AnonxCelestia - You're Not Going Anywhere

Written for this prompt:

>"By the order of the Equestrian high council it has been decided against my wishes that you are to be taken back to your world. Please be aware I've done everything in my power to make your life just as it used to be. No one in your world will even know you went missing."

[spoiler]>"Hah! You should have seen your face sweetie. Don't worry I would never do that."[/spoiler]
...
[spoiler]>"Anon...?"[/spoiler]


>You are Anon
>You are also a smug motherfucker at the moment
>You and the Great White Horse had a little bit of a prank war going on
>And you just got her /good/
>With the basic of basics no less!
>She should have seen the hot sauce in the cake coming
>But nope
>You offered her some cake to go with her tea, knowing she could never wait that long and would just devour it as soon as you left the room
>She was halfway through a Ponebasco-injected cake before she knew what was happening
>Her tears, seen through the keyhole, were delicious
>As was this temporary victory
>But you knew she'd come back hard after something like that
>You had to be ready
>Magic's haxy as fuck
>And Sunbutt and her sister are the haxiest
>They were nice, yeah
>Celestia especially
>But they took their pranks seriously
>...
>You're kind of wondering if this was a setup, now...
>Maybe she'll use it as an excuse to get you chucked in the dungeons for a day?
>That'd be a pretty good one, actually
>If so, you played right into her hands!
>Fuck
>You book your shit out of the castle, planning to lay low in the city until a homie in the guard told you it was cool
>Yeah, she could still easily find you
>But she was careful to not show her prankster side in front of other ponies, or out of the castle in general
>Gotta keep that motherly facade up
>You're nearly back to your apartment
>You'd lived in the castle when you first arrived, but moved out once you got enough bits and a job
>It didn't feel right to keep depending on the sisters
>Celestia seemed strangely sad to see you go, but she cheered up when you told her you'd still be in Canterlot
>You honestly liked being around her when she wasn't enchanting your pants to pitch a tent every time you walked by a mare
>The cheeky cunt
>You never really lived that one down
>Home at last!
>Now you hunker down and wait for the fallout
>Maybe she'll make a city-wide announcement calling for your apprehension
>Wouldn't be the first time

>...you've been in your apartment for a while, but there's no commotion outside...
>No guards banging on your door
>No nothing
>Huh
>Maybe she's just waiting for you to come back to the castle?
>Probably
>You'll wait a while longer
>She's gotta give up and admit you got her eventually
>You stand up and walk into the kitchen to fix yourself a sandwich
>You just put the finishing touches on it when you hear the sound of teleportation from your living room
>There's only one pony who teleports into your living room
>herewego.jpg
>You swagger back into the room, and lo and behold
>A stern-looking Sunny D has appeared!
"Wow, giving up already Cel? I figured I'd have to wait a few days at least, but I guess you realized you can't come back after getting got by the oldest one in the book!"
>You shoot her your best troll-grin as you take a seat and bite into your sandwich
>"I'm afraid the fun is over, Anonymous."
>That gives you pause
>She hasn't addressed you by your full title in a long time
>"You've gone too far this time."
>Pfffft
>Is /that/ what this is about?
"Look, I get you're a cake-o-phile and what I did is probably a low blow to you, but honestly, you should've seen that shit coming. Not all of us hold cake as a religious object."
>She stamps her hoof
>/Anonymous/!"
>...
>She's...
>She's not fucking around.
>What's happening?
"W...What? I'm sorry if it was too much, I just thought it would be funn-"
>"'Too much' is an understatement, Anonymous. You tampered with the food of royalty. A high crime since centuries past."
>...oh
>Oh no
>Come on!
>This-
>This can't-
"Cel!? I'd never hurt you! You know that! It was just a joke!"
>"Unfortunately, the nobility is not so confident in that regard. An emergency joint session was held when news of your "prank" broke."
>Her face has never been so terrifying to you
>"By the decision of the Equestrian high council, you are to be returned to Earth."
>...
>...wha...?

