Long Shot (2019)

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Sub By Black Hawk

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<i> I don't know
 what the fuck is going on</i>

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<i> in this country, man!</i>

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<i> Every day I turn on the TV,</i>

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<i>and I see these fucking freaks
marching for their rights!</i>

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What about our rights?

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This is our time
to show the world

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that we are not
just an online movement!

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<i> We're growing physically!</i>

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This is our time
to assert ourselves

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as the true voice of America!

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Yeah!

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Yes, let's do that!

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Now, you may have noticed

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that our friend Aryan Grande

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has brought in a new recruit.

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FucktheJews82.
Welcome, brother!

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Yeah!

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Hi.<i> Heil. Heil,</i> everybody.

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White power. Obviously.

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Been a big fan of you guys
for a while.

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Since World War II, really.

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That's when you made your
big entrance, on the scene.

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And, uh... Yeah.
Just, um, in closing...

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Fuck the Jews!

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Yeah!

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Welcome!

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Let's fucking party!

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So you guys are, like, pretty
active on social media, right?

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Yeah.

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How many times a day would you
say you tweet on average?

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Hey, FTJ!

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Yo!

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You said you wanted
a swastika tattoo.

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Now's your chance.

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Yeah, you know, I've been
thinking about it. I'm cool.

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Come on, man.
We all got 'em!

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You guys want me to get
a swastika tattoo?

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Yeah!

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I will get a swastika tattoo.

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Um...

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Yeah.

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Hey, take over, man.
I got to take a piss.

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Super cool, guys.
Thank you for this.

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This is really exciting.

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All right, here we go!

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Ooh, right! Yeah!

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That hurt?

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On many levels. Yes.

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Fuck!

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Hey! This you?

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You're a journalist?

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Yeah!

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We all got to be
fucking journalists
in this day and age,

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mainstream media not covering
our side of the story!

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His name is Fred Flarsky.

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He writes for
the<i> Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

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He's a fucking Jew!

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What?

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Look, look, look.
Okay, okay, okay. Hey!

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What are you doing here?

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You're here to fucking
embarrass us, huh?

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Who sent you?

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No one sent me!

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It's okay. I'm... I'm...

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He's been recording us
the whole time!

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Fucking shit, man!
You infiltrated our group!

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You're gonna fucking die!

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How do you
turn this thing off?

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The fucking red button,
right there, man!

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Holy shit!

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Yeah!

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Not only did I escape...

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I held onto my phone!

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Yes! Ow!

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I trusted you, man!

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Yeah, well...

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Jews win this round,
motherfucker!

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Peace! Ow.

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<i>Tonight on</i> Wembley News,

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<i> we take an in-depth look
 at Charlotte Field,</i>

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<i> a Rhodes Scholar,
 a Pulitzer winner,</i>

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<i> and protege
 of President Chambers,</i>

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<i>who tapped Field two years ago</i>

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<i> to be the youngest
 secretary of state</i>

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<i>in the history of this nation.</i>

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<i> And honestly,
 looking hotter than usual.</i>

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<i> Now, people are gonna say
 that's sexist,</i>

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<i> but, she's just hot!</i>

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<i> You know,
 when we talk about women
 in this way,</i>

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<i> it is because
 we respect them so much,</i>

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<i>and we start with their body.</i>

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<i> You two are terrible.</i>

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Good night, Steven.

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Good night, Madam Secretary.

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Sorry for the late call,
Mr. Foreign Minister.

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Long day.

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Three bilaterals.

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Listen, we're not going to be
able to do it.

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There's just not enough
traction around this thing.

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I believe in it, it's just...
I don't have Congress support.

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I don't have
the American people's support.

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I know you and I
don't like it, Chuck,

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but you know who likes it?

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88% of college-educated
Americans over 45.

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Likely voters.

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That's Gallup.
We have to make this happen.

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Well, I wouldn't call
the president inexperienced.

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I mean,
he did play a president

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on a very popular television
show for over a decade.

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You don't get
six Golden Globe nominations

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without being
pretty convincing.

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Um, I do think I'm funny.

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I'm sorry, I thought
this interview was about

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promoting democracy
in Eastern Europe.

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All right, next one's BBC.

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<i> Would you be asking
 a male cabinet member</i>

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<i> what products they use
 in their hair?</i>

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I'm just kidding.

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No, it's olive oil
and mayonnaise.

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I know. So cheap.
So much shine.

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Good morning, Mr. President.

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Good morning,
Mr. President.

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Good morning, Mr. President.

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Good morning,
Mr. President.

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Oh, hey, Charlotte.

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You caught me
watching my show.

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<i> Mr. President. We still
 recommend Option C.</i>

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<i> I am not nuking a tsunami!</i>

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Oh, here it is.

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Not now...

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Not today.

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Not in my house.

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Yes! I love that!

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Oh, me too.

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Anyway, that's not why
I called you here.

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Charlotte.

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Yes, sir?

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I will not be
seeking reelection.

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Really?

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Look, I know it's crazy,

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because I'm only halfway
through my first term.

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And you're incredibly
popular, sir.

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And I want to use
that popularity

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to transition into something

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more prestigious
than the presidency.

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I wanna make it in the movies.

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You're going to leave

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the Presidency
to go be in movies?

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I know. It's gonna be tough.

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Ah...

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Only like, 10 guys
have made that jump

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from TV to film.

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Woody Harrelson,
George Clooney...

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Might be... Might be just two.

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I... Mr. President, have you

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given any consideration
as to whom you might endorse?

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I'm sure you're probably
thinking of McNichol

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or Crowly. Strong choices.

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So strange, because I was
considering a run in 2024.

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And I've been vetted.

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So that's all done.

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And I can't stop thinking
about what...

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What it would do
for your legacy

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to endorse the first
female president.

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I mean... Wow.

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That's a legacy.

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Charlotte?

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Hmm?

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I would like to endorse you

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to be the next president
of the United States.

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I mean, if you think that's
a good idea, sir, I trust you.

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I'd... I'd be honored.

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I'm gonna be pulling
for Team Charlotte. Right?

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Because you've been
a great secretary.

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...of state.

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Whatever. It's a cool job.

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And, um, you've done it well.

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Thank you, sir.

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So stay focused.

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Don't make
any major screw-ups.

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Don't kill any hookers.

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Probably not a problem for you.

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I don't know what you're into.
Whatever.

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And before you know it...

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I like the sound of that.

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<i>♪ Hey, here she comes</i>

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<i>♪ It's the first lady president</i>

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<i>♪ Who can believe
that she's actually a woman</i>

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Thank you, sir.

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<i> ♪ She's got a big brain
 And a couple other assets ♪</i>

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Oh, and here we see

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Secretary of State
Charlotte Field.

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Good morning.

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Yes!

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So the headline is,
"You're in great shape."

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Ninety-two,
that's good.

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Really good.

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Yeah.

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And now,
keep in mind

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that these are numbers
for a female candidate.

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If you were a man, you'd be
in the 192nd percentile.

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Well, that seems about right.

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Yeah.

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'Cause the man... Okay.

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Um, your sense of humor is 82,

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which is solid. It's solid.

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But, you know, we wouldn't
mind seeing those numbers

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go up a few points, or more.

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So, I'm going to get
some writing samples from

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some funny speech writers.

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Great.

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I am really interested
in knowing how people feel

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about my accomplishments.

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Yeah.

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Right. You know, so we don't

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drill down
on specific policies.

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And that's only because
people don't seem to care.

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That's interesting.

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With that said, if you could
broker some deal

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that gets you
out there talking

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about a thing that you feel

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really strongly about,
that would be great.

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Well, that's perfect.

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I mean, we've been
looking for an opening

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to start a conversation
about the environment.

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All right.

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Romantically, if I may...

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Remember the stir online

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when the Canadian
Prime Minister and you

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were seated next to each other

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at The Global Business Forum?

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00:11:02,494 --> 00:11:03,894
Mmm-hmm.

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00:11:03,894 --> 00:11:05,030
A relationship like that

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would push you
into the high 90s.

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00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,870
High 90s? Wow.

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00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:13,942
That brings us to...

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00:11:16,942 --> 00:11:18,876
What's wrong
with my wave?

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00:11:18,876 --> 00:11:20,879
Um, I think people feel that

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that level of elbow movement
is, um...

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It stresses people out.

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00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:28,419
You know what? It's just
an area for improvement.

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Okay, fine,
I'll work on the wave.

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Hey.

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00:11:34,426 --> 00:11:36,061
Hey, Fred.

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You're gonna love this.
I almost died.

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You got a second?

248
00:11:40,798 --> 00:11:43,798
Yeah.

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Come on.

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00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,971
I actually have
some really great news.

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Really? Cool.

252
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Yes.

253
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We were just bought
by Wembley Media.

254
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,475
What?

255
00:11:50,475 --> 00:11:52,443
Yeah.

256
00:11:52,443 --> 00:11:53,345
Are you fucking kidding me?

257
00:11:53,345 --> 00:11:54,812
I knew you'd have
a harsh reaction...

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A harsh reaction?

259
00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,980
Fred, this is a good thing.

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00:11:55,980 --> 00:11:57,414
How?

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The fucker
represents everything

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that we've been fighting
against since day one!

263
00:12:00,485 --> 00:12:03,388
The whole point of this paper
is to fight
giant media conglomerates.

264
00:12:03,388 --> 00:12:05,190
Now we've been bought
by a giant media conglomerate.

265
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,190
I do see the irony.

266
00:12:05,190 --> 00:12:07,458
Irony?

267
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:10,128
He's gonna turn this place
into a propaganda machine.

268
00:12:10,128 --> 00:12:11,996
Not the good kind,
that's right!

269
00:12:11,996 --> 00:12:13,798
The bad kind, that's wrong!

270
00:12:13,798 --> 00:12:15,167
Well, we're out of options.

271
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,902
We've been running
as long as we can

272
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:19,303
on ads for weed doctors
and escorts.

273
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:21,405
Let's get penis enlargement
ads, too.

274
00:12:21,405 --> 00:12:22,874
No one likes their dick.

275
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,874
Come on, Fred.

276
00:12:22,874 --> 00:12:24,842
This Wembley guy,

277
00:12:24,842 --> 00:12:27,379
he ran fake stories
to help get Chambers elected.

278
00:12:27,379 --> 00:12:28,346
No, they couldn't prove that.

279
00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:30,548
We proved it! I wrote
three articles about it!

280
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,548
You published them!

281
00:12:30,548 --> 00:12:32,450
I did.

282
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:35,153
The shit that comes out
of this fucking guy's mouth...

283
00:12:35,153 --> 00:12:37,855
He said hurricanes were
caused by gay marriage.

284
00:12:37,855 --> 00:12:39,456
I don't even get
how that fucking works.

285
00:12:39,456 --> 00:12:41,058
I don't even get
the math on that one.

286
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,058
Fred, it's done, all right?

287
00:12:41,058 --> 00:12:43,128
It's done?

288
00:12:43,128 --> 00:12:46,597
They're upstairs finalizing
the deal right now.

289
00:12:46,597 --> 00:12:49,366
Look, we have to cut
two-thirds of our staff.

290
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,366
Two-thirds?

291
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:51,403
Yeah.

292
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:53,839
But we wanna keep you on.
They wanna keep you on.

293
00:12:53,839 --> 00:12:55,240
It's just...

294
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,142
You just have to
tone it down a little bit.

295
00:12:57,142 --> 00:12:58,610
I don't know how I can
tone things down

296
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:00,278
any more than
I'm toning them down.

297
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:02,279
Okay, Fred.
You're a great writer.

298
00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,279
Thank you.

299
00:13:02,279 --> 00:13:03,447
All right, you're funny,

300
00:13:03,447 --> 00:13:05,149
you take risks,
you connect with people.

301
00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:06,418
I'm sensing a twist in this.

302
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,553
You have a distinct,
authentic voice, but...

303
00:13:09,553 --> 00:13:11,423
Sometimes you're
a little too much.

304
00:13:11,423 --> 00:13:12,457
I don't think I am too much!

305
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:14,960
I actually think I'm
the perfect right portion.

306
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,461
Look, you have your job.

307
00:13:16,461 --> 00:13:19,297
Okay, focus on that and just
toe the line a little bit.

308
00:13:19,297 --> 00:13:20,899
You know what? I quit.

309
00:13:20,899 --> 00:13:22,033
Oh, come on, Fred.

310
00:13:22,033 --> 00:13:24,034
You should quit, too.
Everyone should fucking quit.

311
00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:25,971
No, I'm not gonna quit,
I need my job.

312
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:28,072
I need my fucking job, too.
I'm broke, man!

313
00:13:28,072 --> 00:13:29,474
But I can't work for that guy.

314
00:13:29,474 --> 00:13:31,876
At least let me fire you
so you can get unemployment.

315
00:13:31,876 --> 00:13:33,945
No fucking way!

316
00:13:33,945 --> 00:13:36,081
I want him to know
that I quit.

317
00:13:36,081 --> 00:13:38,416
He's never gonna know it,
he's never heard of you.

318
00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:40,985
You're gonna destroy your life
to spite a guy
who's never heard of you?

319
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:42,553
Yes! You said it best!

320
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:43,721
That's exactly
what I'm doing.

321
00:13:43,721 --> 00:13:46,524
You're making bad decisions
and it's bumming me out, man.

322
00:13:46,524 --> 00:13:47,993
Well, that makes
two of us.

323
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:51,562
Fuck this.
Journalism died today, people.

324
00:13:51,562 --> 00:13:54,532
Yes, hello, this is, uh,
Fred Flarsky.

325
00:13:54,532 --> 00:13:56,467
Um... I, uh,

326
00:13:56,467 --> 00:13:58,035
was just calling to say
that I was forced

327
00:13:58,035 --> 00:13:59,303
<i> to quit my job recently,</i>

328
00:13:59,303 --> 00:14:00,005
<i> making me
 something of a free agent.</i>

329
00:14:01,005 --> 00:14:02,573
<i> And I know in the past, uh,</i>

330
00:14:02,573 --> 00:14:05,277
<i>you said I'm not exactly what</i>
The Times<i> was looking for,</i>

331
00:14:05,277 --> 00:14:07,946
<i>but I was just calling
to see if anything's changed.</i>

332
00:14:07,946 --> 00:14:10,081
<i> Uh, just give me a ring.
 Thank you so much.</i>

333
00:14:10,081 --> 00:14:12,019
Yo, Lance. It's Fred. Um...

334
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,320
I lost my job
and I'm very sad.

335
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,922
Can I come by?

336
00:14:22,259 --> 00:14:23,528
We need to
schedule a meeting

337
00:14:23,528 --> 00:14:25,529
and see what they have to say.

338
00:14:25,529 --> 00:14:27,232
Excuse me.

339
00:14:28,232 --> 00:14:31,035
Man, I can't believe
they did you like that.

340
00:14:31,035 --> 00:14:32,671
It's fucked up. I'm pissed.

341
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:34,605
But you're gonna feel a lot
better, man, we're leaving.

342
00:14:34,605 --> 00:14:36,307
You can leave work right now?

343
00:14:36,307 --> 00:14:38,375
Yeah, I can fucking leave.
You see this corner office?

344
00:14:38,375 --> 00:14:39,644
That's a
"I can leave this bitch

345
00:14:39,644 --> 00:14:41,613
"whenever I want"
corner office.

346
00:14:41,613 --> 00:14:43,316
Come on, man. Everybody!

347
00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:46,051
This is my best friend,

348
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,585
and he just
lost his job today.

349
00:14:47,585 --> 00:14:49,453
All right?
He's at rock bottom.

350
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,453
It's not that bad.

351
00:14:49,453 --> 00:14:51,655
He feels like shit.

352
00:14:51,655 --> 00:14:53,325
And I'm gonna
make him feel better.

353
00:14:53,325 --> 00:14:54,025
It's been a tradition
since we were in college,

354
00:14:55,025 --> 00:14:56,394
when one of us feels sad,

355
00:14:56,394 --> 00:14:58,129
the other one
has to get him fucked up.

356
00:14:58,129 --> 00:15:02,299
I'm talking Britney Spears,
mid-2000s bald head,

357
00:15:02,299 --> 00:15:04,568
almost dropping the baby
fucked up.

358
00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:06,671
No judgement. No judgement.

359
00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:09,039
I need my schedule cleared,
Zander.

360
00:15:09,039 --> 00:15:10,140
I don't want to do shit.

361
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:12,376
I'm going off-grid
till tomorrow.

362
00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:13,546
Matter of fact...

363
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:16,546
Everybody's got the day off.

364
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,984
Everybody's got the day off.
Y'all got the day off.

365
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,085
Everybody, go home.

366
00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,754
I'm so appreciative
of all of you guys' hard work.

367
00:15:22,754 --> 00:15:24,489
I love
every single one of you.

368
00:15:24,489 --> 00:15:25,557
Except you, Ted!

369
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:28,659
Bagel Friday
is for everybody, Ted!

370
00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:30,761
You don't think we know
you taking the bagels?

371
00:15:30,761 --> 00:15:32,130
Yeah, Ted, not cool.

372
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,130
Zander.

373
00:15:32,130 --> 00:15:33,065
Yeah?

374
00:15:33,065 --> 00:15:35,299
I need two cans
of the Pamplemousse LaCroix.

375
00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,299
Uh-huh.

376
00:15:35,299 --> 00:15:36,533
I need that filled

377
00:15:36,533 --> 00:15:39,070
with Johnnie Walker Blue
and CBD oil.

378
00:15:39,070 --> 00:15:40,605
Do you want one?

379
00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,274
I got fucked, man.

380
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:45,010
Yeah, you got fucked
like a stepmom on Pornhub.

381
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:47,178
Well, it happens to everybody.

382
00:15:47,178 --> 00:15:49,114
I've been unemployed before,
it sucks.

383
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:50,381
But I didn't ask
for any handouts.

384
00:15:50,381 --> 00:15:53,183
I picked myself up by
my bootstraps and got to it.

385
00:15:53,183 --> 00:15:54,619
Where are we going right now?

386
00:15:54,619 --> 00:15:56,421
Best day ever, Fred.
Don't worry about it.

387
00:15:56,421 --> 00:15:58,590
I've got this dope afternoon
planned for us.

388
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:00,392
First we're going to finish
these Pamplemousse's.

389
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:01,360
Play at the park.

390
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,394
After that we're going to
go to Peter Luger's,

391
00:16:03,394 --> 00:16:04,562
get you a nice fat steak,

392
00:16:04,562 --> 00:16:07,264
and then finish it off with
a World Wildlife Fund benefit.

393
00:16:07,264 --> 00:16:08,633
I don't know
if I want to
go to some

394
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,201
fancy rich person party.

395
00:16:10,201 --> 00:16:11,535
What... Oh, come on, man,

396
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,138
don't be so judgmental,
all right?

397
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,539
It's free booze and
there'll be pandas and shit.

398
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,539
People love pandas and shit.

399
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,076
I don't know.

400
00:16:18,076 --> 00:16:19,309
All right, fine, Fred.

401
00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:20,711
Then just do nothing.
All right?

402
00:16:20,711 --> 00:16:22,647
Go home, do nothing.

403
00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:25,351
And don't kick it with your
best friend and Boyz II Men.

404
00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:27,585
Say what?

405
00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:29,320
Oh, yeah.

406
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,788
Boyz II Men is bringing
their timeless blend

407
00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:34,058
of R&B, hip-hop and
new jack swing to the party.

408
00:16:34,058 --> 00:16:36,061
I thought you would
like to be there.

409
00:16:36,061 --> 00:16:37,761
Bo-bo-bo-Boyz II Men?

410
00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:40,831
<i>♪ Motownphilly's back again ♪</i>

411
00:16:41,932 --> 00:16:42,833
That's what I'm talking about,
man. Let's do this shit.

412
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,803
Okay, let's have fun.
What a fun day.

413
00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:50,408
I am so hungry,
it's insane.

414
00:16:50,408 --> 00:16:51,643
Why didn't you
PowerBar me?

415
00:16:51,643 --> 00:16:53,144
I tried,
you pushed my hand away.

416
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:54,312
Oh.

417
00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:57,315
Skewered foods. I can't eat
skewered foods gracefully.

418
00:16:57,315 --> 00:16:58,716
I look like
a fucking caveman.

419
00:16:58,716 --> 00:17:00,485
Yeah, and there are
cameras everywhere.

420
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:02,320
That's really gonna hurt
your elegance score.

421
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,791
That's my best score.

422
00:17:07,791 --> 00:17:09,727
Fuck! It's all
skewered foods.

423
00:17:09,727 --> 00:17:11,395
I'm gonna take the chicken
off the skewers.

424
00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,395
Take it off...

425
00:17:11,395 --> 00:17:13,330
Quickly. Quickly.

426
00:17:13,330 --> 00:17:15,299
Why do they make this
so difficult...

427
00:17:15,299 --> 00:17:17,634
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
I apologize.

428
00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:20,634
Jesus fucking Christ.

429
00:17:17,634 --> 00:17:20,204
Can't do things...

430
00:17:20,204 --> 00:17:22,173
Just make a fucking...
Make a wall. Make a wall.

431
00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:24,173
Yup. Yes.

432
00:17:22,173 --> 00:17:24,211
Do you have it?

433
00:17:27,211 --> 00:17:28,813
Good. Good, good,
good, good.

434
00:17:28,813 --> 00:17:30,250
Oh, my God,
it's really good chicken.

435
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:33,817
James Steward is approaching.
James Steward is approaching.

436
00:17:33,817 --> 00:17:34,885
What?

437
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,654
Okay, he's about
nine feet away.

438
00:17:36,654 --> 00:17:38,690
His dick is probably
about seven feet away.

439
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,690
Maggie!

440
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,458
Six feet away.

441
00:17:40,458 --> 00:17:42,694
Five feet away.
Spit, spit, spit, spit, spit.

442
00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:45,694
James!

443
00:17:43,694 --> 00:17:45,730
<i> Bonsoir.</i>

444
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,730
Hi.

445
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,565
Good evening.

446
00:17:47,565 --> 00:17:49,233
I am so sorry I missed you

447
00:17:49,233 --> 00:17:50,902
when I was at the White House
a few weeks ago.

448
00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:53,837
Oh, are you so "sorry," James?

449
00:17:53,837 --> 00:17:55,373
You're never gonna

450
00:17:55,373 --> 00:17:56,708
stop making that joke,
are you?

451
00:17:56,708 --> 00:17:58,708
No. I'm not.

452
00:17:58,843 --> 00:18:00,310
Well, I... Oh, hello.

453
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,310
Hi.

454
00:18:00,310 --> 00:18:01,613
Oh, yes.

455
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,613
Thank you.

456
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,781
One more. One more.

457
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:06,919
One more.

458
00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:10,288
<i> Merci.</i> Thank you.

459
00:18:10,288 --> 00:18:11,824
What do you say
we get out of here?

460
00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:15,593
Grab a drink somewhere
a bit more private.

461
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,729
Yes...

462
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,930
Yeah?

463
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,199
Oh, my God!

464
00:18:21,199 --> 00:18:22,933
<i>Make some noise out there!
Make some noise!</i>

465
00:18:22,933 --> 00:18:25,236
<i>Yeah! Check it out, y'all!</i>

466
00:18:25,236 --> 00:18:27,372
<i> One question,
 what's the name of the group?</i>

467
00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:28,640
Boyz II Men!

468
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:29,507
<i> What's the name
 of the group, y'all?</i>

469
00:18:29,507 --> 00:18:30,842
Boyz II Men!

470
00:18:52,730 --> 00:18:53,798
Yeah...

471
00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:54,833
I told you this
would be dope.

472
00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:57,902
Yeah, uh...
This is really
cheering me up.

473
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,336
Wow.

474
00:19:08,946 --> 00:19:10,381
I'm super underdressed.

475
00:19:10,381 --> 00:19:11,682
Stop complaining,
all right?

476
00:19:11,682 --> 00:19:13,617
You think
you feel outta place?

477
00:19:13,617 --> 00:19:14,786
This is one of
the brightest rooms

478
00:19:14,786 --> 00:19:16,820
I've ever been in,
in my life.

479
00:19:16,820 --> 00:19:18,223
Bright?
What do you mean, bright?

480
00:19:19,223 --> 00:19:20,458
Like white.

481
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,458
Oh, "bright" is white?

482
00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,527
Yeah, man.

483
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,596
It's only me,
the waiters
and Boyz II Men.

484
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:26,463
I've already had three people
tell me they love my music.

485
00:19:32,403 --> 00:19:33,637
Duty calls.

486
00:19:33,637 --> 00:19:35,007
I'll take a snow check
on that dance.

487
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,007
Canadian for "rain check."

488
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:38,609
Okay.

489
00:19:38,609 --> 00:19:40,380
Okay.

490
00:19:47,618 --> 00:19:49,753
Man, you're pounding 'em
kinda hard, don't you think?

491
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,823
I got fired today, man.

492
00:19:51,823 --> 00:19:53,592
You told me you quit.

493
00:19:54,592 --> 00:19:56,693
I was forced to quit
because of...

494
00:19:56,693 --> 00:19:57,828
Yeah, okay, man.

495
00:19:57,828 --> 00:19:59,031
Lie to me some more.

496
00:20:01,031 --> 00:20:02,571
You good?

497
00:20:07,571 --> 00:20:09,675
Shit. Is the secretary
of state looking at us?

498
00:20:11,675 --> 00:20:12,878
Oh, she's looking at you?

499
00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,384
Fred.

500
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,553
Fred. What the hell?
What was that?

501
00:20:22,553 --> 00:20:24,690
Damn. Hey, what was that?

502
00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:27,291
I...

503
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:28,692
Kinda... I kinda know her.
Okay?

504
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,692
You kinda know her?

505
00:20:28,692 --> 00:20:30,627
Yeah.

506
00:20:30,627 --> 00:20:32,363
Nobody kinda knows
Charlotte Field, all right?

507
00:20:32,363 --> 00:20:33,765
It's like kinda knowing
a mermaid, dude.

508
00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,898
You tell people that shit.

509
00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,898
That's exceptional.

510
00:20:34,898 --> 00:20:36,567
Okay.

511
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:37,868
I'll tell you a story.

512
00:20:37,868 --> 00:20:41,605
So, I'm like 13,
she's like 16.

513
00:20:41,605 --> 00:20:42,512
She's my babysitter.

