Hanky-Panky

The first thing that Vicki realized was that someone had changed the TARDIS. Instead of the white sterile walls she was used to, the TARDIS was covered with pink paint and scented candles. She could still feel the hum of the TARDIS engines within the walls, but they sounded more like soft moans than the dry buzz she was used to.
The second thing she realized was that the blonde woman in between the legs of the dark-skinned woman who was happily groaning on Vicki's bed was being very enthusiastic.
Steven seemed to be in awe. The Doctor looked like someone had just violated his innocence.
Talking over the dark-skinned woman's moans, the Doctor said "What do you think you're doing on my TARDIS?"
The blonde woman screamed, and jumped away quickly from the other woman. Her blue eyes were in shock.
"What the fu--" started the blonde woman, but the other woman shushed her.
What happened next astounded Vicki even more. The dark-skinned woman--who was still very naked--jumped off her bed,and hugged both Vicki and Steven tightly, in a big group hug.
"Vicki! Steven! It's  been so long! I can't  believe I'm  seeing you two again!" said the woman, grinning from ear-to ear.
Vicki could tell from Steven's face that he was as confused as she was.
"Doctor?" asked the blonde woman suddenly. "What's going on?"
The Doctor opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the naked woman.
“Don't worry, Patty. These are just old friends of mine. Oh, and look at you! All young and wrinkly,” the woman said. She leaned over to the Doctor, who involuntarily  stepped back. She just walked closer to him, and reached and tugged at his lapels appreciatively, looking him up and down, like she was drinking in every detail.
Steven cleared his throat, and his eyes nearly bugging out at the eyeful Vicki and him were getting of the woman's body.
“Yes, Steven?” said the woman, without looking at him.
This was quite far enough for Vicki, and she grabbed the woman to face her.
“Who are you? And why are you on our ship? And why do you know our names?” asked Vicki. She did her best version of a menacing glare, and was surprised to see the woman meet her gaze. The woman's brown eyes pierced into Vicki with a sharp, though gentle intensity.
“Who am I? I'm the Doctor. Why am I there? Because this is my ship, thank you very much. And why do I know your names? Because I've traveled with you before, my dear Vicki.”
Vicki had no idea what she was saying, and looked to the Doctor for an explanation.
The Doctor looked at the woman, as if he was searching her eyes for the truth. Finally he said “Quite interesting. Now, would both of you ladies please put some clothes on.”

Vicki and Steven spent the next half-hour waiting for the two intruders to get dressed. Steven was eyeing the new look of the TARDIS.
“It's like someone just took the ship, and painted it purple and pink. It's all glittery”, said Steven.
To Vicki, it actually looked pretty. The entire air of the place was more roomy, like it was made for people to live in. They were even chairs in the console room. Vicki plopped herself on one chair, and stuck out her tongue at Steven's disapproving glare.
“We shouldn't be getting comfortable. We should be trying to figure out what's going on!” said Steven.
“I should think it's obvious. Somehow, your TARDIS and ours accidentally crossed into each other,” said the woman who was calling herself the Doctor. The woman was now wearing a short light-green cloak, wrapped around a blue dress. Her eyes still had that same gentle intensity, but it was balanced by a large happy grin. Her hair was shaved into an odd side-cut, that reminded Vicki of some of the more adventurous youth in her time. She walked to the controls of the TARDIS, examining screens and clicking dials with a grace suggesting she was used to it.
“So, you're a future version of the Doctor? Like, are you his descendant, or something?” asked Steven.
“Are you a sister of Susan?” asked Vicki. She noticed the woman's eyes widened at the reference to Susan.
“Susan? My granddaughter? She has sisters, but no...I'm the Doctor. Have I never mentioned regeneration? I am never like you humans, no matter what I look like. My species only looks like you. And when we die, we change our form, into yet another body. Our minds, our bodies, they die. Not our true self, but everything else falls away like scales,” said the woman. She looked at the Doctor who had just walked in, and pointed at him.
“You never told them this? Why?” asked the woman. Instead of the indignant snark that the Doctor usually had, he looked almost guilty.
“There was no reason for me to say it,” he said. His eyes sparkled with annoyance, but the woman didn't pay heed.
“Or is it,” continued the woman, “that you're afraid of the change. You have no memory of what it's like, to change into another person. Perhaps you don't say, not to anyone, not even to yourself, because you're afraid to lose who you are, and become someone else.”
“Is that why you're here! To lecture me on my secrets and my fears, hmm?” said the Doctor.
“So she's not lying? She is your future self?” asked Steven.
