A Hair's Breadth
a semi-comedic not-meant-to-be-taken-seriously Galdric//Harmony fanfic - surprisingly ended up SFW, though I don't suggest reading it in front of your boss.
written by xenthori_, with no experience writing fanfics

"COMMANDER!" Galdric shouted from the helm of the ship, his voice having just swapped back to normal after a good hour or so of deep scottish shenanigans. Commander Redwood snickered as she ran away with the pair of scissors, throwing the discarded beard hairs on the sea-soaked planks of the ship as her second-in-command chased after her. "OOoooOooOOooo I'm sick of that voice Galdric, it had to be done!" Redwood said as she giggled, turning back to chase Garlic in an about-face, pointing the scissors at him again, "I'll- I'll- I'll- I'll cut it all off too! You'd best unload the ship as- as- as- soon as possible!"

Harmony stared with little expression as she watched the scene unfold, caring little for the event as she contemplated the void and the vast and empty darkness it contained. The sight of Galdric's hair spilling to the floor of the ship, however, was enough to pull Harmony out of this deep rumination, having seen the masculine pirate's precious locks of beard hair discarded like nothing more than rubbage. 'Such a waste of wonderful HAIR...' thought Harmony, biting her lip with excitement as she thought of all the wonderful things she could do with a source of beard hair like Galdric. 'I will make that man mine, and he will provide me with all the hair I could ever need.'. Harmony smirked at the thought: All the hair she could ever need? Her need for hair was as vast and endless as the void itself. What a silly idea to ponder.

It was later in the day when Harmony saw her chance to corner Galdric, hard at work crafting base defenses as per the Commander's orders. She placed her hands on the crafting bench with just enough force to create a noise to jossle Galdric out of his focus, forcing him to look up. "HI! I'm Galdric!" he exclaimed, looking up to see who and approached him, "Oh it's you Harmony, how has your day been?" Harmony shuddered at the acknowledgement from the warmaster, biting her lip as she looked him over again. "My day has been perfectly normal and uninteresting, Warmaster Galdric. I see you have notably less... Hair... since we last sailed together."

Galdric stroked his beard as he nodded solemnly, "Aye, Commander Redwood doesn't approve of my beard being grown out too long, though she's no fan of Baldric either." Harmony shook her head, pulling closer to Galdric as she continued staring at his long blonde hair. "Oh Warmaster Galdric, the Commander just doesn't have an understanding of long strands of HAIR like I do... It would be such a waste to cut all that luscious hair... at least, a waste to cut it without giving it to ME." Harmony whispers, caressing Galdric's arm as he pulls back slightly with discomfort. "Haha YEAH Harmony, That's not creeping me out at all!"

Harmony continued to move towards Galdric as he backed away, partaking in this awkward waltz until Galdric was pressed up against a wall. "Harmony, what are you doing?" Galdric asked nervously as Harmony reached into her back pocket and pulled out one of the medical kits the Commander frequently uses during missions. "Oh Warmaster Galdric, I'm just going to sedate you so you'll be nice and calm and docile as I make you mine." Harmony whispered as she pressed forward suddenly and stuck the syringe in Galdric's arm, the large man quickly falling unconscious without much of a sound as Harmony grinned and standed over him.
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Galdric wasn't sure if it had been minutes, hours, or days that had passed when he woke up, body feeling weak and unable to move let alone focus on anything. After his eyes adjusted to the dark room he found himself in, he noticed he was sitting down, tied to a chair it what seemed to be a small shack. Behind him he could hear movement, and he struggled against his bindings. "Hi! I'm Galdric. Where the fuck am I?" he said weakly, getting the attention of Harmony who sat behind him waiting for her captive to awake. "Warmaster Galdric, it's good to see you've finally woken up in my perfectly normal and comfortable torture and slave breaking room. I hope you're ready to become my obedient slave, Galdric, I'll keep you nice and safe and you'll supply me with your luscious blonde locks of hair. How does that sound?"

Galdric wasn't pleased, struggling weakly against his bindings as he grimaced, "Untie me Harmony, I was busy doing work for the Commander and she's going to be angry when she finds out you were keeping me tied up!  You can't have my hair!" Harmony only clicked her tongue in disappointment, facing Galdric and holding a strange pair of goggles in her hands. "Oh Galdric, I'm so disappointed that you're being disobedient. Disobedient slaves must be punished, you know." The femme fatale ran her free hand through Galdric's hair, pulling at it slightly until Galdric let out a small yelp. "But I cannot punish my perfect little hair slave, I suppose. You'll just have to be conditioned instead. I've been working very hard these goggles for you, Galdric. I scoured the world looking for the agate needed to craft the foci for these lenses. Fortunately, you'll find it very hard to resist what I say once I put them on you..."

Galdric struggled as he titled his head back, trying to avoid Harmony's hands as she went to attach the goggles to his face, but being bound in rope it only took a short effort on Harmony's part to firmly strap the goggles around Galdric's head. The design on the glass of the goggles made the pirate warmaster woozy as he looked at them, the spiral design on the lenses causing his unfocused mind to drift off even more. Satisfied, Harmony crouched down near Galdric's ear, whispering into it as he began to grow limp.

"You're going to relax." Harmony said in a sultry voice, Galdric's back slouching as her words struck deeply into her mind. His mind felt hazy he lost all focus on trying to escape. Harmony grinned as she continued, "You're going to let go of all your emotions for me, Galdric. You will surrender everything to the void in one deep breath. All your thoughts that make you feel sad, or happy, or angry... when you exhale, you'll be a nice obedient drone. Are you ready Galdric? Take a nice deep breath, gather up all those emotions, and exhale.."

Galdric's head rose as he was commanded to inhale, and mouth hung open as he let out a long breath. His mind went blank as he drooled and stared at the swirling image on his goggles, listening to everything Harmony said. "Your mind is lost to the void now, Galdric, it belongs to Harmony now." Galdric could only nod in agreement as his head spun and was deep in trance. "Now then, when I take these goggles off of you, you will be a willing and obedient slave to me, Galdric. You will grow your hair nice and long for me and I shall harvest it and hoard it and it will be all mine." Harmony uttered, running a hand through Galdric's hair again, "Nod if you understand, slave." Galdric nodded again without question, helpless to the seductress' command. "You will act to others as if nothing has happened, perfectly normal and nothing out of the ordinary. Whenever I call you my hair slave, you will return to this state and nice and obedient and blank for me. Nod again if you understand." Galdric did as he was told, eliciting a dark chuckle from Harmony. "Perfect, my little pet. It's time for you to go back to sleep now. When you wake up, you won't remember any of this. Good night, my obedient slave."


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Galdric woke up from the strangest dream, not able to remember any of it but remembering it being odd and uncomfortable at times. Scratching his head idely, he noticed one of his crewmates must have shaved his head again as a prank. Getting up with a grunt, he brushed himself off to find the perpetrator. 'I bet it was the Commander again, I'll have to get her back somehow...'