514
00:20:48,512 --> 00:20:51,048
<i> She's like, perfect.
 She's very nice to me,</i>

515
00:20:51,048 --> 00:20:52,583
<i>which goes a long way with me.</i>

516
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:53,018
So, we're at her house...

517
00:20:54,018 --> 00:20:55,952
She's practicing a speech
that she's writing.

518
00:20:55,952 --> 00:20:57,922
<i> She's running for
 Student Council president.</i>

519
00:20:57,922 --> 00:20:59,223
Did you know
that every year,

520
00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:02,059
the school throws away
over 500 tons
of recyclable garbage?

521
00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,059
And no one cares.

522
00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:04,895
I know, it's total bullshit.

523
00:21:04,895 --> 00:21:06,497
But how do you get idiots
to care about shit

524
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,497
they don't care about?

525
00:21:06,497 --> 00:21:09,599
They'll just care

526
00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:11,635
because it's the right thing
to care about.

527
00:21:11,635 --> 00:21:14,638
You're more inspiring
than George Bush
and Dan Quayle combined.

528
00:21:14,638 --> 00:21:16,406
Well, that's not too hard.

529
00:21:17,842 --> 00:21:19,577
<i> Well, she was amazing,
 and she was smart,</i>

530
00:21:19,577 --> 00:21:20,912
<i> and she seemed to
 kinda like me,</i>

531
00:21:20,912 --> 00:21:22,680
<i> and I felt like
 we were having a moment.</i>

532
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,848
You know what I mean?
Like a romantic moment.

533
00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:25,916
Oh, shit.

534
00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:27,518
<i> So I did something,</i>

535
00:21:27,518 --> 00:21:29,619
<i> that in retrospect
 was highly inappropriate.</i>

536
00:21:29,619 --> 00:21:30,588
<i> I kissed her.</i>

537
00:21:31,588 --> 00:21:32,923
I looked down...

538
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:35,093
<i> I got a fucking
 13-year-old boner, man!</i>

539
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,093
Oh!

540
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:37,929
Hard... But not big.

541
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,731
But hard. And pronounced,
"13-year-old boner."

542
00:21:40,731 --> 00:21:41,732
Sorry.

543
00:21:41,732 --> 00:21:43,469
And she looks at it.
She sees it. And she goes...

544
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:45,536
It's okay.

545
00:21:45,536 --> 00:21:47,038
And then,

546
00:21:47,038 --> 00:21:48,905
her boyfriend comes
into the room,

547
00:21:48,905 --> 00:21:50,607
who was in the other room
watching<i> Blossom!</i>

548
00:21:50,607 --> 00:21:51,675
Hey, babe.

549
00:21:51,675 --> 00:21:53,544
Points out my fucking
little boner.

550
00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,544
<i> He makes a joke!</i>

551
00:21:53,544 --> 00:21:55,946
Whoa!

552
00:21:55,946 --> 00:21:57,115
<i> And they left.</i>

553
00:21:58,115 --> 00:21:59,685
I'm sorry.

554
00:22:01,685 --> 00:22:04,589
And I'm left
standing there alone...

555
00:22:05,589 --> 00:22:06,557
...in the kitchen,

556
00:22:06,557 --> 00:22:09,559
with my little, hard
13-year-old fucking boner.

557
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,559
Hard as a rock.

558
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,729
And on top of that,

559
00:22:11,729 --> 00:22:13,397
she didn't win
the fucking election.

560
00:22:13,397 --> 00:22:16,099
Bill Sterling won because
he ran on a two-prom platform.

561
00:22:16,099 --> 00:22:19,099
Two-prom!

562
00:22:16,099 --> 00:22:19,136
Two-proms! Back-to-back!

563
00:22:19,136 --> 00:22:21,506
She didn't stand
a fucking chance.

564
00:22:21,506 --> 00:22:22,641
No, man.

565
00:22:22,641 --> 00:22:24,674
I think you're skimming over
the best part of that story.

566
00:22:24,674 --> 00:22:26,411
What's the best part
of that story?

567
00:22:26,411 --> 00:22:28,179
She says your boner was okay.

568
00:22:28,179 --> 00:22:29,980
She said, "It's okay,"
like she was trying

569
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:31,816
to not make me
fucking feel bad.

570
00:22:31,816 --> 00:22:33,817
Fred, you see
a fucked-up story,

571
00:22:33,817 --> 00:22:37,555
when I see a beautiful story
about a girl that you liked,

572
00:22:37,555 --> 00:22:40,691
liking your boner
in all of its okay-ness.

573
00:22:40,691 --> 00:22:42,759
You need
to talk to her tonight.

574
00:22:42,759 --> 00:22:43,028
She probably doesn't remember
who I am,

575
00:22:44,028 --> 00:22:45,730
and if she does remember
who I am,

576
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:46,897
the last thing she wants is

577
00:22:46,897 --> 00:22:48,000
my 13-year-old-boner-having
fucking ass walking up to her.

578
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,000
Look...

579
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,067
Excuse me.

580
00:22:50,067 --> 00:22:51,102
Whoa.

581
00:22:51,102 --> 00:22:52,769
Secretary Field would
like to speak with you.

582
00:22:52,769 --> 00:22:53,005
With me?

583
00:22:54,005 --> 00:22:55,440
With him, right?

584
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,440
Yeah.

585
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,208
Right now?

586
00:22:57,208 --> 00:22:58,809
Uh, do you know why?

587
00:22:58,809 --> 00:22:59,011
This way.

588
00:23:01,011 --> 00:23:02,180
This is good.

589
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:03,614
What are you
nervous about?

590
00:23:03,614 --> 00:23:05,883
What the fuck?
Everything I just said!

591
00:23:15,526 --> 00:23:17,494
Oh, my God, dude,
there she is.

592
00:23:26,037 --> 00:23:27,872
What are you gonna
say to her?

593
00:23:27,872 --> 00:23:29,473
I don't know.

594
00:23:29,473 --> 00:23:30,842
Should open with a neg.

595
00:23:30,842 --> 00:23:32,143
Tell her she's too tall.

596
00:23:32,143 --> 00:23:34,045
I'm not gonna neg
the secretary of state.

597
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,045
It was so nice to see you.

598
00:23:34,045 --> 00:23:35,115
You as well.

599
00:23:38,115 --> 00:23:40,917
Give me the signal
when you need me.

600
00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,917
Hi.

601
00:23:40,917 --> 00:23:43,054
Hi.

602
00:23:43,054 --> 00:23:44,489
A man brought me here.

603
00:23:44,489 --> 00:23:45,022
Yes, sorry about that.

604
00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:47,022
Um...

605
00:23:46,022 --> 00:23:47,057
No, not at all.

606
00:23:47,057 --> 00:23:49,926
I can't shake this feeling
that we know each other.

607
00:23:49,926 --> 00:23:51,926
We do. Yeah.

608
00:23:49,926 --> 00:23:51,561
We do?

609
00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:52,561
We do know each other.

610
00:23:51,561 --> 00:23:52,963
Okay, so I'm not crazy.

611
00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,963
Uh, I'm Fred.

612
00:23:52,963 --> 00:23:55,266
Fred...

613
00:23:55,266 --> 00:23:56,567
I was shorter,

614
00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,567
but other than that...

615
00:23:56,567 --> 00:23:57,001
Flarsky?

616
00:23:58,001 --> 00:23:59,069
Yeah! Holy fuck!

617
00:23:59,069 --> 00:24:00,770
I can't believe it.
You remember.

618
00:24:00,770 --> 00:24:03,039
Oh, my God,
look at you!

619
00:24:03,039 --> 00:24:04,241
Look at me, yes.

620
00:24:04,241 --> 00:24:05,509
What are you doing here?

621
00:24:05,509 --> 00:24:07,011
My friend, Lance...
That's Lance.

622
00:24:08,011 --> 00:24:09,047
Hey, how you doing?

623
00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:11,715
He, uh, he just brought me
here to see Boyz II Men.

624
00:24:11,715 --> 00:24:12,849
I just met them.

625
00:24:12,849 --> 00:24:14,849
You met the Men?

626
00:24:12,849 --> 00:24:14,684
Yeah.

627
00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,684
What was it like?

628
00:24:14,684 --> 00:24:16,287
Don't tell anybody,

629
00:24:16,287 --> 00:24:17,788
but it was
the highlight of my life.

630
00:24:17,788 --> 00:24:18,923
Oh, I totally get that.

631
00:24:18,923 --> 00:24:19,923
And I've met
the Dalai Lama.

632
00:24:19,923 --> 00:24:22,593
Fuck him. How many hits
does he have? None.

633
00:24:22,593 --> 00:24:24,529
Don't actually fuck him.

634
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,529
He's a wonderful man.

635
00:24:24,529 --> 00:24:25,663
Yeah.

636
00:24:25,663 --> 00:24:27,097
What are you doing
these days?

637
00:24:27,097 --> 00:24:28,701
I bet it's
something amazing.

638
00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:31,701
It's pretty amazing.

639
00:24:30,701 --> 00:24:31,969
Yeah.

640
00:24:31,969 --> 00:24:33,037
Uh, yeah,

641
00:24:33,037 --> 00:24:35,640
but it's still in its, uh,
gestation period, I guess.

642
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,807
I don't need to get into it.

643
00:24:36,807 --> 00:24:37,875
What about you,
what have you been up to?

644
00:24:38,875 --> 00:24:40,044
You're the secretary...
I'm joking.

645
00:24:40,044 --> 00:24:41,178
I know what
you've been up to.

646
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,178
Yeah.

647
00:24:41,178 --> 00:24:42,378
You're very, um...

648
00:24:42,378 --> 00:24:44,749
You know, I just, I... I just
wanna say it's, like, amazing

649
00:24:44,749 --> 00:24:45,816
to see what you've done
with your life.

650
00:24:45,816 --> 00:24:46,916
A lot of people say
they're gonna do

651
00:24:46,916 --> 00:24:49,053
all this incredible stuff
and they don't do anything,

652
00:24:49,053 --> 00:24:51,057
but you actually did it all,
so, congrats.

653
00:24:53,057 --> 00:24:54,026
Well, I'm trying.

654
00:24:55,026 --> 00:24:56,229
I think you've done it.

655
00:24:58,229 --> 00:24:59,698
Oh!

656
00:25:00,698 --> 00:25:01,999
Parker Wembley.

657
00:25:01,999 --> 00:25:03,267
I hate this guy.

658
00:25:03,267 --> 00:25:05,903
Parker Wembley, the guy
who buys and sells newspapers

659
00:25:05,903 --> 00:25:07,005
and thinks that hurricanes
are caused by gay marriage?

660
00:25:08,005 --> 00:25:09,073
You know him?

661
00:25:09,073 --> 00:25:10,273
He's coming over here.

662
00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:12,273
Is he behind me?

663
00:25:10,273 --> 00:25:12,042
Yeah.

664
00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,042
Finally. Secretary Field.

665
00:25:12,042 --> 00:25:15,645
Parker, how are you?

666
00:25:15,645 --> 00:25:17,815
You are looking
particularly gorgeous tonight.

667
00:25:17,815 --> 00:25:19,115
Thank you.

668
00:25:19,115 --> 00:25:21,285
I... I've been trying
to set a meeting with you

669
00:25:21,285 --> 00:25:23,887
for some months now,
and, uh...

670
00:25:23,887 --> 00:25:25,655
I mean, have you been
avoiding me?

671
00:25:25,655 --> 00:25:28,659
No! No.

672
00:25:28,659 --> 00:25:30,659
Not successfully.

673
00:25:32,262 --> 00:25:34,832
Who's your friend?

674
00:25:34,832 --> 00:25:36,832
Fred.

675
00:25:34,832 --> 00:25:36,701
Hey, Fred!

676
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,701
Yes, hi.

677
00:25:36,701 --> 00:25:37,768
How are you?

678
00:25:37,768 --> 00:25:39,737
And, uh, what is it
that you do?

679
00:25:39,737 --> 00:25:41,771
I'm a journalist,
actually. Yeah.

680
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,771
Ooh, a journalist.

681
00:25:41,771 --> 00:25:43,607
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.

682
00:25:43,607 --> 00:25:45,009
Will I have read
anything that you've written?

683
00:25:46,009 --> 00:25:48,813
Probably not recently 'cause
I'm unemployed at the moment.

684
00:25:48,813 --> 00:25:50,714
Oh, I am so sorry
to hear that.

685
00:25:50,714 --> 00:25:51,982
Not your fault.

686
00:25:51,982 --> 00:25:53,917
Excuse me, Secretary Field,
we need a word.

687
00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,917
Oh, okay.

688
00:25:53,917 --> 00:25:55,987
So we will have that meeting.

689
00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,987
Right?

690
00:25:55,987 --> 00:25:57,054
Yes.

691
00:25:57,054 --> 00:25:58,788
Okay, good. Fred.

692
00:25:58,788 --> 00:25:59,788
Yes?

693
00:25:58,788 --> 00:25:59,957
Best of luck.

694
00:25:59,957 --> 00:26:00,025
Oh, why, thanks.

695
00:26:01,025 --> 00:26:02,093
Things will turn around
for you.

696
00:26:02,093 --> 00:26:02,093
So nice of you.

697
00:26:02,993 --> 00:26:04,329
Darkest before the dawn
and all that.

698
00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:08,329
I actually... I do have to...

699
00:26:06,329 --> 00:26:08,798
Yeah.

700
00:26:08,798 --> 00:26:10,166
You probably have a lot
of things to do.

701
00:26:10,166 --> 00:26:11,234
Better than this.

702
00:26:11,234 --> 00:26:12,369
It's really nice
to see you again.

703
00:26:12,369 --> 00:26:15,369
Oh. Yeah. Okay. Sure. Great.

704
00:26:15,905 --> 00:26:18,942
Oh, you're backless.
Wasn't expecting that.

705
00:26:18,942 --> 00:26:20,942
Have fun at the party.

706
00:26:18,942 --> 00:26:20,810
You too.

707
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:21,016
Great to see you.

708
00:26:25,016 --> 00:26:27,984
I see you. I see you. Yeah.

709
00:26:30,421 --> 00:26:32,357
So I said,
"You want..."

710
00:26:34,357 --> 00:26:35,759
Hey. Hey.
What's that look
in your eye?

711
00:26:35,759 --> 00:26:36,827
What are you
about to go do?

712
00:26:36,827 --> 00:26:38,663
Tonight is
about the animals, dude.

713
00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:40,664
Fuck the animals!
They're fucking gone, man.

714
00:26:40,664 --> 00:26:42,365
Too late
for the fucking animals.

715
00:26:44,201 --> 00:26:45,869
Hey!

716
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,869
Oh, Fred?

717
00:26:45,869 --> 00:26:47,371
Yeah, look.

718
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:49,371
What's the problem?

719
00:26:47,371 --> 00:26:49,707
I'll tell you the problem.

720
00:26:49,707 --> 00:26:51,707
What?

721
00:26:49,707 --> 00:26:51,241
You're the problem, man!

722
00:26:51,241 --> 00:26:53,810
You're everything that's wrong
with this fucking country.

723
00:26:53,810 --> 00:26:57,048
'Cause you're an old,
rich, white piece of shit

724
00:26:57,048 --> 00:26:59,784
and your media conglomerate
is ruining this planet!

725
00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,784
Enough.

726
00:26:59,784 --> 00:27:01,719
I'm done anyway.

727
00:27:01,719 --> 00:27:03,386
I had more time with you
than I thought I would,

728
00:27:03,386 --> 00:27:04,021
so joke's on you.
Excuse me, thank you.

729
00:27:05,021 --> 00:27:06,691
Whoa, shit!

730
00:27:09,125 --> 00:27:10,361
God!

731
00:27:11,895 --> 00:27:13,064
<i>Cracker down!</i>

732
00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:14,464
Oh, my God.

733
00:27:14,464 --> 00:27:15,433
Looks like it hurt.

734
00:27:16,433 --> 00:27:18,301
Boyz II Men, back up.

735
00:27:18,301 --> 00:27:19,769
You all right? You good?

736
00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:20,769
You all right?

737
00:27:19,769 --> 00:27:20,938
I'm okay!

738
00:27:20,938 --> 00:27:21,006
He's okay!

739
00:27:22,006 --> 00:27:23,974
How is he standing?

740
00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:31,747
Oh!

741
00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:31,884
Ouch!

742
00:27:33,884 --> 00:27:37,721
♪<i> Oh, no
That's the Ruff Ryder...</i>

743
00:27:37,721 --> 00:27:38,788
This is so creative.

744
00:27:41,125 --> 00:27:42,358
Ha-ha!

745
00:27:42,358 --> 00:27:43,358
What was that?

746
00:27:42,358 --> 00:27:43,428
Thank you, Tom.

747
00:27:44,428 --> 00:27:46,763
God, that was crazy.

748
00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:48,132
I mean,
now that we know he's okay,

749
00:27:48,132 --> 00:27:50,800
it was all so hilarious.

750
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,404
And so what is
the relationship exactly?

751
00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,404
Was he your super?

752
00:27:53,404 --> 00:27:55,038
No,

753
00:27:55,038 --> 00:27:56,973
we grew up
next door to each other.

754
00:27:56,973 --> 00:27:58,241
Yeah.

755
00:27:58,241 --> 00:28:01,112
Fuck,
I used to babysit for him.

756
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,112
You babysat for him?

757
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:03,346
I did.

758
00:28:03,346 --> 00:28:05,016
Wow. Time has not been kind.

759
00:28:06,016 --> 00:28:06,017
He was
such a strange little kid.

760
00:28:07,017 --> 00:28:10,221
But he was really funny.
And he was super smart.

761
00:28:10,221 --> 00:28:12,288
He did have this chip
on his shoulder, though.

762
00:28:12,288 --> 00:28:14,325
He's actually
not a bad writer.

763
00:28:14,325 --> 00:28:15,759
Wait, you've read
his stuff?

764
00:28:15,759 --> 00:28:16,961
Yeah,<i> Brooklyn Advocate.</i>

765
00:28:16,961 --> 00:28:19,262
Oh, God, of course,
you read that, Tom.

766
00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:20,030
Didn't that paper
just get sold off?

767
00:28:21,030 --> 00:28:22,398
Wembley Media
just bought them.

768
00:28:22,398 --> 00:28:24,969
Oh, that makes total sense.

769
00:28:24,969 --> 00:28:27,171
That's why he was
such a dick to Wembley.

770
00:28:27,171 --> 00:28:31,179
So the rest of the schedule
for the day is pretty packed.

771
00:28:41,484 --> 00:28:42,484
Hi.

772
00:28:41,484 --> 00:28:42,819
Hey.

773
00:28:42,819 --> 00:28:45,522
Did you like
any of those writing samples?

774
00:28:45,522 --> 00:28:48,392
Yeah, McKenzie is good.
Bess is solid.

775
00:28:48,392 --> 00:28:52,930
And, um,
Fred's stuff isn't too bad.

776
00:28:52,930 --> 00:28:54,898
Wait, not the...

777
00:28:54,898 --> 00:28:57,367
The homeless person
that fell down the stairs?

778
00:28:57,367 --> 00:28:59,970
Yeah. He has a real voice.

779
00:28:59,970 --> 00:29:02,573
And he knows me.
I mean, he knew me.

780
00:29:02,573 --> 00:29:04,240
And that's probably
a good thing

781
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:07,144
if he's going to be
writing for me.

782
00:29:07,144 --> 00:29:09,180
Bringing someone like that
onto the team,

783
00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:11,882
I have to say,
feels a little reckless.

784
00:29:11,882 --> 00:29:15,352
His writing is really good.
And it's funny.

785
00:29:15,352 --> 00:29:17,387
I think he can
get that number
up by a few points.

786
00:29:17,387 --> 00:29:19,957
And if he doesn't,
we fire him.

787
00:29:19,957 --> 00:29:20,025
Okay.

788
00:29:21,025 --> 00:29:22,559
Okay.

789
00:29:22,559 --> 00:29:24,461
Fred Flarsky it is.

790
00:29:24,461 --> 00:29:25,932
Thanks.

791
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:32,503
All right, bye.

792
00:29:38,442 --> 00:29:40,076
Unknown!

793
00:29:40,076 --> 00:29:41,878
I don't give a fuck.
Answer that shit.

794
00:29:41,878 --> 00:29:43,878
What?

795
00:29:41,878 --> 00:29:43,247
Answer it!

796
00:29:43,247 --> 00:29:44,882
What if it's The Man
trying to get at me?

797
00:29:44,882 --> 00:29:46,584
No, it's the universe
trying to talk to you.

798
00:29:46,584 --> 00:29:47,852
Really?

799
00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,852
Gang.

800
00:29:47,852 --> 00:29:49,319
Gang.

801
00:29:49,319 --> 00:29:51,087
Do that shit, man.
Fred, don't fuck with me.

802
00:29:51,087 --> 00:29:52,623
All right. Hello. Gang.

803
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,623
Mr. Flarsky?

804
00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:54,458
<i> What?</i>

805
00:29:54,458 --> 00:29:55,992
Wait, slow down. What?

806
00:29:55,992 --> 00:29:57,992
<i> You're unknown. Pardon?</i>

807
00:29:55,992 --> 00:29:57,894
Oh, my God. Mr. Flarsky.

808
00:29:57,894 --> 00:29:59,894
<i> Hello?</i>

809
00:29:57,894 --> 00:29:59,997
Go on.

810
00:29:59,997 --> 00:30:03,601
This is Maggie Millikin
from Secretary Field's office.

811
00:30:03,601 --> 00:30:05,903
Hello, Maggie,
who works for Secretary Field.

812
00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,903
Whoo!

813
00:30:05,903 --> 00:30:07,570
<i> Hello?</i>

814
00:30:07,570 --> 00:30:08,873
That's good!
Talk to her.

815
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,873
<i> Hello?</i>

816
00:30:08,873 --> 00:30:11,541
How can I help you?

817
00:30:11,541 --> 00:30:13,509
The secretary would like
to meet with you immediately.

818
00:30:13,509 --> 00:30:14,878
We will send a car over.

819
00:30:14,878 --> 00:30:16,579
Can you give me
the most convenient address?

820
00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,579
What is she saying?

821
00:30:16,579 --> 00:30:18,414
Secretary would like

822
00:30:18,414 --> 00:30:19,516
to meet with me immediately

823
00:30:19,516 --> 00:30:20,952
and they're going
to send a car?

824
00:30:22,952 --> 00:30:25,623
Mr. Lou's Deli in Brooklyn.

825
00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,623
I'm sure you can find it.

826
00:30:25,623 --> 00:30:28,057
<i> I will google it.</i>

827
00:30:28,057 --> 00:30:30,094
Mr. Lou's in Brooklyn.
Stay right there.

828
00:30:30,094 --> 00:30:31,161
<i> Okay.</i>

829
00:30:31,161 --> 00:30:33,329
Uh, I'll see you soon.

830
00:30:33,329 --> 00:30:35,400
Oh,
I feel so scared.

831
00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:37,534
Do I look okay?

832
00:30:37,534 --> 00:30:38,002
Do I look funny?

833
00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:40,002
Why are these pockets here?

834
00:30:39,002 --> 00:30:40,237
It's okay.

835
00:30:40,237 --> 00:30:41,505
God fucking damn it!

836
00:30:41,505 --> 00:30:43,374
Why am I wearing
these fucking stupid pants?

837
00:30:43,374 --> 00:30:44,608
They're too tapered!

838
00:30:44,608 --> 00:30:47,044
Who wears these silly-looking,
fucking tapered cargo pants

839
00:30:47,044 --> 00:30:49,179
and see the fucking
secretary of state?

840
00:30:49,179 --> 00:30:50,681
You can't think like this.
You have to be positive.

841
00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,681
Mr. Flarsky?

842
00:30:50,681 --> 00:30:52,182
Oh, shit.

843
00:30:52,182 --> 00:30:53,920
Mr. Flarsky.

844
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:56,020
Wish me luck, man.

845
00:30:57,020 --> 00:30:58,555
Yeah, you don't need luck, man.
She said it was okay.

846
00:30:58,555 --> 00:30:59,623
Luck is for losers.

847
00:30:59,623 --> 00:31:01,625
You've got destiny
on your side.

848
00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:04,428
You're good. Fred.

849
00:31:04,428 --> 00:31:05,596
You buy the body.

850
00:31:06,596 --> 00:31:07,499
That doesn't mean anything.

851
00:31:10,300 --> 00:31:11,969
Fred, put your
seat belt on.

852
00:31:11,969 --> 00:31:14,506
Take care of my friend.
All right?

853
00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:17,506
I look normal?

854
00:31:15,506 --> 00:31:17,708
You look cool.

855
00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:19,676
I love you, Fred!

856
00:31:19,676 --> 00:31:21,627
Nut boys for life!

857
00:31:37,627 --> 00:31:40,596
Empty your pockets
and take off your backpack.

858
00:31:40,596 --> 00:31:41,101
Empty my pockets?

859
00:31:44,101 --> 00:31:45,603
All right. That's...

860
00:31:46,603 --> 00:31:48,141
Let's see how this goes.

861
00:31:51,141 --> 00:31:53,176
Not a regular cop, I assume.

862
00:31:53,176 --> 00:31:56,547
Got bigger fish to fry than
just normal cop shit, right?

863
00:31:56,547 --> 00:31:58,182
So, uh, okay. Let's do it.

864
00:32:00,351 --> 00:32:04,087
That's prescription.
For anxiety. Uh...

865
00:32:04,087 --> 00:32:07,657
This is if you can't dance for
a long time and you want to.

866
00:32:07,657 --> 00:32:10,327
That's prescription as well,
for, uh, lack of energy.

867
00:32:10,327 --> 00:32:11,595
That's energy powder.

868
00:32:11,595 --> 00:32:15,066
These are to wrap
the anxiety medication in

869
00:32:16,066 --> 00:32:19,135
when inhaling it medicinally.

870
00:32:19,135 --> 00:32:21,605
That's if you want to vaporize
the anxiety medicine,

871
00:32:21,605 --> 00:32:23,273
which I have
a prescription for.

872
00:32:24,273 --> 00:32:25,045
And that's a blunt.

873
00:32:31,647 --> 00:32:32,651
Ooh.

874
00:32:34,651 --> 00:32:35,690
Hi.

875
00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:42,627
Wow.

876
00:32:44,627 --> 00:32:46,096
Will you sign this, please?

877
00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,096
What is it?

878
00:32:46,096 --> 00:32:48,298
It's an NDA.

879
00:32:48,298 --> 00:32:49,365
A non-disclosure agreement?

