped, wiping some drool off the corner of her lip. “Um-! We’ll be back for more of your questions after a quick break! Stay tuned, we’re just getting started!” And with precise timing the audience clapped as the applause light went on, then the ‘on-air’ light switching off after five seconds.

“And we are out!” The monoeye man gave a thumb’s up. “Live again in three minutes!”

Walking up to the host, the director patted her shoulder endearingly.

“Mr. Director...was that really okay?” Persephone sighed. “I know it’s the afternoon but won’t this violate standards and practices for this station?”

“Don’t worry about it, Persephone!” He laughed. “This kinda stuff is what the viewers want in both worlds. Trust me, the network already screened these questions beforehand, and there were far more inappropriate ones that we had to throw out.”

“How could there be anything more inappropriate than that one!?” Kora fumed. “I felt like I was gonna die of embarrassment right then!”

“Oh, well, there were a few that wanted to know how your boyfriend’s semen tasted, whether the rumors about him liking rimjobs were true, as well as-“

“Okay! Got it!” Kora threw up her paws in defense. “This is still so mortifying...”

“Just hang in there,” Kazuma patted his girlfriend’s knee. “We’ll get through this.”

“Yeah, we’re all in this together, remember?” Kumoko piped up. “That was why I confessed my fantasy back then.”

“Seriously? You schlick to cocks THAT tiny?” Kora awed at her friend.

“N-Not all the time!” The she-spider sputtered, her pedipalps rubbing together. “B-Besides, I’m happy with what I got from Kazu. Fantasizing is one thing, but reality is another thing all together.”

With a clearing of her throat, the eldest of the quartet of stars finally spoke again.

“Do be careful of what thou confesses to whilst being filmed,” Hippa crossed her arms under her mammoth bosom.

“Back at ya,” Kora and Kumoko both spat back in unison, eliciting a sharp inhalation of breath from the centauress’s nose before she scowled to both younger girls.

“Two minutes!” The mono-eye cameraman held up two fingers.

“Well, either way don’t worry about the questions,” the director chuckled. “Just be honest and try to keep an open mind, ladies. Oh, and Ms. Basilequos,” he turned to the centauress.

“Hm? Yes sir?” Hippa blinked with interest.

“Try to loosen up a bit,” he winked. “I know you’re nobility but you can relax a bit while on camera, it’ll make you seem more on the level with viewers in both worlds.”

Stiffening with crimson cheeks, the aristocrat nearly fumed at the remark but let loose a breathy sigh as she slumped in her humanoid half.

“Very well, sir I shall try to do as thou requests...” she reluctantly complied.

“One minute!” The cameraman chimed.

“Alright, I’ll be getting back now,” the director nodded with a smile as he went back to his seat by the camera.

“Thirty seconds!”

“Here we go: Round 2...” Kora gulped before putting a smile back on her lips.

“Twenty seconds!”

“Let’s do this, guys,” Kumoko gave a thumbs up to the other three.

“Ten!”

“We’ll be fine, stop acting so scared,” Kazuma shook his head with a chuckle.

“5! 4! 3! 2!” And on cue the audience applauded as the show went live again.

“Welcome back! Today on ‘The Scene’ we’re broadcasting live across the dimensions in crystal-clear HD, and right now we have the cast of ‘Everyday Life with a Humanboi’.”

With a great cheer, the audience clapped in excitement.

“If you missed the previous segment,” Persephone continued as the crowd quieted down. “We have questions from both our worlds for the cast as a part of today’s inter-dimensional exchange episode. We had some educational and others...” the Scylla girl began to flush pink and reddish colors. “S-steamy. B-But! We still have others for our four lovely guests, so let’s continue where we left off!”

On cue, the audience applauded as the host took out another set of cards to read from.

“Now then,” she turned to the four young adults. “Ms. Hippa, this one is specifically for you.”

Hippa’s ears perked up at high angles as she looked over to the Persephone.

“What sort of anatomical differences do non-humanoid monsterfolk such as centaurs have with humans? A technical question like before, but let’s try to be brief this time, alright?” A snicker from the crowd elicited a blush and frown from the heiress.

