Betanon

I don't wanna close my eyes (twi, waifufaggotry, sad/feelsy)

Nov 23rd, 2018
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  1. >he's awake
  2. >still
  3. >you can tell by the way he's holding onto you and the way his thumb is still stroking the back of your hoof
  4. >as well as the way he's breathing
  5. >this is anything but the relaxed heaving you'd expect from someone that's been lying in a bed for hours
  6. >squinting your eyes open, you can still see Luna's moon from the main window
  7. >meaning it must be somewhere between 1 and 2 AM
  8. >so why is he still awake?!
  9. >you would be sleeping by now, if not for a spell you preemptively used on yourself to keep you awake as well
  10. >something's wrong
  11. >he's been having troubles sleeping for a few days now, you can tell by all the yawning and the bags under his eyes
  12. >and when you confronted him earlier today, he dismissed you completely by telling you not to worry about it and kissing you
  13. >but how could you?!
  14. >what could there be that he'd feel the need to hide from you?
  15. >after all these years and after all you've been through together
  16. >there's something he's hiding from you, something that keeps him awake
  17. >of course you'll end up worried sick about him, the big dummy!
  18. >but you weren't at first, no, you thought that he maybe was simply waiting for you to fall asleep to get out of bed and spend hours on his computer playing one of his silly video games
  19. >or maybe that he'd be working on some surprise party with Pinkie
  20. >not the first time it would've happened too and it would also explain the secrecy
  21. >but these thoughts disappeared after the first couple of hours of you faking your sleep
  22. >he's still there
  23. >he stays there, holding you close and caressing your hoof, or even your mane or wings every now and then
  24. >you have to know
  25. >you can't just ignore something like this
  26. >what if...
  27. >gosh, you don't even want to think about it!
  28. >but here you are now, so how are you going to do this?
  29. >maybe fake your waking up and asking him why he's awake?
  30. >or maybe be honest with him and--
  31. >movement from your human derails your train of thought
  32. >something unusual
  33.  
  34. >the hand that was resting on your hoof lifts itself and away from you, and you expect to feel it on your mane again, but it never comes
  35. >it doesn't stop there
  36. >instead you feel his arm reaching up and you conclude he must be scratching his nose or something like that
  37. >false alert--
  38. >until you feel an erratic heave from his chest, and hear him let out a shaky breath
  39. >or what you think is one?
  40. >why would--
  41. >his arm lowers itself back down and you feel him wiping his hand against the blanket covering the both of you
  42. >but you still feel wetness when his hand finds your hoof back
  43. >it's barely there, certainly due to the wiping, but it is there
  44. >why is it wet?!
  45. >is he cr--
  46. >a sniffling sound coming from above confirms it
  47. >and dread settles in
  48. >why is he crying?!
  49. >it must be so much worse than you thought!
  50. >could it be your fault?!
  51. >is that why he doesn't want to tell you?!
  52. >you have to do something, you can't just stand idly by while your stallion is in such a state for Celestia's sake!
  53. >his body jolts in surprise as your own all but flings itself around and then up
  54. >and his hands instantly find your sides, trying his best to keep you still
  55. >he certainly thought you were going to fall down or something
  56. >because he's allowed to be worried about you, but you?! nope, 'nothing to worry about' here!
  57. >"Twilight?! Are you okay?! What happen--"
  58. "Why are you crying?"
  59. >he blinks in surprise, taken aback by you ignoring his own questions to ask yours
  60. >"Did I wake you up? Sorry, I didn't--"
  61. >his hand reaches for his face again and his thumb makes quick work of the tears that were pooling in the corner of his eyes
  62. >"I didn't think I was making so much noise, my bad,"
  63. "Answer me,"
  64. >he sighs and smiles at you
  65. >his smile normally makes you feel better, but not this time
  66. >and he shakes his head
  67. >"It's nothin--"
  68. "It's not nothing!"
  69. >if he had been taken aback before, now he's utterly bewildered
  70. >then again you didn't plan on shouting at him
  71.  
  72. "Sorry, I didn't mean to shout,"
  73. >"It's fine, I was awake anyway,"
  74. >you know what he's doing
  75. >trying to lighten the mood
  76. >and you'd be lying if you said this line didn't tug at your lips trying to get a smile from you
  77. >but not this time, mister!
