Thread 85: Stories 61-75

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>Applejack
"???"
~~~

She had come to hate the sound of scribbling on papers. She accepted that she had to do it, for if she was not there to give them permission for their floats, and parades who would instead?

>...Actually, probably a lotta ponies... in fact, there should probably already be a department fer' this... huh. Got so caught up in doin' it so it got done with none o' the politics, Ah' never really sat down and wondered who else-

Her thoughts died with the slamming of the door, and she sighed as she realized she would once more find herself harassed by the changeling Queen who filled up so much of her life. She expected this.

>...What in tarnation?

"DAMN!"

Those expectations failed to prepare her for the sight in front of her. In fact, she doubted anything could prepare her for what she was about to see. A lifetime of training would do nothing to it, she swore.

Queen Chrysalis... in Hearth's Warming based clothing.

Clothing of the sexy kind.

>...Ah' am nowhere near hammered enough fer' ya'll ta' have even the slightest chance at this.

"HAH! Please, like you could handle this."

She punctuated her point with a shake of her barely clad rump.

Applejack punctuated that wanting to hurl.

>Iffin' ya' just came in here ta' show me yer' new outfit, Ah'll give ya' a two outta ten and send ya' on yer' way now.

"HAH! See that? Double HAH for today, on a HAH roll. Noooo, I'm looking for Twilight, and am sad I only managed 'country bumpkin'."

>...Now, Ah' hate ta' break yer' heart in advance, but Ah' feel like Ah' need ta' tell you ya' ain't gonna get nowhere like that with Twi' either. Ain't a hundred percent or nothin', but Ah'm pretty sure she's straight.

"That one right there? Does not even deserve a hah. You get no hah. Noooo, I'm looking for her to give me info."

>Ah'll save ya' the trip, she ain't gonna tell ya' what gets her brother's motor goin'. Now, see, Ah'm not denyin' she knows, she might, Ah'm just sayin' she ain't gonna share.

"Now see? That is a HAH! That's HAH worthy right there. That's legitimately funny."

>Ah' can die happy now, now that Ah' got yer' seal of approval.

"Seal? No no no... maybe just starting to melt the wax, nothing major yet."

>Is there any particular reason yer' still in mah' dang office?

"No, there's a reason I'm in Twi-Tight's office, though."

>...Gaddang shared livin' space.

"It's fine if you're sleeping with them."

>Ya' gotta do more than just be in the bed fer' that one.

"Working on it."

>HAH!

"...."

>Ain't so funny on that end, is it?

"Actually? It's hilarious watching you try, like a puppy trying to ride a skateboard."

>...Dang it, that does sound cute.

"Doesn't it?"

>...Where's Winona...

"HAH!"

>Ugh... why do ya' only go after him anyway? Ya' know there's lots'a available stallions out there.

"And if I wanted them, I could have them, very, very easily, but pfft. Who wants them?"

>Really? Ya' don't even look at the hunky stallions or somethin'?

"..."

>Not sayin' AH' do, but Ah'm not so forwards.

"Okay, Applejack? Haven't you ever wondered WHY changeling Queens only went after influential ponies, not 'hot' ones?"

>...They did? Ah' didn't know that.

"It's because, dear Applebottom flank, we are literally surrounded by males all our lives, males who can, at aaaaannnnyyyyyy time, look way 'hunkier' than the hunkiest stallion in hunksington, hunkstreet and off the corner of UNF. Physical appearance? Pfft."

She stamped her hoof, seeming to summon the wash of fire that consumed her and replaced her with an overly buff, sweat soaked alicorn stallion.

"We got that shit on lock."

>...Please change back.

"Trying to hold yourself back? Give in, I'll be gentle."

>Tryin' ta' hold back mah' lunch.

"HAH! Point is..."

After a quick flame, she returned to 'normal'.

"We can look however we want, so who cares how pretty someone is? But oooooh, influence? Power? Prestige? You've got to earn that, you've got to LIVE that, you've got to prove you've got something more inside of you than some thick muscles. You've gotta be... mmmm... important."

>Please stop droolin'.

"That right there? Beauty, we can fake. That?... That's harder to fake."

>...So ya' only like Shinin' Armor cause he's important?... Damn, knew ya' were petty, but-

"HAH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAH!"

>...

"...Nooo, that's just why I picked him in the first place. The reason I'm still trying to go back to the well after I've already drank from the tap is..."

>...

"...You know what? Nevermind. Stop trying to hook me up with your brother, he's as basic as they get, and I'm about as interested in him as a cat is with a hairball they hucked up."

>Oh, good, ya' finally figured out he's mah' brother. Ah'm proud o' you. Second part? Iffin' he tried ta' marry ya', Ah'd have ta' say somethin' at the weddin', fair warnin'.

"HAH! Wedding...oh you siblings."

>Well, we can't all be only child's.

