Thread 25: Stories 136-150

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>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>...Hey, something wrong?

"You uh... you only have three tickets to Partyland."

>Yeeeeah?

"..."

>...Ah. Pinkie said she was going to offer you some later, I guess she hasn't gotten around to it.

"..."

>Are you glaring at me?

"I figured you would ask. You asked for me for the Gala."

>I did.

"..."

>What?

"...I would have fixed her if you asked."

>I know, Chrysalis.

"It's just, I really wanted that file-"

>You don't have to explain it.

"And I didn't let her do anything too crazy, I watched her when we went to bars and-"

>Chrysalis!

"..."

>...Oh, of course I was going to make sure she got enough for everyone. You really think I wouldn't want to bring 18? That mare NEEDS some levity in her life. Likewise, I think 42 needs some time off, she's been acting weird.

"...Aaaand?"

>And... yeah, I guess you could probably use some relaxation after what happened too.

"...Thanks."

>One condition, though.

"Oh?"

>Yeah, you have to promise to help me smuggle Celestia down there if Applejack tries to make her do paperwork. She needs a day off like you would not believe.

"You don't say."

>I do. I know when Celly is more stressed out than usual, and wow is she ever. She needs a little bit of fun.

"...Fine, I'll help."

>Thanks.

"You should thank me."

>...You want to talk about it?

"No idea what you're talking about. Well, if you don't mind, I do believe that is my shipment of fireworks, part 3 of my distraction to get new legislation passed is under way! HAH!"

>Have dun with that.

"I shall! Ooooh, Maney!...."

>...Is everyone in my life just hiding some weird insanity?... Naaah... Cadence probably doesn't have any hangups... probably...
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>32
"Reggie"
'Q'
-Nurse-
~Guard~

>Dooo doo do do do dooo doo Jailamari Damacy...nope, nope, can NOT make a cutesy prison pun off of that, Q, I am so sorry.

'...'

>Eh, it's alright, I'm sure you'll think of something.

"...*chitter*."

>Says the cockroach."

"*chitter!*"

>Just as bad as Thorax my front left foreleg!

'...?'

>Huh? What do you mean you hear something?

"...!"

>Hm? I...wait a minute...

32 clears his oh so addled mind a minute and listens.

~Mmm...yeah...~

-Like that?-

~Oh yeah...you sure did study up on your anatomy in that infirmary, huh?~

-Oh yeah baby.-

>...

"..."

'...'

>...OH THIIIIIS IS THE NIGHT, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIIIIGHT! AND THEY CALL IT BELLA-

~WHAT THE FUCK!?~

-WHO'S THERE!?-

>Oh nobody, please, continue whatever lewd acts, I'm sure Reggie here enjoys it. Little pervert.

"...!"

>Oh shut up, I saw you ogling that Ladybug! That MALE ladybug , you trap-loving scamp.

"..."

>You got their number? Good for you!

-I thought you said there was nobody down here!-

~I thought this guy was dead!~

>Really!? Really! Fuck. You.

-Ugh...that just killed it for me.-

~Aw come on, babe.~

-No, it's gone. Sorry, charlie.-

~Way to screw me over, dude.~

There are sounds of hoofsteps moving away.

>I...fucking...WHAT THE SHIT JUST HAPPENED!?

32 grumbles and sits down on his bed.

>This is getting to the point of parody...something's gotta break...wonder if jumping off this bed at the right could make that thing be my neck.

"...!"

>Oh you will not catch me, you lying bastard!

'*tink!'

>...she wouldn't want to be the first one to find me.

"*chitter*"

>...really...a 25% chance?

'*tink*'

>...well...damn...77, Princess Sparkle...yeah, those three are the only ones that come down her in any regular way...okay...okay yeah...yeah...

32 lies down.