“Ahem!” The elder sister coughed. “Very well then. My upper body hath two lungs and a heart similar to humanoids and, as I hath learned over the past few months, the same as a human’s. Though I also possess a pair of larger, more powerful lungs in my lower body with a more powerful heart similar to a horse’s. With centaurs, our larger lungs and heart art for supplying oxygen to the majority of the body whilst our smaller set doth provide oxygen to our brains.” Looking out, the centauress noted the bored looks of the audience as she gulped. “P-Putting it into s-simpler terms...” she sputtered with a forced smile. “ ‘Tis like a car! O-Our larger heart and lungs provide the h-horse power like an engine whilst our smaller heart and lungs art the battery providing power to a car’s sensors, built-in GPS, and so forth!” Her hearts both racing, Hippa was frozen in embarrassment as her pale skin perspired.

With a steady clapping that crescendoed into rapid staccato of applause, the audience cheered at Hippa’s explanation. Looking to her sides, the eldest of the quartet felt warmth at seeing her co-stars smile with their own clapping.

The ovation lasted for but ten seconds, but for the heiress it was a wondrous ten seconds of affirmation.

“Nicely put, Ms. Hippa,” Persephone smiled happily. “We have another technical question attached to a bigger one. Here’s the first part: How are the 4chan boards of monsterfolk different from those of the human world? And a side question: How do slimes type? I’m curious about the former one actually.”

“For the latter,” Kumoko chimed in. “This is old news to monsterfolk, but slimes and others without bones or exoskeletons use watertight bodysuits with skeletal supports or even just gloves to allow them to grasp solid objects, type, and do things the rest of our kind have no problem with. I’ve even custom-made several bodysuits for slimes and even a few wormfolk like leeches.”

With an awe of intrigue from the audience, the spidergirl crossed her arms and smiled confidently.

“As for the first question,” Kazuma raised his hand. “From what I’ve seen over the year it’s mostly the same. The big differences are actually in the several porn and even toy sections.”

Lascivious whistles and hoots followed the humanboi’s words, yet his face remained the same with his smile and confidence.

“Lots of the threads in /toy/ are the same, but things that lots of anons want that don’t exist in proper figure form include human characters. The /dino/ toy threads seem the same but instead of arguing over scaly dinosaurs and feathered ones, it seems prehistoric evolution is largely unresolved in this world. Seems fossils are even scarcer than in my Earth,” Kazuma quipped as the audience chuckled.

“But the biggest difference is on /d/ with what would normally be ‘monstergirl’ or ‘monsterboy’ threads. Instead the threads are broken up into focusing on humanboi’s and humangirls. Like Kora mentioned, most humanbois who are more attractive by girls of both worlds tend to be small in the penis department, smaller than me even!”

Another perverted whistle and yelp issued from the audience.

“Heh, and instead of things like centaurs, Minotaurs, ogres, and so forth the Humanboi equivalents are muscular, tall, and handsome with defined masculine traits besides their penis sizes. The general groupings are based on physiques and size. With monstergirls it’s similar with body types, which some border on what’s vanilla in my world. Another example is that in my world, we thought harpies and lamia were all females only capable of making more female offspring, but I learned that males of their races exist, they’re just so feminine that they’re virtually identical save chests and what’s below the belt. With humans we call these types either bishounens or traps.”

A hodgepodge of whistles and applause followed the only human in the studio’s words.

“Piggybacking off of that,” the Scylla host began again. “This one’s...interesting,” her humanoid lips sputtered a little as she desperately tried not to laugh. “Um, has anyone in the monsterfolk world d-determined if...traps are gay?”

“Yo!” Kumoko raised her clawed hand. Instantly the entire studio went silent. Clearing her throat, the she-spider began her response. “There is no simple answer. Many monsterfolk races have masculinity defined by dominance and strength, and in most cases I’ve dealt with in tailoring, the males of those races who are more similar to the females in physique and mannerisms are usually bisexual at the least.”

More whistles issued from the audience, Kumoko rubbing her pedipalps together.

“However, in other races like arachne...it’s the males who are daintier, smaller, weaker, and softer in their appearances. For these males they’re considered ‘traps’ by other races and for some cultures within races like mine it’s...not uncommon for the males to wear...young girls’ clothing for attracting the females...” Kumoko purred as she spoke seductively.

“Uh...Kumoko...?” Kora whispered.