Applejack, in their verbal jousting, had plenty of times before managed to get the better of Chrysalis.

This time was different. This time, she had for whatever reason, given her the impression she was as stupid as an invalid child.

>...What?

"...ppfffFFFTTTHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAH!"

>What? Ya' gotta brother or somethin'?

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

>Sister?

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!"

>...Ah'm three seconds from settin' fire ta' you.

"AHAH! AHAHAHA! AHAH... AHAH... ahah... no, you moron!"

>Ah' will so.

"Not to that, to what you said! WHAT!? Only child!?... WHAT!?"

>What?... Ah'm confused, it's different fer' Queens, ain't it? Cause ya' said Chitania's yer' aunt, and she keeps callin' yer' ma' 'sister', so ain't they related?

"...Hoooo... don't laugh.... don't lllaaaaauuuuugh."

>Ah'll hurt you.

"Look, stupid, it's like this. Sister and brother? Mean nothing, it's just a 'I like you' term. Now, I get you ponies are different, I'm not stupid-"

>Debatable.

"-but for us it just means we like each other. My mom and Chitania weren't actually sisters! Their mothers would have to trace back generations to find even a sort of overlap! But to a changeling, If you liked someone in your generation, they're your 'sister', major term of endearment, super special... however, if you like them but not super close, they were cousins. You know? Difference between 'friend and best friend' to ponies. Other that that, they were just Queens. Hated or otherwise, they were just queens."

She didn't know why she found all this strangely interesting.

But she, as one who treated family like... well, family, it was.

>...So... so do ya' actually have sisters? Like, biologically, Ah' mean.

"Biologically?... Uh... huh. I guess the hive?"

>...the... hive?

"Well, anyone who came from my mom... which is most of them? The other stragglers aren't though, but fuck if I know who's who."

The Queen spoke as if it were nothing but a mention of a sunny day.

The princess, on the other hand, found all of this... daunting.

>...Wait... wait a minute... so... so all of them came from yer' ma' too? They ain't like... like Dadling?

"What? No! Pregnancy was rare as fuck with the drones, had to be to keep the body count low. Nope, came from mom... or in a couple I think from my grandma, but I dunno. S'why Chitty's so mad all the time, she's defective. One kid, I'm serious. ONE... hee hee. Still funny... sorry, getting off topic."

She just kept laying it on, thicker and thicker. To her it remained little more than a casual thing, but to Applejack, it was... different.

Realizing just how changelings worked was, to put it mildly... unsettling.

>So... they ain't yer' brothers and sisters, even though they came from yer' ma?

"First off, brothers and sister, singular, only Forty Two, and she was a weird case... point is unless you're a heir, you're not called 'her child' or whatever, you're just 'a drone'. Only ones who matter are Queens and Next in Line, and everyone else is someone who does shit for you. In fact? Big day when you get your own hive, because then you get to see if they're better workers than your own mother's. Waayyy different. We actually take notice of who's worthwhile in a hive, you should take notes instead of this 'everyone is special' crap."

She was twitching.

Her eye was actually twitching.

And she was about to scream.

>...Wha'dya mean, Forty Two is a weird case?

"Well, obviously, you're only supposed to have one girl... I mean, doy. Otherwise it's just going to be in fighting and murder and probably end up with both dead."

>What happens when ya' get more than one girl? Ya' just...do what Forty Two did and make 'em pretend ta' be boys?

"...Well, no, you uh... well, you get rid of them."

>...Get rid of them how.

She just gave her a look. Just a look to Applejack's 'not a question'.

The look that said 'How the fuck do you think "How" you moron."

Applejack did not appreciate this.

>...And... and yer' gonna-

"What!? No! Nooooooo! No no no no!"

>Oh, phew... phew! Ya' scared me! Ah' mean, knowin' yer' ma' did all that was... it ain't fun, but so long as YOU see the problem with... phew! Ah' was actually about ta'-

"Like FUCK I'm getting pregnant! Fuck that! I'm gonna live forever!"

>...

"..."

Somewhere deep inside her, Applejack felt a piece of joy die.

>...Can Ah' ask?

"Top secret. Long story short, there's only ever one Queen. End."

>...Ah' don't wanna know. Ya' know what this taught me? Ah'. Don't. Wanna. Know.

"Smart! Because if I wasn't half drunk and enjoying the hell out of watching you squirm, I probably would have stopped a looong time ago."

>...

"Oh, what? What is the problem now?"

>It's just... ya' came from the same mom, but she only liked one of you?... Don't ya' see how utterly... just... sick that it? That ain't right! Iffin' mah' ma' had liked Big Mac more than me, Ah'd be devastated, Ah'd live mah' whole life feelin' worthless. Ah'd feel... expendable.

