Emi Epilogue - Stopping Short: Chapter 4

*NOTE* I realize that it took me forever to get this chapter out to y'all (literally over 2 months) and I apologize for those who were waiting! I've been really busy with school related things and my personal life as well, so my free time available for writing hasn't been quite as plentiful. However, I hope this chapter delivers something you all wanted, and I hope you're ready because there's only one chapter left! I promise to get the last one out in a more timely manner (hopefully).
Enjoy!

Start Date: February 3, 2015

Stopping Short – Chapter 4

A note.

Plain, simple.

No flowers adorning the envelope.

No fancy borders or bright ink colors.

Just a boring sheet of notebook paper slid into an envelope and slipped beneath my door the following Sunday afternoon. The page is filled to the brim with neat, but frantic explanations, all written with a black pen that seemed to be fading away.

‘I’m sorry,’ her letter begins. ‘I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. This is all my fault, so I feel like I need to explain something.’

The light breeze outside thrusts rain against the window as I lean back in my chair. I stare at the glass for a while, silently observing the droplets as they accumulate on the panes. Something about the way the water falls unevenly, creating awkward and erratic rhythms as it collides with surfaces, reflects my condition. Not just my Arrhythmia, but my emotional state as well.

My eyes glide back to the letter in hand, my grip having tightened after remembering the events of the night prior. Although Iwanako blames herself, I know a lot of the fault lies with me; my hesitation and inability to properly react to the re-emergence of a past love interest were the ultimate cause of Emi’s…

Breakdown? No, I don’t think that’s what it was. If it was a breakdown it was the calmest breakdown I’ve ever witnessed. Her demeanor wasn’t exactly that of a person consumed by rage but rather…indifference? I don’t know.

Oh right. The letter.

I focus my gaze on the next line and continue to read.

‘The truth is…I can’t vouch for my emotional stability. Ever since your heart attack in that snowy field back in January, I’ve been guilt-ridden and filled with conflicting emotions. I wanted to remember you; I wanted to forget you. I wanted you to stay; I wanted you to leave forever. All I felt for months was a confusing torrent of emotions churning around inside of me, waiting to burst. Our unexpected reunion yesterday is what finally caused that to happen, I suppose…’

Was this girl truly that emotionally unstable? I used to pity myself for the four months I had spent wasting away in a hospital bed, but at least I had the small library to lose myself in. It honestly sounds like Iwanako didn’t have anything to rely on, anything to pull her out of that state.

And I can’t even begin to imagine how it felt to think you killed your crush with nothing but a few words.

That poor girl…

I shouldn’t pity her; I’ve learned my lessons on pity. But I can empathize with her. Those months must’ve been one helluva time…

I pick up where I left off.

‘I didn’t mean for this to happen, Hisao. I promise you that. I had no malicious intent with my actions whatsoever. I suppose I was just delusional, thinking you still liked me, fooling myself into believing that Emi wasn’t your girlfriend so I could have one last shot at you. I understand now how selfish that was. If only I had been thinking clearly on Saturday…’

Yeah, I wish I’d been thinking clearly, too.

‘Something came over me. When I saw you sitting there on that bench at the amusement park I remembered the boy I had loved. The boy that I know I still love. I needed you, and none of my mental protests were able to stop me. Every bit of me shattered at the thought of not being with you, and that’s what caused my actions. My own selfish desires are what made me follow you back to your school that night.’

I want to stop reading. The guilt is killing me. Somehow, despite knowing that Iwanako’s heartbreak was inevitable, I feel as though it’s entirely my own fault.

I still read on.

‘I’m not trying to make excuses for my behavior. I caused you two so much trouble, and I can understand if this letter makes up for none of that, but I just want you to know that it was never my intention for this to happen. If you don’t want to respond to or talk to me, I understand. Your choice won’t hurt me any further.’

‘It’s almost funny, in a way. Even though you’re at a school for the disabled…I guess it looks like I’m the broken one right now, huh? I’m so sorry, Hisao.’

I slam the letter down onto the desk and stand up quickly, unsure of what to feel. A walk. I need to take a walk.

Ignoring the fact that it’s pouring outside, I slip on a pair of sneakers, toss on a jacket, and make my way to the dorm entrance, grabbing an umbrella on the way. Streams of water cascade from the clouds, obscuring distant objects from view and creating enormous puddles on the ground.

Fuck it.

I stride into the torrent, bracing myself as the winds ram into me at full speed. The umbrella does jack all for the lower portion of my body as my pants and shoes are immediately drenched. Despite momentarily regretting my decision, I trudge forward, heading nowhere in particular.

That is, until I realize that my feet are carrying me towards the track out of impulse.

