take all the things that are negative and list them here

think of them as nothing but a positive
everything listed is present on earth and a fact of reality

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-white girls existing and in easy reach
-high estrogen girls existing and in easy reach - use your eyes
-british descended girls
-thicc british descended girls being by far the most common everywhere around here
-brunettes
-redheads
-raven black hair
-pale girls existing and in easy reach
-pale girls having red and pink skin hue in differing spots
-some girls having freckles
-girls having varying physical features even under the spectrum of my ideal girl, making them all unique human beings
-girls having varying personalities to make them all unique human beings - see amanda/red creep/ally/meghan
-i somehow manage to find myself in the way of genuinely nice and effeminate females
-high testosterone
-being myself in the same way girls have unique personalities - there's two separate tiers of male personalities and i'm in the top tier
-being tenacious as FUCK
-i am not politically correct and refuse to be restrained in any way
-i am blunt
-by default, being more confident than the less confident male populace
-feeling that motherfucking energy
-being physically what i want
-deep voice
-handsome face
-big jaw
-big shoulders
-big chest
-big ribs
-science itself outright states that i am a high quality mate
-you are built for all of the women you see
-being able to attract some girls by simply existing in the same room as them
-being able to attract other girls by showing my own interest in them
-christmas
-winter atmosphere
-living in a 99% white town
-not living in the bronx
-love experienced mutually with girl
-cuddling with girl
-hand holding with girl
-primal bonding with girl
-female submission
-blowjobs
-footjobs
-fully clothed footjobs
-feet
-fully clothed female feet
-attractive females for me wearing boots
-attractive females for me wearing sneakers
-attractive females for me wearing flats
-fucking
-cars, a.k.a. golf mk4
-being able to drive cars
-street racing
-car culture and a mutual enthusiasm for automobiles
-humanity (read: car enthusiasts) helping each other out (miata flashes highbeams at raptor to let him know of cops ahead)
-being white (a low chance)
-having blond hair
-having green eyes
-being uk descended
-living in the first world with a computer and nice room
-having access to the internet and good ping
-10+ mb/s
-good music
-vidya
-can torrent whatever i want for free
-clothing i like that i wear
-never went to high school, never held down by arbitrary authority figures
-brick interiors in hudson
-yellow dim lights in hudson
-night time atmosphere
-city night time atmosphere
-night highway racing atmosphere
-radio station atmosphere
-tmb religious atmosphere
-having such a potential for comfy atmosphere - hot wheels games, hl2 beta, etc.
-politics and america the great
-trump is in office
-perpetual sjw asshurt
-being a fully developed grown man who can do whatever the fuck he wants
-living free as a free man
-blood lust tribal mentality
-every other positive in life i failed to mention, of which there are infinite
-still breathing
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i need to sit in a comfy spot in content with the fact that all of these things exist while being mindful of my surroundings and acknowledging where i am right now, not the past or future

don't think about tomorrow



C:\Users\Halagini\Desktop\text\clothes\misc images\female specimens\hair or skin (for organizing)\red hair shade specific\red hair bracelet library 1.png      (1-5)
I CAN FIND THIS
FOR FUCKS SAKE I HAD IT ONCE ALREADY
i'm worrying about this shit with no possible distraction, HOWEVER:
this is a positive
this i can absolutely find - and this i must be content with


i just saw ally 1-2 hours after awaking and there are no signs of the previously documented scenario occurring
this is both due to having mental stimulation and seeing her














---OUTBACK---
this is SUPER fucking important cunt because it encompasses everything
my mothers birthday was four days ago, yesterday my grandmother and uncle wanted to take her to dinner in albany which i tagged along for alongside rihanna for some reason

mother and i went to justins house after getting blu/riley to drop off riley and get gerald/rihanna (of note is that i felt significantly stressed, trapped, and demoralized on the way to blus house)
i saw a new dog that nobody told me about that justin obtained after the obese guy died
i saw rich and his powerstroke dually f350 who asked me if i remembered him and noted that i big now

i let gerald drive and i felt totally different the entire time, actually not really depressed at all
that is to say, no symptoms of depression were present at all
and fully vulnerable to positive emotions and also negative emotions but not to the depressed extent (!!!!)
a revelation
in the car going both ways, many topics were brought up including politics
it CANNOT be understated that CLEARED DEPRESSION =/= FEELING THE EUPHORIA I THINK I'D FEEL, IT'S SIMPLE BEING ABLE TO FULLY ENJOY POSITIVE EMOTIONS
non-depression isn't constantly feeling that euphoria, as you should know
it's being able to feel that euphoria

keeping up with this mood, when blu wanted to enter trader joes which had literally hundreds of people stuffed into a small store, i saw seemingly infinite female specimens
a fuckton were english, which naturally brought me back to meghan (i don't know how badly this line will age)
(i mean, imagine meghan even at jacksons birthday party prior - she'd blatantly be the hottest girl present which has always been desired by me as an ego stroke, people would be like "o shit that's his gf DAMN")

now, i need to say that i feel positive about everything that i normally ruminate about
politics (gerald casually talking about shooting democrats for wanting to take his guns after letting criminals go free for free on bail), zoomers, females, attractive females, life, etc.
i feel legitimately energized as a male with gerald in regards to street racing, which was frequently discussed on the trip with him racing guys in both kia in sport mode and 5.3l dodge caravan while rihanna was present
it's easy to imagine me street racing on the highway then going back to justins to discuss my victory, which is tribalistic

rihanna completely calmed my thoughts on zoomers, even while seeing attractive females (both at outback, a.k.a. the english counter girl and at trader joes which as mentioned previously had hundreds of people)
ok boomer was mentioned, rihanna also mentioned dealing with bullshit in school (she's underage and has no control over anything, blu also yelled at her towards the end for no reason)
this may partially be due to having no one even remotely near my age present anywhere ever, and if they are they're strangers (meanwhile i forget about tweak and literally everybody else there)
this leads to me falsely idealizing shit which must stop because that's now and forever in the most literal sense

```this is why i want a relationship with a girl
go back to the third paragraph where i was not depressed
had a girl been present, i ABSOLUTELY would have fully felt her present - i felt rihanna present despite her not being an option for reasons that go into the triple digits
indeed, i wanted any of the girls i'm looking at to have been with me in a girlfriend role because, at the time, i felt it would make things even better
indeed, when an attractive girl that reminded me of red creep at outback passed me close by i felt it, and when she looked at me i felt it
especially due to the massage literally the day prior, where as i documented i was able to theorize female contact again
you must remember how much joann turned me on when she came out barefoot, this plus with the above sentence = ability to process it properly
attractive uk girls are everywhere, it's easy to see after exposure and statistically objectively correct

then we need to get into actually getting a girls number
if i was in the position to do so right now, i would be absolutely motivated by the dinner scenario not just because of no depression but because of the tribalistic mentality seen present with family member
(this has no relevance to gabe, only me)

then we get into gray albany (C:\Users\Halagini\Desktop\text\room\other\volkswagen golf white.jpg) + asmr ginger + through fire/all that remains
lose weight, get gf