The Darkest of Knights

King Zoloman the Third ruled horribly and unjust. He wasn't fair to others and only cared about himself. But the biggest problem was that he stunk. He smelled horrible, like a rotting fish with its head bitten off by a slave, who then died with said fish. And his horrendous smell would ultimately lead to his downfall.

He started ruling at the age of 25 after his father, Zoloman the Second, died. Zoloman the Third had been ruling for a great amount of time now, 23 years. No one dared challenge the throne, for he had a hired squad of knights who protected him. They were to assassinate anyone who spoke of challenging the king. He also hired a royal jester and a wizard.

One stinky, gloomy afternoon, King Zoloman called a council meeting with his knights to talk about a new group of rebels. They planned to charge the castle at midnight. They concocted a plan. While planning, he called one of his knights to his side and bent over to whisper in his ear. The knight caught a whiff of his breath and promptly keeled over and ejected his lunch.

Seven of the ten knights stood and drew their weapons. They would not stand for this. They were fed up with Zoloman's disgusting personality and persona. Angrily, the screamed and yelled at him, waving their swords and lances in the air. The remaining three knights stood up and formed a small circle around Zoloman's throne. Frustrated, the seven knights threw down their weapons and left the castle.

Zoloman sighed. If the attack was tonight, he was about as unprepared as he could get. He just lost seven of his finest men; only three knights, his jester, and his wizard remained to protect him. He dismissed the last knights and called his wizard. They talked while the jester performed for them, all through the night.

At 11:57, the royal bells rang. A mob of angry peasants had formed at the castle. Surprise, surprise, guess who was leading them? The knights who had abandoned Zoloman smashed the royal gate and led the charge. His remaining faithful knights held off as long as they could but were overpowered by the rebels. From the gate, a giant cannon was wheeled into the room. The rebels loaded it and fired it, right at the king. The royal jester jumped it front, grabbed the cannonball, spun around, and threw it back at the cannon. The cannon exploded and threw the rebels to the side, killing some.

The jester landed on his feet and looked excited. He was finally able to show the king what he could do! Suddenly, he felt a sharp burst of pain in his chest. The rebel knight pulled the sword out and cleaned the blood off on his cloak. The jester collapsed in a pile of blood.

A group of rebels suddenly turned into sheep. Only 10 or so rebels remained. Zoloman looked to his left. His wizard had appeared from his hiding place behind a flower pot and was waving his wand, preparing another spell. Two knights charged him. One tackled him while the other whipped the staff out of his hand. He broke it over his knee, and the sheep turned back into men. One rebel was a bit late to realize and bleated a few times before attempting to eat the floor.

Zoloman was getting nervous. Luckily, he had one more trick up his sleeve, the fact that his wizard had a trick up his sleeve. The wizard slipped a vial out of his pocket, popped off the cork, and downed it in one gulp. The wizard instantly began growing, gaining muscle and size. He threw the knight off of him and began rampaging, throwing rebels out of the windows and smashing his flower pot over their heads. He seemed unstoppable.

Suddenly, another cannon was wheeled into the room. Where were they getting all these cannons from? The king was sure they only paid rent for a single one every year. The cannon fired, and the ball blasted through the wizard giant's chest. He groaned, stumbled around, ate his flower pot, then collapsed over Zoloman.

Zoloman suddenly had the notion that he should maybe try to run. Alas, it was too late, for the giant body slumped over him hindered him from doing so. As the sword bit into his neck, he thought to himself, "I *really* should get some carbs in my diet."
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Ten years later, Zoloman awoke. Except he didn't feel quite right. He was lying on the ground, and he was in the royal cemetery. They hadn't even bothered to bury him. He tried to lift his arm, but the movement felt far off. He looked around. Then he realized that his point of view was, quite literally, from the ground. His head was separated from his body. He was so revolting that even Death had rejected him!

Suddenly, a pair of powerful arms scooped up his head and set it on his body. Then, with a booming voice, the person announced to who knows what, "Zombie King has returned!". He looked up. It was his faithful wizard, still pumped with steroids. His royal jester and remaining three knights joined him, cheering for Zombie King. He smiled. This was going to be fun.

Epilogue: In 1365, a horrible botanical plague swept the world, turning half of all living humans into plants of random species, but with powerful abilities and weapons, such as pea-shooting and unbreakable shells. A war broke out between plants and zombies. Zombie King, noting plants didn't scream or run quite as much as humans did, decided to join the war with his faithful crew.