Not good enough

[00:28] They enter the foxes home, there was still plenty of hot tea from her last guest. She had only just returned to the square before Rindou found her.

She pours two cups and places all of the amenities one could want in tea upon the table, she could dress the drink how she wished.

"It wasn't tell you as much as I wanted you to do something for me...? You don't see us as the same... a worldview of rights by birth.. well.

What if I could give you a small piece of myself..?"

She fixes her own tea and takes a sip.
(Calista Shimasu)
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[00:30] Rindou moved to take a seat at the table, making herself comfortable upon the cushion before she gave a proper squeeze of lemon into her tea, listening to Calista's words and taking a long sip. They definitely caught her attention, even if it did seem rather grim.

"What do you mean?"
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[00:35] She takes another sip, letting the room saturate with curiosity as she gathered her thoughts..

"It's my divine blood that has made this barrier between us..? What if I could give you some..?"

Knowing Rindou's distaste for her magic she was already prepared with a bloodstone in her cloak. She removes the small shard, it pulses with a faint sanguine light.

"This shard soaked for months in my blood.. it has a small portion of my own essence inside of it really.."

She would let the other woman try to draw her own conclusions for a moment.
(Calista Shimasu)
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[00:40] Rindou's eyes laid upon the glimmer that came from Calista's grasp. A ruby as red as the woman's own eyes was laid before the noblewoman for her to analyze, read, and try to understand. Still... she seemed confused. What did she mean by giving her some of that divine blood? Was that shard meant to be a gift to make everything up between them?

The Illuminated remained a bit confused, although touched. She thought for a few moments before her left hand reached out for the bloodstone, picking it up and looking through it via the lights around them. She looked back down towards the divine-blooded.

"Are you saying I could..." She paused, feeling weird. Excited, maybe. As if something incredible had just happened.

".. that I could be like you? That people would look at me the same way?"
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[00:46] Suke had borne one of her early rubies since they were young teens and she hadn't manifested any divine powers.. but maybe..? Who knows..?

"I've only done this once before and it was when I was very young and my divine blood had been awakened.

I can't say what it would or would not do physically or magically... but I know the weaker shard let's the other feel closer to me.. and if I feed it mana they can feel more akin to how I feel. My passion... among other things.."

Ruby eyes trace the Illuminated woman's movements.. how did she feel about this?
(Calista Shimasu)
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[00:51] It was complicated, really. This wasn't like a mere invitation into divinity. It wasn't guaranteed, either. This was more of a... romantic gesture, if Calista could show something like that at all. Rindou's eyes remained upon the red stone before she peered back down, still unsure of her answer to that whole question.

"Feeling closer to you is nice, but... that's not what I want. I want us to be equals. I want to have what others can have, too.

I want what I deserve, Calista. I won't settle for less."

She hadn't thrown the stone away, however, still keeping it close to her and observing her own reflection in it at times.

"I want more. Something you've done for someone else isn't the best I can have."
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[00:57] It was an unfortunate truth, one she knew without asking. She couldn't bond Rindou to her, to draw from her divinity as those of the earlier generation were able.

"The earlier generation of my family could do it.. bind someone else to them in such a way. Though I think my own generation lacks the ability.."

She sips her tea those wings ruffling on occasion,

"And what would you want Rindou…? What would satisfy you?"

It was a question born of curiosity.
(Calista Shimasu)
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[01:01] "Everything."

The answer was a simple one, one that was said with such power and conviction that she allowed herself a few seconds of rest, sipping from her tea after having placed the bloodstone back before herself.

"I want to be happy. I want to have someone. I want people to look at me the way they look at you, or your mother. I want people to know me. I want people to.. love me. I want people to accept me. I want to be deserving of you.

I want you, too."

She finally said it, scooting over to the Shimasu as amber eyes laid upon her ruby own.

"You were hurt back then, I could tell. You came back for me. You don't need anyone else, Calista. You don't."

A pause. A thought. If the kitsune had claimed that one person could not satisfy her needs, desires, and wants, then there was only one way to fix it all.