880
00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,365
That's right.

881
00:32:49,365 --> 00:32:51,667
Okay.

882
00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:53,667
Oh, my God.

883
00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:53,336
Fred.

884
00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:55,336
Yeah.

885
00:32:53,336 --> 00:32:55,138
Hey, nice to see you again.

886
00:32:55,138 --> 00:32:56,138
Hi, you too.

887
00:32:55,138 --> 00:32:56,472
Come on in.

888
00:32:56,472 --> 00:32:57,473
Take a seat.

889
00:32:57,473 --> 00:32:59,675
Good to see you were
not injured from that fall.

890
00:32:59,675 --> 00:33:01,511
Oh, yeah, you know what?

891
00:33:01,511 --> 00:33:03,113
I actually think
the brim of my hat

892
00:33:03,113 --> 00:33:04,681
kind of protected
my face ultimately.

893
00:33:04,681 --> 00:33:07,084
So, thank God
I was underdressed
in the end, right?

894
00:33:07,084 --> 00:33:09,053
Well, as long as you're good.

895
00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:10,053
I'm okay.

896
00:33:09,053 --> 00:33:10,453
Yeah. Great.

897
00:33:10,453 --> 00:33:11,323
Uh...

898
00:33:13,323 --> 00:33:14,758
Why am I here?

899
00:33:14,758 --> 00:33:16,359
What I'm about to
share with you

900
00:33:16,359 --> 00:33:18,494
is, obviously,
highly confidential.

901
00:33:18,494 --> 00:33:19,596
Oh, yeah.

902
00:33:19,596 --> 00:33:21,532
Keep it
on the down low.

903
00:33:22,532 --> 00:33:25,501
President Chambers will not
be seeking reelection.

904
00:33:25,501 --> 00:33:26,569
Really?

905
00:33:26,569 --> 00:33:28,238
Yes.

906
00:33:28,238 --> 00:33:32,241
That's fucking sick!
That's awesome.

907
00:33:32,241 --> 00:33:35,345
Are you telling each American
individually the good news?

908
00:33:35,345 --> 00:33:36,413
I mean, but seriously.

909
00:33:36,413 --> 00:33:37,580
Did he just realize
he sucks at it

910
00:33:37,580 --> 00:33:39,316
and decide
not to do it anymore?

911
00:33:39,316 --> 00:33:43,252
He just wants to move
into film and make movies.

912
00:33:43,252 --> 00:33:44,252
Really?

913
00:33:43,252 --> 00:33:44,721
Yeah.

914
00:33:44,721 --> 00:33:46,623
That's cool. That's a tough
transition to make.

915
00:33:46,623 --> 00:33:49,460
Not many actors have made
the leap from TV to film.

916
00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:51,194
You got George Clooney,
you got Woody Harrelson...

917
00:33:51,194 --> 00:33:52,261
Jennifer Aniston.

918
00:33:52,261 --> 00:33:53,864
Mmm, did she though?

919
00:33:53,864 --> 00:33:55,566
You don't think
Jennifer Aniston's
a movie star?

920
00:33:55,566 --> 00:33:56,633
Just 'cause
you star in movies

921
00:33:56,633 --> 00:33:57,701
doesn't mean
you're a movie star.

922
00:33:57,701 --> 00:33:59,836
The point is...

923
00:33:59,836 --> 00:34:02,140
He's going to endorse me
for president in 2020.

924
00:34:03,140 --> 00:34:04,208
Wow.

925
00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,208
I know.

926
00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,541
<i> Mazel tov.</i>

927
00:34:05,541 --> 00:34:06,676
So.

928
00:34:06,676 --> 00:34:08,744
We're headed to
an environmental summit

929
00:34:08,744 --> 00:34:10,179
hosted by King Gustav

930
00:34:10,179 --> 00:34:11,815
and the Swedish Royal Family.

931
00:34:11,815 --> 00:34:14,117
At the summit,
I'll be announcing

932
00:34:14,117 --> 00:34:16,219
that the world's
three largest polluters

933
00:34:16,219 --> 00:34:17,588
have signed on
to the most comprehensive

934
00:34:17,588 --> 00:34:19,590
and exciting
environmental deal ever.

935
00:34:19,590 --> 00:34:20,858
You know,
after I have some dairy,

936
00:34:20,858 --> 00:34:22,726
I'm one of the world's
three largest polluters.

937
00:34:22,726 --> 00:34:23,893
Excuse me?

938
00:34:23,893 --> 00:34:26,295
We'll address
rising sea levels,

939
00:34:26,295 --> 00:34:27,898
combat deforestation

940
00:34:27,898 --> 00:34:30,233
and protect
the world's pollinators.

941
00:34:30,233 --> 00:34:33,336
I'm calling it the Global
Rehabilitation Initiative.

942
00:34:33,336 --> 00:34:34,605
Internally,
we're referring to it

943
00:34:34,605 --> 00:34:35,905
as "Bees, Trees and the Seas."

944
00:34:35,905 --> 00:34:37,440
Soon after that,

945
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:39,775
I hope to announce that
100 countries have signed on.

946
00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,775
Wow.

947
00:34:39,775 --> 00:34:42,279
At which point...

948
00:34:42,279 --> 00:34:44,648
I will resign
as secretary of state.

949
00:34:44,648 --> 00:34:47,650
Using this initiative
as a springboard,

950
00:34:47,650 --> 00:34:49,853
I will announce
my presidential run in 2020.

951
00:34:49,853 --> 00:34:51,853
Cool.

952
00:34:49,853 --> 00:34:51,356
So...

953
00:34:53,356 --> 00:34:55,925
I need some writers
to punch up my speeches.

954
00:34:55,925 --> 00:34:58,262
I read your work
and I really like it.

955
00:34:58,262 --> 00:34:59,463
That's... Wow.

956
00:34:59,463 --> 00:35:01,164
You mentioned
you were between jobs.

957
00:35:01,164 --> 00:35:02,132
So it's a really good fit.

958
00:35:02,132 --> 00:35:04,701
It's so nice of you
to think of me at all,

959
00:35:04,701 --> 00:35:07,204
honestly, with everything
going on in your head.

960
00:35:07,204 --> 00:35:08,505
I look forward
to working with you.

961
00:35:08,505 --> 00:35:09,641
Thank you.

962
00:35:11,641 --> 00:35:14,779
Um... So, uh,
when do you need to know by?

963
00:35:15,779 --> 00:35:17,914
What?
I don't understand.

964
00:35:17,914 --> 00:35:19,949
When do you need to know if
I'm going to take your, uh,

965
00:35:19,949 --> 00:35:21,920
your punch-up job?

966
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,387
Right now.

967
00:35:24,387 --> 00:35:26,956
Oh. Uh...
Then I guess,

968
00:35:26,956 --> 00:35:29,659
maybe... Maybe, uh, no?

969
00:35:29,659 --> 00:35:31,929
Maybe no, I don't know.
I don't know!

970
00:35:31,929 --> 00:35:32,030
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

971
00:35:33,030 --> 00:35:34,965
he's not interested.
We tried, it didn't work out.

972
00:35:34,965 --> 00:35:37,739
So I can give you
some writing samples...

973
00:35:42,739 --> 00:35:44,740
What don't you know?

974
00:35:44,740 --> 00:35:47,277
This whole Seas, Bees
and Trees thing.

975
00:35:47,277 --> 00:35:48,911
Is it actually
going to do something?

976
00:35:48,911 --> 00:35:50,581
Or is it going to be
one of those things

977
00:35:50,581 --> 00:35:52,615
that maybe only sounds like
it's gonna do something,

978
00:35:52,615 --> 00:35:54,351
but doesn't
actually do something?

979
00:35:54,351 --> 00:35:56,887
I only wanna come work for you

980
00:35:56,887 --> 00:35:58,454
if it's actually
gonna do something.

981
00:35:58,454 --> 00:35:59,755
It will do something.

982
00:35:59,755 --> 00:36:01,625
This is a perfect document.

983
00:36:01,625 --> 00:36:03,927
They all start out that way
and then
they get watered down.

984
00:36:03,927 --> 00:36:04,862
Fred.

985
00:36:04,862 --> 00:36:07,331
Not only does
this initiative
sound good,

986
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:08,199
it's going to do good.

987
00:36:08,199 --> 00:36:10,567
It's gonna save
the fucking planet.

988
00:36:10,567 --> 00:36:12,735
Not to mention,
pay your rent.

989
00:36:12,735 --> 00:36:13,003
So, are you in?

990
00:36:14,003 --> 00:36:16,641
Or do you have something
more important to do?

991
00:36:17,641 --> 00:36:19,010
Than save the planet with you?

992
00:36:21,010 --> 00:36:23,646
No, I don't.
I'm in.

993
00:36:23,646 --> 00:36:25,481
Phew!

994
00:36:25,481 --> 00:36:26,416
Let's save the planet.

995
00:36:27,416 --> 00:36:28,351
That was...

996
00:36:28,351 --> 00:36:30,978
What just happened?
She's good.

997
00:36:56,045 --> 00:36:57,949
Uh, hey.

998
00:36:58,949 --> 00:37:00,951
I had some jokes, uh,
I was gonna run by you,

999
00:37:00,951 --> 00:37:02,688
maybe, if you have a second.

1000
00:37:05,688 --> 00:37:08,494
What are you...
What are you looking at?

1001
00:37:12,695 --> 00:37:13,695
Jesus!

1002
00:37:12,695 --> 00:37:13,764
Oh, my God!

1003
00:37:13,764 --> 00:37:15,998
Why would you just barge
in here while I'm sleeping?

1004
00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,998
You were sleeping?

1005
00:37:15,998 --> 00:37:17,534
Yes!

1006
00:37:17,534 --> 00:37:19,302
I was micro napping.

1007
00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:21,302
That's what you call that?

1008
00:37:19,302 --> 00:37:21,070
Yes.

1009
00:37:21,070 --> 00:37:22,739
Sorry, I didn't realize
you were sleeping.

1010
00:37:22,739 --> 00:37:24,307
You were standing
and your eyes were open.

1011
00:37:24,307 --> 00:37:25,375
Do you need something?

1012
00:37:25,375 --> 00:37:26,476
I have some jokes
that I wrote

1013
00:37:26,476 --> 00:37:28,478
that I was gonna run by you
if you have a second.

1014
00:37:28,478 --> 00:37:29,945
Yeah, that was actually
a really good nap.

1015
00:37:29,945 --> 00:37:31,981
Great. Seemed very restful.

1016
00:37:31,981 --> 00:37:32,885
Okay.

1017
00:37:35,885 --> 00:37:36,820
Whoa.

1018
00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:40,423
I feel like these jokes
are a little angry.

1019
00:37:40,423 --> 00:37:42,726
Oh. I thought maybe
they were, like, emphatic?

1020
00:37:42,726 --> 00:37:44,628
"With every
fracking drill thrust,

1021
00:37:44,628 --> 00:37:47,463
"we are literally
butt-fucking Mother Earth"?

1022
00:37:47,463 --> 00:37:48,632
It can be normal fucking.

1023
00:37:48,632 --> 00:37:49,000
It doesn't have to be
in the butt.

1024
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:51,068
I can take that part out.

1025
00:37:51,068 --> 00:37:52,635
Yeah, listen, Fred.

1026
00:37:52,635 --> 00:37:54,036
If I'm angry,
I'm hysterical.

1027
00:37:54,036 --> 00:37:55,639
If I'm emotional,
I'm weak.

1028
00:37:55,639 --> 00:37:57,373
If I so much as
raise my voice, I'm a bitch.

1029
00:37:57,373 --> 00:37:58,641
My job's hard.

1030
00:37:58,641 --> 00:38:00,610
Not as hard as mine.

1031
00:38:00,610 --> 00:38:02,411
I think maybe, like,
part of the problem

1032
00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,681
is that, like, a lot of humor
is based on,

1033
00:38:04,681 --> 00:38:06,817
like, personal experiences.

1034
00:38:06,817 --> 00:38:07,717
I was thinking, you know,

1035
00:38:07,717 --> 00:38:09,686
you cared a lot
about the environment

1036
00:38:09,686 --> 00:38:10,686
since high school.

1037
00:38:09,686 --> 00:38:10,853
Mmm-hmm.

1038
00:38:10,853 --> 00:38:14,590
So maybe include
some stories about that.

1039
00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:15,590
High school?

1040
00:38:14,590 --> 00:38:15,527
Yeah.

1041
00:38:17,527 --> 00:38:18,795
You think that's funny?

1042
00:38:18,795 --> 00:38:19,896
I think it's a good area.

1043
00:38:19,896 --> 00:38:21,965
Nostalgia,
pop culture references.

1044
00:38:21,965 --> 00:38:23,065
People love that.

1045
00:38:23,065 --> 00:38:24,900
Jimmy Fallon's made
an entire career off of that.

1046
00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:27,070
When I think about school,
I just think about studying.

1047
00:38:27,070 --> 00:38:28,672
No, you did
so much more than that.

1048
00:38:28,672 --> 00:38:31,375
I think your whole 1991
platform was pretty on-point

1049
00:38:31,375 --> 00:38:32,708
when you were running
for Student Council.

1050
00:38:32,708 --> 00:38:35,545
I remember you said,
"Everyone at this school

1051
00:38:35,545 --> 00:38:37,748
"pretends to care
about the underdog,

1052
00:38:37,748 --> 00:38:38,914
"but the planet Earth is

1053
00:38:38,914 --> 00:38:40,117
"the biggest underdog
of them all."

1054
00:38:40,117 --> 00:38:41,418
Something like that.

1055
00:38:41,418 --> 00:38:42,518
I said that?

1056
00:38:42,518 --> 00:38:43,920
Yeah, you did say that.

1057
00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,822
You were in the kitchen,
making pizza.

1058
00:38:45,822 --> 00:38:48,625
We were making signs
for your election.

1059
00:38:48,625 --> 00:38:50,860
And you were
wearing that shirt.

1060
00:38:50,860 --> 00:38:52,829
I don't know if it was
a strawberry or a flower,

1061
00:38:52,829 --> 00:38:54,597
it always confused me.

1062
00:38:54,597 --> 00:38:55,664
It was both.

1063
00:38:55,664 --> 00:38:57,601
Oh, there you go.

1064
00:38:57,601 --> 00:38:59,436
That's all I remember
about that night, though.

1065
00:38:59,436 --> 00:39:00,971
Uh, that's where my memories

1066
00:39:00,971 --> 00:39:04,474
concerning that evening
expire.

1067
00:39:04,474 --> 00:39:06,943
I learned a lot
from that election.

1068
00:39:06,943 --> 00:39:08,512
Yeah, that kids are
probably more likely

1069
00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:09,913
to vote for two proms

1070
00:39:09,913 --> 00:39:12,416
than a very elaborate
recycling program.

1071
00:39:12,416 --> 00:39:13,016
Not only kids.

1072
00:39:14,016 --> 00:39:16,952
Yeah, that's true.

1073
00:39:16,952 --> 00:39:20,791
Did you know he asked me out
to one of those proms?

1074
00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:21,791
Bill Sterling?

1075
00:39:20,791 --> 00:39:21,958
Yeah.

1076
00:39:21,958 --> 00:39:23,126
After he beat you?

1077
00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:25,126
Yup.

1078
00:39:23,126 --> 00:39:25,797
Prom one or prom two?

1079
00:39:26,797 --> 00:39:27,797
Oh!

1080
00:39:27,797 --> 00:39:30,634
What a fuckhead!
You're way better than prom two.

1081
00:39:31,735 --> 00:39:34,438
I went to zero proms,
by the way, for the record.

1082
00:39:34,438 --> 00:39:36,539
I think you're the smart one
in this situation.

1083
00:39:36,539 --> 00:39:38,641
Yes, that's why
I didn't go to prom.

1084
00:39:38,641 --> 00:39:41,014
'Cause I was too smart. Uh...

1085
00:39:44,014 --> 00:39:46,949
Cool. I'll get to work on
that speech stuff.

1086
00:39:46,949 --> 00:39:47,485
Great.

1087
00:39:48,485 --> 00:39:49,552
Hey, Fred.

1088
00:39:49,552 --> 00:39:51,521
Yeah.

1089
00:39:51,521 --> 00:39:53,824
You know, if you want to try
some non-joke stuff,

1090
00:39:53,824 --> 00:39:54,759
just go ahead.

1091
00:39:54,759 --> 00:39:57,760
Really? Like the main part
of the speech?

1092
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,996
Yeah. Just write.

1093
00:40:00,996 --> 00:40:02,233
Cool. Awesome. Thanks.

1094
00:40:03,233 --> 00:40:04,400
If you take another nap,

1095
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:06,802
you should put on, like,
a bicycle helmet or something.

1096
00:40:06,802 --> 00:40:08,704
'Cause you're gonna tip over,
there's turbulence.

1097
00:40:08,704 --> 00:40:10,474
That's actually
a really good idea.

1098
00:40:10,474 --> 00:40:11,608
It is. I want you
to be careful.

1099
00:40:11,608 --> 00:40:12,608
Yeah.

1100
00:40:11,608 --> 00:40:12,742
We need you.

1101
00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:30,092
Ambassador.

1102
00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:30,659
Welcome to Sweden.

1103
00:40:30,659 --> 00:40:31,961
Nice to see you again.

1104
00:40:31,961 --> 00:40:32,097
Yeah, you too.

1105
00:40:35,097 --> 00:40:36,666
I look forward to seeing you
tonight at dinner.

1106
00:40:36,666 --> 00:40:37,766
Yes.

1107
00:40:37,766 --> 00:40:39,135
Uh, Madam Secretary,

1108
00:40:39,135 --> 00:40:40,503
I have some ideas
I wanna throw by you.

1109
00:40:40,503 --> 00:40:41,704
Yeah, soon, Fred.

1110
00:40:41,704 --> 00:40:42,938
Tom, do you have the schedule?

1111
00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:44,938
Yes, of course, ma'am.

1112
00:40:42,938 --> 00:40:44,710
All right.

1113
00:40:47,710 --> 00:40:48,579
In the back, Flarsky!

1114
00:40:50,579 --> 00:40:51,981
Then at 8:15, you have
a fitting for tonight's gala.

1115
00:40:51,981 --> 00:40:54,918
Then at 8:45, a call with
Iraqi Prime Minister Masum,

1116
00:40:54,918 --> 00:40:56,987
9:15, a call
to Brazilian President Temer

1117
00:40:56,987 --> 00:40:58,155
about deforestation issues.

1118
00:40:58,155 --> 00:41:01,557
2:15, you have a call with
U.K. Foreign Secretary Green

1119
00:41:01,557 --> 00:41:03,760
to discuss your tour
of Scotland in a few weeks.

1120
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,929
2:25, then you have
a call with<i> New York Times</i>

1121
00:41:05,929 --> 00:41:08,164
to comment on POTUS'
latest Instagram attack

1122
00:41:08,164 --> 00:41:10,534
on Prime Minister Bharath
of Kashtar.

1123
00:41:10,534 --> 00:41:11,601
At 5:45,
we're meeting with the head

1124
00:41:11,601 --> 00:41:12,668
of Sweden's
Diplomatic Protocol,

1125
00:41:12,668 --> 00:41:15,605
Ingrid Minervudottir,
to discuss tonight's schedule.

1126
00:41:15,605 --> 00:41:16,907
Okay. And then after that?

1127
00:41:16,907 --> 00:41:18,208
Also, Parker Wembley
keeps trying to get

1128
00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,208
some face time with you.

1129
00:41:18,208 --> 00:41:19,708
Oh, God.

1130
00:41:19,708 --> 00:41:21,945
Parker can wait.
Okay, Fred. Go.

1131
00:41:21,945 --> 00:41:23,914
Yeah, sure. Um...

1132
00:41:23,914 --> 00:41:26,048
So, uh, you know,

1133
00:41:26,048 --> 00:41:27,884
based on what we were
talking about last night,

1134
00:41:27,884 --> 00:41:30,753
I just took a stab at
the whole speech, basically.

1135
00:41:30,753 --> 00:41:32,688
That's good.

1136
00:41:32,688 --> 00:41:35,688
Thank you.

1137
00:41:32,688 --> 00:41:35,257
This part isn't.

1138
00:41:35,257 --> 00:41:37,827
Okay, well, you said
you didn't want to sound
too angry.

1139
00:41:37,827 --> 00:41:40,262
I also don't want to sound
like I have a head injury.

1140
00:41:40,262 --> 00:41:41,965
Okay. Uh,
I'll go change it.

1141
00:41:41,965 --> 00:41:43,333
Great. Thanks.

1142
00:41:43,333 --> 00:41:45,568
Okay, here we go.

1143
00:41:45,568 --> 00:41:46,969
So...

1144
00:41:46,969 --> 00:41:48,639
All right.

1145
00:41:49,639 --> 00:41:50,739
Fred.

1146
00:41:50,739 --> 00:41:52,175
Yeah?

1147
00:41:52,175 --> 00:41:54,815
Do you have any grown-up
clothes to wear tonight?

1148
00:41:58,815 --> 00:41:59,815
I was gonna...
I was thinking

1149
00:41:59,815 --> 00:42:02,085
of zipping this up
all the way, like to here.

1150
00:42:02,085 --> 00:42:02,085
That's kind of
a little more...

1151
00:42:02,985 --> 00:42:04,654
It's, like,
slightly more buttoned up.

1152
00:42:04,654 --> 00:42:05,688
You know what,
Madam Secretary,

1153
00:42:05,688 --> 00:42:09,726
I would be delighted
to dress Fred for tonight.

1154
00:42:09,726 --> 00:42:10,994
Thank you, Maggie.
I'd be thrilled

1155
00:42:10,994 --> 00:42:13,228
to have you dress me
for tonight's event.

1156
00:42:13,228 --> 00:42:14,329
What a fun adventure.

1157
00:42:14,329 --> 00:42:16,666
Get a little makeover.
All right, have a good one.

1158
00:42:16,666 --> 00:42:17,867
Thank you, Fred.

1159
00:42:17,867 --> 00:42:18,768
Why, thank you.

1160
00:42:18,768 --> 00:42:20,070
...and then
it's saying hello,

1161
00:42:20,070 --> 00:42:21,204
you'll sit down,
we'll have dinner,

1162
00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:22,204
I'll pull you up...

1163
00:42:21,204 --> 00:42:22,606
Where's Flarsky?

1164
00:42:22,606 --> 00:42:23,706
Why are we waiting?

1165
00:42:23,706 --> 00:42:25,307
What, is he doing his hair?

1166
00:42:25,307 --> 00:42:26,309
Um...

1167
00:42:27,309 --> 00:42:29,079
Oh.

1168
00:42:29,079 --> 00:42:31,079
What the...

1169
00:42:35,885 --> 00:42:37,186
What the fuck
are you wearing?

1170
00:42:37,186 --> 00:42:39,222
She bought me
this shit. Okay?

1171
00:42:39,222 --> 00:42:40,023
It's a traditional
Swedish suit.

1172
00:42:41,023 --> 00:42:43,827
I don't see another
fucking Swede up in here

1173
00:42:43,827 --> 00:42:45,128
dressed like this.

1174
00:42:45,128 --> 00:42:47,329
It's all I could do
on such short notice.

1175
00:42:47,329 --> 00:42:49,000
You just take the jacket off,
it's going to make it better.

1176
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,172
It's just...
Make it look...
Oh, my God.

1177
00:42:56,172 --> 00:42:57,007
Better with
the jacket on? Great.

1178
00:42:58,007 --> 00:42:59,010
Razzing the new guy, I get it.
Fuck you, Maggie.

1179
00:43:00,010 --> 00:43:01,143
Calm the Smurf down.

1180
00:43:01,143 --> 00:43:02,983
Bring a fucking suit
next time.

1181
00:43:08,217 --> 00:43:09,284
Do you like the speech?

1182
00:43:09,284 --> 00:43:10,452
Yes, the speech is good.

1183
00:43:10,452 --> 00:43:12,956
Oh, you're going to have to
stay way back there, Fred.

1184
00:43:12,956 --> 00:43:14,724
Just stay back, Flarsky.
Okay? She's got to focus.

1185
00:43:14,724 --> 00:43:15,791
On what?

1186
00:43:15,791 --> 00:43:16,992
Getting India and China
to agree

1187
00:43:16,992 --> 00:43:18,061
to be a part
of this initiative.

1188
00:43:18,061 --> 00:43:20,396
They haven't even agreed
to be a part of it yet?

1189
00:43:20,396 --> 00:43:22,831
They will, we just have to
sort out a few details.

1190
00:43:22,831 --> 00:43:23,932
We just wrote
a whole speech

1191
00:43:23,932 --> 00:43:25,101
about how
they're on-board already.

1192
00:43:25,101 --> 00:43:26,302
Don't worry, Fred.

1193
00:43:27,302 --> 00:43:29,072
You just stay here
and make sure

1194
00:43:29,072 --> 00:43:32,275
nobody from<i> Candy Land</i>
needs their car parked, okay?

1195
00:43:32,275 --> 00:43:33,677
I don't know
why you needed a writer.

1196
00:43:33,677 --> 00:43:34,844
Those are sick burns.

1197
00:43:36,246 --> 00:43:38,748
Secretary of State
Charlotte Field

1198
00:43:38,748 --> 00:43:40,152
of the United States
of America.

1199
00:43:43,152 --> 00:43:44,021
Your Majesty.
Your Highness.

1200
00:43:45,021 --> 00:43:46,021
Your Highness.

1201
00:43:45,021 --> 00:43:46,327
Pleasure.

1202
00:43:52,327 --> 00:43:53,032
Oh.

1203
00:43:56,032 --> 00:43:58,400
No, thank you.
I'm working right now.

1204
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:00,438
And you know you are, too.

1205
00:44:01,438 --> 00:44:02,572
I do know that.

1206
00:44:02,572 --> 00:44:04,974
But you dressed me like
Cap'n Crunch's Grindr date,

1207
00:44:04,974 --> 00:44:07,277
so I'm going to drink
to make you uncomfortable.

1208
00:44:07,277 --> 00:44:09,313
Honestly, Fred, your entire
life makes me uncomfortable.

1209
00:44:12,882 --> 00:44:14,317
Oh no, fuck me.

1210
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,820
Yes.

1211
00:44:18,454 --> 00:44:22,057
We both shop in the same
mystical village, I see.

1212
00:44:22,057 --> 00:44:24,460
Yes, you look great.

1213
00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:25,460
Congratulations.