  78. "I want to know, Anon,"
  79. >his eyes stay locked onto yours for a few seconds before they shy away
  80. >this makes your heart drop
  81. >why doesn't he want to tell you?!
  82. >but you're not going to drop this now
  83. >with a frown on your face, you start climbing on top of him until your face rests above his, and then you reach down to take hold of his face
  84. "Please, tell me,"
  85. >he still tries to break free from your gaze by turning his head, but your hooves keep him still
  86. >but a few caresses and strokes later and he completely stops resisting
  87. >but the display he's putting on is still having its toll on you
  88. >and you feel the droplet gliding down your cheek and see it falling without giving you the time to catch it
  89. >and his eyes fly back to yours the instant he feels it hitting his own face
  90. "I need to know,"
  91. >his face contorts into worry as the situation downs on him, and his hands shoot up to cup your own face and stop anymore from falling
  92. >"Oh no, no no no, baby please, don't cry,"
  93. "Then tell me!"
  94. >you're angry
  95. >you can't help it
  96. >you don't want to be, you're not even sure why you're angry in the first place
  97. >but you are
  98. >and his hands against your face aren't enough to calm you down
  99. >doesn't stop you from leaning into them, searching for their warmth though
  100. >"I--It's just, it's stupid, I swear!"
  101. >you growl and frown at him to show him you mean business
  102. "I don't care!"
  103. >he keeps still for a second or two, before he realizes he's not getting out of this one
  104. >"I..."
  105. >he sighs and swallows the lump he looked like he had in his throat, seemingly steeling himself for what he's about to reveal to you
  106. >"I just, had a bad dream a few nights ago,"
  107.  
  108. "A bad dream? Bad how?"
  109. >a dream that kept him from sleeping for three days?!
  110. >your human
  111. >Anon
  112. >a dream bad enough to get to HIM
  113. >gosh just thinking about it--
  114. >"Really bad? Like, losing you kinda bad?"
  115. >he has a hard time getting this one out, in between shaky breaths and his tears instantly returning
  116. >this sight alone is more than enough to get rid of any ounce of anger still inside of you, to be replaced by the irresistible urge to console him
  117. >which you do without even thinking twice, your lips finding his for a quick peck before you lower yourself and bury your muzzle into the side of his neck
  118. >his arms react in kind, wrapping themselves around your form to return your hug
  119. "You're not going to lose me, I'm here,"
  120. >he tightens his hold on you
  121. >"I know, it's just..."
  122. >you kiss his neck
  123. >"That's the thing, you're here with me, now, because I'm awake, but if I close my eyes and fall asleep, then,"
  124. >he has to take in another deep, yet still shaky, breath
  125. >"Then who knows?"
  126. >this part comes out as a whimper more than anything
  127. "It's okay, I'm here, and I don't plan on going anywhere,"
  128. >"I know! I know, it's just, it was just this fucking dream, completely messed my damn head is all,"
  129. >you give his neck another quick peck and then go for his shoulder
  130. >"Told you it was stupid,"
  131. >you can feel him trembling under you
  132. >and you don't think you've ever felt him hold onto you tighter than he's doing now
  133. >that's not nothing
  134. >that's not stupid
  135. "It's not,"
  136. >you have to fight his embrace to get up, but he eventually lets go, and you pull yourself up to look at him once again
  137. "Something that can put you in this state isn't nothing! Nor is it stupid!"
  138. "And I'm glad you told me, but you should have said something sooner!"
  139. >his eyes flee from yours again
  140. >"I know, I'm sorry, I just thought it would just go away, eventually, so I didn't want to bother you with it,"
  141. >you harrumph, before collapsing back onto him
  142.  
  143. "Keep talking,"
  144. >"What?"
  145. "Just keep talking, tell me everything,"
  146. >"Everything?"
  147. >you nod
  148. "Mmh-mh, letting it all out can really help with these things, that's what Celestia used to tell me whenever I'd have a bad dream back when I was living with her in Canterlot,"
  149. >"I don't... where should I start?"
  150. "Maybe, what were you thinking about when you couldn't sleep?"
  151. >"Heh, that's easy, I was thinking about you,"
  152. "That one was too easy,"
  153. >"I know,"
  154. >you don't need to see it to know he's grinning
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