“Huh?” The arachne breathed, pausing as she noticed she was rubbing her humanoid legs together and fondling her own breasts in her arousal. Stiffening up with her hands at her sides, the she-spider’s pale face became a beet red.

With yips of lewd approval and laughter, the arachne sank in her seat a bit as she fidgeted in her embarrassment, looking at her claws that twiddled arcane patterns to themselves.

“I’ll be completely honest, Ms. Kumoko,” the Scylla host finally spoke. “That was all news to me. And well...You could say that...Uh...I can certainly see why some races’ females p-prefer such males...” Persephone gulped as her skin went to pale pinks and blues. Predictably it took no time for the audience to let loose their lewd approval for even the host. “W-Well then!” She then became swirls of electric yellow and orange. “We have just a few questions left, so let’s try to knock them out before we run out of time, shall we?”

A collage of responses from the four young stars all gave approval of the move.

“Okay! Next up,” the scylla cleared her throat. “Are there any venoms produced by monsterfolk that actually kill, or are they all libido-based like manticores’? A good question indeed!”

“Ugh...” both venomous girls of the troupe groaned in unison.

“First off,” Kora sighed. “Manticore venoms are different for both males and females, and they have different purposes for each sex. Male venom is a tranquilizer originally used for subduing prey but only effects most mammal monsterfolk like a mild sleeping-pill or muscle-relaxer. Female venom was used to instigating a chosen male into mating originally, but it usually affects only mammal monsterfolk by making their loins itch. Humans seem to react...well...like male manticore...but a bit different...” Kora wilted as she looked at her lap.

“For the last time, I forgive you,” Kazuma sighed as he clasped his girlfriend’s purple paw. Kora purred back as she slowly leaned in kissing the Humanboi as the audience grew loud in their excitement.

“Ahem!” Kumoko interrupted the romantic moment as the crowd laughed. “Sorry, but this isn’t a soap opera, you two.”

“To answer the question,” Hippa finally spoke once again. “Some races’ venoms can be dangerous, but few art lethal at all, and fewer can kill more than one race in particular.”

“Thanks for the save, Hippa,” Kumoko gave a sarcastic smirk.

“Right, onto the last one,” Persephone continued. Her eyes widening and skin swirling in pinks and blues, the Scylla host gulped. “Sorry, but this one is for Kazuma...”

The manticore girl and the Humanboi both perked up to look over at Persephone.

“...And it’s about Kora...”

“HUH?!” The dejected manticore stood up, her wings spread and ears turned back as she bared her fangs. Both the audience and Persephone gasped in surprise at the outburst.

“Down,” Kazuma pulled his girlfriend back into her seat, only to have her scowl at him with puffed cheeks.

“Uh,” the host coughed. “So, Kazuma, other than humanbois, have you learned of any other interests that Kora has...?”

“Don’t you DARE,” Kora growled, but all for naught as Kazuma was unphased.

“Well,” he began with a sly grin.

“You better not say it!”

“Kora happens to be into...”

“He’s lying! It’s not true!”

“A thing called....”

“Not listening! LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-!”

“Soccer.”

“LA-LA- Eh...?” Kora looked over to her lover in surprise, greeted by a smug grin on the humanboi’s face. “Stupid human!” She fumed as she batted at Kazuma’s shoulder in a whine, to which the audience heartily laughed.

“It’s true, she’s still into sport though she doesn’t play anymore,” Kazuma nodded as the audience laughed. Turning to the red headed manticore he smirked again. “You really think I would say something embarrassing on live TV?”

“Ugh...” Kora slumped in her seat. “I almost thought for a second you were gonna mention I like shotacon hen- NOOOO!” The manticore stood straight up with a terrified and shocked face, covering her mouth before she ran off stage on all fours like a winged cheetah, crying pathetically. The audience had initially gasped and then burst into a raucous laughter at the entire incident, Kazuma running after his fleeing girlfriend with her sister and childhood friend following after.

“W-We’ll be right back!” Persephone exclaimed to the camera as the audience continued to applaud more lively than they ever had on the show.

Standing at the control area, the director smirked, shaking his head with a knowing look in his eyes.

“Even after a year they still have that perfect chemistry,” he chuckled to himself.