The queen, for once in her life, calmed down. Calmed down just a bit, and gave a half-hearted, uneasy shrug.

"They were expendable. That's... the whole point. They were, Queen and Heir weren't."

She might as well have just punched Applejack right in the face, it would have been far less painful.

>...Are they still now?

She expected a mocking laugh. A barb. Something to make her feel stupid for ever asking.

But instead, all she got was a... shrug.

"Put a lot of effort into keeping them from killing themselves, would be pretty shitty if they died now after all that. I mean... that cake was pretty sweet."

It took a second, but it finally came back to her.

The cake.

The cake Chrysalis had ordered so long, long, long ago. The one that almost reached the ceiling.

The cake she had purchased, with her own money... to celebrate them going so long, and all being alive.

To celebrate them... being alive.

>Which ones are from yer' hive? Do ya' still remember?

"...Who cares?"

That.

Of all the things she could have said, of all the responses she could have given. That. That and that alone.

Was the only thing Applejack wanted, or rather needed to hear.

>...Ya' know, most'a mah' family ain't directly blood related neither.

"You mean that giant crowd?"

>Yep. Every one of them is kin.

"...Like, all of them? All of that freaking mini-parade?"

>Every one.

"So... how does that work? I thought family was just blood stuff?"

>Is for most.

"But not for you?"

>...Nope.

A silence passed between them. A thick, yet strangely comfortable silence.

"...Meh, whatever."

One that, sadly, eventually, had to end.

"Not that chatting with you isn't always a ball, but-"

>Yeah yeah, Ah' get it, just end it on a good note.

"Pfft. Whatever. If you don't mind, I need to get some tips before the big move, and I do not need to-"

>Gotcha, gotcha, get goin'.

"Don't tell me how to live.

Despite her words, she was indeed leaving as quickly as she had come.

>...H-hey, Chrysalis?

It was only the unexpected stutter that stopped her.

>...Ah'm sorry... fer' threatenin' yer' family. And... it ain't gonna happen again. While Ah' sure hope there ain't never gonna be a next time, and Ah'm gonna do mah' best ta' make sure it don't ever happen, if it does... Ah'll remember what ya' did when the tables were turned, okay?

She didn't answer.

Didn't respond.

Just got herself out of the room as quickly as she could, seemingly desperate to, at last, end it on an actual note of something besides just 'not-terrible.'

And Applejack was content. She was content, for the small gift she had been given, as meaningless as it one day might become.

She was content it had ended well.

>...But ya' ain't never gonna get Shiny, ya' idiot.

And thanked her mother looking down that she had managed to keep that one inside until the Queen was gone.

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NC
>Pinkie
"Trenderhoof"

>Welcome to late night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's this time when content doesn't matter, I'm not even being written by the right guy! Please welcome tonight's guest: Trenderhoof!

"Gah! Oh thank Faust! I had the most horrible dream! I was in a Stalliongrad prison and they kept taking me out to a firing line! I mean...they kept missing but still! What an awful dream..."

>Oh no, Trenderhoof, you're still in Stalliongrad, this is the dream.

"What!?"

>And that's all the time we have for tonight!

Trenderhoof wakes up next to a very disgruntled Bullshevik soldier.

"...point the guns the wrong way again?"

'When we get our guys out of the infirmary we are soooo going to get this right!'

"I'm seeing why you needed the robots now."

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 >Watchdog
"Siegfried"
'Ignus'

>Soooo...

"Yyyyup."

>They somehow managed to knock themselves out.

"Metaphorically, you mean."

>Yeah, totally.

"Because if the little guy got a concussion? His mom would go turducken on my ass."

>Ew?

"And ow."

>Nope, just ran around being kids...well a kid and a very very small adult, until they just slept where they fell.

"Thank fuck, a few seconds of quiet, am I right?"

>Exactly...got any more whiskey?

"Fresh out."

>Balls. Eh, can't get drunk anyway.

"A fate worse than death. You have my pity."

>Eh, I get to be a superhero, it's not all bad. I get where you're coming from with the kid by the way, I got the same threat hanging over my head from her...weird...bug dad.

"Could he actually do anything to you? I mean, you're pretty big."

>Never underestimate Dad Power, better folk than I have tried and were made fools because of it.

"Point. Eh, one good thing about being the least favorite, you don't get dragged into dumb political bullshi-"

'SIGGY! MY DEAR BOY! COME GIVE YOUR UNCLE IGGY A HUG!'

"...cuntfuckshitballs."

>Heh...Siggy and Iggy.

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>SA
"Twilight"
~~~