1214
00:44:24,460 --> 00:44:25,829
<i> Skal.</i>

1215
00:44:25,829 --> 00:44:27,396
<i> Skal. Skal</i> to you, too.

1216
00:44:27,396 --> 00:44:30,402
Yes.

1217
00:44:32,402 --> 00:44:33,005
Jesus.

1218
00:44:36,005 --> 00:44:38,007
Hey, we're making
a few revisions to the speech.

1219
00:44:39,007 --> 00:44:39,009
What?

1220
00:44:40,009 --> 00:44:42,177
So we're losing the "Seas" part,
so go cut that,

1221
00:44:42,177 --> 00:44:44,146
and then brainstorm
a couple of other funny lines

1222
00:44:44,146 --> 00:44:45,248
for the "Trees" section, okay?

1223
00:44:45,248 --> 00:44:46,483
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

1224
00:44:46,483 --> 00:44:49,152
Losing the Seas part, why?

1225
00:44:49,152 --> 00:44:50,519
Because India wouldn't go
for it. So we had to pivot.

1226
00:44:50,519 --> 00:44:53,322
That's not a pivot,
that's a third of
the whole fucking shit.

1227
00:44:53,322 --> 00:44:55,791
Are you kidding me?
That's it, it's just gone?

1228
00:44:55,791 --> 00:44:56,893
Yeah, it's gone.

1229
00:44:56,893 --> 00:44:57,860
And there's nothing
we can do?

1230
00:44:57,860 --> 00:44:58,961
No. And you don't
have to worry about it.

1231
00:44:58,961 --> 00:45:02,998
Just go over to the computer.
Start typey-typing.

1232
00:45:02,998 --> 00:45:04,001
Well, no.

1233
00:45:05,001 --> 00:45:06,503
I'm not gonna do that.

1234
00:45:06,503 --> 00:45:08,404
So you quit,
resignation accepted.

1235
00:45:08,404 --> 00:45:09,972
I will rewrite the speech.

1236
00:45:09,972 --> 00:45:11,074
Oh, the fuck you will!

1237
00:45:11,074 --> 00:45:12,275
What the fuck?

1238
00:45:21,985 --> 00:45:23,985
You don't...

1239
00:45:21,985 --> 00:45:23,157
Let go!

1240
00:45:31,494 --> 00:45:32,594
Look out. Excuse me!

1241
00:45:32,594 --> 00:45:34,297
Stop running!
Stop running! Stop running!

1242
00:45:34,297 --> 00:45:35,398
Fred, stop running!

1243
00:45:38,067 --> 00:45:39,902
Fred...

1244
00:45:44,139 --> 00:45:45,208
Why did you do that?

1245
00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:47,143
Because I will not
have you damage

1246
00:45:47,143 --> 00:45:48,478
the integrity of my writing!

1247
00:45:48,478 --> 00:45:50,480
The integrity of your writing?

1248
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,016
You're a punch-up writer,
you're not Maya Angelou!

1249
00:45:53,016 --> 00:45:54,516
What is going on?

1250
00:45:54,516 --> 00:45:56,219
What's going on
with you, bruh?

1251
00:45:56,219 --> 00:45:57,253
Did you just
call me "bruh"?

1252
00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,253
She's the secretary
of state.

1253
00:45:57,253 --> 00:45:59,023
Is he high?

1254
00:46:00,023 --> 00:46:02,224
He is wasted,
but he's also just stupid.

1255
00:46:02,224 --> 00:46:03,596
Meet me in the conference
room, I'll handle this.

1256
00:46:06,596 --> 00:46:08,130
What's the deal, Fred?

1257
00:46:08,130 --> 00:46:10,934
What's the deal?
What's the deal?
What are...

1258
00:46:10,934 --> 00:46:12,902
The only reason I'm here
is 'cause you told me

1259
00:46:12,902 --> 00:46:14,204
you cared about this shit,

1260
00:46:14,204 --> 00:46:16,472
and in the time I come
out here to have a smoke,

1261
00:46:16,472 --> 00:46:19,309
you fucking got rid of
a massive element
of the whole thing.

1262
00:46:19,309 --> 00:46:22,612
I got two out of three.
I only lost one.

1263
00:46:22,612 --> 00:46:25,849
That one was the seas.

1264
00:46:25,849 --> 00:46:28,284
It covers 75% of the planet!

1265
00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,284
It's a pretty big one!

1266
00:46:28,284 --> 00:46:30,219
Bring down your voice.

1267
00:46:30,219 --> 00:46:31,320
You know why I'm upset?

1268
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,422
This is exactly what I thought
was going to happen.

1269
00:46:33,422 --> 00:46:35,557
And I even said it.
I said it in your office.

1270
00:46:35,557 --> 00:46:38,327
I don't want to write
for some bullshit politician.

1271
00:46:38,327 --> 00:46:39,596
I wanted to write for you.

1272
00:46:39,596 --> 00:46:41,331
Because I thought you cared
about this shit.

1273
00:46:41,331 --> 00:46:44,132
Until you're running the game,
you have to play the game.

1274
00:46:44,132 --> 00:46:46,068
Well, then, by the time
you win the game,

1275
00:46:46,068 --> 00:46:49,204
you don't know who's scoring
touchdowns on whose nets,

1276
00:46:49,204 --> 00:46:51,074
and you don't know
who's hitting home runs

1277
00:46:51,074 --> 00:46:52,541
in whose fucking end zones!

1278
00:46:52,541 --> 00:46:54,541
What are you talking about?

1279
00:46:52,541 --> 00:46:54,110
I don't know sports.

1280
00:46:54,110 --> 00:46:55,344
Let me try it with food.

1281
00:46:55,344 --> 00:46:57,614
You wanna open a restaurant.
But all you got is chopsticks.

1282
00:46:57,614 --> 00:47:00,315
No! I don't have time
for this, okay?

1283
00:47:00,315 --> 00:47:02,018
If you want to quit,
then just fucking quit.

1284
00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,018
I don't give a shit.

1285
00:47:03,018 --> 00:47:04,887
Yeah, you don't give a shit.

1286
00:47:04,887 --> 00:47:05,887
No, I don't.

1287
00:47:04,887 --> 00:47:05,922
You used to fucking
give a shit,

1288
00:47:05,922 --> 00:47:08,157
but now you don't
give a shit about anything.

1289
00:47:08,157 --> 00:47:09,893
You cared more
about recycling
in high school

1290
00:47:09,893 --> 00:47:11,195
than you do this shit and it's
very disappointing to me.

1291
00:47:13,195 --> 00:47:15,498
Fuck this.
I've got a speech to give.

1292
00:47:15,498 --> 00:47:16,666
Oh, yeah, good luck
giving it,

1293
00:47:16,666 --> 00:47:17,001
it's on my computer
in the snow.

1294
00:47:18,001 --> 00:47:19,501
I have copies, you idiot.

1295
00:47:19,501 --> 00:47:21,972
You just threw your computer
in the snow, that's it.

1296
00:47:22,972 --> 00:47:25,409
Oh, no! Shit!

1297
00:47:26,409 --> 00:47:28,478
Oh, God damn it!

1298
00:47:28,478 --> 00:47:31,213
It's soaked!
I need a bowl of rice!

1299
00:47:31,213 --> 00:47:32,284
I need a big bowl of rice!

1300
00:47:34,284 --> 00:47:37,519
God damn it! Why didn't I
back this thing up?

1301
00:47:37,519 --> 00:47:39,431
All my shit's on here.

1302
00:47:49,431 --> 00:47:50,637
Fred. Look.

1303
00:47:54,637 --> 00:47:55,708
Wow.

1304
00:47:59,708 --> 00:48:01,246
I've never seen
anything like that.

1305
00:48:04,246 --> 00:48:05,182
No, I...

1306
00:48:06,182 --> 00:48:08,418
I've seen pictures of it,
but I never...

1307
00:48:09,418 --> 00:48:10,355
...actually...

1308
00:48:12,355 --> 00:48:14,425
I never saw it.

1309
00:48:15,425 --> 00:48:17,994
Are you crying right now?

1310
00:48:17,994 --> 00:48:18,498
It's pretty.

1311
00:48:23,498 --> 00:48:24,070
Yeah.

1312
00:48:27,070 --> 00:48:28,503
Fred?

1313
00:48:28,503 --> 00:48:29,007
Yeah?

1314
00:48:31,007 --> 00:48:33,242
If you ever pull
some shit like that again,

1315
00:48:33,242 --> 00:48:34,079
I'll have you thrown in Gitmo.

1316
00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:38,682
Yes, Madam Secretary.
I'm sorry.

1317
00:48:40,682 --> 00:48:43,989
You better hope this fucking
speech goes over well.

1318
00:48:45,989 --> 00:48:50,193
I've often gravitated
toward the underdog.

1319
00:48:50,193 --> 00:48:54,630
The band of misfits who fight
back against the bullies.

1320
00:48:54,630 --> 00:48:57,235
In high school, I would talk
about the underdog a lot.

1321
00:48:59,235 --> 00:49:02,038
And I would often find myself
on a soapbox,

1322
00:49:02,038 --> 00:49:05,510
rambling on and on about
the injustices of the world.

1323
00:49:08,510 --> 00:49:11,079
Which makes you
extremely popular,

1324
00:49:11,079 --> 00:49:13,583
especially when everybody
would rather be watching

1325
00:49:13,583 --> 00:49:15,650
<i>Beverly Hills, 90210.</i>

1326
00:49:19,688 --> 00:49:22,358
But that is why I am happy
to announce

1327
00:49:22,358 --> 00:49:25,628
an initiative that would make
my 16-year-old self proud.

1328
00:49:25,628 --> 00:49:28,130
<i> In what is now being dubbed
 "The Underdog Speech,"</i>

1329
00:49:28,130 --> 00:49:30,400
<i> the secretary of state
 opened up about her childhood</i>

1330
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:31,701
<i> and passion
 for the environment</i>

1331
00:49:31,701 --> 00:49:34,302
<i> by announcing
 a bold new initiative...</i>

1332
00:49:34,302 --> 00:49:37,407
<i> ...turns out she has always
 been an Andrea Zuckerman</i>

1333
00:49:37,407 --> 00:49:39,443
<i> in the body of a Kelly Taylor.</i>

1334
00:49:41,443 --> 00:49:43,443
Hey.

1335
00:49:41,443 --> 00:49:43,414
Hi.

1336
00:49:44,414 --> 00:49:46,114
Oh, wow, you shaved your neck.

1337
00:49:46,114 --> 00:49:47,382
I did. I cleaned it up.

1338
00:49:47,382 --> 00:49:49,585
Got my whole back.
Went all the way down.

1339
00:49:49,585 --> 00:49:50,719
Looks good.

1340
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,588
Trying to make a good
impression, I guess, anyway...

1341
00:49:52,588 --> 00:49:54,657
I, uh...

1342
00:49:54,657 --> 00:49:58,161
I just wanted to apologize
to you, again,

1343
00:49:58,161 --> 00:50:01,496
for acting a little crazy,
you know.

1344
00:50:01,496 --> 00:50:03,166
I'm gonna...

1345
00:50:03,166 --> 00:50:04,400
I'm going to really try
to tone it down

1346
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:08,438
and not, you know, make you
risk global, uh, humiliation.

1347
00:50:08,438 --> 00:50:09,172
Good. Great.

1348
00:50:10,172 --> 00:50:11,306
Also.

1349
00:50:11,306 --> 00:50:12,842
I googled speech writing

1350
00:50:12,842 --> 00:50:14,643
and it was
actually very informative.

1351
00:50:14,643 --> 00:50:15,612
What I learned

1352
00:50:15,612 --> 00:50:16,913
was that in order to write
better for you,

1353
00:50:16,913 --> 00:50:20,349
I should kinda
get to know you better
and get in your head,

1354
00:50:20,349 --> 00:50:21,483
and everything
I already know about you,

1355
00:50:21,483 --> 00:50:22,684
I kinda used
on the first speech.

1356
00:50:22,684 --> 00:50:24,152
So, what I did

1357
00:50:24,152 --> 00:50:25,554
was I wrote a ton of questions

1358
00:50:25,554 --> 00:50:27,322
that will maybe help me
capture your voice,

1359
00:50:27,322 --> 00:50:28,623
if you have a minute.

1360
00:50:28,623 --> 00:50:30,492
I actually have seven.

1361
00:50:30,492 --> 00:50:32,661
Seven. Okay, great.
Yeah. I'll take it.

1362
00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:34,661
All right.

1363
00:50:32,661 --> 00:50:34,163
Seven minutes in heaven.

1364
00:50:34,163 --> 00:50:35,498
Um...

1365
00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,498
Okay.

1366
00:50:35,498 --> 00:50:37,467
So. Ah... I guess...

1367
00:50:37,467 --> 00:50:38,634
Just like...
What are you into?

1368
00:50:38,634 --> 00:50:39,835
What kind of shit you into?

1369
00:50:39,835 --> 00:50:41,704
Well, this is
pretty much it.

1370
00:50:41,704 --> 00:50:43,505
I mean,
secretary of state stuff.

1371
00:50:43,505 --> 00:50:45,807
Do you have any hobbies?
Anything? Do you watch TV?

1372
00:50:45,807 --> 00:50:47,443
Do you watch<i> Game of Thrones</i>
or anything like that?

1373
00:50:47,443 --> 00:50:49,144
Oh, I'm fully aware
of what happened

1374
00:50:49,144 --> 00:50:50,646
in every season
of<i> Game of Thrones.</i>

1375
00:50:50,646 --> 00:50:52,481
Because you watch it?

1376
00:50:52,481 --> 00:50:54,617
Because I read synopses
on every episode.

1377
00:50:54,617 --> 00:50:56,284
That can't actually work.

1378
00:50:56,284 --> 00:50:58,186
I couldn't believe
when Khaleesi's dragon

1379
00:50:58,186 --> 00:50:59,222
came back as a White Walker.

1380
00:51:00,222 --> 00:51:01,523
Whoa!

1381
00:51:01,523 --> 00:51:02,523
See?

1382
00:51:01,523 --> 00:51:02,625
What about movies?

1383
00:51:02,625 --> 00:51:03,893
Do you watch movies?

1384
00:51:03,893 --> 00:51:06,161
Synopses of all
the award contenders.

1385
00:51:06,161 --> 00:51:07,496
You used to love movies!

1386
00:51:07,496 --> 00:51:09,599
You made me watch<i>
 Encino Man</i> 30 times.

1387
00:51:09,599 --> 00:51:12,235
"Wheeze a little juice!"

1388
00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:14,302
You still do
the worst Pauly Shore
impression

1389
00:51:14,302 --> 00:51:16,139
in the history of mankind.

1390
00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,574
I can't believe you're
still doing "The Weasel"

1391
00:51:18,574 --> 00:51:20,208
and you haven't seen
any of the Marvel Universe.

1392
00:51:20,208 --> 00:51:23,746
Those movies are sick.
You're like frozen in time.

1393
00:51:23,746 --> 00:51:25,414
I am Encino Man.

1394
00:51:26,414 --> 00:51:29,251
All right, what is your
favorite book as a kid?

1395
00:51:29,251 --> 00:51:31,286
<i> The Velveteen Rabbit.</i> You?

1396
00:51:31,286 --> 00:51:32,621
<i>Fear and Loathing
in Las Vegas.</i>

1397
00:51:32,621 --> 00:51:34,621
Oh, that explains a lot.

1398
00:51:32,621 --> 00:51:34,789
Yeah.

1399
00:51:36,692 --> 00:51:39,195
I'm so sorry
for what we've done to you.

1400
00:51:39,195 --> 00:51:40,762
Best drug experience?

1401
00:51:40,762 --> 00:51:42,697
I could get summoned
at any moment

1402
00:51:42,697 --> 00:51:44,199
to deal with
an international crisis,

1403
00:51:44,199 --> 00:51:45,534
I can't do that on acid.

1404
00:51:45,534 --> 00:51:46,802
What about Molly?

1405
00:51:46,802 --> 00:51:47,936
Who's Molly?

1406
00:51:49,539 --> 00:51:51,239
<i> Secretary of State
 Charlotte Field</i>

1407
00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:54,342
<i> continues on her impressive
 20-country world tour</i>

1408
00:51:54,342 --> 00:51:55,744
<i> to garner more support</i>

1409
00:51:55,744 --> 00:51:57,480
<i> for her ambitious
 environmental initiative.</i>

1410
00:51:57,480 --> 00:51:59,315
<i> And all in a private jet,
 no less.</i>

1411
00:51:59,315 --> 00:52:00,815
<i> You know what would
 save the environment?</i>

1412
00:52:00,815 --> 00:52:02,617
<i> Charlotte Field
 grounding her ass.</i>

1413
00:52:02,617 --> 00:52:04,219
<i> I know where I'd like
 to ground her ass.</i>

1414
00:52:04,219 --> 00:52:06,556
<i> Oh, I walked
 right into that one.</i>

1415
00:52:06,556 --> 00:52:08,757
<i> Must Have Been Love</i>
by Roxette.

1416
00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:11,757
Oh! That's just fucking hot.

1417
00:52:08,757 --> 00:52:11,293
Right?

1418
00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,293
I got a new one.

1419
00:52:11,293 --> 00:52:12,762
What?

1420
00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:14,197
I got to change
my favorite song.

1421
00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:15,197
You have too many.

1422
00:52:14,197 --> 00:52:15,831
I've done it a few times.

1423
00:52:15,831 --> 00:52:18,867
<i> Broccoli</i> by DRAM,
featuring Lil Yachty.

1424
00:52:18,867 --> 00:52:20,436
All those words

1425
00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,436
are the name of a song?

1426
00:52:20,436 --> 00:52:22,338
Yeah.

1427
00:52:22,338 --> 00:52:23,338
I don't
really think I have one.

1428
00:52:23,338 --> 00:52:25,608
You gotta have one.
Everyone has one.

1429
00:52:25,608 --> 00:52:27,577
Well, I don't embarrass
that easily.

1430
00:52:27,577 --> 00:52:29,478
Yeah, I hear that.
I don't either, really.

1431
00:52:29,478 --> 00:52:31,478
Yes, you do.

1432
00:52:29,478 --> 00:52:31,581
No, I don't!

1433
00:52:31,581 --> 00:52:34,516
Oh, my God. Okay.

1434
00:52:34,516 --> 00:52:36,420
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1435
00:52:38,420 --> 00:52:40,590
I mean, you know, front.

1436
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,590
Normal. Front facing normal.

1437
00:52:40,590 --> 00:52:42,291
Oh, my God.

1438
00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,291
What kinda question is that?

1439
00:52:42,291 --> 00:52:43,858
That's all it took.

1440
00:52:43,858 --> 00:52:44,827
Look at you.

1441
00:52:44,827 --> 00:52:46,929
Well, what's your favorite
sexual position?

1442
00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:48,929
Don't be gross, Fred. Hi.

1443
00:52:46,929 --> 00:52:48,965
Yeah, see?

1444
00:52:48,965 --> 00:52:51,867
What's your favorite
sexual position?

1445
00:52:51,867 --> 00:52:53,836
It's too complicated
to explain.

1446
00:52:54,836 --> 00:52:56,836
Really?

1447
00:52:54,836 --> 00:52:56,306
I told you mine.

1448
00:52:57,306 --> 00:52:59,307
Oh, God, okay.

1449
00:52:59,307 --> 00:53:01,777
I just got back
from a trip to New Delhi.

1450
00:53:01,777 --> 00:53:03,777
Yeah?

1451
00:53:01,777 --> 00:53:03,746
I got called into a meeting

1452
00:53:03,746 --> 00:53:06,349
with the Joint Chiefs,
and I was a little nervous.

1453
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,349
Yeah.

1454
00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:08,483
Yeah.

1455
00:53:08,483 --> 00:53:12,521
And my stomach was a little
weird from all the curry.

1456
00:53:12,521 --> 00:53:13,289
Oh, no.

1457
00:53:14,289 --> 00:53:15,525
Delhi belly.

1458
00:53:17,525 --> 00:53:21,496
Well, we were in a motorcade
and we couldn't stop.

1459
00:53:21,496 --> 00:53:22,496
Oh, no.

1460
00:53:21,496 --> 00:53:22,632
Mmm-hmm.

1461
00:53:23,632 --> 00:53:24,900
God...

1462
00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:28,904
I ruined a really nice
Dolce & Gabbana bag.

1463
00:53:28,904 --> 00:53:31,904
You puked in it?

1464
00:53:28,904 --> 00:53:31,340
Nope.

1465
00:53:31,340 --> 00:53:34,543
Oh, no!
In a moving vehicle?

1466
00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:39,614
Do you actually understand
what's happening right now?

1467
00:53:39,614 --> 00:53:41,018
Yes, I speak Russian.

1468
00:53:42,018 --> 00:53:44,487
The Russian
Samuel L. Jackson guy is dope.

1469
00:53:44,487 --> 00:53:46,690
<i> Do svidanya,</i>
motherfuckers!

1470
00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:53,695
Oh, my God, they just
shot the pirate guy!

1471
00:53:53,695 --> 00:53:54,929
But he's keeping
the team together.

1472
00:53:54,929 --> 00:53:55,998
I know.

1473
00:53:55,998 --> 00:53:57,400
I don't think
I can handle that.

1474
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,400
Oh, it's okay.

1475
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,467
No,

1476
00:53:58,467 --> 00:54:00,603
I really liked him
in the movie.

1477
00:54:00,603 --> 00:54:01,871
Don't worry,
just keep watching.

1478
00:54:01,871 --> 00:54:04,606
You know,
the Philippines gets a bad rap.

1479
00:54:04,606 --> 00:54:06,442
Because it's pretty nice here.

1480
00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:08,844
You'd never know civil war
was about to break out.

1481
00:54:08,844 --> 00:54:10,313
This is good.

1482
00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:11,313
Oh, yeah?

1483
00:54:10,313 --> 00:54:11,480
Yeah.

1484
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:16,518
Hey. What if we use
this line to start with?

1485
00:54:16,518 --> 00:54:17,786
Yeah, "I'm going to
start this speech

1486
00:54:17,786 --> 00:54:19,387
"by saying the same thing
I said to my boss

1487
00:54:19,387 --> 00:54:21,856
"at Blockbuster Video
when I was 16.

1488
00:54:21,856 --> 00:54:23,856
"I quit."

1489
00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,059
That's not bad.

1490
00:54:23,059 --> 00:54:25,494
I love that.

1491
00:54:25,494 --> 00:54:27,463
This is really fucking good.

1492
00:54:27,463 --> 00:54:29,632
Look at you, you get me, Fred.

1493
00:54:29,632 --> 00:54:31,833
I totally get you.

1494
00:54:31,833 --> 00:54:33,668
<i>♪ All I want for my birthday</i>

1495
00:54:33,668 --> 00:54:35,503
<i> ♪ Is a big booty ho</i>

1496
00:54:35,503 --> 00:54:36,972
<i> ♪ All I want
 for my birthday... ♪</i>

1497
00:54:36,972 --> 00:54:38,708
I couldn't be happier
that out of all the shit

1498
00:54:38,708 --> 00:54:40,509
I played you
from the last decade,

1499
00:54:40,509 --> 00:54:42,077
that what you've liked
the most is 2 Chainz.

1500
00:54:42,077 --> 00:54:44,077
It's catchy.

1501
00:54:42,077 --> 00:54:44,480
It's awesome.

1502
00:54:49,085 --> 00:54:51,456
So, are you, like, dating
the prime minister of Canada?

1503
00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:55,456
No. No.

1504
00:54:54,456 --> 00:54:55,990
No.

1505
00:54:55,990 --> 00:54:57,793
I feel like I read...
Did I read that

1506
00:54:57,793 --> 00:54:59,762
in some shitty tabloid
that you guys were dating?

1507
00:54:59,762 --> 00:55:02,762
Maybe it's not true.

1508
00:54:59,762 --> 00:55:02,597
No, I'm sure you did. It's...

1509
00:55:02,597 --> 00:55:05,434
They like to write about it,
but no. I...

1510
00:55:05,434 --> 00:55:08,436
We're not, we... We flirt.

1511
00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,436
Yeah. Okay.

1512
00:55:08,436 --> 00:55:09,838
Kind of.

1513
00:55:09,838 --> 00:55:12,409
It's weird.
We made out once.

1514
00:55:13,409 --> 00:55:14,809
Dope.

1515
00:55:14,809 --> 00:55:15,010
You asked.

1516
00:55:16,010 --> 00:55:18,079
No, hey! I've hooked up with

1517
00:55:18,079 --> 00:55:20,516
my fair share
of world leaders, too.

1518
00:55:20,516 --> 00:55:22,518
I 69'd Fidel Castro once.

1519
00:55:23,518 --> 00:55:24,521
You thought
his beard was big.

1520
00:55:25,521 --> 00:55:26,588
Um...

1521
00:55:26,588 --> 00:55:29,625
But how does that work
with you? Do you, like...

1522
00:55:29,625 --> 00:55:31,559
Do you, like, date?

1523
00:55:31,559 --> 00:55:35,065
Uh... Yeah. I date.

1524
00:55:36,065 --> 00:55:37,000
Generally, you know,

1525
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,536
with people who have
similar lifestyles to me.

1526
00:55:40,536 --> 00:55:42,972
People who travel a lot.

1527
00:55:43,972 --> 00:55:47,978
It's hard to keep
those things alive. I...

1528
00:55:48,978 --> 00:55:51,414
I mean, who wants to
follow me around the world

1529
00:55:51,414 --> 00:55:53,650
and hope I have five minutes
to be affectionate?

1530
00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:55,650
Yeah.

1531
00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:55,018
And honestly,

1532
00:55:56,018 --> 00:55:57,786
guys don't really
want to date women

1533
00:55:57,786 --> 00:55:59,088
who are more powerful
than them.

1534
00:55:59,088 --> 00:56:00,956
They think they do, but...

1535
00:56:01,956 --> 00:56:03,793
It's a dick shriveller.

1536
00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:05,793
Uff.

1537
00:56:03,793 --> 00:56:05,894
Mmm-hmm.

1538
00:56:05,894 --> 00:56:08,130
Dick Shriveller is my favorite
Batman villain though.

1539
00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:09,130
So...

1540
00:56:11,534 --> 00:56:13,469
You gonna ask
why I'm still single?

1541
00:56:13,469 --> 00:56:15,469
No, I get it.

1542
00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:18,971
It makes sense.

1543
00:56:15,971 --> 00:56:18,945
Yeah. It adds up.