>I wouldn't do that to 2...I'm...I'm not a monster...
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>Spike
"DT"
[Rarity via Charity]
'Unicorn'

~~~~

>Hey DT

"Got a minute?"

>Yeah, what is it?

"Silver Spoon needs more bullets to practice, but we don't have the bits to buy any more. Go hunt this guy down and collect his bounty.'
She hands him a wanted poster. He looks at it and glares at DT.

>DT, I'm not going to drop everything I'm doing just because you say so.

"The club was funded out of our own pockets which came from the pay as the A-team. With the A-team's budget slashed, how are we going to get bullets? They don't just grow on trees...though it would be nice if Princess Twilight made a tree that did that."

>Or I could make them for you.

"You're too slow, the quality sucks, and I want them in bulk! Even the metal you've been using is costing us, you know. Anyway, you're Mr. Leader of both now. You take care of it."

>Why don't you just do it yourself?

"Some of us actually go to school, Spike."

>Look, I'm pretty busy. You can pester me all you want, but you're not going make me do this. No way, no how.

~~Fawntaine's Homes for the Poor~~
>...I can't believe I'm doing this.

[She's surprisingly convincing, but don't worry, Darling. I've already done all the detective work. According to my sources, our target is a unicorn with a brown coat and that likes to drink at the Winking Parrot. All that's needed now is for you find and catch him.]

>Let's just get this over with. I don't even care what he did to get a bounty on his head.
Spike walks into the pub and sits down on a stool.

[Spike, I think I see him. The unicorn in the corner. The one with the twitchy eye.]

>Well, it sure looks like him...I'll go up and ask him.

[Are you sure? Couldn't you just tranquillize him or something?]

>Eh, I should probably make sure I got the right guy first. Don't want to end up bagging the wrong guy. Plus, I don't think folks are going to appreciate me shooting without provocation in public.

[I don't know about this, Spike. Maybe we should plan this ou-]

>Hey Mister, is this you?
He raises a wanted poster.

'...'
He flips the table over, smacking Spike in the face with it and jumps out the window.

>Ow, I'll take that as a yes.
He jumps out the window and looks around.

[He's by the hay wagon!]

The unicorn pulls out a pistol and fires into the air making the crowd panic. Spike dodges left and right trying to avoid being trampled on.

>Ugh, I don't have time for this.
He fires a grappling hook and swings over everyone's heads.

'Leave me alone!'
The Unicorn fires a number of shots and manages to hit the grappling hook, sending Spike crashing into a produce stand.

[Spikey! Are you okay?]

Spike spits out a turnip.
>Nope, now I'm angry.
He follows the Unicorn down an alley. Spike pulls Charity up to aim, but the gunpony turns left out of the alley.

>Tsk.
He slides out of the other side.
>Now where'd he go?

[He's heading towards the river boat!]

The unicorn gets on the boat right be for it leaves the dock.
'Heheheh...HAHAHAHA! Knew that little beast couldn't catch me. Time to ride this to-'
*CLICK*
Spike appears behind him, dripping wet, with Charity pointed at him.
>Jail.

~~DT's House~~
"Well did you get the bits?"

>Yeah.
He raises a bag of bits.

"You took so long that I had to get dad to buy the ammo, but thanks for the effort."
She takes the bits and slams the door.

>.......well at least she said thank you.

~Alt ending~

[He's heading towards the train station!]

>Hey, stop before you-

'You'll never catch me alive fu-'
Suddenly gets hit by a train.

>....Holy crap!

~~DT's House~~
'Well, did you get the bits?'

>I'm really sorry DT, but the guy got hit by a train, so I couldn't collect the bounty. I really did try to get him though. I got hit by a table, almost got trampled, and fell into a turnip stand. I just didn't expect him to die like that. I promise I'll make it up to you and Silver Spoon though. I'll go out and find another bounty to hunt first thing tomorrow.

"Oh...well actually you took so long that my dad went ahead and bought the ammo for me."

>Really? ...*SIGH*....
He rubs his forehead and gives a quiet
>ahhhhhh.....

She rolls her eyes.
"Hmph...if you're going to be that pathetic about it. Just get inside. There's a few brownies left."
Let's Spike in and closes the door.
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>Suckerpunch
"AJ41"
'Doctor'

'What. Did. I. Fucking. Say!?

"Hey! You can't count this time!"

>It was an accident man!

'How!? How do you headbutt through an accident?'

>Quite easily as it turns out...

"Especially if you're drunk."

>Seriously.

"I mean, don't get us wrong, we totally still do the headbutt thing when we spar."

>But it's like...a mutual agreement.

"Yeah, like, it's not an 'us' fight if there's no headbutt."

'...'

>Doc?

'Are...are you two insane?'

>By this point, probably.

"I mean we're best friends despite 99.9% of our time together being fighting."

>But that's not a foreign concept, right?

"It isn't?"

>Yeah, I mean, 42 used to kick Shining Armor's ass all the time and now she wants that dick-donottellherIsaidthat!

"..."

>...what?

"LOVE DAMN IT! WHY AM I ALWAYS PLAYING FOLLOW THE LEADER WITH HER!?"

41 storms off.

>...well shit. So...should I like take anything? For the headaches?

'I'll have my nurse send you something...whenever I figure out where she went.'

>Probably to go screw that transfer from Las Pegasus. That guy does NOT screw around...I mean he does, but...yeah. Anyway, I'm gonna go calm her down, see ya!

'...Faust this town got weird.'
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NON CANON

>Spike
"Twilight"
'Sombra'
~~~
>Hey, Twilight, Sombra! Fancy seeing the two of you here!

