Yandere study

I've been thinking: is that really so cool to be yandere?

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Big huge thanks to one user on this site for their life story being a yandere, it was really valuable, but I need more data. More data about life of RL yandere, their problems, their thoughts, everything about them, including the most personal.


In this topic I want to talk about real life yandere.

So, let's begin from the definition:
Yandere is someone obsessed with love to other human.

Is it really that cool to be obsessed? I highly doubt anyone would want to be obsessed with something.
In fact being obsessed really poisons your life, making you dependent from something.
There's huge difference between yandere and deep-lover - the first may not really love you, but they dependent from you, your attention to them. That's why yandere may be violent to their love objects. It's like being a drug addict - you are fine as long as you have access to drugs, but when you not - you start doing some bad things. So being in love with yandere like being a drugdealer for free. You give your drug addict this drug (called "love", "attention", "care" etc.) and they are happy. But when you stop doing that - they start to break down. In order to save themselves from going crazy they start to do everything they can in order to make their love object belong to them at all costs. Their range of action depends from their super-ego (hello, Freud). If they have good super-ego - they can't be violent to others and turn this violence on themselves. Moreover, relationships is something, that might be more destructive to people, than drugs. When you are absent from drugs - you feel yourself terribly because of withdrawal, but that's all (I didn't include damage to your mind). When you are absent from this love - you feel yourself like you were thrown away, you start to experience extreme stress, your brain is filled with negative thoughts and thus you just go a little crazy. Or not. You just go crazy. You may either go in deep depression, or go in huge despair. That may lead to everything: from suicide to (blink-blink) locking yourself in 4 walls forever doing nothing. Who wants to experience that over and over? To sum up that all: yandere experiencing first love far more worse, than most people. Yandere will do anything and bear everything for the sake of their lover, but as long as they get this attention.

I wrote that yandere usually are loners despite of their image in anime. If they are bullied in school, don't get enough love from parents, have no friends - they start to treasure this something they didn't have. Treasure so hard they become a yandere. But another trap of yandere trait - they might have friends, but taking in mind they treasure this friendship, they go too obsessive about that, scaring their friends away. That's why people say, "She/he/it is just overly clingy nutjob, I don't want to be near her/him/them, she/he/they won't go away from me.". In either case yandere have no friends. Although there is another possibility - they aren't that obsessive about friends, but about love. In this case yandere may have friends, but all their lovers run away from them when they discover this, hurting yandere's heart.

Next situation: yandere finally discovers they are yandere and start to do something about that. Unfortunately, I have no data about that and I can barely imagine how it feels like. Probably attempts to work on it won't work. When you are mature - it's really hard to change yourself so much. That leads to great stress, requires huge willpower and so on. And I mostly sure yandere don't have so much willpower, thus they drop and understand they will alone for the rest of life because no one wants them.

That's all for now. There's too much to write about this.

In conclusion: let's remember one picture:


Let's grade it a little:
Yandere (highest) - they may not love you, but they are obsessed with you. (True yandere)
Yandere + Deep love (medium) - they truly love you and obsessed with you. (The most juicy part)
Deep love (lowest) - they truly love you, but not obsessed. They have problems too, though.

P.S. I wanted to write about "disillusionment" stage of yandere love, because I know how it feels to be disillusionated, but, well... nowhere. I jumped over this part.