1544
00:56:27,817 --> 00:56:28,951
We're right in front
of the window.

1545
00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:32,554
What the fuck is happening?

1546
00:56:32,554 --> 00:56:34,190
Insurgents are fighting
the army.

1547
00:56:34,190 --> 00:56:36,190
Are we in danger?

1548
00:56:34,190 --> 00:56:36,090
Yes! Yes!

1549
00:56:36,090 --> 00:56:37,760
Madam Secretary,
we need to leave now!

1550
00:56:37,760 --> 00:56:39,094
Fuck!

1551
00:56:39,094 --> 00:56:40,831
This way!

1552
00:56:41,831 --> 00:56:43,833
All right, guys, come with me.

1553
00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:45,833
Come on.

1554
00:57:09,791 --> 00:57:10,925
Secretary Field, this way!

1555
00:57:10,925 --> 00:57:12,925
I got her, secure them!

1556
00:57:13,896 --> 00:57:14,501
This way.

1557
00:57:18,501 --> 00:57:19,969
You'll be safe in here.

1558
00:57:20,969 --> 00:57:22,005
Oh, fuck! Are you okay?

1559
00:57:23,005 --> 00:57:23,005
Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?

1560
00:57:24,005 --> 00:57:25,007
I'm okay. Yeah.
We're okay. Okay.

1561
00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:29,007
Okay.

1562
00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:29,012
Okay. Okay. Holy shit!

1563
00:57:30,012 --> 00:57:33,248
Oh,
we could have just died.

1564
00:57:33,248 --> 00:57:36,050
Oh, my God, I'm freaking out
a bit right now.

1565
00:57:36,050 --> 00:57:37,119
I'm having a hard time

1566
00:57:37,119 --> 00:57:38,219
catching my breath
a little bit.

1567
00:57:38,219 --> 00:57:39,288
You don't seem like you're
freaking out very much.

1568
00:57:39,288 --> 00:57:42,657
I am! I'm employing
a Navy SEAL breathing technique,

1569
00:57:42,657 --> 00:57:43,925
for dealing with panicking.

1570
00:57:43,925 --> 00:57:46,161
It's just gonna take about
90 seconds to work.

1571
00:57:46,161 --> 00:57:49,130
90 seconds? I need more than
fucking 90 seconds!

1572
00:57:49,130 --> 00:57:50,865
I need 90 fucking years!

1573
00:57:50,865 --> 00:57:53,568
I'm fucked up for life
from this shit, yo!

1574
00:57:53,568 --> 00:57:56,304
I have so many regrets,
did so many terrible things!

1575
00:57:56,304 --> 00:57:59,742
When I was 12, I peed on a dog
to impress an older kid.

1576
00:57:59,742 --> 00:58:02,911
The dog didn't like it.
The older kid didn't either!

1577
00:58:02,911 --> 00:58:03,978
It was just pointless.

1578
00:58:03,978 --> 00:58:05,748
What the fuck?

1579
00:58:05,748 --> 00:58:07,918
Holy shit! Fuck!

1580
00:58:08,918 --> 00:58:11,119
Is there more? Is there
gonna be more?

1581
00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:12,119
Fred.

1582
00:58:11,119 --> 00:58:12,320
Is there more?

1583
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,722
You're gonna
have to calm down.

1584
00:58:13,722 --> 00:58:14,956
I don't think I can.

1585
00:58:14,956 --> 00:58:16,759
Sit down with me.

1586
00:58:16,759 --> 00:58:17,893
And breathe.

1587
00:58:17,893 --> 00:58:20,893
Four seconds in.

1588
00:58:20,262 --> 00:58:21,329
Four seconds out.

1589
00:58:21,329 --> 00:58:23,164
Four seconds in.

1590
00:58:23,164 --> 00:58:24,833
One, two, three, four...

1591
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:27,833
Four seconds out.

1592
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:27,702
One, two...

1593
00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,702
Four seconds in.

1594
00:58:27,702 --> 00:58:30,572
One, two, three, four...

1595
00:58:30,572 --> 00:58:32,074
You don't have to count
while you're doing this.

1596
00:58:32,074 --> 00:58:33,208
...four. It helps me.

1597
00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,208
One, two,
three, four...

1598
00:58:33,208 --> 00:58:36,911
There you go.

1599
00:58:36,911 --> 00:58:39,248
One, two, three, four.

1600
00:58:39,248 --> 00:58:41,248
One, two, three, four.

1601
00:58:42,016 --> 00:58:43,019
One, two, three, four.

1602
00:58:45,019 --> 00:58:47,019
You got it.

1603
00:58:45,019 --> 00:58:47,090
That actually works.

1604
00:58:48,090 --> 00:58:49,327
Those guys are good.

1605
00:58:54,195 --> 00:58:55,898
We did almost just die,
though.

1606
00:58:55,898 --> 00:58:56,965
We actually did almost die.

1607
00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,965
Yeah.

1608
00:58:56,965 --> 00:58:58,634
Oh, thank God.

1609
00:58:58,634 --> 00:58:59,768
That actually
makes me feel better.

1610
00:58:59,768 --> 00:59:00,902
Means I didn't overreact.

1611
00:59:00,902 --> 00:59:03,706
Oh, God, no, you completely
overreacted.

1612
00:59:04,706 --> 00:59:05,376
Yeah, maybe.

1613
00:59:08,376 --> 00:59:10,246
I can think of worse ways
to go

1614
00:59:11,246 --> 00:59:12,248
than here with you.

1615
00:59:14,248 --> 00:59:16,150
Honestly, this has been like,

1616
00:59:16,150 --> 00:59:18,324
the best few weeks
of my entire life.

1617
00:59:22,324 --> 00:59:23,659
You don't have to say it
back to me.

1618
00:59:23,659 --> 00:59:24,927
I know it's not true for you.

1619
00:59:24,927 --> 00:59:26,961
I saw you sing with
Bruce Springsteen last year,

1620
00:59:26,961 --> 00:59:28,329
at that benefit concert.
That was probably

1621
00:59:28,329 --> 00:59:29,797
a way better week.

1622
00:59:29,797 --> 00:59:32,635
Just as an example.

1623
00:59:32,635 --> 00:59:35,070
Well, this is
a pretty close second.

1624
00:59:35,070 --> 00:59:37,172
Really? To The Boss?

1625
00:59:37,172 --> 00:59:38,239
Yeah.

1626
00:59:38,239 --> 00:59:40,215
Wow. That's nice.

1627
00:59:47,215 --> 00:59:48,255
Uh...

1628
00:59:54,255 --> 00:59:57,326
I feel like maybe you want me
to kiss you right now,

1629
00:59:57,326 --> 00:59:59,293
but I don't want to make
the same stupid mistake

1630
00:59:59,293 --> 00:00:00,728
I made 25 years ago.

1631
01:00:00,728 --> 01:00:02,297
Wouldn't be a stupid mistake.

1632
01:00:03,297 --> 01:00:04,440
Wait... Really?

1633
01:00:11,440 --> 01:00:13,041
We've secured the location.

1634
01:00:13,041 --> 01:00:15,012
But we need to move you.
The helicopter is standing by.

1635
01:00:17,012 --> 01:00:18,284
Thank you, Agent M.

1636
01:00:23,284 --> 01:00:24,686
Holy shit.

1637
01:00:24,686 --> 01:00:25,753
That helicopter was way louder

1638
01:00:25,753 --> 01:00:27,155
than I thought
it was gonna be.

1639
01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:29,155
Fred, enough. Enough.

1640
01:00:27,155 --> 01:00:29,992
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

1641
01:00:29,992 --> 01:00:31,092
We're safe here though?

1642
01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:32,092
Yes!

1643
01:00:31,092 --> 01:00:32,760
Oh, my God, Fred!

1644
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:33,829
This way.

1645
01:00:33,829 --> 01:00:35,001
This place
looks really nice.

1646
01:00:39,001 --> 01:00:40,469
Fred, I need you
to come work

1647
01:00:40,469 --> 01:00:42,304
on that speech with me,
right now.

1648
01:00:42,304 --> 01:00:44,304
Right now?

1649
01:00:42,304 --> 01:00:44,239
Yeah. Right now.

1650
01:00:45,239 --> 01:00:46,445
Okay.

1651
01:00:52,715 --> 01:00:53,882
Hang on, get my pants off.

1652
01:00:53,882 --> 01:00:55,719
Okay, I gotta, too. Shit.

1653
01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:58,719
We're doing it?

1654
01:00:56,719 --> 01:00:58,119
Yeah!

1655
01:00:58,119 --> 01:00:59,119
Do it faster.

1656
01:00:58,119 --> 01:00:59,188
Let's do it.

1657
01:00:59,188 --> 01:01:00,157
They're coming off!

1658
01:01:02,157 --> 01:01:04,494
Fucking tapered pants. Shit!

1659
01:01:05,494 --> 01:01:06,197
Fuck!

1660
01:01:08,197 --> 01:01:09,864
Okay, just leave
it! Just leave it! Leave it!

1661
01:01:09,864 --> 01:01:11,864
Okay.

1662
01:01:09,864 --> 01:01:11,333
Okay. Yeah.

1663
01:01:11,333 --> 01:01:12,400
Should I go in, then?

1664
01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:14,068
Yeah, enter.

1665
01:01:14,068 --> 01:01:17,338
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, no!

1666
01:01:17,338 --> 01:01:19,338
I'm gonna come really soon.

1667
01:01:17,338 --> 01:01:19,474
Me too.

1668
01:01:19,474 --> 01:01:20,474
Really?

1669
01:01:19,474 --> 01:01:20,943
Yeah!

1670
01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:21,943
Oh, God!

1671
01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:21,010
Oh!

1672
01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:23,411
Oh, boy!

1673
01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:29,248
Oh, God! Okay.

1674
01:01:26,248 --> 01:01:29,184
Oh, my God!

1675
01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,184
I'm coming out.

1676
01:01:29,184 --> 01:01:31,085
Okay, come on.

1677
01:01:31,085 --> 01:01:36,891
Oh, God. Oh! Oh! Oh, fuck!

1678
01:01:36,891 --> 01:01:40,028
Wow. Oh, my God,
I'm sorry.

1679
01:01:41,028 --> 01:01:42,231
I don't know
what happened.

1680
01:01:42,231 --> 01:01:44,432
I usually last
way longer than that.

1681
01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:45,432
You know?

1682
01:01:44,432 --> 01:01:45,869
Not me.

1683
01:01:46,869 --> 01:01:47,804
That was weird.

1684
01:01:47,804 --> 01:01:48,005
We both said, "Oh, boy"
when we came...

1685
01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:50,005
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking.

1686
01:01:49,005 --> 01:01:50,972
...at the same time.

1687
01:01:50,972 --> 01:01:52,972
That's never happened before.

1688
01:01:50,972 --> 01:01:52,507
I've never said that.

1689
01:01:52,507 --> 01:01:55,507
Yeah.

1690
01:01:52,507 --> 01:01:55,777
Super strange.

1691
01:01:55,777 --> 01:01:57,777
Oh!

1692
01:01:55,777 --> 01:01:57,478
Should we do that again?

1693
01:01:57,478 --> 01:01:59,148
Yeah, my hands are shaking,
I need a minute.

1694
01:02:03,851 --> 01:02:05,487
Hmm.

1695
01:02:05,487 --> 01:02:08,487
Who's this little guy?

1696
01:02:08,422 --> 01:02:10,324
I was a writing an article
about neo-Nazis

1697
01:02:10,324 --> 01:02:12,059
and I had to get a bottom half

1698
01:02:12,059 --> 01:02:13,494
of a swastika
tattooed on me...

1699
01:02:13,494 --> 01:02:15,494
Oh, my God.

1700
01:02:13,494 --> 01:02:15,329
...so they wouldn't kill me

1701
01:02:15,329 --> 01:02:17,331
and I didn't want that,

1702
01:02:17,331 --> 01:02:20,469
so I added little shoes and
I made him a little stick man

1703
01:02:20,469 --> 01:02:23,938
and I named him
Adolf Stickler.

1704
01:02:23,938 --> 01:02:25,007
You'd never know
he had little swastika legs.

1705
01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:27,007
No.

1706
01:02:26,007 --> 01:02:27,476
He's so happy about it.

1707
01:02:27,476 --> 01:02:28,543
I know, they just
look like pants.

1708
01:02:28,543 --> 01:02:31,179
You'd never know he was born
in the fires of hatred.

1709
01:02:34,583 --> 01:02:36,021
Man, I am hungry.

1710
01:02:39,021 --> 01:02:40,521
What time is it?

1711
01:02:40,521 --> 01:02:43,326
I couldn't tell you
what fucking day it is.

1712
01:02:44,326 --> 01:02:47,295
And where...
Where are we right now?

1713
01:02:47,295 --> 01:02:48,597
I don't have a clue.

1714
01:02:48,597 --> 01:02:49,864
You don't know?

1715
01:02:49,864 --> 01:02:51,065
No. They just
dropped us here.

1716
01:02:51,065 --> 01:02:53,423
They just took us here
on the helicopter.

1717
01:03:15,423 --> 01:03:16,490
Good morning,
Mr. Flarsky.

1718
01:03:16,490 --> 01:03:17,927
Jesus!

1719
01:03:19,927 --> 01:03:21,001
You scared me, man.

1720
01:03:27,001 --> 01:03:29,605
Could you maybe not tell
anybody about this?

1721
01:03:29,605 --> 01:03:31,041
They wouldn't
believe me anyway.

1722
01:03:33,041 --> 01:03:34,177
Fair enough.

1723
01:03:35,177 --> 01:03:36,480
Good luck, man.

1724
01:03:38,480 --> 01:03:39,556
Thank you.

1725
01:03:48,556 --> 01:03:50,958
<i>These helicopters are scary.</i>

1726
01:03:50,958 --> 01:03:54,963
<i>It's gonna be fine, Fred.
Just breathe.</i>

1727
01:03:57,099 --> 01:03:59,568
<i> One, two, three, four.</i>

1728
01:03:59,568 --> 01:04:01,681
<i> One, two, three, four.</i>

1729
01:04:13,681 --> 01:04:15,583
I feel so happy right now!

1730
01:04:15,583 --> 01:04:17,318
Like,
I'm beginning to realize,

1731
01:04:17,318 --> 01:04:19,054
I may have never been happy.

1732
01:04:19,054 --> 01:04:21,556
This might be the first time
I ever felt happy.

1733
01:04:21,556 --> 01:04:22,025
And it feels good.

1734
01:04:23,025 --> 01:04:25,027
This is like, the best shit
that's ever happened.

1735
01:04:26,027 --> 01:04:27,963
There's like this crazy big
banquet thing tonight,

1736
01:04:27,963 --> 01:04:29,563
and she gave me
like a tuxedo to wear.

1737
01:04:29,563 --> 01:04:30,632
And it's not like a date,

1738
01:04:30,632 --> 01:04:32,233
but it kinda
feels like a date.

1739
01:04:32,233 --> 01:04:34,936
<i> How do I not fuck this up?
 Seems impossible.</i>

1740
01:04:34,936 --> 01:04:37,172
Dude, you just need to give
yourself affirmation, man.

1741
01:04:37,172 --> 01:04:38,974
You need to...

1742
01:04:38,974 --> 01:04:41,010
You need to say that
you're worthy of love, man.

1743
01:04:42,010 --> 01:04:43,311
I am worthy of love.

1744
01:04:43,311 --> 01:04:44,980
<i> All right, now you gotta
 say it 10,000</i>

1745
01:04:44,980 --> 01:04:46,481
more times,
until you believe it.

1746
01:04:46,481 --> 01:04:47,949
<i>Okay, look, I gotta go.</i>

1747
01:04:47,949 --> 01:04:50,284
<i>I have no fucking clue
how to tie a bow tie.</i>

1748
01:04:50,284 --> 01:04:51,954
All right, man. Hey!

1749
01:04:51,954 --> 01:04:52,161
<i> Be bold!</i>

1750
01:05:09,371 --> 01:05:10,706
Hi.

1751
01:05:10,706 --> 01:05:13,375
You look really pretty.

1752
01:05:13,375 --> 01:05:14,510
Thank you.

1753
01:05:15,510 --> 01:05:18,579
You look really pretty, too.

1754
01:05:18,579 --> 01:05:19,648
Thank you.

1755
01:05:19,648 --> 01:05:21,083
Thanks for the suit.

1756
01:05:21,083 --> 01:05:22,217
We should probably head in.

1757
01:05:22,217 --> 01:05:23,217
Shall we?

1758
01:05:22,217 --> 01:05:23,755
Yeah.

1759
01:05:26,755 --> 01:05:29,523
Wow. This is awesome.

1760
01:05:29,523 --> 01:05:31,193
It's cool being
in Argentina.

1761
01:05:31,193 --> 01:05:32,594
I think the guys
who killed my grandparents

1762
01:05:32,594 --> 01:05:34,130
are hiding here somewhere.

1763
01:05:35,130 --> 01:05:36,233
Shit, they got a band.

1764
01:05:38,233 --> 01:05:41,670
Do you wanna,
uh, dance maybe?
Or grab a drink?

1765
01:05:41,670 --> 01:05:43,204
So there are representatives

1766
01:05:43,204 --> 01:05:45,072
from over 75 countries
here tonight.

1767
01:05:45,072 --> 01:05:46,608
She has three hours
to get out there,

1768
01:05:46,608 --> 01:05:47,608
shake her money maker...

1769
01:05:46,608 --> 01:05:47,643
Yeah.

1770
01:05:47,643 --> 01:05:49,378
...and get
as many commitments
as possible.

1771
01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,378
This is a work event.

1772
01:05:49,378 --> 01:05:51,045
Of course, yeah. I get it.

1773
01:05:51,045 --> 01:05:54,315
We could, uh, maybe at the end
of the night, have a drink.

1774
01:05:54,315 --> 01:05:56,451
Yeah, if you have time.
Cool.

1775
01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,451
We'll see.

1776
01:05:56,451 --> 01:05:58,519
Yeah.

1777
01:05:58,519 --> 01:06:00,326
All right. Okay.

1778
01:06:04,326 --> 01:06:05,030
I know what's going on.

1779
01:06:09,030 --> 01:06:11,030
What do you mean?

1780
01:06:09,030 --> 01:06:11,465
You know what I mean.

1781
01:06:11,465 --> 01:06:12,534
There's nothing going on.

1782
01:06:12,534 --> 01:06:14,702
Don't fucking bullshit me,
Fred.

1783
01:06:14,702 --> 01:06:17,405
'Cause my EQ is through
the goddamn roof.

1784
01:06:17,405 --> 01:06:20,474
And I understand and intuit
the nuances of social dynamics

1785
01:06:20,474 --> 01:06:21,443
like you wouldn't believe.

1786
01:06:21,443 --> 01:06:24,378
The two of you are having sex
with each other.

1787
01:06:24,378 --> 01:06:26,213
There's no way you could
discern something like that.

1788
01:06:26,213 --> 01:06:27,215
Charlotte told me.

1789
01:06:28,215 --> 01:06:29,150
Really?

1790
01:06:29,150 --> 01:06:31,219
No, but you just did,
you fucking idiot.

1791
01:06:31,219 --> 01:06:34,222
Fuck! Shit!
That was fucking
very clever.

1792
01:06:34,222 --> 01:06:35,389
Jesus, well,
you know what, yes.

1793
01:06:35,389 --> 01:06:37,425
Okay. We're sexing
one another down.

1794
01:06:37,425 --> 01:06:38,425
So?

1795
01:06:37,425 --> 01:06:38,327
Ew.

1796
01:06:38,327 --> 01:06:39,693
Honestly, it's probably
weirder to me

1797
01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:40,693
than it is to you.

1798
01:06:39,693 --> 01:06:40,829
Look,

1799
01:06:40,829 --> 01:06:41,996
I can't believe
I have to say this,

1800
01:06:41,996 --> 01:06:45,434
but just so you know, there's
no way the two of you work.

1801
01:06:46,434 --> 01:06:48,170
Why would you say that?
You don't know that.

1802
01:06:48,170 --> 01:06:50,237
The public will never accept
the two of you together,

1803
01:06:50,237 --> 01:06:51,606
so neither will she.

1804
01:06:51,606 --> 01:06:53,208
Honestly, Fred,
it doesn't matter

1805
01:06:53,208 --> 01:06:54,175
if you get it or you don't,

1806
01:06:54,175 --> 01:06:55,844
'cause the truth is,
she is going to realize it

1807
01:06:55,844 --> 01:06:57,112
for the both of you,

1808
01:06:57,112 --> 01:06:59,213
then you'll have
your heart broken.

1809
01:06:59,213 --> 01:07:00,548
And that could be
kinda fun to watch.

1810
01:07:00,548 --> 01:07:02,400
Ambassador Plenipotentiary...

1811
01:07:19,400 --> 01:07:20,735
Madam Secretary!

1812
01:07:21,735 --> 01:07:23,271
Excuse me.

1813
01:07:23,271 --> 01:07:24,271
Ah!

1814
01:07:23,271 --> 01:07:24,405
Parker.

1815
01:07:24,405 --> 01:07:26,405
Nope. Nope. Uh...

1816
01:07:28,342 --> 01:07:31,713
You know, we still have not
found time to sit down.

1817
01:07:31,713 --> 01:07:32,880
You know,
it's not gonna happen.

1818
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:34,516
I'm not gonna find time.

1819
01:07:34,516 --> 01:07:37,119
I will get my way on this.

1820
01:07:37,119 --> 01:07:38,452
I don't even know
what you mean by "this,"

1821
01:07:38,452 --> 01:07:40,889
but please have at it.
It's all yours.

1822
01:07:40,889 --> 01:07:42,889
May I have a word?

1823
01:07:40,889 --> 01:07:42,324
Can you excuse me?

1824
01:07:42,324 --> 01:07:43,557
We're in the middle
of a conversation here.

1825
01:07:43,557 --> 01:07:46,557
Of course. Yes.

1826
01:07:43,557 --> 01:07:46,228
Oh, my God. You are a...

1827
01:07:46,228 --> 01:07:48,730
You look
absolutely wonderful.

1828
01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:50,730
Oh.

1829
01:07:51,867 --> 01:07:53,367
I have to say,
I have been

1830
01:07:53,367 --> 01:07:55,603
so impressed
by your initiative.

1831
01:07:55,603 --> 01:07:57,371
Does this mean
I can add Canada

1832
01:07:57,371 --> 01:07:59,373
to the list of countries
taking part?

1833
01:07:59,373 --> 01:08:01,543
On one condition.

1834
01:08:01,543 --> 01:08:02,443
Let me guess.

1835
01:08:02,443 --> 01:08:05,179
You want fewer restrictions
on lumber.

1836
01:08:05,179 --> 01:08:06,815
I don't care about lumber.

1837
01:08:07,815 --> 01:08:09,619
I just want to dance.

1838
01:08:12,786 --> 01:08:13,855
Sure.

1839
01:08:37,511 --> 01:08:38,780
Whoa!

1840
01:08:39,780 --> 01:08:41,650
Wow.

1841
01:08:42,650 --> 01:08:43,885
You know
when you see something,

1842
01:08:43,885 --> 01:08:47,221
and it just looks right.

1843
01:08:47,221 --> 01:08:49,291
Like a Kangol hat
on Samuel L. Jackson.

1844
01:08:49,291 --> 01:08:50,659
Mmm-hmm.

1845
01:08:59,935 --> 01:09:01,337
I'm worthy of love.

1846
01:09:03,337 --> 01:09:04,309
I'm worthy of love.

1847
01:09:07,309 --> 01:09:08,511
What the fuck
are you saying?

1848
01:09:09,511 --> 01:09:10,819
Nothing.

1849
01:09:43,712 --> 01:09:44,532
<i> Bonjour,</i> ma'am.

1850
01:10:17,746 --> 01:10:18,814
Excuse me.

1851
01:10:20,814 --> 01:10:22,931
Agent E, look alive.

1852
01:10:37,931 --> 01:10:39,931
Hi.

1853
01:10:37,931 --> 01:10:39,068
Hey.

1854
01:10:40,068 --> 01:10:41,070
I hear you have
a crush on me.

1855
01:10:43,070 --> 01:10:44,006
I do.

1856
01:10:46,006 --> 01:10:47,511
Kinda have
a crush on you, too.

1857
01:10:49,511 --> 01:10:50,948
Well, that's cool.

1858
01:10:53,948 --> 01:10:56,051
Hey, I know I asked earlier.

1859
01:10:56,051 --> 01:10:57,618
But, uh...

1860
01:11:01,323 --> 01:11:02,493
Do you want to dance with me?

1861
01:11:05,493 --> 01:11:06,662
It's a dope song.

1862
01:11:07,662 --> 01:11:08,896
Really fucking good song.

1863
01:11:08,896 --> 01:11:09,030
Maybe the best song
ever written.

1864
01:11:10,030 --> 01:11:11,541
Yeah.

1865
01:12:59,173 --> 01:13:00,809
I want you to
fuck me from behind

1866
01:13:00,809 --> 01:13:01,645
and slap my ass really hard.

1867
01:13:04,645 --> 01:13:05,846
What?

1868
01:13:05,846 --> 01:13:07,181
What?

1869
01:13:07,181 --> 01:13:09,451
Nothing. What,
did I say "what"?

1870
01:13:09,451 --> 01:13:10,752
Am I being too bossy?

1871
01:13:10,752 --> 01:13:13,520
No. No. No. No. Not at all.
No. No.

1872
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:15,055
I am. I am.
I'm your boss all day,

1873
01:13:15,055 --> 01:13:15,055
and now I'm bossing you
in bed.

1874
01:13:15,923 --> 01:13:17,458
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.

1875
01:13:17,458 --> 01:13:18,659
No. Not at all.

1876
01:13:18,659 --> 01:13:20,528
My brain, honestly, just went
into shock a little bit...

1877
01:13:20,528 --> 01:13:21,662
Yeah, but you hesitated.

1878
01:13:21,662 --> 01:13:24,698
No, it's just not how
I imagined you liking things.

1879
01:13:24,698 --> 01:13:27,801
You know what?
We'll do exactly
what you were imagining.

1880
01:13:27,801 --> 01:13:29,804
And then you turn me around
and slap me on my ass

1881
01:13:29,804 --> 01:13:31,805
and then choke me
a little bit.

1882
01:13:31,805 --> 01:13:32,479
Oh, my God.

1883
01:13:40,547 --> 01:13:41,626
Whoa.

