and thus to make them hate me more

Buck "Phatcat" "Wally" "Thrice" "Phatthrice" "What The Fuck Do I Call This Asshole" Bumble III
Pros:
+Literally always available
+Actually willing to GM
+Good grasp of mechanics
+Characters are usually varied
+Always pays attention
+Proactive player
+Can handle being the center of attention

Cons:
-Has no life
-Shit GM, games are slow as fuck and nobody can put up with his ass for more than four sessions
-Never shuts the fuck up about mechanics
-Characters are shit and typically fall into two or three archetypes
-Everything he does as a player is shit
-Can't even stay with the goddamned party wtf dude
-Almost always plays some variation of the boring generic anime protagonist
-Every character is an extremely attractive male how gay is this guy ffs
-Talks about his characters way too much despite literally nobody giving a fuck
-Like talking to a fucking mobius strip, never know what the fuck he means

Overall Objective Rating: 2 Shut the fuck up for once in your lifes/10

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus "Agi" "The Assman" Agidius
Pros:
+Vocal about when he can play
+Never does anything too objectionable in-game
+Decent grasp of mechanics
+Participates well in combat
+Characters don't cause you to roll your eyes
+Usually knows what he wants to do
+Very patient
+Willing to discuss things as long as it doesn't involve him in any way
+Doesn't hog the spotlight

Cons:
-Not vocal about fucking anything else
-Never does anything at all in-game
-Way too much of a milquetoast to mention any problems he has
-Characters are really fucking bland and sound the same half the time though it's getting better lately
-Never fucking does what he wants to do
-BSODs when he's the center of -anyone's- attention
-Just watches everyone else play the game while he sits back being a doritos-eating gremlin
-Gigantic pussy that freezes up when asked to run a game, becoming a spaghetti dispensing machine
-Hates playing his characters
-Memory of a drowned goldfish
-Half the time he's playing some shitpost game on Steam or some shit instead of paying attention to the game
-Hated VeloCITY like what the fuck dude???

Overall Objective Rating: 5 Man the fuck up for once in your lifes/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Josh "Tirk" "I Wish My Last Name Was Baron" Smith

Pros:
+Literally always available
+Willing to GM or maybe not but does it anyway
+Characters are varied
+Half the characters are actually good and interact with PCs
+Pays attention to the game
+Capable of pushing the players along if the game grinds to a halt
+Does things of his own accord as a player

Cons:
-Has no soul as GMing has sucked it out of him
-Every character is an extremely attractive female how gay is this guy ffs
-The other half of the characters are living shitposts too wacky to be enjoyable
-Never fucking talks about his own games or really any game unless forced at gunpoint
-Games are easy as shit and present absolutely no challenge so nothing is ever truly at stake and winning carries no sense of accomplishment
-Too many memes
-Values dog and/or doge over life and the mysteries of the universe itself
-Perpetually sounds like he just found his dog's charred corpse in a furnace

Overall Objective Rating: 7.5 Don't fucking kill yourselfs/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Daniel "MasterWarlord" Songer
Pros:
+Usually available
+Willing to GM
+Games usually have mysteries to solve and plots to unravel
+Characters interact with the PCs
+Games are challenging and feel dangerous, always a chance of failure

Cons:
-Never fucking know if he's available until 2 minutes prior to session start
-Characters interact with the PCs by slathering them in napalm and tossing them into volcanoes
-Literally ALWAYS a chance of failure
-Every NPC hates you and is probably evil as well
-The fucking world itself is out to get you
-PCs are murderhobos and/or murderbillionaires
-Never responds to anything out of game

Overall Objective Rating: 6.5 Don't fucking kill mes/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Willem "MarthTrinity" "Emtee" "Dafoe" Tibbey

Pros:
+Is the only one to RP with the other PCs
+Still initiates RPs with NPCs sometimes
+Participates well when he's there
+Almost always knows what he wants to do and usually does it
+Responds well to NPC and PC RP prompts
+Can handle being the center of attention
+Enjoys playing his characters

Cons:
-Never fucking available
-Disappears into the ether at any mention of his name
-Has absolutely no idea what the hell a mechanic is
-Vanishes in the middle of a session usually during combat then reappears an hour later
-Characters sometimes cause you to roll your eyes with their actions or dialogue
-Is usually dicking around on his computer during the session and can take forever to respond to RP or act in combat because of this
-Too attached to the party
-Expects players and PCs to behave in certain ways and sours his view on them if they do not
-Way too entrenched in nostalgia

Overall Objective Rating: 4.5 Disappeared and couldn't find hims/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steven "TWILT" "Twiltree" "Nart Nevets" Tran

Pros:
+Usually available and always up to play when he's there
+Good grasp of mechanics, learns from experience
+Enjoys his PCs
+Initiates RP prompts with NPCs he likes

Cons:
-Metagames like nobody's business
-Not a creative bone in his body
-Never responds to NPC or PC RP prompts
-Characters can be incredibly eyeroll-inducing and rarely fit the campaign
-Characters seemingly exist in a vacuum and never react to anything realistically
-Sexual deviant
-Lets out-of-game rancor seep into his in-game playstyle

Overall Objective Rating: 3.5 Featuring Dante From The Devil May Cry Series/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emer "Merge" Gency

Pros:
+Usually up to play when he can
+Enjoys his characters
+Proactive and reactive when it comes to RP
+Good grasp of mechanics
+Participates in sessions and discussion
+Characters are varied
+Willing and able to actively help the GM with background, NPC concepts, and homebrew

Cons:
-Characters are prone to excessive flanderization
-Constant typos
-Could fuel the entire east coast with his powergaming, though it's typically accidental
-Gets too enthusiastic and too out of the box with NPC concepts
-Seemingly ethereal unless talking about the game

Overall Objective Rating: 7.5 Dude Please Come Backs/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

William "Bill" "Halfsilver" "Silver" "Billver" Mahlock III

Pros:
+Was usually up to play
+Seemed okay with being the butt monkey
+Participated in combat
+Responded to RP
+Had some goals as a PC

Cons:
-Jeremy was about as responsive and interesting as a particularly dull cardboard box
-Didn't exactly have a choice about being the butt monkey
-Rarely started RP
-Completely forgot I killed his girlfriend
-Never played a good game

Overall Objective Rating: 4 You Should Quit Your Job And Move In With Me And Agis/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John "wrk" Cortez

Pros:
+Enjoyed playing his character
+Very proactive in-game
+Character fit well with the campaign and the party
+Had excellent chemistry with the other PCs
+Could never predict what he would do, kept the GM on his toes
+Was interested in the setting and its unique aspects like the badges
+Awesome name

Cons:
-No direction, lolrandumb as shit
-Not sure if Manny had any personality aside from being a snarky lil fuck
-Never initiated RP
-College absorbed his life so he only ever played 1.5 games

Overall Objective Rating: 6 A Dildo Is The Opposite Of A Knifes/10

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LoL, HR, and Khold aren't on here b/c they either did nothing or I cannot remember their quirks for the life of me