Cameraphone Kubrick

>it's fucking hot, and no wind or rain in sight
>you're drinking covertly in the park on your lunch break, sitting on a bench
>a voice rings out from behind the hedge to your rear
>"Pwease no wun behbie! Pwease dwink miwk!"
>sitting up from your slump, you peek over the short hedge
>two fluffy ponies are there; one yellow with brown mane and one auburn with red mane
>the red-brown one is lying on its side
>the other, whom you heard, is yelling at... a brown squirrel?
>are you really that tipsy already?
>it can't really be a squirrel
>"Behbie come back to mumma! Behbie need miwkies!"
>the fluffy parent, if that is indeed what he is, makes a move toward the squirrel-looking thing
>it starts and scrabbles up the trunk of a nearby tree
>shit, it is a squirrel!
>"Nuuu! High pwace bad fo' behbie! Come back to mumma!" shrills the red-brown one
>in a minute it's heaved itself onto its hooves and both ponies are running to the base of the tree, begging the squirrel to come down

>what the actual fuck?
>you stand up to get a better look, and hear a tiny rustling in the base of the hedge
>walking around and peering down, you can make out a brown shape among the lowest branches
>you kneel
>it's a fluffy pony foal
>unlike the other two, this one is shit-colored through and through; light brown from tip to tail
>looking closer, you can see it gasping
>lips and tongue are completely dry and cracked; its mouth works as it sees you but no sound comes out
>it's wedged in after a fashion that would be impossible for it to have done alone
>that is to say, ass-first
>occasionally it tries to twitch free, but the branches have snarled its fluff
>this is the baby of those other two
>they must have shoved it under the hedge, possibly for safety, while they went off to hunt food
>and come back just now after a long search to find the squirrel near their hidey-hole
>how fucking dumb do you have to be to confuse a brown squirrel with your own foal?
>you get out your phone to take some video

>the parents are still barking up the wrong tree, as it were
>first, a shot of the trapped foal looking at you, with pleading written on every millimeter of its expression
>then a pan over the parents yelling at the squirrel to set the scene
>you walk over and corral the ponies away from the tree
>making sure to capture their tearful expressions for the audience's benefit, of course
>tucking the phone into your shirt pocket with the lens forward, you secure each pony under an arm
>then you clamp your hands tightly around their mouths, stilling their protests
>eventually the wary, startled squirrel starts to descend
>you step a long way off and wait with the squirming ponies as it cautiously moves away
>then sneak up on the tree from the opposite side
>quickly skirting the tree, you present yourself to the squirrel
>with vertical retreat cut off, it bolts across the open lawn
>you drop the ponies to the ground and quickly extract your phone
>your rewards are screams of "NUUU BEHBIE! COME BACK!"
>and a scene of the two ponies chasing the escaping rodent as fast as their legs will go
>you pan back to the bush
>leaning down and zooming, you get a shot of the foal still stuck in the tangle
>it follows its departing parents with desperate, panicked eyes
>this shit's going on YouTube