1884
01:13:51,626 --> 01:13:52,228
Frederick.

1885
01:13:53,228 --> 01:13:54,234
Margaret.

1886
01:13:59,234 --> 01:14:01,034
Hey, you forgot this...
Oh, fuck!

1887
01:14:01,034 --> 01:14:02,034
Gross!

1888
01:14:01,034 --> 01:14:02,804
Um...

1889
01:14:02,804 --> 01:14:04,137
I thought you guys
hated each other.

1890
01:14:04,137 --> 01:14:06,137
We do hate each other.

1891
01:14:04,137 --> 01:14:06,240
We do. Big time.

1892
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,240
We are also fucking.

1893
01:14:06,240 --> 01:14:08,176
Ugh.

1894
01:14:08,176 --> 01:14:09,277
How long
have you been fucking?

1895
01:14:09,277 --> 01:14:10,612
That was probably 20 minutes.

1896
01:14:10,612 --> 01:14:11,679
Not right now!

1897
01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:13,679
Oh.

1898
01:14:11,679 --> 01:14:13,881
A lot of questions. Um, I...

1899
01:14:13,881 --> 01:14:15,048
I would say
anywhere between

1900
01:14:15,048 --> 01:14:16,917
two and five...
Three and a half times.

1901
01:14:16,917 --> 01:14:18,752
I would say on my end, five.

1902
01:14:18,752 --> 01:14:20,220
Three and a half sounds right.

1903
01:14:20,220 --> 01:14:22,590
I don't know how
you're tallying that shit.
That's sick.

1904
01:14:22,590 --> 01:14:24,025
Okay, first of all,
there's a woman present.

1905
01:14:25,025 --> 01:14:26,661
There's a woman
in there, too?

1906
01:14:26,661 --> 01:14:28,661
Excuse me.

1907
01:14:26,661 --> 01:14:28,563
Easy.

1908
01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:29,563
And I got it.

1909
01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:29,764
Sorry.

1910
01:14:29,764 --> 01:14:31,764
Again.

1911
01:14:29,764 --> 01:14:31,131
Sorry, I'm...

1912
01:14:31,131 --> 01:14:32,001
A woman is present
and that woman is me.

1913
01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,001
You?

1914
01:14:33,001 --> 01:14:34,601
We're talking about her.

1915
01:14:34,601 --> 01:14:36,537
Trust me, I know, Fred.

1916
01:14:36,537 --> 01:14:37,604
Tom, I got this.

1917
01:14:37,604 --> 01:14:39,604
Ugh!

1918
01:14:37,604 --> 01:14:39,039
I'm gonna say goodnight.

1919
01:14:39,039 --> 01:14:40,240
You tuck that in.
Goodnight to you.

1920
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:41,109
And I will take my leave.

1921
01:14:41,109 --> 01:14:44,145
No. No way.
I'm not touching that shit.

1922
01:14:44,145 --> 01:14:46,145
It's not the worst instinct.

1923
01:14:44,145 --> 01:14:46,613
Guys, just...

1924
01:14:46,613 --> 01:14:47,681
Those hands
have been places.

1925
01:14:47,681 --> 01:14:49,182
Goodnight.

1926
01:14:49,182 --> 01:14:51,685
<i> With France's commitment,
 U.S. Secretary of State</i>

1927
01:14:51,685 --> 01:14:55,055
<i> Charlotte Field's noble
 Rehabilitation Initiative</i>

1928
01:14:55,055 --> 01:14:57,091
<i> has secured the support
 of 100 countries.</i>

1929
01:14:59,193 --> 01:15:00,461
The president
wants to talk to you.

1930
01:15:00,461 --> 01:15:03,597
We've set up the tent
in the next room,
Madam Secretary.

1931
01:15:03,597 --> 01:15:04,304
Tell him hi.

1932
01:15:09,304 --> 01:15:11,939
Mr. President.<i> Bonjour.</i>

1933
01:15:11,939 --> 01:15:13,140
<i>Charlie,</i> bonjour.

1934
01:15:13,140 --> 01:15:16,778
<i>Hey, what's this I hear about
an environmental treaty thing?</i>

1935
01:15:16,778 --> 01:15:18,579
Oh, it's the Global

1936
01:15:18,579 --> 01:15:20,681
Rehabilitation Initiative,
sir.

1937
01:15:20,681 --> 01:15:23,184
It's been on your desk
for the last three weeks.

1938
01:15:23,184 --> 01:15:25,286
Yeah, well,
we ran it up the flagpole

1939
01:15:25,286 --> 01:15:27,721
and it's ruffling
some feathers.

1940
01:15:27,721 --> 01:15:29,856
Sir, you are the flagpole.

1941
01:15:29,856 --> 01:15:33,293
There are actually quite a few
flagpoles in this joint.

1942
01:15:33,293 --> 01:15:35,063
<i> We need you to revise it.</i>

1943
01:15:35,063 --> 01:15:36,965
Sir?

1944
01:15:36,965 --> 01:15:39,070
<i>We need you to kill the trees.</i>

1945
01:15:43,070 --> 01:15:44,305
Why would he do that?

1946
01:15:44,305 --> 01:15:47,341
Because he's funded
by a bunch
of fucking rich assholes

1947
01:15:47,341 --> 01:15:48,976
and I probably pissed
one of them off.

1948
01:15:48,976 --> 01:15:50,677
Can I just say
the optics of this

1949
01:15:50,677 --> 01:15:52,380
are actually
not that different?

1950
01:15:52,380 --> 01:15:54,181
The initiative still has
the same name.

1951
01:15:54,181 --> 01:15:55,949
It sounds
very impressive,

1952
01:15:55,949 --> 01:15:58,086
which is ultimately
all that matters.

1953
01:15:58,086 --> 01:16:00,787
I actually cared about this.

1954
01:16:00,787 --> 01:16:02,356
Now what am I
fucking left with? Bees?

1955
01:16:02,356 --> 01:16:03,690
I don't even like bees.

1956
01:16:03,690 --> 01:16:04,958
Do you have to
listen to him?

1957
01:16:04,958 --> 01:16:08,128
Yes. I have to listen to him.

1958
01:16:08,128 --> 01:16:10,965
Because unless he endorses me,
I won't win.

1959
01:16:10,965 --> 01:16:13,900
And this whole fucking show
would have been for nothing.

1960
01:16:13,900 --> 01:16:15,970
Well, maybe you don't need
his endorsement to win.

1961
01:16:15,970 --> 01:16:17,337
You know?
People are digging your shit.

1962
01:16:17,337 --> 01:16:18,006
And your numbers are good.

1963
01:16:19,006 --> 01:16:21,208
You know what, Fred?
She needs a little alone time.

1964
01:16:21,208 --> 01:16:22,743
Right, she probably just needs
a friend right now.

1965
01:16:22,743 --> 01:16:23,810
Time to go, buddy.

1966
01:16:23,810 --> 01:16:25,680
Oh, my God.

1967
01:16:25,680 --> 01:16:28,055
Maggie, just give me a second
alone with Fred, please.

1968
01:16:43,765 --> 01:16:46,167
I don't wanna
do this job anymore.

1969
01:16:46,167 --> 01:16:47,136
I fuckin' hate it.

1970
01:16:48,136 --> 01:16:50,304
I mean, what's the point?

1971
01:16:50,304 --> 01:16:53,175
Every time I do something,
it just gets undone.

1972
01:16:54,175 --> 01:16:55,409
I'm sorry.

1973
01:16:55,409 --> 01:16:57,211
I just wanna be
a normal person

1974
01:16:57,211 --> 01:16:58,979
and not give a fuck
about anything

1975
01:16:58,979 --> 01:17:00,015
just like
the rest of the world.

1976
01:17:01,015 --> 01:17:03,083
Yeah, most people don't
give a shit about anything.

1977
01:17:03,083 --> 01:17:04,953
I bet it's really nice.

1978
01:17:05,953 --> 01:17:07,788
That's what I want.

1979
01:17:07,788 --> 01:17:09,327
I don't know
how to give that to you.

1980
01:17:13,327 --> 01:17:14,296
Let's get fucked up.

1981
01:17:15,296 --> 01:17:16,363
Fucked up?

1982
01:17:16,363 --> 01:17:18,363
Yeah.

1983
01:17:16,363 --> 01:17:18,832
Like a few beers fucked up

1984
01:17:18,832 --> 01:17:21,101
or more than that fucked up?

1985
01:17:21,101 --> 01:17:23,909
Like super fucked up.

1986
01:17:28,909 --> 01:17:31,378
I want to smoke
a Molly with you.

1987
01:17:32,814 --> 01:17:33,748
What?

1988
01:17:34,748 --> 01:17:36,484
That's not, um...

1989
01:17:36,484 --> 01:17:38,152
That's not
how you take it, but...

1990
01:17:38,152 --> 01:17:39,052
How do you take it?

1991
01:17:39,052 --> 01:17:40,921
It's a pill.
You take it in your mouth.

1992
01:17:40,921 --> 01:17:42,457
But I don't know
if you wanna do it.

1993
01:17:42,457 --> 01:17:43,791
Why not?

1994
01:17:43,791 --> 01:17:45,726
I just don't know
if it's a good idea.

1995
01:17:45,726 --> 01:17:49,030
As your boss, I'm ordering you
to get me a Molly.

1996
01:17:50,030 --> 01:17:51,229
Oh, man.

1997
01:18:21,229 --> 01:18:22,395
You good?

1998
01:18:22,395 --> 01:18:24,364
I don't feel anything.

1999
01:18:24,364 --> 01:18:26,367
You don't feel it?

2000
01:18:26,367 --> 01:18:28,168
No, I don't feel
a fucking thing.

2001
01:18:28,168 --> 01:18:30,439
Ooh! Wow.

2002
01:18:31,439 --> 01:18:33,975
... Was right.

2003
01:18:33,975 --> 01:18:37,878
Holy fuck...

2004
01:18:37,878 --> 01:18:39,212
No!

2005
01:18:39,212 --> 01:18:41,548
My jaw feels
really weird.

2006
01:18:41,548 --> 01:18:42,884
Yeah, that's the drugs.

2007
01:18:42,884 --> 01:18:44,484
Drugs love a jaw.

2008
01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:46,484
I want more.

2009
01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:46,921
No, no, no, no.

2010
01:18:46,921 --> 01:18:48,322
Maybe in like an hour.

2011
01:18:48,322 --> 01:18:50,961
We should do it now.

2012
01:19:18,886 --> 01:19:21,087
Yes, motherfuckers!

2013
01:19:21,087 --> 01:19:22,024
I could do this forever!

2014
01:19:23,024 --> 01:19:24,425
We're gonna.

2015
01:19:24,425 --> 01:19:26,927
I know I've been like...

2016
01:19:26,927 --> 01:19:29,162
I've been, like, playing it
pretty cool.

2017
01:19:29,162 --> 01:19:31,164
Like I've probably been
a little hard to read,

2018
01:19:31,164 --> 01:19:32,833
and I've been acting
kinda, like, aloof,

2019
01:19:32,833 --> 01:19:34,502
maybe like I don't
care that much.

2020
01:19:34,502 --> 01:19:37,939
But I don't wanna do that
anymore. I really like you.

2021
01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:40,240
You haven't been
playing it cool at all.

2022
01:19:40,240 --> 01:19:42,909
You just followed me
into the bathroom.

2023
01:19:42,909 --> 01:19:44,145
Yeah, to talk.

2024
01:19:44,145 --> 01:19:46,145
I really like you, too!

2025
01:19:44,145 --> 01:19:46,279
Really?

2026
01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:47,279
Yeah!

2027
01:19:46,279 --> 01:19:47,914
Yeah!

2028
01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:52,884
Madam Secretary!

2029
01:19:49,884 --> 01:19:52,552
Yeah! Whoa!

2030
01:19:52,552 --> 01:19:54,387
Madam Secretary!
Listen to me!

2031
01:19:54,387 --> 01:19:56,524
Dance with me,
Steven! Dance!

2032
01:19:56,524 --> 01:19:57,625
We have a situation.

2033
01:19:57,625 --> 01:19:58,625
Huh?

2034
01:20:07,335 --> 01:20:09,203
Yo.

2035
01:20:09,203 --> 01:20:12,239
How much longer is this
Molly stuff gonna last?

2036
01:20:12,239 --> 01:20:13,007
We just re-upped.

2037
01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:16,210
You kept saying you wanted
to take more, so we did.

2038
01:20:16,210 --> 01:20:19,448
So we have another
maybe four or five hours.

2039
01:20:20,448 --> 01:20:22,582
Yeah. Why?

2040
01:20:22,582 --> 01:20:24,417
I'm in so much trouble.

2041
01:20:24,417 --> 01:20:25,485
What's happening?

2042
01:20:25,485 --> 01:20:27,087
I'm gonna be
in so much trouble.

2043
01:20:27,087 --> 01:20:29,157
What's happening?
Are they outta water?

2044
01:20:30,157 --> 01:20:31,324
One of our U2s went down

2045
01:20:31,324 --> 01:20:34,228
while performing a standard
fly-over in Kashtari airspace.

2046
01:20:34,228 --> 01:20:35,328
The pilot was able to eject,

2047
01:20:35,328 --> 01:20:38,332
but it appears he was taken
by the Kashtari military.

2048
01:20:38,332 --> 01:20:40,033
Thank you, General.

2049
01:20:40,033 --> 01:20:41,534
Prime Minister Bharath
is refusing

2050
01:20:41,534 --> 01:20:44,037
to return the pilot
to United States custody.

2051
01:20:44,037 --> 01:20:45,006
He's personally hurt
by the many insults

2052
01:20:46,006 --> 01:20:47,507
hurled at him by POTUS.

2053
01:20:47,507 --> 01:20:49,409
Good job. All right.

2054
01:20:52,179 --> 01:20:53,448
It's gonna be okay
in there, right?

2055
01:20:54,448 --> 01:20:55,118
That's up to you, ma'am.

2056
01:20:57,118 --> 01:20:59,667
Oh, God.
You got this.

2057
01:21:16,604 --> 01:21:19,140
I can hold onto
your sunglasses for you,
if you'd like.

2058
01:21:19,140 --> 01:21:24,279
Oh, no. I have alopecia.
In both eyes.

2059
01:21:30,551 --> 01:21:31,019
Hello.

2060
01:21:32,019 --> 01:21:32,019
<i>Secretary Field!</i>

2061
01:21:32,987 --> 01:21:34,087
Oh, my God!

2062
01:21:34,087 --> 01:21:36,957
Hello, Bharath? Hey.

2063
01:21:36,957 --> 01:21:40,328
I hear we have
a situation here?

2064
01:21:40,328 --> 01:21:43,265
One that we both
probably want resolved.

2065
01:21:45,265 --> 01:21:47,702
Very quickly...

2066
01:21:47,702 --> 01:21:50,304
You're not going to bully me
this time, Madam Secretary.

2067
01:21:50,304 --> 01:21:51,006
Your man will stay here

2068
01:21:52,006 --> 01:21:54,975
until your president
personally apologizes to me.

2069
01:21:54,975 --> 01:21:55,177
Over Instagram.

2070
01:21:57,177 --> 01:22:00,177
He won't do that.

2071
01:21:57,177 --> 01:22:00,247
Yeah, no. Yes...

2072
01:22:01,247 --> 01:22:03,247
Yo.

2073
01:22:01,247 --> 01:22:03,451
Yes?

2074
01:22:03,451 --> 01:22:04,019
Can I level with you?

2075
01:22:05,019 --> 01:22:06,554
Can I fill you in
on something?

2076
01:22:06,554 --> 01:22:07,555
Go ahead.

2077
01:22:07,555 --> 01:22:09,256
Me and Charlotte,
we're fucked up right now.

2078
01:22:09,256 --> 01:22:10,190
We're on drugs.

2079
01:22:10,190 --> 01:22:11,725
First of all, I don't
wanna talk about that.

2080
01:22:11,725 --> 01:22:13,426
Why? We can't talk
about the drugs.

2081
01:22:13,426 --> 01:22:14,761
Do you know
we're on drugs?

2082
01:22:14,761 --> 01:22:17,498
I don't wanna talk
about that in this room.

2083
01:22:18,498 --> 01:22:19,498
What's happening?

2084
01:22:21,135 --> 01:22:22,203
We're on drugs
right now.

2085
01:22:24,270 --> 01:22:26,039
That's funny.
That's a funny joke!

2086
01:22:26,039 --> 01:22:27,009
What's a joke?
We're on fucking drugs...

2087
01:22:29,243 --> 01:22:30,377
Are we going somewhere?

2088
01:22:32,212 --> 01:22:34,114
What is that?

2089
01:22:34,114 --> 01:22:36,384
What is happening?
We're on drugs right now.

2090
01:22:36,384 --> 01:22:39,086
So you're admitting that
the United States government

2091
01:22:39,086 --> 01:22:41,322
ordered these planes
to spy on my country?

2092
01:22:41,322 --> 01:22:42,390
No.

2093
01:22:43,556 --> 01:22:46,659
No! No! Of course not!

2094
01:22:46,659 --> 01:22:48,762
<i> That's what it sounded like.
 Face it.</i>

2095
01:22:48,762 --> 01:22:49,997
You have no leverage here.

2096
01:22:49,997 --> 01:22:53,266
Match his aggression, Madam.
It's the only way out of this.

2097
01:22:53,266 --> 01:22:55,735
I don't know, he seems
really fucking pissed off.

2098
01:22:55,735 --> 01:22:57,238
Get more fucking pissed.

2099
01:22:57,238 --> 01:22:58,440
Let him know
who's really in charge.

2100
01:23:03,543 --> 01:23:05,479
Oh, my God,
that really hurt.

2101
01:23:06,479 --> 01:23:08,248
I gotta be honest,
I'm not...

2102
01:23:08,248 --> 01:23:11,452
I'm not feeling
all this aggression stuff.

2103
01:23:11,452 --> 01:23:15,122
I'm into more of,
like, a chilled vibe.

2104
01:23:15,122 --> 01:23:17,692
You know, just feeling...

2105
01:23:18,692 --> 01:23:20,628
God, are those Gauloises?

2106
01:23:21,628 --> 01:23:23,532
Just, I'm so...

2107
01:23:24,532 --> 01:23:27,103
I'm just gonna bum one.

2108
01:23:29,103 --> 01:23:30,404
Just give me one sec.

2109
01:23:30,404 --> 01:23:31,646
Don't worry.

2110
01:23:39,646 --> 01:23:40,713
Bharath.

2111
01:23:40,713 --> 01:23:42,713
Hello?

2112
01:23:40,713 --> 01:23:42,716
<i> Listen.</i>

2113
01:23:43,716 --> 01:23:45,354
Mmm. Mmm.

2114
01:23:47,354 --> 01:23:52,725
You and I are in
the same boat, my friend.

2115
01:23:52,725 --> 01:23:54,395
How is that the case?

2116
01:23:54,395 --> 01:23:55,796
<i> We both have to
 deal with my boss</i>

2117
01:23:55,796 --> 01:23:59,199
and we both think
he is an asshole.

2118
01:23:59,199 --> 01:24:01,268
You also think
he's an asshole?

2119
01:24:01,268 --> 01:24:02,770
Oh, my God,
he's such an asshole.

2120
01:24:02,770 --> 01:24:04,637
His stupid fucking TV show

2121
01:24:04,637 --> 01:24:06,573
was like,
good for three episodes

2122
01:24:06,573 --> 01:24:08,442
<i> and then it just didn't make
 any sense.</i>

2123
01:24:08,442 --> 01:24:10,613
Fuck,
it feels good to say that.

2124
01:24:13,613 --> 01:24:14,783
Listen.

2125
01:24:16,783 --> 01:24:20,854
You need to keep this
on the real DL.

2126
01:24:20,854 --> 01:24:24,291
We both know
that the U.S. does not

2127
01:24:24,291 --> 01:24:27,427
negotiate with terrorists.

2128
01:24:27,427 --> 01:24:32,832
But, we do negotiate
with homies.

2129
01:24:32,832 --> 01:24:35,469
So if you give us
our guy back,

2130
01:24:35,469 --> 01:24:39,606
I'm gonna hook you up
with a sweet aid package.

2131
01:24:39,606 --> 01:24:42,643
<i>So not only do you not have to
keep a guy hostage,</i>

2132
01:24:42,643 --> 01:24:46,412
which is a pretty
shitty thing to do.

2133
01:24:46,412 --> 01:24:48,215
I mean, I've done it myself.

2134
01:24:48,215 --> 01:24:50,284
Don't tell anybody,
super classified.

2135
01:24:51,284 --> 01:24:52,886
It sucks, I hate it.

2136
01:24:52,886 --> 01:24:58,192
Yeah. So,
why don't we instead

2137
01:24:58,192 --> 01:25:01,862
save a ton of lives?

2138
01:25:01,862 --> 01:25:05,265
I mean, that's pretty
fucking awesome, right?

2139
01:25:05,265 --> 01:25:06,337
I think this is
a really good idea.

2140
01:25:10,337 --> 01:25:11,240
What do you say?

2141
01:25:14,240 --> 01:25:15,547
Ma'am.

2142
01:25:20,547 --> 01:25:22,750
Hostage saved, motherfuckers!

2143
01:25:22,750 --> 01:25:25,750
Yeah, yeah!

2144
01:25:25,485 --> 01:25:28,485
She did it! She did it!

2145
01:25:25,485 --> 01:25:28,454
She did it!

2146
01:25:28,454 --> 01:25:31,192
I'm here with Secretary
of State Charlotte Field.

2147
01:25:31,192 --> 01:25:33,627
Who, after a tense and
complicated negotiation

2148
01:25:33,627 --> 01:25:35,563
with Kashtar,
has secured the release

2149
01:25:35,563 --> 01:25:38,599
of the pilot of the U.S.
spy plane that went down

2150
01:25:38,599 --> 01:25:40,734
over Kashtari airspace.

2151
01:25:40,734 --> 01:25:42,802
- I know, right.
- Crazy.

2152
01:25:42,802 --> 01:25:43,871
And this is all
in the midst

2153
01:25:43,871 --> 01:25:46,472
of the success of
your environmental initiative,

2154
01:25:46,472 --> 01:25:49,909
which I understand
has secured the support
of 100 countries.

2155
01:25:49,909 --> 01:25:51,909
Yes, um...

2156
01:25:49,909 --> 01:25:51,478
Ooh, sore subject.

2157
01:25:51,478 --> 01:25:53,213
I'm very happy
to announce that

2158
01:25:53,213 --> 01:25:55,949
not only do I have the support
of those 100 countries,

2159
01:25:55,949 --> 01:25:58,652
but the president himself
called me personally

2160
01:25:58,652 --> 01:26:00,753
just to tell me how psyched
he is about this initiative...

2161
01:26:00,753 --> 01:26:03,753
Did he call? Did he call?

2162
01:26:00,753 --> 01:26:03,724
That didn't happen.

2163
01:26:03,724 --> 01:26:04,958
...don't change a word,

2164
01:26:04,958 --> 01:26:07,895
especially the part, uh,
with the trees.

2165
01:26:07,895 --> 01:26:09,895
That's a lie.

2166
01:26:07,895 --> 01:26:09,529
So, all in all,

2167
01:26:09,529 --> 01:26:10,631
I'm just... Well,

2168
01:26:10,631 --> 01:26:13,567
I kinda feel like I'm just
kinda crushing it right now.

2169
01:26:13,567 --> 01:26:15,567
Thank you so much. So...

2170
01:26:13,567 --> 01:26:15,569
Thank you.

2171
01:26:16,569 --> 01:26:17,637
Thank you.

2172
01:26:17,637 --> 01:26:19,974
The incredible
Charlotte Field.

2173
01:26:19,974 --> 01:26:22,309
Who clearly still feels
the effects

2174
01:26:22,309 --> 01:26:25,613
of the intense all-night
hostage situation.

2175
01:26:37,925 --> 01:26:40,793
<i>After negotiating the release
of Lieutenant Gary Smith...</i>

2176
01:26:40,793 --> 01:26:42,729
<i> Charlotte Field's popularity
 continues to skyrocket...</i>

2177
01:26:42,729 --> 01:26:44,465
<i> In the newest Gallup poll,
 68%...</i>

2178
01:26:44,465 --> 01:26:47,768
<i> ...are women mentally unfit
 to hold the presidency?</i>

2179
01:26:47,768 --> 01:26:49,603
<i> Here to chat about it
 is Chris Brown,</i>

2180
01:26:49,603 --> 01:26:51,971
<i> Jeremy Piven,
 and Brett Ratner.</i>

2181
01:26:51,971 --> 01:26:54,774
<i>In the wake of her successful
hostage negotiation,</i>

2182
01:26:54,774 --> 01:26:56,976
<i>Charlotte Field's poll numbers
keep going up.</i>

2183
01:26:56,976 --> 01:26:58,345
<i>I'd like to apologize</i>

2184
01:26:58,345 --> 01:26:59,512
<i> to Charlotte,
 and anyone out there</i>

2185
01:26:59,512 --> 01:27:02,618
<i>who was upset yesterday when
I called her Booby-McBoobson.</i>

2186
01:27:04,618 --> 01:27:05,686
Give me
the president's office.

2187
01:27:06,686 --> 01:27:08,756
Yep?

2188
01:27:08,756 --> 01:27:10,390
Can I talk to you
for a second?

2189
01:27:10,390 --> 01:27:11,891
Of course.

2190
01:27:11,891 --> 01:27:13,860
We got some new polling that
I thought I'd share with you.

2191
01:27:13,860 --> 01:27:14,994
All right.

2192
01:27:14,994 --> 01:27:16,563
It feels like
everything

2193
01:27:16,563 --> 01:27:17,797
is kinda falling into place
for us.

2194
01:27:17,797 --> 01:27:19,432
So we thought
we'd dig a little deeper

2195
01:27:19,432 --> 01:27:20,833
and make sure
there are no surprises.

2196
01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:22,833
Why are you acting so weird?

2197
01:27:20,833 --> 01:27:22,569
It's good.

2198
01:27:22,569 --> 01:27:24,706
We got some really
helpful feedback.

2199
01:27:25,706 --> 01:27:27,440
From the public.

2200
01:27:27,440 --> 01:27:30,711
So we asked
a thousand constituents

2201
01:27:30,711 --> 01:27:32,445
how they would feel

2202
01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,445
if, say, Princess Di...

2203
01:27:32,445 --> 01:27:35,515
Hmm.