"Did you get it?"

>Oh yeah. Got it right here, Twili.

"EEEE!"

>Shhh! Don't be so loud, they'll hear!

"A part of me wants them to hear it. A part of me wants eeeeeveryone to know how much I love my BBBFF."

>Knew that already, but you know we can't have anyone knowing.

"UGGH! I know! And it sucks so hard! It sucks like a whirlpool, full on with how much momentum every wave has! It sucks the imploding force of a black hole, down to the exact pound per inch of gravity!"

>You know a lot about sucking.

"I've been reading books about it."

>Ooooo~ you'll have to show me sometime.

"Anytime, BBBFF!"

>Awww, thanks LSBFF, spending time with you always ends up with me walking away with a smile on my face.

"Oh, stop..."

>Serious! This is the kinda stuff Cadence would never do.

"Psh, obviously... but hey, you've got Eighteen for some of it now, don't you?"

>Pfft, like Eighteen could ever take your place. Even Cadence couldn't stop this.

"Awwww!"

>You say that a lot with me, I noticed.

"Well, you certainly give me reason to!"

>Yep! And I love doing it.

"...So, how'd you manage to get the uniform anyway?"

>Oh, Celestia knew a collector, I threw some money around, and bam. OG Wonderbolt getup.

"Dash is going to love this!"

>Would hope so.

"...I kinda want to put it on."

>Aren't you worried we'll make it dirty?

"Yeah, but... will she notice?"

>...I guess we could just blame it on time...

"EEEE! I'm going to look great!"

>You always look great.

"Awwww!... Just for that, we're doing something special with me dressed like this."

>You mean?

"Oh yeah, Shiny... we're going to the high place."

>AWESOME!... But won't Dash notice if we fly to the clouds?

"...let her watch..."

>What was that voice about?

"Frog in my throat. Coming?"

>With you? Everytime!

"... I missed this..."

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 >AJ
"Big Mac"
~~

>Thanks fer' helpin' me with Mah' shoppin', mac. Dang put it off till the last moment again, ya' know how Ah' get.

"Eeyyyyup."

>So, ya' got any suggestions?

"...Nope."

>Mac? Ah'm bein' serious with ya' right now. That whole 'two words' thing ya' do? Ain't gonna fly ta'day. Ah' need help here, and Ah'm gonna need it from more than 'eeeyup' or 'nope'. Ya' hear me? Fer' once in yer' life, Ah' need some good, long, talkin' here, now TALK!

"..."

>...

"..."

>...

"...Why the buck do ya' think Ah' know thing one 'bout yer' friends? Ya' ever see us hang out? Ya' ever see me talk ta' them fer' more than a minute? Go on adventures? Do each other's hair while marin' out?... Nooooo? Well then, what, exactly, are ya'll waitin' for on mah' end? Here's what Ah' know. Books, animal food, sports stuff, a dress and some candy or somethin', the most barebones basic of what everyone knows. Iffin' that's what ya' wanted, congratulations! Yer' officially as good a friend as someone who ain't never said three words ta' most of 'em. CASE CLOSED."

>...

"..."

>...

"..."

>...g-go back ta' only sayin' two words.

"Eeeyup."

