Thread 34: Stories 1-15

Thread 34 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/18917077
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>SA
"Celestia"
~~~~

>Okay, that's it! Summon that guy.

"That guy?"

>You know who I'm talking about.

"Shiny, he's on vacation too."

>Is he really? He doesn't act like it.

"This is how he vacations, skulking in the shadows and pretending he's not having fun."

>...I need to get me a secret agent.

"You do, they're fun."

>Think I can get who's his face from the Assault?

"Seven is currently working for Chrysalis."

>Damn... how did you know that?

"Same way she knows all about Jetset, they fight all the time."

>Not very stealthy.

"We all have our weak points."

>...hrm...

"Out of possible leads?"

>My citizens are all sparkly and glow brightly in the sun. Hurts the stealth element a touch.

"Ouch, point... maybe paint them black?"

>Is that racist?

"Why would that be racist? Black ponies aren't a race, they just have a black coat. That's like saying painting you yellow would be..."

>...What?

"Huh... has anyone ever told you that Flash Sentry fellow looks EXACTLY like-

>ALL THE DAMN TIME!

"...That explains so much..."

>What?

"Nothing! We shall revisit your covert operatives later, for now let us focus on finding your stunningly covert wife."

>Seriously. Taller than average pink alicorn. How.

"...You knoooowww-"

>No.

"Just saying!"
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>Actarius
"JJ"
'Arana'
[???]
~~~~~~

>Seriously?

"Yep. Loved it."

>Wow. Didn't think anybody would have liked that.

"I know, right? But it was really, really enjoyable."

'Then why were ya' crying?'

"Hey, that just means it was just that good!"

>...Seriously?

"Hey, try it sometime with me, you'll see!"

>I don't know...

"You sissy! It's not going to ruin you or anything!"

>Well... maybe just that once.

'Can I watch too?'

"Well, yeah. It would be rude not to let you after hearing all of that."

'WOO! It's gonna be amazing to watch!'

"I'd say so."

>...So, is you queen going to be okay with this?

"Probably, she wants us to spread out, you know? Really connect with ponies, in that way. Think she would have been happier if you were a mare, though, but eh. She doesn't seem like the judgmental type."

>Glad to hear, I think my parents would flip out if they caught us.

"How bad?"

>...Pretty bad.

"Ouch. Dad, I take it?"

>Yep. Sadly... not very open to a lot of things with me.

'Awww, I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better.... Sciderella probably would think I was dumb for wanting to watch romance movies too. She'd probably also start freaking out and try to kill the projector too, like I did.'

>"..."

'IT WAS SCARY!'

>So, which-

"Definitely starting with 'So you think you can LOVE! 3: Love it harder just like that!' It's... it's beautiful, man."