2204
01:27:35,515 --> 01:27:36,784
...if she were to
start dating

2205
01:27:37,784 --> 01:27:38,487
Guy Fieri.

2206
01:27:40,487 --> 01:27:42,389
I don't even know
who that is.

2207
01:27:42,389 --> 01:27:43,890
They
don't like that.

2208
01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,890
Yeah.

2209
01:27:43,890 --> 01:27:46,493
Or Kate Middleton

2210
01:27:46,493 --> 01:27:48,695
were to start dating
Danny DeVito.

2211
01:27:48,695 --> 01:27:49,796
I see where you're
going with this.

2212
01:27:49,796 --> 01:27:51,097
Pretty negative reaction.

2213
01:27:51,097 --> 01:27:53,766
Or if Jennifer Lawrence

2214
01:27:53,766 --> 01:27:56,005
were to start dating this
potato in a teal windbreaker.

2215
01:27:58,005 --> 01:27:59,907
They would be very upset.

2216
01:27:59,907 --> 01:28:01,408
You did a lot of work,

2217
01:28:01,408 --> 01:28:03,408
and I...

2218
01:28:01,408 --> 01:28:03,377
Well, but, can I just finish?

2219
01:28:03,377 --> 01:28:05,612
No, that's, like, a lot of...
I get it.

2220
01:28:05,612 --> 01:28:07,514
Madam Secretary.
I have no desire

2221
01:28:07,514 --> 01:28:09,514
to limit your romantic life.

2222
01:28:07,514 --> 01:28:09,550
Good.

2223
01:28:09,550 --> 01:28:12,386
But the optics of you and Fred

2224
01:28:12,386 --> 01:28:14,854
will make a presidential run
very challenging.

2225
01:28:14,854 --> 01:28:16,090
Fred is a journalist.

2226
01:28:16,090 --> 01:28:18,425
Who's written some
extremely fucked-up stuff.

2227
01:28:18,425 --> 01:28:21,563
No. That's exposed some
really fucked-up stuff.

2228
01:28:22,563 --> 01:28:24,797
And I just want to know
for myself,

2229
01:28:24,797 --> 01:28:27,801
you're comfortable with
putting everything on the line
for a hookup?

2230
01:28:27,801 --> 01:28:29,536
Oh, my God.

2231
01:28:29,536 --> 01:28:30,703
Why are we having
this conversation?

2232
01:28:30,703 --> 01:28:32,038
This is insane.

2233
01:28:32,038 --> 01:28:34,942
I don't have to explain myself
to you.

2234
01:28:34,942 --> 01:28:36,676
I'm sorry. I really don't
understand this.

2235
01:28:36,676 --> 01:28:38,078
And I fucking love you,
Charlotte.

2236
01:28:38,078 --> 01:28:39,078
I want you to be happy.

2237
01:28:39,078 --> 01:28:40,680
But more than that,
I want you
to be in charge.

2238
01:28:40,680 --> 01:28:42,615
And I want you
to be president.

2239
01:28:42,615 --> 01:28:44,756
For the sake of the future
of our country.

2240
01:28:48,756 --> 01:28:50,792
Look, there's another option.

2241
01:28:51,792 --> 01:28:53,092
There's a guy who works
for the Secret Service

2242
01:28:53,092 --> 01:28:57,163
whose job it is to handle
the mistresses...

2243
01:28:57,163 --> 01:28:58,731
Maggie. You're gonna
have to stop.

2244
01:28:58,731 --> 01:29:00,967
And there are a series
of tunnels in the White House

2245
01:29:00,967 --> 01:29:02,967
that Woodrow Wilson...

2246
01:29:00,967 --> 01:29:02,837
That's enough.

2247
01:29:04,837 --> 01:29:06,573
Fred is not an idea

2248
01:29:06,573 --> 01:29:08,009
that I'm floating by you
for your approval.

2249
01:29:09,009 --> 01:29:11,783
And you're getting very close
to crossing a line.

2250
01:29:16,783 --> 01:29:18,085
Okay. Got it.

2251
01:29:18,085 --> 01:29:19,988
Goodnight, Madam Secretary.

2252
01:29:25,458 --> 01:29:27,560
<i> When I grow up,
 I want to be Charlotte Field.</i>

2253
01:29:27,560 --> 01:29:28,929
<i> Because she's smart and pretty</i>

2254
01:29:28,929 --> 01:29:30,564
<i> and she's going to be
 president.</i>

2255
01:29:38,805 --> 01:29:41,641
I will be that
little girl's president.

2256
01:29:41,641 --> 01:29:44,877
Thank you,
and God bless America.

2257
01:29:44,877 --> 01:29:48,047
Massive applause.
Massive cheering.

2258
01:29:48,047 --> 01:29:50,184
At that point, I think
the stage would descend,

2259
01:29:50,184 --> 01:29:53,987
right, and then Lil Uzi Vert
or Charli XCX

2260
01:29:53,987 --> 01:29:56,457
would join hands
with the Harlem Boys Choir...

2261
01:29:56,457 --> 01:29:58,125
Well, I said we'll figure
that out later.

2262
01:30:00,027 --> 01:30:01,561
Uh, Madam Secretary,

2263
01:30:01,561 --> 01:30:02,663
the president would like to
see you right now.

2264
01:30:03,663 --> 01:30:04,832
Shit.

2265
01:30:05,832 --> 01:30:06,899
Damn it!

2266
01:30:06,899 --> 01:30:08,069
The nation is at war!

2267
01:30:09,069 --> 01:30:10,270
I find myself torn.

2268
01:30:10,270 --> 01:30:14,875
Torn between my personal love
and my love of country...

2269
01:30:14,875 --> 01:30:16,542
Sir, is this a good time?

2270
01:30:16,542 --> 01:30:19,579
Oh, hi, Charlotte.
No, I'm just running lines.

2271
01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,579
Oh.

2272
01:30:19,579 --> 01:30:20,614
All right.

2273
01:30:20,614 --> 01:30:22,817
Clear the room. Everybody,
just Charlotte, please.

2274
01:30:25,853 --> 01:30:26,720
Thanks.

2275
01:30:30,157 --> 01:30:31,859
Is everything okay, sir?

2276
01:30:32,859 --> 01:30:35,796
Oh, look who it is.

2277
01:30:35,796 --> 01:30:38,599
She's here at last.

2278
01:30:38,599 --> 01:30:41,033
You gotta love that
secret door. Sit down.

2279
01:30:45,506 --> 01:30:46,006
This feels like an ambush.

2280
01:30:47,006 --> 01:30:49,042
Well, in the
entertainment world,

2281
01:30:49,042 --> 01:30:51,211
we call this a surprise
walk-on.

2282
01:30:51,211 --> 01:30:52,645
You see, Charlotte,

2283
01:30:52,645 --> 01:30:55,215
we have a number of
business interests

2284
01:30:55,215 --> 01:30:58,085
and that, you know,
may be gravely affected

2285
01:30:58,085 --> 01:31:00,052
by this agreement of yours.

2286
01:31:00,052 --> 01:31:02,555
Yeah. Uh, aside from
getting into film,

2287
01:31:02,555 --> 01:31:05,192
I'm looking to use
my connections as president

2288
01:31:05,192 --> 01:31:07,226
to expand
my investment portfolio.

2289
01:31:07,226 --> 01:31:09,896
Sort of like an Ashton Kutcher
type thing, you know.

2290
01:31:09,896 --> 01:31:12,832
I mean, that guy is killing
with acting and investing...

2291
01:31:12,832 --> 01:31:15,668
I think what the president
is trying to say,

2292
01:31:15,668 --> 01:31:18,572
is that the server farm
we want to build in Alaska

2293
01:31:18,572 --> 01:31:21,009
is sitting on 10 miles of land
which will now be

2294
01:31:22,009 --> 01:31:23,711
protected by your initiative.

2295
01:31:24,711 --> 01:31:25,979
Move your server farm.

2296
01:31:25,979 --> 01:31:27,847
We want to
build it in Alaska.

2297
01:31:27,847 --> 01:31:29,615
There's plenty of room
for expansion.

2298
01:31:29,615 --> 01:31:32,586
Charlotte. I'm surprised
that it's come to this.

2299
01:31:32,586 --> 01:31:34,287
You're usually so agreeable.

2300
01:31:34,287 --> 01:31:36,722
But I watched you
undermine me

2301
01:31:36,722 --> 01:31:38,759
on TV the other day.

2302
01:31:38,759 --> 01:31:40,827
TV of all places.

2303
01:31:40,827 --> 01:31:42,863
That's my medium. All right?

2304
01:31:42,863 --> 01:31:46,567
You used TV against me!

2305
01:31:46,567 --> 01:31:49,036
That was your first mistake.

2306
01:31:49,036 --> 01:31:51,971
Look, I'm about to give you
the easiest ultimatum

2307
01:31:51,971 --> 01:31:54,841
that you're ever,
ever gonna receive.

2308
01:31:55,841 --> 01:31:57,578
Drop the tree thing.

2309
01:31:57,578 --> 01:31:59,578
Or?

2310
01:31:57,578 --> 01:31:59,012
Or...

2311
01:32:00,012 --> 01:32:05,019
We will release the content
of your friend's hard drive.

2312
01:32:06,019 --> 01:32:08,755
We found
a lot of interesting stuff

2313
01:32:08,755 --> 01:32:10,356
when we hacked
into his webcam.

2314
01:32:10,356 --> 01:32:12,828
Now here is a little taster.

2315
01:32:15,828 --> 01:32:18,931
<i>Yo, Charlotte, it's Fred.</i>

2316
01:32:18,931 --> 01:32:20,766
<i> Uh, you want
 to come to my room</i>

2317
01:32:20,766 --> 01:32:22,935
<i> and have sex with me
 really fast?</i>

2318
01:32:22,935 --> 01:32:26,038
<i>Oh no, don't worry. I'll find
ways to kill time today.</i>

2319
01:32:26,038 --> 01:32:27,841
<i> It's cool. Just let me know
 when you're back.</i>

2320
01:32:27,841 --> 01:32:28,042
<i> Great.</i>

2321
01:32:33,313 --> 01:32:35,082
<i>...important to me.</i>

2322
01:32:35,082 --> 01:32:37,717
<i> That's a good speech.</i>

2323
01:32:37,717 --> 01:32:39,720
<i> The band of misfits
fight back...</i>

2324
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:41,720
<i> Nice dress.</i>

2325
01:32:39,720 --> 01:32:41,956
<i> ...against the bullies.</i>

2326
01:32:42,956 --> 01:32:44,157
<i> Never giving up.</i>

2327
01:32:44,157 --> 01:32:45,292
<i> Never laying down.</i>

2328
01:32:48,362 --> 01:32:49,863
<i> In high school,</i>

2329
01:32:49,863 --> 01:32:51,399
<i> I would talk about
 the underdog a lot.</i>

2330
01:32:53,399 --> 01:32:56,136
<i>And I would often find myself
on a soapbox</i>

2331
01:32:56,136 --> 01:32:58,872
<i> rambling on and on
 about the injustices</i>

2332
01:32:58,872 --> 01:33:00,208
<i> of the world.</i>

2333
01:33:02,208 --> 01:33:03,944
<i> Which makes you
 extremely popular...</i>

2334
01:33:05,679 --> 01:33:07,247
<i> ...especially when everybody
 would rather be watching</i>

2335
01:33:07,247 --> 01:33:08,015
Beverly Hills, 90210.

2336
01:33:16,856 --> 01:33:18,859
Oh, wow.

2337
01:33:23,863 --> 01:33:25,702
<i> Oh, boy!</i>

2338
01:33:28,702 --> 01:33:31,304
<i> Oh, no...</i>

2339
01:33:31,304 --> 01:33:32,773
<i> Yucky.</i>

2340
01:33:35,074 --> 01:33:36,143
<i> Oh, boy!</i>

2341
01:33:36,143 --> 01:33:37,179
What the fuck?

2342
01:33:39,179 --> 01:33:44,150
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry this happened.

2343
01:33:44,150 --> 01:33:45,150
You don't have to be sorry.

2344
01:33:44,150 --> 01:33:45,886
What do we do?

2345
01:33:45,886 --> 01:33:47,887
This is what everyone
was afraid was gonna happen,

2346
01:33:47,887 --> 01:33:48,954
because of me.

2347
01:33:48,954 --> 01:33:50,390
And now it's happening
because of me.

2348
01:33:50,390 --> 01:33:51,390
Do I get a publicist?

2349
01:33:50,390 --> 01:33:51,692
No.

2350
01:33:51,692 --> 01:33:52,692
Do I do a publicity tour?

2351
01:33:51,692 --> 01:33:52,926
Stop.

2352
01:33:52,926 --> 01:33:54,094
Do we have
a press conference?

2353
01:33:54,094 --> 01:33:57,698
Fred, listen to me.
I took the deal.

2354
01:33:58,698 --> 01:33:59,765
What?

2355
01:33:59,765 --> 01:34:01,100
We scratched the tree thing

2356
01:34:01,100 --> 01:34:03,703
and I have a real shot
at becoming president.

2357
01:34:03,703 --> 01:34:08,809
And some billionaire
motherfucker

2358
01:34:08,809 --> 01:34:12,746
gets to blackmail you?
Using me?

2359
01:34:12,746 --> 01:34:14,015
Doing something
that everybody does?

2360
01:34:15,015 --> 01:34:16,016
Out of a policy
that you cared about,

2361
01:34:17,016 --> 01:34:18,484
since you were
in middle school.

2362
01:34:18,484 --> 01:34:20,220
Since I've known you,
you've cared about this.

2363
01:34:20,220 --> 01:34:21,822
And now you're just gonna
get rid of it?

2364
01:34:21,822 --> 01:34:25,025
I'm trying to compromise here
for a bigger goal.

2365
01:34:26,025 --> 01:34:27,159
Well, I don't think
you should right now.

2366
01:34:27,159 --> 01:34:28,261
Oh, my God!

2367
01:34:28,261 --> 01:34:29,863
Of course
you don't think I should.

2368
01:34:29,863 --> 01:34:31,864
You never compromise
for anything in your life,

2369
01:34:31,864 --> 01:34:33,500
which gives you
the perfect excuse to fail.

2370
01:34:33,500 --> 01:34:36,403
Well, it's better than
maybe bending over backwards

2371
01:34:36,403 --> 01:34:37,871
for anyone who asked,

2372
01:34:37,871 --> 01:34:39,305
to the point that
you don't even know

2373
01:34:39,305 --> 01:34:40,907
why the fuck you're doing
this shit anymore!

2374
01:34:40,907 --> 01:34:42,509
In my world,
in order to achieve

2375
01:34:42,509 --> 01:34:44,444
what I'm trying to achieve,
I have to compromise.

2376
01:34:44,444 --> 01:34:45,511
Oh, why,
because you're a woman?

2377
01:34:45,511 --> 01:34:46,912
Yeah, motherfucker.

2378
01:34:46,912 --> 01:34:48,148
Okay, that makes sense.

2379
01:34:48,148 --> 01:34:50,751
And because I'm not giving up
everything I've ever wanted

2380
01:34:50,751 --> 01:34:53,052
just because it doesn't
live up to your moral code.

2381
01:34:53,052 --> 01:34:55,322
I don't care if this tape
comes out. I really don't.

2382
01:34:55,322 --> 01:34:57,322
Oh, my God, Fred.

2383
01:34:55,322 --> 01:34:57,356
I'll be okay.

2384
01:34:57,356 --> 01:34:59,261
You don't have to
do this for me.

2385
01:35:01,261 --> 01:35:03,331
You're not doing this for me.

2386
01:35:04,331 --> 01:35:05,865
Obviously.

2387
01:35:05,865 --> 01:35:09,802
Look, you and I both know

2388
01:35:09,802 --> 01:35:11,771
the woman who stands
beside the guy

2389
01:35:11,771 --> 01:35:14,106
that's coming on his face
gets way more scrutiny

2390
01:35:14,106 --> 01:35:17,109
than the guy who's actually
coming on his face.

2391
01:35:17,109 --> 01:35:18,878
Don't know if that's
happened enough

2392
01:35:18,878 --> 01:35:20,447
for there to be, like,
a precedent for it.

2393
01:35:20,447 --> 01:35:23,149
So, who knows? Maybe that
won't be the case this time.

2394
01:35:23,149 --> 01:35:24,951
Who knows? Maybe people
will think it's romantic.

2395
01:35:24,951 --> 01:35:26,485
I'm jerking...
I'm jerking off to you.

2396
01:35:26,485 --> 01:35:28,121
You don't know how people
are gonna react.

2397
01:35:28,121 --> 01:35:30,291
I'm not taking that risk.

2398
01:35:34,094 --> 01:35:35,563
I can't do it.

2399
01:35:36,563 --> 01:35:38,104
Okay.

2400
01:35:44,104 --> 01:35:47,313
So the video doesn't come out,
what happens to us?

2401
01:35:53,313 --> 01:35:57,484
I was talking to Maggie,
and she knows

2402
01:35:57,484 --> 01:35:59,953
this consultant who could
scrub your history.

2403
01:35:59,953 --> 01:36:01,488
We could make sure
nothing else like this

2404
01:36:01,488 --> 01:36:03,390
pops up and surprises us.

2405
01:36:04,390 --> 01:36:05,559
And then we just...

2406
01:36:05,559 --> 01:36:06,993
We work on your image,

2407
01:36:06,993 --> 01:36:08,929
and we figure out
how we want to

2408
01:36:08,929 --> 01:36:11,398
present ourselves
as a couple to the public.

2409
01:36:11,398 --> 01:36:12,837
That's all.

2410
01:36:17,837 --> 01:36:19,837
Okay.

2411
01:36:17,837 --> 01:36:19,972
Okay.

2412
01:36:19,972 --> 01:36:21,140
How long...
How long will it take,

2413
01:36:21,140 --> 01:36:24,109
do you think, to create

2414
01:36:24,109 --> 01:36:26,012
an image of me that we can
present to the public?

2415
01:36:27,012 --> 01:36:30,583
Just through the first couple
months of the campaign.

2416
01:36:30,583 --> 01:36:33,153
You think? But you don't
know that, right?

2417
01:36:33,153 --> 01:36:34,454
It could take longer
than that.

2418
01:36:34,454 --> 01:36:36,856
In a couple of months,
you could find
that it's not a good moment

2419
01:36:36,856 --> 01:36:39,391
to introduce
a new boyfriend, right?

2420
01:36:39,391 --> 01:36:41,595
And then we'd have to wait
a couple more months.

2421
01:36:41,595 --> 01:36:44,064
I don't know how long
it's gonna take, Fred.

2422
01:36:45,064 --> 01:36:47,333
And then meanwhile,

2423
01:36:47,333 --> 01:36:49,403
you're pretending
not to date me.

2424
01:36:50,403 --> 01:36:53,273
And you're scrubbing
my Internet history?

2425
01:36:53,273 --> 01:36:55,041
So my articles are gone.

2426
01:36:55,041 --> 01:36:56,976
And you, like, sneak me around

2427
01:36:56,976 --> 01:36:58,944
like I'm Marilyn Monroe
and you're JFK?

2428
01:36:58,944 --> 01:37:00,113
Is that what
we're talking about?

2429
01:37:00,113 --> 01:37:03,250
I just want to be clear,
that's what
we're talking about.

2430
01:37:03,250 --> 01:37:05,119
And we have to do that
because I'm...

2431
01:37:07,119 --> 01:37:08,122
...not right.

2432
01:37:10,122 --> 01:37:12,893
And then once we present us
to the world,

2433
01:37:12,893 --> 01:37:17,134
we present a version of me
that isn't...actually me?

2434
01:37:21,134 --> 01:37:22,537
Yeah.

2435
01:37:31,578 --> 01:37:33,148
I can't do it.

2436
01:37:35,148 --> 01:37:37,250
I wish

2437
01:37:37,250 --> 01:37:40,529
that I was the type of person
that could, but I can't.

2438
01:37:49,529 --> 01:37:51,252
You don't have to do it.

2439
01:38:12,252 --> 01:38:14,253
Don't know what the fuck
I was thinking.

2440
01:38:14,253 --> 01:38:18,190
Why the fuck
I thought someone like her

2441
01:38:18,190 --> 01:38:19,025
and someone like me
could work?

2442
01:38:20,025 --> 01:38:23,162
She's a fucking politician.
Like, I don't even know her.

2443
01:38:23,162 --> 01:38:25,731
Like, I don't know who she is.

2444
01:38:25,731 --> 01:38:28,702
She has no moral compass.

2445
01:38:28,702 --> 01:38:31,371
She's working with fucking
Democrats one day,

2446
01:38:31,371 --> 01:38:32,006
Republicans the next
fucking day.

2447
01:38:33,006 --> 01:38:34,073
I mean, what's wrong
with working

2448
01:38:34,073 --> 01:38:35,442
with Democrats
and Republicans?

2449
01:38:35,442 --> 01:38:37,176
That's...
That's the whole country.

2450
01:38:37,176 --> 01:38:40,380
Uh, yeah,
except fuck Republicans,

2451
01:38:40,380 --> 01:38:42,047
I guess is the problem
with that.

2452
01:38:42,047 --> 01:38:45,452
Speaking as an American,
shouldn't you see both sides?

2453
01:38:45,452 --> 01:38:48,253
Yeah. I see
one side's fucking wrong.

2454
01:38:48,253 --> 01:38:50,756
What's the problem here?

2455
01:38:50,756 --> 01:38:52,425
I'm a Republican.

2456
01:38:52,425 --> 01:38:54,194
You're fucking joking
right now.

2457
01:38:54,194 --> 01:38:57,396
Member of the GOP!
Yeah, you know me.

2458
01:38:57,396 --> 01:38:58,731
You're a Republican.

2459
01:38:58,731 --> 01:38:59,632
Yeah, I'm a Republican!

2460
01:38:59,632 --> 01:39:02,101
The shit has worked out
so far for me.

2461
01:39:02,101 --> 01:39:03,670
What the fuck, man?

2462
01:39:03,670 --> 01:39:05,204
All that shit
you're always saying to me!

2463
01:39:05,204 --> 01:39:06,204
Yeah.

2464
01:39:05,204 --> 01:39:06,405
Pull yourself up

2465
01:39:06,405 --> 01:39:09,074
by your bootstraps. And being
in charge of your own destiny.

2466
01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,074
Republican shit.

2467
01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,310
Oh, and it worked on me.

2468
01:39:11,310 --> 01:39:13,046
And it works
on a lot of people.

2469
01:39:13,046 --> 01:39:14,213
Oh, that's fucking sick.

2470
01:39:14,213 --> 01:39:15,314
That's right.

2471
01:39:15,314 --> 01:39:16,682
Ugh! That's gross!

2472
01:39:16,682 --> 01:39:18,618
That Republican shit,
you put it in my brain

2473
01:39:18,618 --> 01:39:20,720
and it made me feel good.
That's fucked up, man!

2474
01:39:20,720 --> 01:39:22,188
Come on. See, this is what
I'm talking about,

2475
01:39:22,188 --> 01:39:23,288
your negative way of thinking.

2476
01:39:23,288 --> 01:39:24,556
I don't even know you!

2477
01:39:24,556 --> 01:39:25,556
What do you mean?

2478
01:39:24,556 --> 01:39:25,425
Ugh!

2479
01:39:25,425 --> 01:39:26,027
I'm the same dude
from two minutes ago.

2480
01:39:27,027 --> 01:39:28,094
Your best friend.

2481
01:39:28,094 --> 01:39:29,328
Why'd you never tell me this?

2482
01:39:29,328 --> 01:39:31,463
'Cause I knew you'd act
exactly how you're acting
right now.

2483
01:39:31,463 --> 01:39:33,132
Wait a minute.

2484
01:39:33,132 --> 01:39:35,635
You're always talking
about how, like, the universe
has a plan for all of us...

2485
01:39:35,635 --> 01:39:36,603
Take it easy.

2486
01:39:36,603 --> 01:39:38,537
There's someone watching
over us at all times.

2487
01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,537
Yeah.

2488
01:39:38,537 --> 01:39:40,506
Does that mean...

2489
01:39:40,506 --> 01:39:41,242
I'm a man of Christian faith.

2490
01:39:42,242 --> 01:39:44,277
What the fuck!

2491
01:39:44,277 --> 01:39:45,779
Now, come on now!
We pray for you!

2492
01:39:45,779 --> 01:39:47,279
Don't pray for me! Keep it!

2493
01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,279
Lord.

2494
01:39:47,279 --> 01:39:49,349
Oh, stop it.
Ignore him, God!

2495
01:39:49,349 --> 01:39:51,349
He doesn't mean that.

2496
01:39:49,349 --> 01:39:51,317
Don't pray for me!

2497
01:39:51,317 --> 01:39:52,484
You are trippin' right now.

2498
01:39:52,484 --> 01:39:53,552
I'm not fucking trippin'!
How could you be Christian?

2499
01:39:53,552 --> 01:39:58,257
I wear this cross, every day,
since you've known me!

2500
01:39:58,257 --> 01:39:59,426
What did you think it was for?

2501
01:39:59,426 --> 01:40:01,828
I thought it was...

2502
01:40:01,828 --> 01:40:03,395
...a cultural thing.

2503
01:40:03,395 --> 01:40:05,466
You mean like,
'cause I'm black?

2504
01:40:06,466 --> 01:40:07,268
That's what
I thought, yeah.

2505
01:40:08,268 --> 01:40:09,336
That might be.

2506
01:40:09,336 --> 01:40:11,570
But that don't mean
what you said ain't racist.

2507
01:40:11,570 --> 01:40:13,570
You're right.

2508
01:40:11,570 --> 01:40:13,640
Yeah, I know I'm right!

2509
01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:15,640
Fuck.

2510
01:40:13,640 --> 01:40:15,307
That's racist as shit!

2511
01:40:15,307 --> 01:40:16,542
All right, dude...

2512
01:40:16,542 --> 01:40:18,411
I love you, man.

2513
01:40:18,411 --> 01:40:21,413
But you're very judgmental.
They don't want politics

2514
01:40:21,413 --> 01:40:23,550
to get into this,
because you've never really

2515
01:40:23,550 --> 01:40:25,350
been good at looking at shit

2516
01:40:25,350 --> 01:40:27,220
from other people's
perspective, Fred.

2517
01:40:27,220 --> 01:40:28,220
I know.