>Thank you.

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>13
"Chitty"
'32'

'Good afternoon, 13.'

>32, nice of you to drop by...what's with the wagon?

'Hearthswarming cards, one for every single member of the hive and some particularly dear outliers.'

>Really, just cards?

'Just under one hundred cards?'

>Okay, point taken.

'Anyway, I wanted to deliver yours and your mother's personally.'

"There you are-...who's he?"

>This is 32, he helped with us getting back together.

'I am no one in particular's son, no one you would eeeever care about. Ever.'

"Wait, aren't you the one that tried to kill me with a mushroom?"

'Yes, and thank you for not digesting my best friend. Now here, your cards.'

>Aw thank you 32, it's 'We're so lucky to have you on Hearthswarming'? ...uhh...

'Yes, I'm aware of how on the nose some of these things are. I swear that shop owner was giving me the biggest shit eating grin the whole time I was in that store.'

"...'You're a City-Crushing good time?'"

'The. Biggest. Shit. Eating. Grin.'

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>SA
"Cadence"
'Chrysalis'
[18]
{42}
~Celestia~
~~~~~

'...This is silly.'

{What? He called it brunch, that's a totally different word.... I don't know what that word means, but he called it that.}

>It's just a meal between breakfast and lunch.

{Ohhhhh.}

>...

{I don't get it.}

>Jus- ugh.

'Does nobody else see the problem in adding another meal and inviting us? For half of us, our food is Shiny's love. We choke it down in long, deep gulps, over and over and over, just mmmmm... glub glub... what's the point of the food?'

"STOP IT!"

~Yes, this is supposed to be a relaxing brunch... what are you wearing?~

[A beret.]

>...Why are you wearing a beret?

[Because we're having brunch.]

>...That's the dumbest-

"OH GOSH! SHE'S RIGHT!"

ZAP!

>...You have beret making powers? Since when!?

"Since forever ago. What, did you think Twilight was the only one who could make clothing out of nothing?"

~...Is it just hitting anyone else that despite Rarity making dresses for all of her friends and being rather proud of them, she didn't make Spike's tuxedo for their first Gala? She made one for everyone except the guy who did all her favors.~

>What? He wasn't wearing a tuxedo at the Gala.

~No no, first one.~

"I wasn't at that one, I don't know what you're talking about."

>Me either.

'HAH!'

[...Do I really need to say it?]

{Seems unnecessary.}

~Oh, right... well, he did that.~

{Ugh, she is not good for him, it is fortunate that he's seeming to go at Applejack now.}

"Oh, Rarity's fine! She just has her... moments occasionally, she's not mean."

>And he's still got a maaaajor crush on her still.

~Still?~

'I can verify that.'

>Hrm. Guess dragons really do do things in hoards.

'PFFT!'

"Shiny! That sounds very objectifying to mares!"

>The alicorn says, referring to the two other alicorn royals, speaking to the non-alicorn.

"...You win this round."

~Mmm, well, I do hope his 'hoard' doesn't go too big. Could you imagine if he added someone else to that?~

[Trying to handle that many mares? What a nightmare!]

'But it would be hilarious to watch him try.'

"I just hope he doesn't feel any pressure because they're both so much more powerful and influential than him."

[Meh, I'm sure some stallions like having the mare in power.]

'HAH!'

[Not that I would know personally, damn!]

{...I wouldn't either...}

'But aren't we missing the real issue?'

"And what's that?"

'How are those two with... each other.'

"..."
[...]
{...]
~...They get along fine?~

'...Sure, let's go with that. Meh, if he's got the love-juice, let'em go for it.'

~Indeed, none of our business.~

{I'm sure he can handle it.}

[And if not, it'll sure be fun waiting and watching!]

'Polygons are legal!'

"..."
[...]
{...}
~...~

'What?'

>Don't ask... just... none of you ask.

'...WHAT!?'

~...I like brunch.~

[Yeah, we should do this more often, just us!]

~Yes, this group... works, I feel.~

"... if he has to choose, fair warning, I'm rooting for Rarity."

'What? Why?'

"I don't know Applejack all that well, and I WANT TO BE A BRIDESMAID!"

~Fair warning, if I start crying when I give him away, I will punch the first one who looks at me funny.~

"Pfft, Shiny's going to be crying harder than you."

>I WILL NOT!

"Bum bum buh bummmm, bum bum buh-"

>ABUUUHHHHHH!

'...'
[...]
{...}
~...Uh-~

"Do. Not. Ask."

>...So! BRUNCH!

'...'
"..."
[...]
{...}
~...~

>First one who mentions it gets kicked out of the bed.

'[{~WE'LL BE GOOD!~}]'

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 >10
{BBB}
~

>...BBB? Has Trenderhoof's writing been...weird to you lately? Seems pretty boring and mundane, just 'nothing big happening here' or 'A parade happened' or 'I saw a cat ride a duck, that was cool'. You know? I keep telling him if nothing's happening to just come back so I can reassign him, but then he's like "NO NO NO! Something reeeeeally big is brewing, I feel it! I don't know when it will drop but the moment it does you're going to be super happy I'm here!"... And I mean, yeah, I'm glad he's got intuition and moxie, but I'm a little worried he's just blowing my bits on prostitutes.

{BZZT! INSUFFICIENT FUNDING FOR MOST PROSTITUTES FOR TIME FRAME! INCREASE OF TWENTY BITS PER DAY WOULD BE NECESSARY FOR BASIC ORAL ATTENTION OR HOOF RELATED PLEASURING!}

>...

{...bzzt...}

>...How... how do you know how much a...

{...bzzt...}

>...Whelp, can't argue with that! Ehhhh, I'll give him another two weeks, then we go see him face to face.

{INSTALLING BLACKLIGHT!}

>No no, I meant, like... talk to him?

{...Installing anyway!}

>That's the spirit! Going that extra mile, that's why you're best camerapony!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Luna
"2"
~~~~