>Gonna take your word on that.
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>Chrysalis
"18"
'Vendor'
~~~~~

>Wheeeere?

'I-I HAVEN'T SEEN HER!'

"Okay, we have officially escalated to some sort of bad crime movie, and we have gone just a step too far."

>She is a gigantic, purple colored mare with even more massive green, living hair. Which way did she goooo?

'I just got here five minutes ago!'

>Did you now? That's a shame. If you had information I wanted, I would have been nicer. Wouldn't I have been nice, 18?

"..."

>She says I would have been nice, internally. And I would have been, but I'm not.

'D-Do you... want me to call and see if there's anyone else who has seen her with my radio?'

>Well now, look at that. My mood has just taken a sudden upswing.

'Hold up... Uh, anyone out there seen a Mane-Iac cosplayer who is really, really into her character?'

>...

'...THANK CELESTIA! Tilt a whirl guy says she just passed by him.'

>How fortunate for you, that's on the other side of the park.

'You want me to tell them to detain her?'

>No no... I want this to be a surprise... Thank you so much for all of your help. Here, have a tip, on the house.

'...This is a knife.'

>Observant, I like that. Ta ta...

"...So, are you going to-"

>18? You are being unhelpful.

"Shutting up."

>Goood little minion... goood...
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>Suckerpunch
"41"
'18'

>Alright, arcade should just be up the way, hope you're ready to lose.

"You wish, dude, I'm the best at games. I will END you at Skeeball!"

>Holy shit, do they have that?

"They better! If they don't I'll have to find something ELSE to kick your ass aaaaaa-HEY! Hey hey hey!"

>What?

"The Queen! She's over there!"

>Oh yeah, she is.

"I gotta talk to her!"

>You do?

"Well yeah, remember what that Fawntaine Fuckface said? They wanna move in on our turf! She NEEDS to KNOW!"

>Alright, the arcade can wait.

"Thanks!"

41 makes an oblivious bee-line towards the incensed Queen.

"You maj-"

A black blur knocks into her.

'Whoa whoa whoa whoa, sssshhh! No! Nooooooo. You do NOT wanna be a part of this.'

"Huh?"

'The Queen's a bit...'

18 makes a circling motion around the side of her head.

'-right now. You don't want to get caught up in this.'

"But I've got info she needs!"

'Is this info going to make her even more pissed off than she already is?'

"...maybe."

'Then shhhhh! At least for now, try and find her at the hotel tonight, alright? You're just going to pour lighter fluid on a fire if you do it now, kay 43?'

"41."

'...you sure?'

"YES!"

'Alright alright, but yeah, ok?'

"...ok..."

41 sulks off as 18 goes to accompany the Queen on her vengeful quest.

>Didn't go well?

"I couldn't tell her right now."

>Is that why you're sad?

"Huh? No no, it's...I dunno, am I interchangeable?"

>Huh?

"Y'know, every other changeling that gets out of the ballroom seems to have a thing, but me? I'm just Brand X punchbug but...but I like fighting, I can't help it! I wish I had something that made me stand out..."

>Yeah, that'd help.

"Eh, maybe I'll find something."

>To the arcade?

"To the arcade and your crushing defeat!"

The two friends run off.
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>Spike
"Mental Main Six"
~~~
>Geez... How am I gonna find everyone? I was hoping to join up with the Gun Club or see Rarity and Applejack. I gotta think of something... What would Rainbow Dash do?

"I'd fly up above the grounds and sky write a meetup message!"

>Well that's not gonna help. How about Twilight?

"Use the map and create a search heuristic!"

>I've already been doing that. Fluttershy?

"Oh! I'm sorry, Spike, is it my turn? Well, geez, I don't know. I think I'd just go back to the hotel room or maybe find the petting zoos."

>Nah, already learned animals don't like me. Hmmm... Pinkie?

"Invoke terrible cliches from movies, books, games, and shows!"

>Hmmm... That might just work. Okay, I got it, I'll get into an embarrassing situation and hope no one I know sees and or hears me. Let's try this...

Spike takes in a deep breath

>I'M GAY! ... No? Nothing? Damn, guess I gotta check out this cosplay contest and break out my French Maid outfit.

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>Idris
"Gwen"
'Rekulk'
-Vekir-
~Grehm~
_[{Gryphons}]_

>Aha! Here we are at last!

The fivesome stand before the traditional Gryphon Mead Hall at the World's Fair.

"Amazing, we actually FOUND something in this confounded park."

'-~Hurrah!~-'

"That isn't an actual-nevermind. Idris, are you certain these three fools won't create any dissension in there?"

>All Gryphons defer to my authority!

"..."

>MOST Gryphons defer to my authority!

'Hail the Gryphon King!'

-Hurrah King Cat-Bird!-

>See, THEY support m-GRYPHON, damn you!

'I said Gryphon!'

>Not YOU! Her!

-Whyfor are gryphons gryphons, King Gryphon of Gryphons?-

>One, that's better, two...uh...where DOES the name originate?

"Well I don't know, why are ponies ponies? Why are Morlocks Morlocks?"

>I mean Changelings make sense, oddly enough, because they change.

"..."

>...

"We must never admit they are the only fittingly named race on this planet."

>Of course.

-...cat bird!-

>Oh FINE! Let's just get in there and commence the consumption of meat and mead!