2518
01:40:27,220 --> 01:40:28,654
It might explain

2519
01:40:28,654 --> 01:40:31,390
why you haven't been able to
look at this
through Charlotte's eyes.

2520
01:40:31,390 --> 01:40:32,458
I'm sorry.

2521
01:40:32,458 --> 01:40:34,394
I'm sorry you couldn't be
who you are around me,

2522
01:40:34,394 --> 01:40:36,796
and you had to
hide your true self.

2523
01:40:36,796 --> 01:40:38,131
That's really fucked up.

2524
01:40:38,131 --> 01:40:39,198
That's all right, man.

2525
01:40:39,198 --> 01:40:43,136
But my love for the GOP
and the G-O-D

2526
01:40:43,136 --> 01:40:44,871
has nothing to do with us.

2527
01:40:44,871 --> 01:40:46,805
I'm racist.
You're a Republican.

2528
01:40:46,805 --> 01:40:49,242
I don't know
what the fuck's going on.

2529
01:40:50,609 --> 01:40:52,779
Polls suggested
I should get into yoga,

2530
01:40:52,779 --> 01:40:54,480
which I did and it turns out,

2531
01:40:54,480 --> 01:40:55,782
I don't really like yoga.

2532
01:40:55,782 --> 01:40:59,252
Don't you sometimes just wish
you could say,

2533
01:40:59,252 --> 01:41:00,453
"Fuck the polls"?

2534
01:41:00,453 --> 01:41:05,757
Well, polls say that people
find my laugh unattractive.

2535
01:41:05,757 --> 01:41:07,560
So I shouldn't laugh
in public.

2536
01:41:07,560 --> 01:41:08,694
That was a bit of a bummer,

2537
01:41:08,694 --> 01:41:11,197
because I really,
I like to laugh.

2538
01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,197
A lot.

2539
01:41:11,197 --> 01:41:12,631
Hmm.

2540
01:41:12,631 --> 01:41:14,766
Um, but we came up
with another laugh

2541
01:41:14,766 --> 01:41:16,502
that was better.
That's more, uh...

2542
01:41:16,502 --> 01:41:18,502
Presidential, I guess.

2543
01:41:16,502 --> 01:41:18,337
Hmm.

2544
01:41:19,872 --> 01:41:20,873
That's good.

2545
01:41:20,873 --> 01:41:22,509
It's a lot of teeth
and not too much sound.

2546
01:41:22,509 --> 01:41:25,509
Yeah.

2547
01:41:22,509 --> 01:41:25,177
Mmm.

2548
01:41:25,177 --> 01:41:27,346
So, um, after dinner,

2549
01:41:27,346 --> 01:41:28,914
how about we go
for a drink somewhere?

2550
01:41:28,914 --> 01:41:30,182
Ooh.

2551
01:41:30,182 --> 01:41:33,353
I know this great little place
that's not too far from here.

2552
01:41:33,353 --> 01:41:35,688
It's called Mini Bar.

2553
01:41:35,688 --> 01:41:39,893
It's quite exclusive, you need
a little key to access it.

2554
01:41:39,893 --> 01:41:44,197
And you get charged
as you remove the bottle.

2555
01:41:44,197 --> 01:41:45,197
Hmm.

2556
01:41:44,197 --> 01:41:45,797
It's actually more of

2557
01:41:45,797 --> 01:41:47,533
a small fridge than a bar.

2558
01:41:47,533 --> 01:41:49,533
And it's in my room...

2559
01:41:47,533 --> 01:41:49,402
No, I get it.

2560
01:41:49,402 --> 01:41:50,837
I'm inviting you
back to my room.

2561
01:41:50,837 --> 01:41:53,837
I...

2562
01:41:55,507 --> 01:41:57,507
That was my real laugh.

2563
01:41:55,507 --> 01:41:57,577
Mmm!

2564
01:41:57,577 --> 01:41:58,711
I don't know why

2565
01:41:58,711 --> 01:42:01,515
they told you
not to use that laugh.

2566
01:42:02,515 --> 01:42:03,515
It's...

2567
01:42:10,456 --> 01:42:12,358
Big day tomorrow,
Madam Secretary.

2568
01:42:14,726 --> 01:42:16,381
Yeah. Big day.

2569
01:42:36,615 --> 01:42:38,926
Okay. "Hey, it's Fred."

2570
01:43:02,341 --> 01:43:03,011
Hello?

2571
01:43:05,011 --> 01:43:06,613
Beep.

2572
01:43:06,613 --> 01:43:08,782
<i> Oh, uh, guess I got
 your voicemail. Um, hi.</i>

2573
01:43:09,782 --> 01:43:11,018
It's Fred.

2574
01:43:12,018 --> 01:43:15,488
I guess I wanna start
by saying I'm really sorry.

2575
01:43:15,488 --> 01:43:17,590
You were right
about everything

2576
01:43:17,590 --> 01:43:19,394
and I was wrong
about everything.

2577
01:43:21,394 --> 01:43:25,765
And we should go along
with the plan.

2578
01:43:25,765 --> 01:43:29,369
<i> I can be Marilyn.
 I can be your Marilyn.</i>

2579
01:43:30,369 --> 01:43:31,871
I'd rather be
your Lady Bird,

2580
01:43:31,871 --> 01:43:35,975
because, you know,
LBJ put a ring on that finger.

2581
01:43:37,409 --> 01:43:40,813
But I would do anything
to continue,

2582
01:43:40,813 --> 01:43:42,351
to be able to be with you.

2583
01:43:46,351 --> 01:43:47,399
Okay, bye.

2584
01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:03,603
So, we're losing
the trees, huh?

2585
01:44:03,603 --> 01:44:06,538
Yeah. POTUS talked me
out of it.

2586
01:44:06,538 --> 01:44:08,807
I know that meant
a lot to you. I'm so sorry.

2587
01:44:08,807 --> 01:44:10,676
Hmm, nothing we can do
about it.

2588
01:44:10,676 --> 01:44:12,078
We need his endorsement.

2589
01:44:12,078 --> 01:44:14,078
Yep.

2590
01:44:12,078 --> 01:44:14,082
Yep.

2591
01:44:17,082 --> 01:44:19,654
And I am sorry
about you and Fred.

2592
01:44:22,654 --> 01:44:25,824
You know,
he called last night.

2593
01:44:25,824 --> 01:44:27,960
He said he'd do it,
he'd go along with the plan.

2594
01:44:27,960 --> 01:44:31,363
Really? Wow.

2595
01:44:31,363 --> 01:44:33,900
That's a shock.

2596
01:44:34,900 --> 01:44:38,637
Um... Okay.

2597
01:44:38,637 --> 01:44:40,038
I'll... I'll start
to make arrangements.

2598
01:44:40,038 --> 01:44:41,908
No, Maggie.

2599
01:44:41,908 --> 01:44:43,509
There's nothing to do.

2600
01:44:43,509 --> 01:44:45,381
At the end of the day,
it was never gonna work.

2601
01:44:48,381 --> 01:44:51,551
Well, today is
such a good day,

2602
01:44:51,551 --> 01:44:53,519
and I am so excited.

2603
01:44:53,519 --> 01:44:54,987
We should be psyched.

2604
01:44:54,987 --> 01:44:57,590
So psyched.

2605
01:44:57,590 --> 01:44:59,725
All right,
I will see you out there.

2606
01:44:59,725 --> 01:45:00,979
All right.

2607
01:45:19,979 --> 01:45:21,014
Hey, man.

2608
01:45:22,014 --> 01:45:23,684
Can I get a beer?

2609
01:45:24,684 --> 01:45:27,684
Thanks for coming.

2610
01:45:24,684 --> 01:45:27,854
No problem, bro.

2611
01:45:27,854 --> 01:45:30,489
How you feelin' though?

2612
01:45:30,489 --> 01:45:32,524
Okay, you know,
you were right.

2613
01:45:32,524 --> 01:45:33,725
I called her.

2614
01:45:33,725 --> 01:45:35,560
I left a message.
She didn't call me back.

2615
01:45:35,560 --> 01:45:37,596
So... Whatever.

2616
01:45:37,596 --> 01:45:38,899
Sure you wanna watch this?

2617
01:45:39,899 --> 01:45:41,603
Yeah, I have to.

2618
01:45:43,603 --> 01:45:46,171
Madam Secretary,
I'd like to introduce you

2619
01:45:46,171 --> 01:45:47,106
to Lil Yachty.

2620
01:45:47,106 --> 01:45:48,007
He's going to be
performing after the speech.

2621
01:45:49,007 --> 01:45:50,542
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. Yachty.

2622
01:45:50,542 --> 01:45:52,878
I'm a big-ass fan. I'm so
excited to vote for you.

2623
01:45:52,878 --> 01:45:54,878
I'm sorry, it's game time.

2624
01:45:52,878 --> 01:45:54,417
Okay.

2625
01:46:12,998 --> 01:46:14,699
<i> Good morning!</i>

2626
01:46:14,699 --> 01:46:17,938
<i> Thank you, everyone,
 for being here with me today.</i>

2627
01:46:18,938 --> 01:46:20,539
<i> Let me start
 by saying something</i>

2628
01:46:20,539 --> 01:46:22,908
<i>I haven't said since I was 16</i>

2629
01:46:22,908 --> 01:46:24,976
<i> and worked
 at Blockbuster Video.</i>

2630
01:46:27,212 --> 01:46:28,514
<i> I quit...</i>

2631
01:46:28,514 --> 01:46:30,649
I helped write that joke.

2632
01:46:30,649 --> 01:46:31,850
Oh, yeah?
That's a good joke.

2633
01:46:31,850 --> 01:46:33,953
<i> ...as secretary of state,</i>

2634
01:46:33,953 --> 01:46:35,587
<i> in order to run</i>

2635
01:46:35,587 --> 01:46:38,757
<i> for president of
 the United States of America.</i>

2636
01:46:41,961 --> 01:46:43,731
God bless.

2637
01:46:46,731 --> 01:46:49,234
<i> And I'm honored</i>

2638
01:46:49,234 --> 01:46:52,971
<i> to have the full support
 of President Chambers,</i>

2639
01:46:52,971 --> 01:46:55,675
<i> a man I greatly admire.</i>

2640
01:46:55,675 --> 01:46:59,045
<i> A man who is
 an extraordinary leader.</i>

2641
01:46:59,045 --> 01:47:00,113
Man, you know
who you should date?

2642
01:47:02,113 --> 01:47:03,817
Taylor Swift.

2643
01:47:04,817 --> 01:47:06,819
Hell, yeah.
I could see that.

2644
01:47:06,819 --> 01:47:10,756
Why... Why do you think
I could date Taylor Swift?

2645
01:47:10,756 --> 01:47:12,557
Fred, you were dating
Charlotte Field.

2646
01:47:12,557 --> 01:47:14,060
That's the most powerful woman
on Earth!

2647
01:47:14,060 --> 01:47:15,595
Oh, I get it.

2648
01:47:15,595 --> 01:47:17,930
I don't know what me and
Taylor Swift have in common.

2649
01:47:18,930 --> 01:47:22,868
Y'all white. Ya ain't got
a care in the world.

2650
01:47:22,868 --> 01:47:24,103
That's true.

2651
01:47:24,103 --> 01:47:26,771
<i> But this campaign
 is not about me.</i>

2652
01:47:26,771 --> 01:47:28,608
<i> It's about you.</i>

2653
01:47:28,608 --> 01:47:29,841
<i> It's about us.</i>

2654
01:47:31,042 --> 01:47:32,645
<i>It's about how together,</i>

2655
01:47:32,645 --> 01:47:36,716
<i>we can build the future
our fellow Americans deserve.</i>

2656
01:47:39,819 --> 01:47:42,787
<i> I have dreamt
 about this moment</i>

2657
01:47:42,787 --> 01:47:44,024
<i> ever since
 I was a little girl</i>

2658
01:47:45,024 --> 01:47:47,761
<i> growing up
 in the nation's capital.</i>

2659
01:47:49,761 --> 01:47:53,298
<i> And I know
 that if that young girl</i>

2660
01:47:53,298 --> 01:47:56,604
<i>could see me
standing up here right now...</i>

2661
01:48:02,073 --> 01:48:04,845
<i> She would be so...</i>

2662
01:48:07,979 --> 01:48:09,122
<i> She would be...</i>

2663
01:48:16,122 --> 01:48:17,858
What's happening?

2664
01:48:18,858 --> 01:48:22,195
<i>She... She would be so
disappointed in me, actually.</i>

2665
01:48:24,195 --> 01:48:27,733
<i>Yeah, the truth is, that girl</i>

2666
01:48:27,733 --> 01:48:28,935
<i> would want me to be honest</i>

2667
01:48:28,935 --> 01:48:31,604
<i> and have integrity and not be</i>

2668
01:48:31,604 --> 01:48:35,243
<i> blackmailed by evil people
 with evil agendas.</i>

2669
01:48:37,243 --> 01:48:39,078
<i>So instead, I'm just gonna...</i>

2670
01:48:39,078 --> 01:48:42,213
<i>I'm just gonna tell the truth,
and whatever happens, happens.</i>

2671
01:48:42,213 --> 01:48:44,213
<i> So here we go.</i>

2672
01:48:44,182 --> 01:48:47,853
<i>Parker Wembley
and our dumb-fuck president...</i>

2673
01:48:47,853 --> 01:48:49,154
Whoo!

2674
01:48:49,154 --> 01:48:50,355
<i> ...are doing some
 evil shit together.</i>

2675
01:48:50,355 --> 01:48:52,091
<i> And because
 I just told you now,</i>

2676
01:48:52,091 --> 01:48:55,694
<i> they're going to release
 a video of a guy I dated</i>

2677
01:48:55,694 --> 01:48:57,029
<i> jerking off all over himself.</i>

2678
01:48:58,029 --> 01:48:58,030
Release the video.

2679
01:48:59,030 --> 01:49:01,100
Get the fucking thing online.
Get it online!

2680
01:49:01,100 --> 01:49:03,904
<i>But don't slut shame me. I...</i>

2681
01:49:04,904 --> 01:49:05,706
<i> I like him.</i>

2682
01:49:06,706 --> 01:49:08,274
<i> I like him a lot.</i>

2683
01:49:08,274 --> 01:49:10,377
Fred, you gotta go to her.

2684
01:49:12,377 --> 01:49:14,646
Go get her ass, man.

2685
01:49:14,646 --> 01:49:15,317
<i> And he jerks off.</i>

2686
01:49:18,317 --> 01:49:20,386
<i> And so do all of you.</i>

2687
01:49:20,386 --> 01:49:21,654
Hell, yeah!

2688
01:49:21,654 --> 01:49:23,855
<i> So deal with it.</i>

2689
01:49:23,855 --> 01:49:25,029
<i> Deal with it, America.</i>

2690
01:49:34,265 --> 01:49:36,301
Hey! I'm Fred!

2691
01:49:36,301 --> 01:49:37,970
Is that an XL?

2692
01:49:37,970 --> 01:49:39,238
I've got five stars in it,

2693
01:49:39,238 --> 01:49:40,739
if you could speed
this shit up, man!

2694
01:49:40,739 --> 01:49:42,073
We'll give you extra tip,
real tip.

2695
01:49:42,073 --> 01:49:43,408
Not Uber tip! Cash tip!

2696
01:49:43,408 --> 01:49:45,847
Get back! Get back!

2697
01:49:48,847 --> 01:49:50,847
Where are we going?

2698
01:49:48,847 --> 01:49:50,150
I don't know.

2699
01:49:54,886 --> 01:49:56,154
She's leaving?
Where is she going?

2700
01:49:56,154 --> 01:49:57,957
Shit, I don't know.
This isn't on the itinerary.

2701
01:49:57,957 --> 01:50:00,126
Tom, you have to think past
the itinerary!

2702
01:50:00,126 --> 01:50:01,060
I can't.

2703
01:50:01,060 --> 01:50:02,895
Fred, I just got
a Wembley news alert

2704
01:50:02,895 --> 01:50:05,895
with your name on it.

2705
01:50:02,895 --> 01:50:05,096
Don't open it!

2706
01:50:05,096 --> 01:50:07,800
<i>Oh, yeah! Oh, boy!</i>

2707
01:50:07,800 --> 01:50:09,201
Oh, Fred!

2708
01:50:09,201 --> 01:50:12,203
Oh, no. Oh, no.

2709
01:50:12,203 --> 01:50:13,405
Hey, it's all right, man.

2710
01:50:13,405 --> 01:50:15,073
You know,
we all got our things.

2711
01:50:15,073 --> 01:50:16,775
I don't bust a nut
on my face.

2712
01:50:16,775 --> 01:50:18,775
But, like...

2713
01:50:16,775 --> 01:50:18,978
It's not like
a thing I do!

2714
01:50:20,145 --> 01:50:21,980
Do you think that'll,
like, go viral?

2715
01:50:21,980 --> 01:50:24,417
This is the news!

2716
01:50:25,417 --> 01:50:27,027
Oh, shit.

2717
01:50:35,027 --> 01:50:38,264
Excuse me. Move, damn it!
This man is in love.

2718
01:50:38,264 --> 01:50:40,131
<i> Secretary Field
 just drove away,</i>

2719
01:50:40,131 --> 01:50:42,201
<i> no comment
 as to her destination.</i>

2720
01:50:42,201 --> 01:50:44,336
<i> We're gonna keep tracking
 this story for you...</i>

2721
01:50:44,336 --> 01:50:46,171
<i> Yo, check it out.
 It's the come-guy!</i>

2722
01:50:46,171 --> 01:50:47,171
<i> Yeah, that's him!</i>

2723
01:50:46,171 --> 01:50:47,872
<i> Oh, sir,</i>

2724
01:50:47,872 --> 01:50:49,074
<i> just a couple of questions.
 We're live right now.</i>

2725
01:50:49,074 --> 01:50:52,211
<i> No! I'm come-guy?</i>

2726
01:50:52,211 --> 01:50:53,912
No comments at this time,
thank you! Thank you!

2727
01:50:53,912 --> 01:50:55,046
Thank you!

2728
01:50:55,046 --> 01:50:57,896
Do not touch him!
Do not touch him!

2729
01:51:11,896 --> 01:51:12,966
Hi.

2730
01:51:13,966 --> 01:51:15,235
Holy shit.

2731
01:51:17,235 --> 01:51:18,005
Did you see my speech?

2732
01:51:20,005 --> 01:51:22,208
Yeah. I think
everyone saw it.

2733
01:51:23,208 --> 01:51:24,011
Yeah.

2734
01:51:27,011 --> 01:51:28,849
You know,
your video's out there.

2735
01:51:29,849 --> 01:51:31,356
Yeah, I caught that.

2736
01:51:38,356 --> 01:51:40,094
Here's the deal.
I love you.

2737
01:51:42,094 --> 01:51:44,195
I know I do.

2738
01:51:44,195 --> 01:51:47,136
Because I've never been
so scared in my entire life.

2739
01:51:50,136 --> 01:51:54,175
And I once shared an elevator
with Saddam Hussein.

2740
01:51:56,175 --> 01:51:58,412
Just me and Saddam.

2741
01:52:01,412 --> 01:52:03,217
And this is way scarier.

2742
01:52:06,217 --> 01:52:07,890
I love you.

2743
01:52:10,890 --> 01:52:13,359
Okay, you're really gonna have
to say something right now.

2744
01:52:13,359 --> 01:52:14,829
'Cause I'm freaking out.

2745
01:52:17,829 --> 01:52:20,568
I've been in love with you
since I was 12 years old.

2746
01:52:41,220 --> 01:52:42,922
Oh.

2747
01:52:43,922 --> 01:52:44,990
Hello?

2748
01:52:44,990 --> 01:52:48,060
Hey, Fred, uh, there's
a million people out here

2749
01:52:48,060 --> 01:52:50,462
and they want to talk
to the candidate
and the come-guy.

2750
01:52:50,462 --> 01:52:52,009
So, I figured they'd hit you.

2751
01:53:13,185 --> 01:53:14,487
Fred!

2752
01:53:15,487 --> 01:53:17,328
Fred!

2753
01:53:22,328 --> 01:53:25,264
A crazy day.

2754
01:53:25,264 --> 01:53:27,498
But I'm really glad
you're all here.

2755
01:53:27,498 --> 01:53:29,935
I'd like to introduce you
to someone.

2756
01:53:30,935 --> 01:53:32,637
This is Fred.

2757
01:53:32,637 --> 01:53:33,506
Hi, there.

2758
01:53:35,506 --> 01:53:37,506
My boyfriend.

2759
01:53:37,509 --> 01:53:38,180
Whoo!

2760
01:53:42,180 --> 01:53:44,115
You kind of
know him already,

2761
01:53:44,115 --> 01:53:46,217
but you'll get
to know him
a lot more

2762
01:53:46,217 --> 01:53:47,720
in the next few months...

2763
01:53:48,720 --> 01:53:51,356
'Cause he's gonna be
right by my side
on my campaign trail.

2764
01:54:02,001 --> 01:54:03,077
Wakanda Forever!

2765
01:54:12,077 --> 01:54:14,345
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2766
01:54:14,345 --> 01:54:16,117
Charlotte! Charlotte!

2767
01:54:18,117 --> 01:54:19,585
I started the chant!

2768
01:54:19,585 --> 01:54:21,256
I started that chant!

2769
01:54:25,256 --> 01:54:26,958
<i> ...that I will
 faithfully execute</i>

2770
01:54:26,958 --> 01:54:30,194
<i> the office of the president
 of the United States.</i>

2771
01:54:30,194 --> 01:54:31,563
<i>What a momentous day,</i>

2772
01:54:31,563 --> 01:54:33,064
<i> our first female president.</i>

2773
01:54:33,064 --> 01:54:34,000
<i> I never thought I'd see it.</i>

2774
01:54:35,000 --> 01:54:36,702
<i>Well, I mean, a lot of people
are gonna say</i>

2775
01:54:36,702 --> 01:54:38,703
<i> this is a historic moment
 for women everywhere,</i>

2776
01:54:38,703 --> 01:54:40,972
<i> but do we really want
 her finger on the button</i>

2777
01:54:40,972 --> 01:54:42,307
<i> when it's that time
 of the month?</i>

2778
01:54:42,307 --> 01:54:44,176
<i> I wouldn't want
 my wife making any decision</i>

2779
01:54:44,176 --> 01:54:45,511
<i> during that time
 of the month.</i>

2780
01:54:45,511 --> 01:54:47,345
<i> You know what?
 Fuck you guys. I quit.</i>

2781
01:54:47,345 --> 01:54:48,948
<i> Looks like it's someone's
 time of the month.</i>

2782
01:54:48,948 --> 01:54:50,481
<i> Oh!
 Looks like Aunt Flow</i>

2783
01:54:50,481 --> 01:54:52,350
<i> is going to work down at
 the Red River Casino... Oh!</i>

2784
01:54:52,350 --> 01:54:53,586
Jesus Christ!
Quick, quick, cut!

2785
01:54:53,586 --> 01:54:57,957
Hi! I'm the First Mister of
the United States of America.

2786
01:54:57,957 --> 01:54:59,425
My name is Fred Field.

2787
01:54:59,425 --> 01:55:00,592
I took my wife's last name.

2788
01:55:00,592 --> 01:55:04,662
And, uh, I'm gonna give you
a tour of the White House.

2789
01:55:04,662 --> 01:55:07,632
We're starting
with the portraits
of the first spouses.

2790
01:55:07,632 --> 01:55:09,501
Here we have
Mamie Eisenhower.

2791
01:55:09,501 --> 01:55:10,569
Jackie Kennedy.

2792
01:55:10,569 --> 01:55:13,404
We have the beautiful
Lady Bird Johnson's portrait.

2793
01:55:13,404 --> 01:55:16,140
And that leads us
into my portrait.

2794
01:55:16,140 --> 01:55:18,409
It was painted by
Todd McFarlane,

2795
01:55:18,409 --> 01:55:20,979
who created the Spawn comics,
of course.

2796
01:55:20,979 --> 01:55:22,382
<i> The first versions
 were a little over the top.</i>

2797
01:55:24,382 --> 01:55:26,452
Hi, guys.

2798
01:55:26,452 --> 01:55:28,319
<i> I used to think
the best way
for me to change the world,</i>

2799
01:55:28,319 --> 01:55:30,221
to make it a better place
was through journalism.

2800
01:55:30,221 --> 01:55:31,689
Then I realized
that's not at all the case.

2801
01:55:31,689 --> 01:55:35,293
Really, the best thing I could
be doing for the world

2802
01:55:35,293 --> 01:55:38,296
is just supporting
this amazing person

2803
01:55:38,296 --> 01:55:40,099
and just trying to
learn from her

2804
01:55:40,099 --> 01:55:41,632
and kinda just trying to be

2805
01:55:41,632 --> 01:55:44,168
the best first mister
I can be.

2806
01:55:44,168 --> 01:55:46,738
I actually got a tattoo
of the first mister insignia.

2807
01:55:46,738 --> 01:55:49,738
He did.

2808
01:55:46,738 --> 01:55:49,541
There we are.

2809
01:55:49,541 --> 01:55:50,708
You're wearing mittens.

2810
01:55:50,708 --> 01:55:52,110
Got little mittens on.

2811
01:55:52,110 --> 01:55:54,613
If you think of where this tattoo
started to where it ended up.

2812
01:55:54,613 --> 01:55:56,547
It really has
an amazing arc to it.

2813
01:55:56,547 --> 01:55:59,484
What are some of
the perks of your new roles?

2814
01:55:59,484 --> 01:56:02,787
Well, I finally get to enact
my vision for America.

2815
01:56:02,787 --> 01:56:04,024
I finally got to find out
who killed Kennedy.

2816
01:56:05,024 --> 01:56:06,024
Oh, my God. Don't you dare.

2817
01:56:05,024 --> 01:56:06,257
I won't say.

2818
01:56:06,257 --> 01:56:07,257
Don't.

2819
01:56:06,257 --> 01:56:07,426
I won't say.

2820
01:56:07,426 --> 01:56:08,527
Fred, I'm not
kidding around.

2821
01:56:08,527 --> 01:56:09,595
It's not who you think!

2822
01:56:09,595 --> 01:56:11,130
Don't do it.

2823
01:56:11,130 --> 01:56:12,131
It's pretty surprising.

2824
01:56:13,131 --> 01:56:14,632
He's my Mister.

2825
01:56:14,632 --> 01:56:17,000
I'm her Mister.
And she's my president.

2826
01:56:50,000 --> 01:57:00,000
Sub By Black Hawk