Epiphany

I've finally realized why I'm so depressed every now and then based off the last 48 hours.

I've virtually done nothing since I finished my last stream where I finished Life is Strange for the first time (I've beaten it a second time since). I'm patiently waiting for Kingdom Hearts 2.8 English to arrive so I can do a few streams with that (I just want to play it, idk if I'll do runs without even playing the game yet). After waking up today I started feeling very depressed for basically no reason, but I think I get it now. Whenever I'm not being productive on basically a daily basis (streaming, recording, etc.), I feel like a waste of life. I don't know how I should look at this.

I'm a 20-year-old man(child) who isn't really doing a whole hell of a lot outside of whatever I do online. I have a set list of New Year's Resolutions to work towards. Don't get me wrong I've already done quite a bit since 2017 started. 2017 is already looking a lot better than 2016. I just need to accomplish what I need to this year and these episodes will go away.

There is only one major thing I'd like to accomplish this year online (ok maybe 2 things). You can guess, I'd really like to become a partner on this website (I'd also like a name change, but idk if that will happen). I've had multiple opportunities to push for this over the last 2 years, but I never did. I always thought I wasn't good enough, but now the real reason is because I'd like to change my name prior to becoming a partner. I've heard you can still do this after becoming a partner but its a lot more of a pain. As it stands right now I still need to stream more frequently and raise my stats a bit before I even apply. In the meantime I'll just do my best to stay strong and not worry about it.

The other thing that is bothering me is maintaining my Youtube channel among everything else that's going on. In the grand scheme of things I can really only focus super hard on either Twitch or Youtube, I barely have the time to do both at a consistent rate and that's scary to think about. Basically if I add any more responsibilities in my life then I have to prioritize one over the other. This should be obvious, but what I'm saying is I'll most likely end up really focusing on streaming and put Youtube on the lowdown. I've enjoyed doing both since I started doing both together about a month ago, but I'm so exhausted trying to manage both right now. This is just hard on me because Youtube is what got me started in the first place. I wouldn't be a streamer on Twitch now if I wasn't doing Youtube for a few years prior.

I am at the very least going to finish recording and uploading Super Mario Galaxy 2 for my Youtube channel, but honestly I don't think I'm motivated to do much else afterwards. I came back with 1.5 to get back into making videos again, and then did SMG2 since SMG1 was really successful. Remember this is short term, just because I'm not feeling it now doesn't mean I'm done for good. I just don't think I can handle everything at once and need to space things out. Streaming is going to be a main priority for 2017.

Things will work out. I just need to commit to the bigger picture, and that would be to take streaming as far as I can. Thank you all for the support ever since I started doing anything online. You're all the best. <3

Mist