"I'll be the one you need. No matter who you may need."
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[01:08] She got the answer she all but expected, but it was also sad to hear. There was one thing she would never give up for anyone else, the once price she wouldn't pay, Suke. As Rindou scooted close and spoke, their eyes making contact.

"Oh..? What does that mean Rindou..? Can you be who I need..? No matter who it is..?

And even if I was hurt.. it doesn't mean I have to give in to what you want.. I want to know how you can be whoever I need.."

It was after all, a bold claim for the woman to make. The fox drinks more of her tea as she listens once more.
(Calista Shimasu)
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[01:14] How?

This was the question that she never expected would come. Rindou chased. She chased so much - she wanted to have just about everything that was out of her reach and always ended up coming short, failing, or being told that she wasn't good enough— that she wasn't like that.

And now it happened again. This time with the only person who seemed to genuinely care about her. She gave an empty promise, one that couldn't be brought to life, yet she gave it.

She... couldn't be told that she wasn't good enough, could she? That she didn't meet that requirement to have what she wanted - to bask in divinity, power, and control. To be as high class as she needed to be.

She was jealous. Jealous of Caira for being strong. Jealous of her and Adrian for being happy and in love. Jealous of Narissa for being special. Jealous of Calista for being born superior. Jealous of Reito for being admired by all. Jealous of Isaac for being powerful. Jealous of Calael for being respected.

Jealousy came a long way, and this time? The young Illuminated had no answer. No excuse. She had to face her own lackluster talents. She had to accept she wasn't good enough for what she desired. She had to give up on her big dreams once again.

It hurt.
It hurt so much.

"... I don't know." She admitted, knowing this spelled her end.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[01:28] Those three words spilled forth from the woman, though they would be seen as a guillotine for whatever the Demi may have been about to concede.

She doesn't answer immediately, drumming those red-painted claws against the table as she finished off her tea.

That hand departs its mission of noise-making only to try and caress Rindou's face from whatever distance was between them. She didn't move closer or anything else of the sort.. just the caress and the cupping of one side of those beautiful features.

"No need to sound so foreboding about it... You still have every chance to be mine.. every chance to bear some of my own essence.. even if it doesn't make you as I am.

I can still accept you as mine.. Still share myself with you.. I care for you Rindou."

That thumb lightly brushing.
(Calista Shimasu)
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[01:33] To be mine.
Accept you as mine.
Share myself with you.

It wasn't enough. This wasn't what she wanted - she already had stated so before. This... this was no good. Rindou's features shifted a bit, a light frown coming to her face as she looked at the hand touching her cheek, seeking more of that affection.

"I..."

I'll concede.

For once that voice in her head was speaking a bit of reason. It spoke of what she knew was best, rather than what she wanted. It was as if the roles were reversed - as if Rindou had fully embodied that jealousy of hers.

"... I can't accept that. Not if I don't have it all." She said, pausing for a moment. A hand reached up to Calista's own, taking grip of it.

"I may not know how, but I'll find a way, Calista."
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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[01:39] That hand gripping hers, the two having reached an impasse as they had every time before. There was a moment where she thought Rindou would give, but it passed.

She frowns ever so slightly, them both returning to that same spot once more.

She pulls that hand free as gently as she was able.

"Then when you do.. tell me.. otherwise there will be nothing to satisfy both of us it seems." But even then it's only a chance.

She didn't move but that ruby zipped past to land in the foxes other hand.. those were reserved for people she was close to, friends with.

She rises as if to unlock the door, her emotions slightly better than before.
(Calista Shimasu)
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[01:42] It hurt. It hurt so damn much to have everything ripped away from you at a time like this. To see this attempt at building something meaningful - at happiness being torn apart due to her own incompetence. Due to her being weak, without talents, and far from good enough.

It wasn't about love. It wasn't even about control or satisfaction anymore, no. This was happiness being crushed and destroyed mercilessly. It pained her heart enough for each and every single step to feel heavy. For her eyes to be unable to leave the floor as she slowly walked away in defeat.

Imporper. Incompetent. Impossible.

Rindou Sakamoto was not good enough.
(Rindou Sakamoto)
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