I can still hardly see anything further than 10 meters in front of me, but the first oddity that comes to my senses is not a sight. I swear I can almost hear the familiar tapping of Emi’s prosthetics against the track surface.

Probably just the rain crashing down like a goddamn tsunami around me.

As I close in on the bleachers the noise grows louder.

Click click click click click

Okay, there’s no way I’m imagining this anymore. My steps become more vigorous as I begin to practically sprint towards the track.

This girl…

My suspicions are confirmed as the ovular black surface appears from the depths of the rainfall, becoming clearer as I approach it. Sure enough, a bolt of pink lightning speeds by, her “feet” clacking loudly against the ground and echoing above the crashing of the rain.

What the hell is she doing?

Although I instinctively slosh forward through the quickly growing puddles, my brain stops me dead in my tracks. The possibility of Emi still being extremely pissed off is pretty high, and I realize that. So is charging up to her while she’s trying to clear her mind really going to help anything?

…

She’s gonna get sick.

I’m supposed to stop her from doing shit like this.

Ugh.

Goddammit.

I put my feet back in motion and stand on the edge of the track, waiting for Emi to finish her current round. Apparently she spots me from a ways away (which is quite a feat in this downpour), as her speed decreases dramatically and she’s already slowed to a walk by the time she reaches my side of the track.

“Hey, Hisao!” Emi calls out, sounding way too cheerful. “What’s up?”

Her positive tone and beaming smile are off putting, especially considering the fact that I essentially cheated on her yesterday. Well, not really, but you know…

“Uh, hey, Emi…” I reply hesitantly. “Nothing much, just taking a walk.”

I tread forward cautiously, just making simple conversation. The last thing I need to do right now is set her off again.

“Why are you running today?” I ask. “I thought Sundays warranted a day off, especially with weather like this.”

“Well, I just kinda needed to clear my head, ya know?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, I think I know…”

“Hey, something wrong?” Emi peers at me quizzically, a confused expression on her face as if I’m the freak in this situation. She is absolutely drenched.

You’re the one running around in this fucking hurrica-

Slow it down, Hisao. Calm; deep breaths.

“I…I just don’t want you getting sick again, Emi,” I respond, attempting to sound casually worried.

Her face contorts into a scowl for a split second before softening. Clearly she’s still not fond of people telling her what’s best for her…

“Hisao, I’m fine, okay?” Emi flashes me a big smile as water continues to soak every inch of her body. “Don’t worry about me!”

Obviously not fine.

“Do you really want to risk not being able to run again?” I pose the question carefully. There’s a good chance that she’ll get mad at me if I keep trying to push this any further, so hopefully I can end the discussion now. “C’mon, Emi. We’ll run again tomorrow, alright?”

Emi stays frozen in place, eyes locked on the ground rather than looking up at me. I move over to her side, covering her small body with the umbrella and tilting it slightly to shield us from the onslaught of rain. Rather than protest further, Emi sidles up against me, her shivering frame soaking my shirt as she tries to draw in warmth. Without a word, we start back towards the dorms.

Neither of us talk for a while, instead just walking quietly next to one another. Something about this silence isn’t calming or peaceful like it normally would be. An awkward tension hangs in the air, slowly suffocating the two of us beneath the umbrella. I can tell that we’re both searching for a way to remove this wall from between us. I decide to break the silence first.

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Emi.”

Emi tilts her head slightly away from me as she responds. “Sorry about what?” The cheerful sound is still there, but it’s singed with a somber undertone when she speaks.

“About everything,” I reply. “I just want you to know that neither of us intended for any of those things to happen yesterday. None of that was how it was supposed to be.”

“Then how WAS it supposed to be, Hisao?” Emi asks, biting her lip.

“I…I don’t know,” I mutter, realizing how poorly I worded that. “I guess what I mean is…I don’t love Iwanako; I have no feelings whatsoever for her.”

“You’ve already said that…”

“Just hear me out, Emi,” I interrupt, taking a deep breath to ready myself. “I realize you’re probably upset with me, and I can completely understand that. I was…hesitant yesterday. Iwanako coming back and bringing memories of the past with her had me in a bit of a trance. I suppose it just kind of stopped me from thinking clearly. When we were waiting for you to return from the bathroom, I wasn’t even aware of how much of a setup that first kiss was. I just wasn’t thinking straight, I let my guard down when she started crying, and it just...happened.”

I pause briefly to collect myself again and forge onwards.