'-~HURRAH!~-'

The King and Queen open the door and enter the smokey confines of the Mead Hall, resplendent with song, alive with conversation, arguments, and of course the customary drunken brawl.

>ATTENTION, DRUNKARDS! ROYALTY WALKS AMONG YOU! BOW AND KNEEL TO YOUR KING, IDRIS AF GRYPHONIA!

The gryphons as one turn to their king, and as one bow and call back.

_[{HAIL GRYPHONIA!}]_

~'HAIL GRYPHONIA!'~

-HAIL CAT-BIRDIA!-

>Ha! See, Gwendolyn? I told you they'd recognize their ruler.

[Your majesty, it is an honor for you to grace our humble Hall! Please, we have a rare vintage from the Hinterlands of Hawkstead for persons of import like yourself, we would be honored for you to...sample...it...uhm...]

>Out with it, man!

{Begging your pardon, majesty, but...who are they?}

The gryphons have begun to cast suspicious glances at the Morlocks. Vekir poking at a shield done up with the heraldry of some obscure noble house, muttering about helmets, Rekulk is rustling about in his bag, and Grehm is gingerly placing his stuffed animal on one of the dining tables.

"Just noticing our traveling companions?"

>Aha! You see, my subjects, these are a rare and strange breed of pony that we have only just discovered! They are called Morlocks, and they are eager to open trade with our great and proud nation!

_But, your majesty-_

Idris silences the gryphon by holding up he three flawless diamonds he received from the trio.

>VERY eager, understand?

_[{...WELCOME, MORLOCKS!}]_

'-~GREETINGS!~-'

>Now, let's all get comfortable! You three, surely that armor must make it hot in here for you, please, remove it, we insist.

'Hmm...no windows, yes, this place is safe from the Sky Demon.'

-Hurray!-

'-~ARMOR OFF!~-'

As one the armor of the Morlocks fall away revealing their true forms beneath.

>...What...

"...The..."

_[{FUCK!?}]_

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NC
>77
"DT"
~~~
After a massive battle in which the A-Team triumphs

"Wow, 77, how'd you get so strong?"

>It's simple, I drink the blood of my enemies.

"..."

>It's so hard to make a joke when everyone takes you seriously.

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>Fluttershy
{???}
"???"
~~~~

>Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh dear!

She had splintered off from her group not a moment ago, claiming to need to 'use the restroom' for the sixth time today, and thankfully being questioned no further. But it was not the call of nature that separated her from her friends momentarily, no. It was instead the fact she had accidentally brought a robot toy to life, and she had no idea where it went.

>Oh no no no!

But oblivious to her worrying, the robot shaped like a pony continued it's march towards... something. As a being of chaos, it had no concept of plans or anything like that. It only knew one thing...

{BLOW IT ALL UP!}

Standing just on the edge of the crowd, barely out of sight, it popped open it's back hatch, a rocket emerging from it's confines and glowing with an eerie light.

{BLOW IT ALL UP-BZZZZT~!}

It's declaration of destruction was abruptly halted as something slammed into it's side, causing it to mis-fire it's rocket and send it careening up into the air.

The explosion it let out when it finally reached several hundred feet above Partyland was... surprisingly large, to put it mildly.

{ERROR! ENEMY DETECTED!}

The thing that had attacked him merely smashed it's plastic hooves together in response, and let out a growl.

"CRUSH! THEM! ALL!"

{BLOW IT ALL UP!}

"CRUSH! THEM! ALL!"

{BLOW IT ALL UP!}

"I'M A SMASHER, ARE YOU A SMASHER TOO?"

{....error.}

The two charged each other, a battle so massive breaking out it knocked over trashcans and signs. The two titans that did not even come up to a ponies knees bashed against each other with a fury, tiny bits of plastic and die-cast metal flying off with every blow.

"CRUSH! DESTROY! SMASH!"

{ERROR! ERROR! ERRRRROOOOORRR!}

Uncaring to it's screams of pain, the toy just let out what could only closely be described as a cackle of it's voice box in glee, and ripped the head right off the robot's shoulders, proudly holding it up for all to see.

"CRRRRRUUUUSSSSHH!"