>...So...

"..."

>...Nothing different?

"Nope, I guess you could say I'm not one for changing."

>Uh huh... anything interesting happening?

"I've heard some buzzing, but whenever I look for it I just go in circles."

>Right... any new hobbies?

"Shiny said he'd help me with my magic, but it's pretty green."

>Right... how's school?

"A hive of activity, you won't believe it!"

>...We feel like you are doing something, but we cannot fathom what.

"Sorry, didn't mean to swarm you with my stuff. I guess you can say I'm used to someone who's a little thicker skinned. But hey, if there's one thing I've learned is that you just gotta shake off that thicker skin when you outgrow it and get even better stuff after that! Really gotta come out of your cocoon and fly!"

>...

"..."

>...Curses, we have to crack this code.

"Thank goodness I'm not a mayfly, I don't have all day!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chitania
"13"
~~~

>...Did you get all of your shopping done?

"Oh, uh, yeah... Sweet note is dropping everything off at your room. I hope that's okay."

>Of course.

"...You do any shopping yourself?"

>I don't celebrate this holiday.

"Ah, right..."

>...Do you want me to?

"No no, it's fine, no biggie."

>Tell me if it's not fine.

"I'll tell you if it's not fine."

>...You're not going to tell me, are you?

"Mom..."

>Sorry! Sorry.

"...'

>...How is the Hive?

"They're good. Very good. Um... Queen Chrysalis said if you wanted to come visit, you could."

>I'd rather not.

"Oh... okay."

>...Is that a problem?

"That's not a problem."

>You'll... tell me if that's a problem, right? I'll go if you want me to.

"It's fine."

>...It's not fine, is it?

"It's fine."

>...We'll go if you want.

"...Sigh."

>...So, how's the weather?

"..."

>...I am bad at small talk.

"Yeah, you could do some improvements."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"Twilight"
~~~~

>...Hrmmmm...

"What are you doing?"

>I'm thinking.

"Oh... sorry to interrupt."

>It's okay, I don't do it that often.

"...Was... was that a self-burn?"

>Yes.

"...Something the matter?"

>I'm trying to think of someone I like, someone Shiny likes, someone Eighteen likes, and who's very professional and inexperienced with romance.

"..."

>...

"...Is... is the answer me? That sounds like the answer is me. Is this trying to lead to me for something? You... what's the point here? Are you trying to ask me for something but making it look like it was my idea and I volunteered? What... what's going on here, I'm confused."

>...Huh, that does fit you...

"That is worrying me way, way more."

>...Ehhhhh.

"As is you looking me up and down. This is not where I wanted this conversation to go."

>Ehhhhhhhhhhhh....

