>Paloma: Meet the guardian

-- soothFairy [SF] began trolling absoluteAltitude [AA] --
-- soothFairy [SF] a refuse vehicle passes by Paloma's hive and unceremoniously dumps a green fortune telling machine on her front lawn, a long with some other junk, and then speeds off --
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] notices some junk in her lawnring, and snorts. She heads outside to go and put it to the side of the lawnring for now -- she'll deal with it properly later. --
-- soothFairy [SF] when she approaches, a green light flashes inside the machine and the figure inside moves her mouth --
SF: I bet you'd like to know your fortune, wouldn't you?
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] pauses in the middle of picking the machine up. --
AA: <\ Um... />
-- soothFairy [SF] stares straight ahead --
SF: Insert Ceager
AA: <\ ... I, I guess it still works... />
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] moves it up against the fence, and then she shrugs and pulls out a caeger. --
AA: <\ ... why not? />
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] slots the coin into the machine. --
SF: You won't regret it, I can guarantee that
-- soothFairy [SF] the machine lights up again with green light --
SF: So let's take a look at you, shall we dear?
SF: What would you like to know?
AA: <\ Um... />
SF: Let's have guess, something to do with romance no doubt?
SF: You Sound like a Lover
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] shakes her head. --
AA: <\ Maybe, maybe any other time, but not right now. />
SF: For record, I knew you were going to say that
AA: <\ Someone, someone told me that we were all fated to die. I intend to make sure that doesn't happen. ... how will I do it? />
SF: Oh boy, start with the tough questions why not
SF: Are you sure you don't want some thing easier?
SF: Like what colour to wear tomorrow?
SF: The answers lime by the way
AA: <\ Of, of course it is! />
SF: Dreadful planet
SF: But of course you're sure you want to know
SF: I just need to hear you say it so we can move on
AA: <\ I, I don't know what sort of technology could really give me an answer, but... />
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] laughs. She doesn't say that she has no clue how to save everyone. --
SF: Say no more
-- soothFairy [SF] rolls her eyes and the green light flashes. This might just be for show --
SF: Calculating...
SF: Bleep bleep boop and all that bollocks
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] gives her a strange look. What is /wrong/ with this machine? --
-- soothFairy [SF] all that stops and she looks straight at Paloma --
SF: You do it by fighting fate, Paloma Friede
AA: <\ Wait, how did you know my name?! />
SF: Fortune telling machine dear
SF: I know everything
AA: <\ But, but a machine isn't supposed to be able to guess that! />
SF: Bleep Bloop and another Bleep
AA: <\ And... how am I supposed to fight fate, anyway? />
SF: Well if /I/ told you that, it would be exactly what fate planned
SF: Fortune telling machine
SF: Bleep
AA: <\ So I'll have to plan something outside of what fate dictates? Even though fate governs us all? />
AA: <\ ... okay. />
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] takes a deep breath. --
AA: <\ I'll do that. />
SF: I know you will
AA: <\ But if you know I will, then I'm fated to... argh! This is complicated! />
SF: Take it from me, I know everything that has and ever will happen, I know what you're going through
AA: <\ ... do you really know everything? />
SF: ...not absolutly everything. There's a little wriggle room
AA: <\ Regardless, you know most things? />
SF: Everything of importance, and a lot of utter shit I really don't need to know
AA: <\ ... how do we defeat the Watchers? />
SF: Well we destroy them don't we?
SF: They are only mortals
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] hasn't even questioned the ridiculousness of crouching here, talking to a piece of junk. It's an opportunity, right? --
AA: <\ But how can they be destroyed? They're so strong.... />
SF: Spoilers
AA: <\ What, what do you mean by that? />
SF: I never said I would tell you everything dear
SF: I am an agent of fate after all
AA: <\ ... fine. What's the deal with this game? />
SF: You'll find out in time, the lousy thing is full of various guides and cryptic clues
SF: Some of them are less sarcastic and world weary than others
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] frowns. --
AA: <\ But if I find out too late, someone could be put in danger. />
AA: <\ So I have to know. />
SF: Ah, but from my perspective there is no such thing as 'could'
AA: <\ Are you saying someone will be put in danger? />
SF: Well of course, you are all already in danger
SF: Sorry, let me try that again
-- soothFairy [SF] the lights flash dramatically again --
SF: YOU ARE ALL IN GRAVE DANGER!!!!
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] frowns. --
AA: <\ I, I've already heard about how the game is our only option. That implies we're in danger, doesn't it? />
AA: <\ What I need to know is how to get us out of danger. />
SF: You do need to know that
AA: <\ Then tell me, if you know so much. />
SF: That's the trouble with being omniscient, I already know I'm not going to tell you
AA: <\ Then what can you tell me? />
SF: You all live happily ever after the end
SF: Or I could be lying about that
SF: I can't have you take it for granted
AA: <\ After all this talk of how threatened we are, how could I believe that? />
SF: Fortune telling machine
AA: <\ Would you stop that?! />
SF: I can't help what I am
AA: <\ ... is that really what you are? No phony fortune-telling machine would be able to do this sort of thing. />
SF: I didn't say it's all I am dear
SF: I consider myself a conversationalist too
SF: Just to give an example
AA: <\ So what are you, exactly? />
SF: A guardian
AA: <\ ... what's that supposed to mean? />
SF: The first one
SF: And yes, I knew that answer wouldn't satisfy you
AA: <\ What is a first guardian? />
SF: Oh dear, I really should institute a three question only policy
AA: <\ It, it's a little too late for that. />
SF: 16 question limit then
SF: 20 if you include repeating statements with a questioning inflection
SF: 21 if you include polite requests
AA: <\ Fine. So answer my question. />
SF: We protect our planet and facilitate the planet's ultimate purpose
SF: Not that I'm able to actually do that
AA: <\ And what is Alternia's ultimate purpose? />
SF: That would bring you up to 22 questions
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] sighs, shaking her head. --
AA: <\ All right, all right. />
SF: Now if you don't mind, do you think you could drag me into your hive? There's a lovely spot on the ground floor tucked away in the
SF: corner
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] sighs. --
AA: <\ Why I'm listening to a guardian fortune telling machine which was dumped in my lawnring I'll never know... />
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] picks her up, a little awkwardly; she only has one hand to grip with, after all. She cradles the guardian in her arms as she takes her inside. --
SF: I do...
-- soothFairy [SF] examines her surroundings --
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] looks around. --
AA: <\ Um... which corner did you mean? />
SF: The one over there, to your left. The right one is no good, you'll just have to trust me on that
AA: <\ All, all right... />
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] takes her over, setting her down carefully and tucking her into the corner. --
SF: Aaand just a smidge to right would you? I don't want to get grist on me
AA: <\ Grist? />
-- absoluteAltitude, [AA,] nevertheless, adjusts her a little to the right. --
SF: Not important right now
SF: I'll leave you with one last thing, since you were selfless enough to use up all your questions on wha
SF: t you thought would be useful answers
SF: You dont hurt all your friends
AA: <\ I... don't? />
-- soothFairy [SF] the green lights flicker off, then slowly come back --
SF: Bleep bleep, have your fortune told, one ceagar
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] sighs, and straightens up, leaving the fortune-telling machine/guardian where she is. --
AA: <\ How I'm going to explain this to everyone, I don't even know... />
-- soothFairy [SF] winks --
-- absoluteAltitude [AA] gives her one last look, then heads back upstairs. What... what even happened? Did she really just have a conversation with a machine? ... so weird. --
-- soothFairy [SF] gave up trolling absoluteAltitude [AA] --