“And last night, when she showed up at the dorm…I just froze up, I can’t explain why, but I did. It wasn’t out of romantic interest or happiness or anything like that; it was almost out of fear, in a sense. As if this piece of my past was haunting me, stalking me from place to place, trying to force itself into my life again. It was just a shock and I couldn’t make myself do anything about it…”

Saying this is going well would be an overstatement, but at least she hasn’t told me to stop talking yet.

“And the truth is, even Iwanako feels terrible about it. She left a letter for me this afternoon, saying that she never intended for either of us to get hurt, she was just so stuck in the past. She still blames herself for my heart attack, so she was hoping she could make up for that by creating the relationship that never was. She even explained how emotionally unstable she’s felt since my attack in January…so I guess finally seeing me again just set off a chain reaction of conflicting emotions, which is what made her act the way that she did… But it isn’t her fault, so please don’t be mad at her, Emi.”

Emi stays quiet for a few seconds, seemly mulling over the thoughts in her mind. After a moment, she opens her mouth.

“That was probably the shittiest explanation I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“I-I, erm…uh, w-what?” I stammer, completely taken aback.

Emi giggles softly, pulling herself closer to me. “It’s okay, you doof. I understand what you mean.”

“I, uhhhh…”

Still at a complete loss for words, I close my mouth embarrassedly. Luckily, Emi is more than happy to take over as the speaker.

“I’m not mad at you, Hisao.”

What.

I mean, I had my suspicions that she wasn’t “mad”, but WHAT.

“You’re…you’re not?” I ask cautiously.

“Nope! I mean, I can’t say I’m exactly thrilled about what happened, but it’s not like you guys did it intentionally, right? I believe you, and I know you would never purposely do something to hurt me.”

Taking everything at face value, this girl sounds entirely genuine. But knowing Emi, there’s something she’s hiding. Something about her ability to just “get over” something like this is wrong.

“I-I wouldn’t! I wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt you on purpose!” I spew out quickly.

“Then everything is fine, Hisao,” Emi states, matter-of-factly.

My brain is begging me to call bullshit. But I can’t exactly just say “Yeah right, you’re not okay ya dummy.”

“Are you sure nothing else is wrong?” I inquire carefully, attempting to nudge her towards speaking her mind.

Emi hesitates, clearly pondering whether or not it’s worthwhile to bring this up now. She decides that it isn’t.

“Of course nothing else is wrong,” she murmurs sweetly, kissing me on the cheek. “C’mon, let’s get back to the rooms before we both get sick.”

Prodding any further will get me nowhere, so I decide to let it go for the time being.

Oh right, and we’re still soaking wet. Maybe getting inside is a higher priority at the moment.

I lead Emi the rest of the way to the male dorms and take her into my room, leaving her momentarily to gather an unnecessary amount of towels to dry the small girl off. I’d like to avoid gallons of water seeping into the carpet of my room, so better safe than sorry. Once I return, Emi plops down onto a towel in order to remove her prosthetics and set them off to the side. Her running bloomers and light t-shirt follow her “legs” to a corner of the room, all of which are soon joined by her also drenched undergarments.

“Here, I’ll take care of those,” I say, moving towards the heap of wet clothing. As I pass Emi, I drop a large towel over her, covering half of her body in the white cloth. “And stop flaunting your body at me.”

Emi sticks out her tongue and begins drying herself, making fun of me all the while. “Oh you know you like it, Hisao. Or do you not remember the other night when-“

“What, when you pounced on ME? Yeah, uh huh, that was ALL my doing,” I joke, wrapping her things in a few towels until I can go wring them out. “Don’t be so full of yourself.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna be full of myself,” Emi says, suddenly infinitely quieter. “Maybe I just want to be full of yo-”

“HereEmiIthinkyouneedsomemoretowels,” I interrupt, hurling a stack of towels at her face before she can even finish her sentence. "I'll go dry your clothes while you do whatever it is you're doing right now."

"Hmph, fine, jerk!"

A light-hearted chuckle escapes my lips as I exit the room and head to the laundry area, Emi's soggy clothing in tow. When I arrive I briefly consider putting them in the wash as well (since they probably ARE kinda dirty), but decide against it to avoid washing such a minimal amount of clothes. Instead, I wring each article out over the washer and toss them into the dryer, adding my own soaked pants and socks to the mix before starting a short cycle. As the machine hums to life and begins to whir, my mind wanders back to Emi.

Something still isn't right. Our banter has returned to normal, that's for sure, but something still feels awkwardly stilted and uncomfortable. Emi has been swearing up and down that she isn't mad, but that doesn't mean that something else isn't an issue. Unfortunately, I can't for the life of me figure out what that other issue might be...