Giving it one last stomp for good measure, the plastic facsimile of Chitania stomped off, eager to find more things to crush.

But the decapitated head it left behind had not yet been snuffed out of life. Still yet, it's eyes flickered.

{...Defining, Death... 'the end of life'... 'the cessation of existence in some form'... 'present state'... dying parameters reached. Salvation.... not within scope of possible.... error... final error, reached....}

In the mind made of pure chaos, it flashed back to it's all too brief life. Being bumped idly by the tall yellow one, finding it could at last move on it's own, a world beyond it felt the inescapable need to destroy... and the opponent who would stop it before it could even manage a single one.

{System parameters... failed.}

The final image that remained as the power of chaos slowly left it's eyes was the target it had so wished to destroy. The one success it could have had in it's otherwise meaningless life, and yet only managed to be one of it's two failures.

The oblivious back of the head of that strange thing in the trench-coat would haunt it's final moments, as the lights went out.

{...Will I dream?}

At last, it was still.

And the yellow pony who had stumbled in partway into it's monologue could at last stop blinking in confusion, and toss it's remains in the trash.

>I... might need to have a discussion with Discord about that...
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>Twi
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
~~~~~~

"So then I actually had her clean it, with her tongue! It was hysterical!"

>Dash, about this. I know you're dealing with a lot of bitterness from having a childhood dream totally crushed and in the worst possible way and all that, but aren't you afraid you're taking this a little far?

"No."

>Not even a little?

"I can still feel my inner filly crying in horror. She's crying, Twilight."

'Awww, don't be like that Dashie! You can still turn it around!'

"You hush, you got to live your dream and it's awesome."

'Actually, the business is really hard to do, and I'm always worried about money...'

"So just go marry Shining Armor like your parents said and live off his wealth."

'DASHIE DON'T YOU EVEN START!'

>Please? Don't make me put up with more of this.

'It was just a comical misunderstanding they won't let go of!'

"Well, yeah. He's powerful, influential, has a kingdom at his command, has saved the world at least once, all that good stuff."

'So you marry him!'

"Pfft, he doesn't have an airforce! It would never work out. I would keep trying to move my cloud home over him, but he would have to move the shield and ugh. You know?"

'...'

"Well that, and he's not very attractive."

>Excuse me!?

"What? He's not. He's just pretty bland in the face, always has helmet hair, muscles are nice but if I wanted muscles I could go for Bulk, you know? And personality wise he's a little... meh."

>Shiny is not 'meh'! And he certainly isn't bland! He's got a strong, cut jawline and his hair looks like that because he's training all the time! he can straighten it! He's an attractive stallion!

'...uh...'

>And don't you dare knock his personality! He's one of the bravest, loveyist, nicest ponies on the planet, and I will smack you with my hoof if you say otherwise!

"Fine, jeeze, your brother is attractive, whatever."

>GOOD!

'...'
"..."

"'PPFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"'

>What!?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>55
"13"
'Conductor'
~~~

>GAH! Why is this ride so scary!?

'Haunted mansion ride...'

>B-but why do it!? THERE'S A SKELETON OVER THERE! That's spooky, man! It's freaking me out!

'It's what it's supposed to do.'

"Do I really have to share a ride with him? I thought these were supposed to be singles."

'Sorry, single car broke down for some unknown reason. Real bad stroke of luck.'

"...Ah."

>GAAAAH! THAT ONE JUST CAME OUT OF THE WALL!

'Wait, what? It's not supposed to-'

*FWOOOOSH!*

'HOLY FUCK!'

"WHY IS IT SPITTING FIRE!?"

'IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO!'

"IT IS!"

'FUCK FUCK FUCK! THAT GUY'S ON FIRE!'

"I FEEL BAD FOR SAYING THIS, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE ME!"

'AHHHHHHHH!'

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"'

>Yay!

"'...'"

>...I like this ride!

'...he's just... burning...'

"Ah. Figures. Even when it looks like I'm lucky..."

>Hee hee! It feels amazing!

"...Someone else is having the better time."