"You are looking really, really like you want to ask something but at the same time from that look I am very worried you will ask. Please stop."

>EHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh...

"This is not helping."

>EEERRRMMMmmhmmmhHMMmmmmmm...

"I need an adult."

>....nahhh, I don't know if Shiny would take it the wrong way. Nevermind!

"..."

>...

"...I'm... I'm going to slowly walk away now, and pretend this whole conversation never happened."

>Okay!

"Oh... kay..."

>...Bye!

"Bye..."

*Walks off*

"...Okay, was she... wanting to... actually, bigger question, would I have said yes?... No no no, sacred bonds and all that, no way would they want to bring me in for that... besides, I would TOTALLY crush them at Monopony."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Twilight
"???"
~~~~

>Almost... alllmost... there.. it's ready... come Hearth's Warming, it will be ready... ready to be unleashed upon the world, and show what this thing is truly capable of! All of them will see! They'll all see! They'll see that when I put my mind to it, I! AM! A! GOD! MWWWAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAAHHHHHAAHAHAHAHHA-

"What are you doing?"

>GAHFUCKFRICKFACKFOOMFUCKLEFRICKERFRACKING... Spiiiiiike, how are you doing? Breaking into my room... and being Spike.

"I uh... I just came to see what you're doing."

>...

"...What, ah, what are you working on with your computer?"

>Wha, this? This here? Noooothing. Nothing at Alllllll... silly. Silly billy... silly billy not-a-filly.

"Oh, okay... because you were doing the cackling thing."

>Oh, that?... Got tickled, oh this chair!

"Right."

>...

"...Is it going to be painfu-"

>AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

"..."

>...Ahem...

"...You're not allowed to hang out with Chrysalis for a week."

>YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD!

*STOMPSTOMPSTOMP*
*SLAM!*
*Loud music starts playing*

"...Kids these days."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>???
"Changelings"
~~~

"...man... this is boring."

"...Wanna facepunch?"

"Meh, facepunch only works on occasion. It doesn't cheer me up none."

"Yeah, because you lose."

"Meh."

"...Wanna play a game?"

"...Nah."

"...Damn, this is so boring! You know what we need?"

>Bum bum buuuuum.

"...Who was that?"

"I dunno. Where did it come from?"

>Bum bum... buuuuuuuum!

"It sounds like it's... under the table?"

"When the hell did we get a table?"

"...Better question, when did the cake appear on it?"

"The wha-HOLY SHIT CAKE!"

"I'm gonna-"

>BUM....BUM...... BUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!

"...Is...is it coming from the cake?"

"Why is it-"

>BUNUNUNDUNDUUUUUUUH!

BOOM!

SPLAT!

>You know what you lings need!? SOME HEARTH WARMING CHEER!

"...Is this a peppermint cake?"

"Cakes come in PEPPERMINT!?"

>Come on! Lets have us a party!

"I'm scared."

"Just do what she said, and don't look her in the eyes!"

>OH HOOO! LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE WANTED TO DANCE!

"I said don't look!"

"I'M SORRY!"

>COME ON BUGGY BUTT! SHAKE THAT BUGGY BOOTY!

"FOURTEEN HELP!"

"Nope, you're screwed worse than me on a bad mission."

"HEEELPP!"

>Come on every changeling, SMILE SMILE SMIIILE!

"I NEED AN ADULT!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter and I ruin my sleeping schedule! Now for our main guest...TWILIGHT!!!
Applause as Twilight sits down.

"Hi Pinkie."

>Hey hey! How's your Heath's Warming list?

"I'm checking it twice. I have to find out who's-"

>That's all the time we have folks! Twilight Sparkle isn't coming to town yet.

"Hey I'll get-"

>Just don't let Rarity wait too long.
Twilight wakes up.

"...What's that suppose to mean? I'm not slow."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
>Twilight
"Rarity"
~~~~~

>Rarity, am I slow at reading my lists?

"..."

>...

"...A touch?"

>I am not! I'll prove it! Here, here's my list of Hearth's Warming gifts!

"Ooooo! Now THIS I want to hear!"

~~~Hours later~~~~~

"I WAS SO WRONG!"

>Rarity! I lost my place!... Ugh, now I have to redo the third pass.

"NOOOOOOO!"

>Let's start alphabetically this time...

"GRANDMAMA I'M COMING HOME!"

BLAM!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________