Leaving the clothes under the assumption that no one will mess with another person’s laundry, I head back to my hallway after sliding on an extra pair of shorts. However, instead of entering my room immediately, I pace back and forth outside the door trying to get things straight in my head.

I’ll take her word that she isn’t mad, but I’m willing to bet that something else is still an issue here. That having been said, what could it be?

I’m aware that my inability to understand Emi’s reason for being somewhat “off” is probably just the result of how naïve I can be at times. Logically, her current mood is not something I’ve never seen, but I’m drawing an absolute blank on what the past reason for this was. I should really just take a moment, sit, and think without any sorts of distractions.

Not that I have time for that, because there’s a potentially sad and naked girl in my room right now. That probably takes precedence over everything else at the moment.

I grasp the doorknob and briefly brace myself before gently swinging the door open.

“Sorry about that, Emi. Took a bit longer than I’d expec-“

My words suddenly catch in my throat as I take in the scene in my room.

Emi’s laying down sideways on the floor, still very much undressed and hardly drier than when I left her. Two of the towels she was using to dry herself are wrapped loosely around her hair and her torso, just barely clinging onto her body. The rest lay unused and scattered around on the floor, discarded carelessly in heaps. Emi herself is curled up in a sort of fetal position, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees which are resting against her chest. Her face remains firmly plastered against her legs, so it’s obvious that she didn’t hear or see me enter the room just yet.

“Emi...are you okay?” I call out softly to avoid startling her.

Emi raises her head slowly from her knees, her face bearing a very tired expression.

“Oh, sorry Hisao. I guess I’m just kinda exhausted, that’s all…” the pink haired girl assures me, attempting to stifle a yawn as she speaks.

Exhausted enough to just fall out on my floor mere seconds after I leave the room?

Despite my suspicions about whether or not the girl is only physically exhausted, I push everything else to the back of my mind and quickly move over to Emi’s side.

“Well try to be more careful about conking out naked in the middle of my room,” I say, letting out a small chuckle. “I can’t see that going over very well with anybody if they happened to open the door.”

Emi giggles softly. “Oh don’t be such a jerk, Hisao.”

As the girl falls silent I take over the task of drying her off. Picking up a still dry towel from the pile on the floor, I work my way gently up her body, starting by drying off her prosthetic-less legs. Emi sits still and allows me to do so, never once complaining that she can handle this herself. In fact, by the time I’ve finished ruffling her hair into oblivion the girl has a dopey sort of smile on her face.

“You enjoying yourself there, Emi?” I joke, removing all of the towels from her small frame.

“Maaaaaybe~,” she replies in a lilted voice. “Hard to complain about a little special treatment from your boyfriend.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call drying you off ‘special treatment’, but whatever floats your boat.”

Emi swivels around on the floor and wraps her arms around my neck, pulling my face closer to hers.

“It doesn’t matter what the action is,” she whispers, her eyes staring intently into my own. “It just matters that you’re the one doing it, Hisao.”

Caught off guard by her statement, I decide to let my actions speak louder than words, leaning in to kiss her gently. Emi accepts this gesture and pulls me even closer in an almost desperate manner, refusing to let me go. We stay like this, mouths locked together for a few more moments before quietly pulling apart. Although Emi’s expression is currently a very dreamy sort of bliss, it doesn’t mask the clear exhaustion in her features.

“Alright, you,” I declare, firmly but softly. “Let’s go. Into bed.”

Without waiting for a response, I hoist Emi up into my arms and carry her over to the bed, dropping her lightly onto the mattress. Moving back to my closet, I grab a large t-shirt and throw it over the girl’s head. At the very least if someone comes in she won’t be visibly naked. That shouldn’t happen considering the fact that I locked the door for once, but you never know with certain bespectacled hallmates…

After double checking that the door is indeed firmly secured, I climb into bed next to Emi, pulling her body towards mine and wrapping my arms gingerly around her. Rolling over to face me, the small girl brings one hand to rest on my cheek and slowly strokes it.

“Hisao…?” she murmurs under her breath. “You…you c-can’t leave me, alright?”

“What a silly question…” I respond, pulling her even closer and planting a kiss on her head. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

I feel the tension slowly drain out of Emi’s small frame, her body relaxing against me and her breathing growing soft.

“Good. You’d better not, ya big jerk…” she babbles, her voice so quiet that it’s hardly audible. “You’re gonna…get it if you……do……zzz……zzz……”

Emi’s voice trails off as she drifts into what I hope is a peaceful sleep.

The nagging feeling at the back of my head is slowly but surely being extinguished. Maybe there really isn’t anything else that’s wrong?

Sighing, I look down at the girl being lovingly cradled in my arms.

But I’d have to be a fool to think nothing's wrong…right?