>It tickles!
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>Chitty Doll
"Mr. Foalington"
'???'

The being known as Mr. Foalington strode amongst the crowds of Partyland patrons...well strode was a bit of a stretch, he more flickered from the corner of one their eyes to corner of someone else's eye. Ocular teleportation was a real boon to getting to Games Sweatshop HQ every morning, what with its scenic location in the nightmares of every filly and colt.

The creature had a singular goal, and it would not be denied.

>CRUSH THEM ALL!

...distracted on the other hand.

It looked down at the tiny giant monster as it passed by. That was definitely breaching SOME form of copyright.

>CRUSH CRUSH DESTROY!

"..."

It fell in step behind the living action figure, taking inventory of all the violations in its plastic form.

"*Screeches of a dying elderly pteranodon*"

>DESTROY?

In an instant from Foalington's hood came a swarm of locusts that covered the Chitty doll...and spelled out he words 'Cease and desist' on its back. The doll continued on oblivious. Content with a job well done, Foalington turned away to continue his hunt.

'Hi, Mister!'

And came face to face with a small changeling in a dress.

'Wow, you look really weird, Mister. Neat costume though!'

"*Radio static*."

'Uhh...kay. Hey have you seen Shiny and Auntielestia anywhere? Shiny's white and a unicorn and he's got blue hair and is the nicest pony EVER! And Auntielestia's white too but bigger and really pretty and has a neat mane that never stops moving and-WHOA!'

Foalington lifted one of sleeves of his cloak, a trio of tentacles erupting forward and pointing to his left.

'They went that way?'

Foalington nodded.

'Okay, thanks mister! Hope ya get that skin thing looked at!'

Two trotted off, humming to herself. Foalington went back to his own search, content that he'd helped the little creature find its...whatever she was looking for. He was a monster but he wasn't a MONSTER.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Poindexter
"Mane-Iac"
~~~~~~

>This seems unsafe... and I love it.

"INDEEEEEEED, POINDEXTER! They said to keep our limbs within the ride at all times, AND YET WE STICK THEM OUT IN DEFIANCE! FOR WE ARE EEEEEEEEVILAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!... You don't think they'll kick us out for that, right?"

>Maney, I'm pretty sure nobody would ever try to throw you anywhere, your hair scares them.

"Oh, shoot. I'm trying to work on that. It's really hard to control, like it has a mind of it's own!"

>Does it? The comics were always kind of vague.

"I DO NOT KNOOOOOOWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"

>Don't know, but yet you laugh... you are just amazing. Nothing ever gets you down.

"INDEEEEEEDAHAHAHAHAHHA!"

>...Starting to see why Chrysalis is so protective, actually.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

>...Speaking of, better try to get another ride in before she finds me and inevitably kills me.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH... What?"

>Nothing! Come on, we've got so much left to do!

"Oh.. Okay! AHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHA! TOOOOOO THE NEXT RIDE OF INSAAAAANITY!"

>I think this is actually just a teacup ride.

"Not like, giant laser teacups or something?"

>Nope. Little spinning teacups.

"...That's weird, man."
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>SA
"Celestia"
'??'
[??]
~~~~~

>This is getting annoying.

"Little bit."

>How hard is it to find a bright pink pony!?

'See? Told you he would be looking for her.'

[Fine, I owe you six bits.]

>...no...

'Heyyy, bucko! How are you?'

>I ju-.. ugh...

"Marble Pie! Limestone! How wonderful to see you both."

'Princess, it's an honor.'

"No formalities needed, I'm on vacation. What was this again?"

'We saw you guys were alone and I totally called it that Shining Armor would be looking for Pinkie.'

>WIFE. Looking for my WIFE.

[You guys got married already!? Dad's going to have a kitten!]

>FIRST WIFE!

'Oooohhh... shoot. She was pink, wasn't she?'

[HAH!]

'Meh, I've still got a chance to take over a hundred bits so long as Pinkie is Second or Third wife.'

>ONLY ONE.

[I'm telling you, the odds of that are pretty bad, and I know numbers.]

>Thank you!