“Yes, yes, Steven, she is. And a dreadful future it is. Off frolicking with some blonde woman. I would think I would have better things to do with my time, especially as I got older,” said the Doctor.
“My name is Patty, just fyi,” said the woman.
“Oh, don't worry about Patty. I do have better things to do, but well, while I was last regenerating, some aphrodisiacal energy got mixed up with the rest of me. Now, try as I might, I still can't ignore particular urges I've been getting. That's why Patty's useful—she scratches that itch for me,” the girl said, kissing Patty quickly on the cheek. Patty smiled, but Vicki thought she saw a hint of sadness in her eyes.
“So, how long are we staying here?” said Steven.
“Well, I wanted to chat with you about--” started the woman who called herself the Doctor.
“Not long.. We've been here for too much time already. Two time travelers, existing in two TARDIS that have crashed! It's quite a surprise the ship hasn't blown to smithereens already,” said the Doctor.
“I'm right. Well, he's right. We need to get things sorted out,” said the woman. She took out a small silver device, and frowned at the Doctor. Then she rolled her eyes, and said “Ah, I hadn't made the sonic screwdriver yet.”
The Doctor raised his eyebrows at the device,  but said nothing.
“Are you the one who changed the TARDIS?” asked Steven.
“Oh yes. My previous body, she was all serious and draconian. She even had a Draconian companion. But me, I like the visual pleasures. So I've added some amenities and creature comforts,” said the woman.
“Only in the front part of the ship, though. I once got lost in the back, and ended up chased by spider-monkeys. At least there's a whole wardrobe filled with any clothing you want,” added Patty.
“Oh, come now. The spider-monkeys were a one-time thing,” said the woman Doctor.
“But the smell lasted for days!” said Patty.
“I made it up to you, didn't I?” said the woman, sticking out her tongue.
Patty rolled her eyes, and said to Vicki and Steven “See the type of stuff I have to deal with?”
“Indeed, I would never be involved with such boorishness, I mean foolishness!” said the Doctor.
Vicki actually could remember meeting a spider-monkey in the TARDIS room, but decided not to mention it. Her Doctor seemed to be personally mortified enough by this situation. His eyes looked worried, almost afraid.
 “Come on, young me! Let's get you all back in the right TARDIS!”  the woman Doctor said, grabbing the Doctor by the collar, and literally dragging him into the TARDIS hallways. Vicki and Steven had to both start running to keep up with them.
The woman seemed to know her way around the halls, and was soon out of sight. Only the Doctor's loud arguing let Vicki and Steven know where she was. Behind them, Vicki could hear Patty running.
Vicki called back “Hey! You okay?”
“Yeah, I'm fine. The Doctor's always so hyperactive. This isn't the first time I've had to run to keep up with her. At least this time, there isn't a monster chasing after her.”
“So,” said Steven, “you really think that this is the same man who traveled with us? She looks completely different.”
“It's even harder for me,” said Patty. “I mean, I never think of the Doctor as an old woman. But, that old man is the same woman that I'm familiar with. The same woman that has faced down Daleks, that I've saved whole villages alongside, that I've shared my...”
“You've seen Daleks!” said Steven. Daleks were some of the most horrible creatures in existence, and the Doctor was one of the few people who Vicki had met, who had lived to tell the tale.
Patti's face was tinged with sadness, and she continued “Oh yes. But, she always keeps me at a distance. It's like, the Doctor never feels the need to share anything important with me.”
“Well, she seems to enjoy you in some ways” said Steven sharply.
Patty glared at him, and said “Are you jealous? I saw the way you looked at her.”
Steven blushed.
"It's not all fun and games, though. Sometimes, she'll want to shag for days. Other times, she'll be too busy making three-dimensional calculus theorems to even look at me, even if I lay right on top of her. Then, randomly, she'll kiss me senseless. It's a little absurd, really," said Patty.
“How did you meet the Doctor?” asked Vicki.
“I can't quite remember the details. I remember waking up in some sort of casket, with the Doctor looking over me, off in some frozen wasteland. She said she saved me from some sort of odd experiment, but wouldn't tell me why. I don't remember what happened to my family, or my friends. The Doctor says she doesn't know, but I think she's keeping something from me” said Patty.
“The Doctor, our Doctor, doesn't tell us everything either. I still don't know where he was born, or where his home is,” said Vicki.
“And he never told us he could change form. How does he think we can trust him, if he never tells anything?” said Steven.