'How good it is to see you as well.'

"You have that tone in your voice... You want a favor, don't you."

>Oh, nothing big, nothing big.... Just... I've been making my own weapons.

'Ah! The art of armsmithing! A splendid passtime, young dragon!'

>And I was wondering if either of you knew any means, like say... Alchemy, you help me give my weapons more oomph. you know?

'...'

"..."

'Well, there are things you can do...'

"Sombra, please don't... We've both caused enough death, haven't we?"

'Don't you trust your own friend, Princess? don't you trust him to use this knowledge for the right reasons?'

"... I do, but..."

>Twilight, I promise, I'll use what you teach to protect others.

"... I thought my knowledge could protect others too."

'It certainly seems to ne doing that lately.'

>Yeah, I mean there's the prefab buildings you've been making that have been great for rebuilding after disasters or just for temporary shelter.

"... Alright, fine. But you're learning in a structured environment, Spike."

>... Oh... joy... More lessons....

"Yes! MORE LESSONS! I cheated you out of a proper education before, Spike, it's time to fix that!"

'I feel like I should run.'

>Do it while you still can.

"WE'RE GOING TO START NOW! WITH THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEMENTS!"

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>Twilight
"Pinkie"
'Luna'
~Cadance~
{Celestia}

BAM

>PINKIIIIIIIIIIE!

"Hey Twilight! Fancy seeing you here at Partyland, we haven't even opened up yet, why so early?"

>Do you remember those "recipes" we gave the go ahead for the cookery section?

"Uh huh, now it's my turn to ask a question! Why's your eye red like that?"

>And do you remember how we gave very specific limits on what the Princesses; MY, names would be licensed to?

"Yepperino! Some do-it-yourself grilled cheese sandwiches, some party punch, some mac-n-cheese (We wanted to get Mig Mac to sign the contract for that one, but he said nope) Aaaaaaand some fruits on a stick! IT'S GENIUS!"

>Are you, Quite, sure that's what you printed?

"Wow that's a lot of steam you got coming from your ears Twily, what's the problem?"

SLAM

>THESE ARE THE PROBLEM!

".....Ooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so THAT was the printer we weren't supposed to use, well geeze, if me and Cheese had never known, we wouldn't have shipped them all over Equestria in those promotional bags! Heeheehee, isn't that silly....is it?"

>WHAT THE HELL IS A MEXICAN?!

"I dunno, some kind of food? Do the rest of the Princesses know about these?"

>...

BAM

'WE HAVE BEEN STRIVING TO CUT DOWN ON OUR REAR'S VOLUME! AND THIS IS HOW YOU TELL ALL OF EQUESTRIA?!'

"Woopsies...."