>"Please be aware I've done everything in my power to make your life just as it used to be. No one in your world will even know you went missing."
>No
>NO
>This isn't what you want!
>You don't want to go back!
>They can't make you!
>You won't!
>Why the fuck should those stuffed shirts have a say in what happens to you?!
>You're your own man!
>A citizen by their own law!
>AND YOU ARE NOT GOING BA-
>"Snerk!"
>A stifled laugh brings you out of your mental storm of terror and rage
>Celestia's cheeks are bright pink, shoving a hoof in her mouth to suppress her laughter
>"Heehee! Anon, I wish I could show you your face right now!"
>...
>...
>...
>Too far.
>That...
>That was low.
>She knows...
>She /knows/ you hated your life on Earth
>You turn and walk towards your bedroom
>"Anon...?"
"Yeah. Good deal. You got me, Princess. 'Gratz. GG no RE."
>You hear her hoof steps behind you
>"Anon?!"
>You run
>You'd snap if you had to look at her
>You can barely keep control as it is
>You sprint into your room and slam the door into place, locking it
>"Anon, please-!"
"NO!"
>Your shout cuts her off
"You know that's taboo! You know I hate it there! That's bullshit, Celestia! You can't just fucking... pull that shit..."
>Goddammit
>You're crying
>She fucking terrified you in that moment
>And you run and hide like a bitch?
>Better hand in your man card, son
>"Anny..."
>Great
>That fucking nickname
>She only called you that when you two were alone
>It was fucking childish as fuck
>So why did you like it?
>And when she threatened you with your worst nightmare /for a prank/, why were you more concerned with controlling yourself and not hurting her feelings with your reaction than you were with letting her know just how fucking uncool that was?
>It's official
>You're a faggot
>"Anny...?"
>She's still there
"...what?"
>"Can I come in...?"
>...
>Well, you're already gay, so why don't we just get a big hugbox of friendship lessons and other faggotry going on?
"...sure."

>She doesn't bother with the door
>She appears in front of you in a flash
>For a moment, you get a view of dat booty
>It has be where all that cake goes
>She turns and faces you
>...she's tearing up too?
>You're about to speak when you're suddenly enshrouded by a white pair of wings
>A pair of hooves wrap around your torso, and her head comes to rest on your shoulder
>"I'm so sorry... I thought... I didn't consider..."
>She's so subdued...
>...
>You return the embrace
>She takes some encouragement from that
>"...Anny. You know I'd never send you back."
"I...yeah, but... You were really convincing. Could the council actually do that...?"
>She's silent for a moment
>"...yes."
>You tense up
>She just grips you tighter
>"But I would never, /ever/ allow it."
>Holy shit
>That was the hardest you've ever heard her voice
>"Certainly, you've ruffled some feathers with your antics around the castle. I have, in fact, heard a petition to have you banned from the premises in Day Court. But I refused to approve it. I enjoy having you near me, Anny. I take great pleasure in our little games. Luna does as well. You're not going anywhere. The nobility shall get used to that."
>She moves her head back to look you in the eye
>"I acknowledge that this was too much. I apologize, from the depths of my heart."
>Fuck
>She can't just-
>You should-
>Those eyes-
>Ugh
"...you're off the hook."
>She buries her face into your neck
>"Thank goodness..."
"BUT!"
>She's back to looking you in the face
"You have to tell me who made that petition against me."
>The reply was instant
>"Blueblood."
"Is that real answer, or are you just saying that because you want to see what I do to him?"
>She giggles
>"Both."
>She leans back into your shoulder
>"You are worth far more to me than Blueblood's dignity."
>You chuckle
"And that's worth, what, next to nothing?"
>"Anny, I'm being serious!"
"So, how much am I worth exactly?"
>She freezes
>You already know
>You're just gonna make her squirm a bit

>"You... You are..."
>...
>"..."
>"A...lot...okay...?"
>You deadpan so hard you're a little afraid your face will stick like that
>She's red and stuttering now
>"Y-y-you are very d-dear to me! Y-you know that!"
"Everybody and their mom is "dear" to you, Cel. That's just how you are. I'm asking if I specifically hold any special place in that pantheon of precious individuals."
>Nearly there
>You've nearly got her
>"I...you...erm...o-obviously...you are..."
>Your floor is suddenly incredibly interesting
"What's this? Mighty Celestia of the Sun, reduced to a quivering filly at the words of a weird space monkey?! Unthinkable!"
>Her head shoots up, indignant
>"You're not weird! And /certainly/ not a monkey! I find your body lovely!"
>You let what she just said sink in
>...wow, her entire head just turned red!
"Oh, so you just want me for my body, eh?"
>"N-n-n-n-no! Anny, I want all of you!"
>Aaaaaaaaaaaand there it is
>That heart-melting face
>All you wanted
>You let her stew in her embarrassment and trepidation a moment longer, if only because you fucking love that face
"Cool. Because I want all of you, too."
>She freezes
>Her eyes slowly come up to meet yours
>"...Anny..."
>You smile
"Be mine, Cel."
>She's tearing up
>Different reason now
>"I already am."
"Prove it."
>Her eyes widen
>Then narrow back down into a sultry little stare
>"And how could I go about that~?"
"You take a day off, we cuddle until you can't stand up, and then we prank Blublood until he cries for mercy."
>She laughs happily
>"You're perfect."
>You pick her up, and flop onto your bed
"In all seriousness, can they function without you? The government, I mean."
>She snuggles in as tight as physically possible, closing her eyes
>"They'll figure it out."
"Good."
>You pull a blanket over the two of you
"Because you're not leaving anytime soon."
>She gives a throaty giggle
>"I've no intention of being anywhere else but next you."
"For how long?"
>"For always, Anny."
"Sounds good to me, Cel."