“Tsk, tsk. You were always a doubter, Steven,” said the Doctor, the female one. Her head popped around the corner and she beckoned them forward. “Come on, you'll miss the show.”
Vicki, Steven, and Patty walked into a room filled with color. Rivers of blue and red string covered the walls, and on the ceiling was  large, luminescent mural that was constantly shifting. On the side, there was several paintings, including one labeled “Clara.”
“Who's Clara?” asked Vicki.
“I don't remember,” said the woman Doctor quickly. She opened a panel in the middle of the room, uncovering a glowing screen, showing a list of numbers, and what looked like words in some unfamiliar language.
“You've redecorated the Spatial Sanctum,” said the male Doctor. He frowned, and then shrugged, saying “it's not that bad.”
“You're just jealous of my handiwork,” said the female Doctor. She waved her hand over the screen, looking and grinned. She looked back at the male Doctor and said “Well. Someone forgot to check on their integrity stabilizers.”
“I was going to check on them eventually. I was just busy with other things,” said the male Doctor defensively.
“Doctor, you were sleeping when we found out the TARDIS had changed,” reminded Steven. Vicki nearly laughed at the Doctor's  expression.
“What are you doing, Doctor?” asked Patty.
“Untangling these TARDISes with each other. It's difficult,” said the female Doctor.  She waved her silver device into the glowing list of numbers. They suddenly changed, and the TARDIS's lights blinked on and off, and rocked violently.
“Perhaps,” said the Doctor, who was holding onto a banister in order to keep from falling, “ you should try to affect the x-axis laterally, instead of manipulating it along the z-axis. As any true student of TARDIS engine construction knows, that's the only way to affect a TARDIS's spatialization without shockwaves.”
Vicki had no idea what that meant. But the female Doctor appeared to understand, and replied with a bunch of technobabble.
“No, no!” shouted the older Doctor. “By god, am I destined to be this foolish in the future?”
Soon, the two Doctors were arguing. A back and forth of technical terms, indignant declarations, and the occasional curse ensued.
“This is exactly what I would expect if the Doctor met himself,” whispered Steven. Patty nodded knowingly.
Eventually, they stopped arguing.
“That solution might work, possibly,” said the Doctor.
“Of course it'll work. I've had a lot more time than you to think about it,” said the female Doctor.
The male Doctor scoffed, and said “Vicki, Steven, prepare yourselves. We should be leaving shortly.”
There was a short pause. The male Doctor fidgeted a bit, as he watched the other Doctor manipulate the screen.
 “Ask it. I know you want to,” said the female Doctor.
The Doctor fidgeted some more. Then he said “Well..that change, hmm, will it hurt?”
“You mean, regeneration?” asked the female Doctor. Her brown eyes glanced at his. Two mysterious entities, zooming into each other.
“Of course, I mean regeneration,” snapped the Doctor.
“It will feel like the worst splitting headache you've ever had, but all across your body. And that's just the physical part. On the spiritual level, it will be like all your beliefs have been violated, and you will realize just how insignificant you are. Then you'll forget that, and realize that you have lost everything that makes you who you are, except for one thing. That one thing will sustain you, but only enough for you to become a new man, or woman. At some point, the pain of regenerating will be just a shadow in your memory. Until the next time, of course,” said the female Doctor.
The male Doctor nodded. Vicki automatically put a hand on his shoulder, which made him jump. He gave a small appreciative smile.
“Do you experience that everytime?” asked Patty, clearly horrified.
“That's just the simple regenerations. I've had worse,” said the female Doctor.  Vicki could tell that she was underplaying it.
“Oh, Doctor” said Patty, who grabbed the female Doctor in a hug. The female Doctor gave Patty a quick kiss, and kept working on the screen.
“Alright, I think you'll all set to leave now,” said the other Doctor.
“Good bye, Vicki and Steven. Until next time,” said Patty.
“What's the one thing that sustains you?” asked Steven.
Without taking her eyes off the screen, the female Doctor replied “You. Vicki. Even Patty. And Ace, Amy, and all the rest. My companions keep me sane.”
She said it without emotion, like it was an obvious fact.
The male Doctor said nothing, but Vicki could see a hint of a smile on his face.
And then they were back in the normal TARDIS.
“Ah, wonderful!” said the Doctor.
“But, about that other Doctor,” started Steven.
“I don't remember that, Steven,” said the Doctor.
“But, the companion future you were snogging,” started Vicki.
“I have no idea what you are saying,” said the Doctor. “So not one word. Not one more word, ever again!”
Vicki and Steven just laughed.
And somewhere else, another Doctor was laughing as well.