[That other one has higher political power and a potential army, and she has the ability to change into different sexual partners. Not to knock my little sister, you know I love her, but she's got the better stats.]

>ONLY ONE!

'Really? Why?'

"Way Cadence described it, something something sparkling jewels or something, and more something."

>EXA-... wait, what!? What do Sparklejoules have to do with anything?!

"Don't ask me, I have no idea. She just said something about the science, I wasn't listening. These are the things that supposedly made Twilight go crazy, but not actually, right?"

[Interesting, I have nothing on this data. Will have to re-evaluate.]

'Good luck finding your first wife! And don't have sex with my sister before you're wedded, I'll cut off your balls!'

>ONE! MARRIED TO ONE!

[Don't need to be pushy, I didn't even mention the rock grinder on your dick.]

>Leave!

'See ya, future brother in law!'

>BEGONE!

"....Wow."

>I hate that family so much.

"Pity, they love you."

>I ju... ugh...

"...So, going to ask Cadence about that whole-"

>Babysteps, Celestia! Find her first!

"Right, right...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Jetset
“Raven”
________

The Previous Night…

“Jet. Jet, do you read me? Je-”

>Are you going to pointlessly call my name all night or tell me the situation? You know I can hear you. When do I not?

“Then you could at least answer!”

>Put a pin in that rage and hang it up on the wall, we’ll come back to it. But first, what. Is. The problem?

“Dick. I just saw a bunch of guards heading in Blueblood’s direction, they look serious.”

>I would imagine so, it’s nearing the expiration of his one-day pardon, if I recall correctly.

“Well?”

>Well… what?

“What should we do about it?”

>Do about wha- wait, you can’t possibly mean with the Blueblood case? Really? I’m hanging up now, Raven.

“N-no, wait! I- don't you think that’s a bit cruel? Just one day?”

>I actually think it’s far too lenient. He tried to kill a friend of my Queen, who is somewhat royalty. The fact that he’s still breathing is a gifted miracle he should cherish.

“Jetset!”

>Let it go, Raven. You always were a bleeding heart.

“Better than not having a heart at a-…”

>What? What is it? Raven...? Raven, are you-

“Yeah, doesn’t feel too good, does it?”

>…Touché.

“And from the sounds of things, they’re arguing, them and that potato-obsessed Changeling… this could turn into a fight, Jet.”

>If it does, so be it. Whatever happens is no concern of mine unless my Queen… summons me, as she’s doing now. Jetset out.

“But- hey! You can’t just leave them like-”

*bzzt*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"???"
~~~~~

>Da na naaaaa! Da na naaaaa! DUN NUH!

"...Your actions are confusing. Could you explain to me why you are moving like that."

>I'm Sleuthing!

"That means you're investigating something."

>Really? Wow, I have been using that wrong for a while.

"This seems likely, given your intelligence displayed thus far."

>HEY! I'll have you know I am a princess!

"That states you are in control of a large amount of land. However, it it possible to achieve this without being smart. You could have inherited it."

>I-.... well, okay, technically that is what I did. But I deserve it!

"If your current ruling status is earned via proper governance, I apologize."

>I... what?

"If you're doing your job well, I am sorry."

>HAH! I'll have you know my country is very happy! Happiest in the world, and I've got a giant glowing heart to prove it!

"Morale is one part of the overall economic and stability structure, and unlike the other facets is achievable by anyone who can put on a clown nose. Proper maintenance of a larger economic and socioeconomic landscape is far harder."

>...

"...It's harder to-"

>I KNOW WHAT THOSE MEAN! And I have... a-hem 'others' who can handle the harder parts of that where I cannot.

"Are they princesses too?"

>What? No!

"Why not?"

>...Shut up, little grey mare.

"My name is Maude."

>It matters not what label I assign to you, as you realized to whom and in what context I was speaking. I could have called you Daisy Doodle, but the base idea that I am speaking to you and what my previous words mean are more important. I wished you, the pony before me, to shut up.

"..."

>HAH! I may have just used up something that took four weeks to think up, but I come out ahead! AWAY!

*Gallops off*

"...What an odd mare."
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