Why I Hate Haruhi

Usually things don't upset me.

Okay that's bullshit. I get upset by a lot of things, and frequently.

But usually I get over them pretty fast and they don't continue to piss me off as much as they used to.

That is not the case with the Suzumiya Haruhi series.

I tried to watch this series. I'd heard some good things about it from a person whose views I'd usually take into consideration.

This show is needlessly incomprehensible and obtuse. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have that much trouble following it. I watch Lost. But the thing is, even after you "know" what's "actually" happening, it still doesn't make all that much fucking sense.

I heard somewhere that this series was based off a dream the author had. And I can buy that. I mean, I can't remember shit about my dreams either.

The thing about this show's level of impenetrability is that it fucking pisses me off. Some of the concepts are literally impossible to fully comprehend (by the way, if you're laughing right now, thinking that you can fully comprehend the concept of things like a "Data Thought Entity" then I don't know what sort of telepathic space-brain you possess but why haven't you used it to cure cancer yet, you prick). This show... it feels like it's playing down to the audience. And that's kind of fucked up; I really don't want to be talked down / out-smarted by a show starring the world's bitchiest Genki Girl.

Which, of course, brings me to the main character of the series, Suzumiya Haruhi (or, as certain more distressing members of the human race will insist you call her, "Haruhi-sama").

I... I honestly cannot say that I loathe any single character as much as I loathe Haruhi. She is a terrible person. And I'm not exaggerating, she really is a horrible human being. She is virulently anti-social, utterly and totally obnoxious to everybody, physically incapable of expressing all but the most base and violent human emotions, and to cap that all off she is a completely amoral sociopath.

It's rare for me that I can't look at a character and find some factor about them that redeems them in my eyes, at least in the sense of making me understand their motivation or their reasons behind who they are. But I can't do it in this case. I can't find a single redeeming factor about Haruhi's character. She is the epitome of "Neutral Evil." Utterly selfish and concerned with only getting her way, no matter what the cost.

It's such a fucking shame she's "eccentric" because otherwise some other characters might fucking call her out on some of the shit she does, like assault, sexual harassment, and blackmail / extortion.

Of course, even if they did, nothing would ever come of it because, well, she's God.

Yeah. Fucking God.

I don't even know where to begin. What thought process does a person go through where they think, "I've created the world's most selfish, vindictive, amoral, and downright detestable characters in all the whole wide world. I think I'll make her GOD TOO."

I... ugh... dammit.

What makes it worse is how much some of the fans like this character. It astonishes me. I do not know what endears this character to these people; I cannot fathom it. And a lot of the ones of happened across are at the Twilight level of fantardedness. The simple idea that others might not appreciate the everlasting grandeur that is "Haruhi-sama" has no chance of piercing the thick layer of FanDumb insulation protecting their brains from sense.

I'm not even going to really go in-depth about the other characters. Because, honestly, they're not that bad, but they're not that good either. Actually, some of them are pretty interesting, but everyone is brought down by Haruhi in my opinion.

Kyon is the only normal guy. He's a snarker and a smart-ass, so I can actually relate to him. He's also Haruhi's "love interest," as much as someone like her can love. Honestly, I don't think I'm exaggerating but it's more like kidnapping and slavery. She hijacks him into joining the "SOS Brigade" and he can't ever leave because she thinks (unfortunately correctly) that she is the end all of everything ever and she should get everything she wants ever. If he did try to leave she would get mad or jealous or simply bored and unconsciously destroy the universe. So, Kyon's basically stuck were he is. After a little while he begins to feel an attraction to Haruhi, but I seriously doubt it's because of any merit he actually sees in Haruhi. It feels more like some form of Stockholm Syndrome.

Mikuru is a time traveler, and the most useless one ever at that. She exists solely for the purpose of fanservice and "Moe Moe." She is incredibly annoying and exists solely for the dual purpose of being raped by Haruhi and being more attractive than Haruhi, making Haruhi jealous about Kyon's feelings towards her, thereby creating tension that Haruhi might delete the universe.

Nagato is an alien. Only not really, because the idea surrounding her character is ridiculously complex and I don't even fucking know. She can bend reality to her will virtually completely. In any other show she'd be either the Boring Invincible Hero or the Final Boss of Ultimate Power. Basically she's in God-Mode, but still behind Haruhi who, again, is actually God RRRRRRRRR---

I'm back. Nagato is sent to observe Haruhi and learn about non-linear evolution so that the Data Thought Entity (which she is derived from) can evolve and be on par with Haruhi.

I once read a Kyon x Nagato fanfiction. It was easily the best experience I've ever had related to this series.

Itsuki is a psychic (or "esper") and is very uninteresting to me. The only thing he's contributed is a synopsis of the actual plot of the series. Let me boil it down for you:

The plot of the series... Is to prevent this horrible woman... from ever being bored or angry or jealous or sad or upset.

The plot of the series... Is that a time traveler, an alien thought being from space, a super-powered psychic, and Joe Normal... Have to babysit the universe's bitchiest Genki Girl, who happens to be God.

I cannot say "fuck you" emphatically enough.