~I DON'T WANT ANYPONY TO DIE! NOT IN A SAUCEPAN OF ALL PLACES! PLEASE!~

{THIS IS IT! IT'S FINALLY HAPPENING! I'M NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR INFANTICIDE! TAKE ME NOW MOTHER! TAKE ME NOW!}
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>Chrysalis
"Applejack"
'42'
~~~~~

>CRACKA-FUCK OFF!

"Damn it!"

>Save the tossing things, I need a second opinion.

"Even iffin' ya' go back in time and make it so he never meets Cadence, yer' still not gettin' any."

>Okay, one, you are actually wrong on that one but it's still a bad idea for other reasons.

"..."

>Two, that's not what I'm here about. What do you do when one of your workers refuse to go to sleep and just keep going?

"Well, what AH had ta' do when Ah' did it was get mah' friends ta' help me out and help me not work mahself ta' the bone. Why?"

>I already told her to take the day off, she did and she still won't sleep!

"What are ya' talkin' about?"

>That!

She opens the door, revealing a tired, wobbly 42 walking down the hall. The soldier abruptly stopped, and started to droop her head. Softly, she began to snore...

And then snapped right back up with a scream. Blinking in confusion, she began to frantically look around the room before finally landing on the princess and Queen staring openly at her.

'...YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!'

With that, she jumped through the window, and flew in a haphazard line before colliding with one of the castles towers, and slowly sliding to the ground.

"...Huh."

>That's the third time she did that, no joke. Advice?

"...Ask her what's wrong?"

>...

"...Right, okay, point. Ahhh... might wanna get Shiny on this one."

>You really think you were plan A? You're D, honey, Shiny and Caddy have already been tapped here. Neither worked, and I'm pretty sure Cadence made it worse... somehow.

"Well... shoot, dunno, go ask Spike?"

>Wow, no. Seriously? Spike? You want ME to ask Spike for something.

"Fine, alright, fer' lands sakes... ahhh... Ah'm out."

>...YOU ARE USELESS!

*SLAM!*

"...Well, at least it ain't mah fault."
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>Chitania
"Museum Pony"
~~~~~

>HOLY SHIT!

"...Miss? You're not supposed to take the books out of their cases, they are delicate and very old."

>HOLY! FUCKING! SHIT!

"I see you are openly ignoring me. Normally, I would be irate, but you very clearly bent the bars that was supposed to keep you out like string cheese, and I am afraid."

>IT...IT CAN'T BE!

"See, that's what I thought, but then you did it. My world was turned upside down."

>How... h-how...

"How did you walk through the laser security system like it was raindrops? Would looooove to know that myself."

>...

Without a word, she tucked the book into the bag slung around her back, and walked off.

"Okay, miss? Did not want security to hurt you, but now they are going to have to-"

*CRASH!*

"-learn to fly. My unicorn security are now going to have to learn to fly or they are going to be in a lot of pain when they land- Ouch. Nevermind. Lot of pain it is. You know what? You keep it. You keep that book and you go off with it. Have fun."

She just ignored him, and left.

It was only hours later, when she was setting up her place to sleep in the middle of the forest, that she finally brought the book back out and re-opened it.

The little plaque had said it was an ancient tome that supposedly depicted a great shadow beast causing the first eclipse, a legend from an ancient time...

But she knew better.

The plaque had said the beast was supposed to be attempting to destroy the sun...

~If I beat her... could I have it? Could I give it... to them?~

...they could not be more wrong.

>...I was an idiot.
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Non-Canon Omake time
>DT
"Applejack"
'Rarity'
~~~~

>You expected to bring Spike to Partyland? Too bad! It was me, Diamond Tiara who took him!

"'TIARAAAAAAAA!!!!!'"
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NC
>18
"Chrysalis"
'42'
~~~~

>Hah! Holy shit, you and Cadence? Didn't see.. actually, yeah, I did see that coming.

"Wow."

'SHUT UP I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH CADENCE!'

>Wait, you're even this bad in non-canon stuff?

'CANON OR NOT CANON I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH CADENCE I DO NOT WANT TO KISS HER DEEPLY WHILE SHINY GETS BEHIND ME AND...NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPEFUCKYOUBRAINFUCKYOURBAINFUCKYOUBRAAAAAAAAINNNN!'

"...Huh."

>Partyland is going to be fuuuuuuunnn... should we go after Cadence too?

"I don't know. I had a dream in a canon story where I got married to her and Shiny, but I seemed to think it was pretty depraved. I also offered her sex a bunch of times."

>It would help our chances.

"Right, but we might also end up like that."

'FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU-NO! NOT LIKE THAT! NOT IN THERE! NOT IN ANYWHERE!'

>....Worth it?

"Eehhhh... could be."

'WHYYYYYYY!?'
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>Pinkie
~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw

>With our Pressurized Environmental Non-Implosive Suits equipped we're now ready to go to the moon. AJ12 finds a temp job with Fawntaine Futuristcs being a test subject. Has he found his calling? Still starving to death, 32 finds a taste for Cadence's cooking. What's her secret? Rainbow Dash gets more than she bargained for as she discovers a drug cartel in Cloudsdale. With Partyland bought out by Fawntaine Futuristics, what changes are they going to make? Find out next time time in Thread 26: The Circus of Values....And of course, Fan service!
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>Chitania
"Chrysalis"
'Sciderella'
~~~~~

>Holy shit, they brought in YOU!? You got to be a part of the story?

'My agent pulled some strings. HAH! Get it?'

"I just can't believe how many actually felt bad for you."

'I am an emotionally complex character.'

>You are a giant spider monster who dissolves living creatures and kills other Queens for their hive since you keep killing yours.

'I'll have you know both chemistry and kidnapping are very complicated affairs!'

"It was mostly just to give Arana a sad moment."

>I guess.

'Well, you'll get your sad moment eventually!'

>Oh lord, don't even talk about that. When we get to whatever is going to happen with my daughter, I am going to die on the inside.

"Have they decided that yet?"

>It's not 42. Other than that? No. Biggest idea was that it was 13, but nobody went any further than that.

'...Didn't you almost squish her?'

>You see the dilemma?

'...So, you think I'll get another-'

>"No."

'SPECIEST!'

>We're the same species.

"You're just the changeling equivalent of a piercing freak."

'RAAAAACIST!'
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NC
>29
"32"
~~~

>Oh my! You and me? Together at last?

"Our wit shall increase the intelligence of the thread a dozen fold!"

>Together we shall speak as though our tongues forever tasted of honey!

"Sing with the voices of the angels long past!"

>Recount tales of classical literature too high brow for the masses!

"And occasionally I will poke fun at you for not wrecking some Zebra or Mayor ass... perhaps Trixie too."

>Come now, there is no chemistry between myself and the blue one at all!

"She lives in your apartment."

>Oh my, good thing we're not a clop series, no?

"Thou dirty thing!... You know, when we end the thread, it might be an idea to-"

>Waaaaayyy ahead of you. How's this... A-hem 'Trixie is dragged before his door, two giant thugs on either side of her. She has amassed quite the gambling debt, which I pay, but she has no way to pay me back! So, deciding to use this opportunity, I-'

"Okay, enough. I'm in prison right now, and even I don't want to jack it to that."

>NO APPRECIATION!
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>Spike
"DT"
'SS'
[Potatojack]
~~~~

Spike calls up DT
*RING RING RING*
"Yo"

>Hello, DT. What are you doing?

"Nothin'...Just sitting here watching a movie. Eating some buds."

>Are you all alone?

'Wazzuuuuuuuup!!!'

"Wazzaaaaaaaaaap!!!!"

>Who's that?

"Yo Silver, pick up the phone."

SS picks up a nearby phone.
'Wazzuuuuuu-!!!!'

>Wazzaaaaaaa-!!!

"-aaaaaaaap!!! Hey, PJ! Pick up the phone!"

[Yo]

>Wazzaaaaaaaaa-

"'aaaaaaaaaa-'"

[aaaaaaaa-]

"aaaaaaaa-"

crossed eyed
'aaaaaa-'

shaking his head
>aaaaaaa-

SS hangs up

PJ hangs up

"aaap...*takes a deep breath*...whatcha doing?"

>Nothin'...chilling...killing...

"True true"

{This dream commercial was brought to you by Bud Light...True}
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NC
>Pinkie
"SA"
'Sombra'
~~~~~~

>MOTHERFUCKER!

"Pinkie! Language!"

>But my arc got stallllled!

'It's actually my arc-'

>I FINALLY GET TO BE A LEAD CHARACTER AND BAM! Whole thread goes by and I'm just straight up forgotten! STOP STEALING MY SCREENTIME, SHINY!

"I'm not meaning to-"

>No, screw this! I am seriously about to make my daddy a very happy stallion and MARRY YOU just so I can get more screentime!

'Partyland is next-'

>AND YOU DAMN WELL BETTER BELIEEEEEVE I'M GOING TO BE A PART OF IT!

'He's working on it, I'm sure!'

"Just, you know, stuff gets in the way! Things happen!"

>EAT A SHINY DICK!

'...Are you talking to me? Because to be honest, that would probably be a twist for him.'

"...Didn't you offer 29 sex if he helped you get your body back? Does that... do you still have to live up to that?"

'No.'

>You sur-

'NOOOOOOOO! Nobody ever mention that again! I WILL KILL YOU ALLLLLLL! CRYSTALLLLLLS!'

>...
"..."

'...A-hem. Sorry. Old habits.'
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