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- Talk Level: 0
- You do your research 6 months ahead of the conf, once the CFP opens up you submit and wait for a reply,
- you have no idea who's in the committee and hope they'll actually accept your research, although it might
- be cutting edge it lacks the regular memes and contains a 60-page long paper with 5 co-authors from
- your previous thesis.
- You get accepted, meanwhile your presentation is already ready, you've worked on it and presented it
- to your students or co-workers, you get a cheap flight and hotel although the conference offers you to
- stay in their fancy Hyatt/Hiltonw/whatever and you're so excited that you miss the mingling parties
- but you manage to make it to the speakers dinner due to lack of food in the past 48h and the
- big jetlag which just caught you.
- You go on stage in 2m late, the screen projector has only DVI or VGA and you have a shiny MacbookPro
- with Thunderbolt and HDMI only so you waste another 3-5m until you plug but it doesn't recognize your
- port, you ask the organizers to help you out and evenutally there's a screen but it's blank and you decide
- to your use moving skills to move your PPTX (in a Windows VM), to the big screen
- You start talking for 60m and can't percieve if someone raelly understand what you're talking about or not
- and wonder if at some point you shuold've added some meme, your presentation is over and you hope
- that your demo that you shot 4 months ago still works, so you fire up your VLC player and it doesn't
- go full screen, a few minutes pass by and the crowd still looks at you, you hit play on a 60x20 resolution
- and the text is too small to look but eventually a calc pops out and everyone cheers,
- Questions ? None
- Talk Level: 100
- You find a conference you want to go to, find a random topic and try to submit, it's not the first time
- you're going there so you know the people and the vibe, a few months pass by and you forget a bout it
- but suddenly one day you get an email that you're actually accepted, you open your abstract
- and try to remember the topic you've submitted on, you start working on the presentation and POC
- for it, and manage to get somehting work a week before the conference.
- You mingle up and meet old friends from different confs and get a bit tipsy in different parties
- you go on stage and start talking, memes, fun, LOLs, everyone kinda understands you topic as it's not too technical
- and it's pretty short. You're pretty nervous and you speak fast and everyone try to keep up but at some stage
- they all lose it until you hit up with the demo that you've try to mockup during your 9h flight
- It doesn't work.
- You try again, the whole crowd looks at the screen again and wonder what it sees, a lot of debug messages
- appears on the background and
- It doesn't work.
- You end up getting the backup movie which you plotted a few hours ago and you pop calc, the crowd cheers up
- Some people go on stage later to ask you a few personal questions regarding the topic, a vendor might try to
- hit you up with an email for possible future responsible disclosure (aha)
- You get drunk during the next night and forget the whole topic itself, until the next conference
- Talk Level: 1000
- You eat dinner with the committee a few months before the conf starts and they poke around you to submit something
- you have no idea which topic but they really pressure about it and the high alcohol dose which is already inside
- your fluids makes you pop some topic which you've been working on and it's qiute theoretical,
- you thought it might be possible to make it work but you lack the environment, money and time ofcourse
- the next day you submit a 10-sentence abstract and 0-word bio to the conf, a month later you get an email
- that you're accepted.
- Your talk is on the 2nd day and you get 3 days before the conf starts, you get some nice meals and a high
- dose of alcohol which makes you lose your temper regarding a working demo, your presentation is really ready,
- it actually has one slides so you go to the conference owner and tell him to postpone your talk for the last day during
- the morning, around 9am, the hardest time for you.
- During the 2nd night you sit in your room writing a 40-slide slideset and on the next morning you wake up at 8:40
- rushing to the venue
- The crowd is totally drunk from yesterday's party, apparently they went to the bridge since the alcohol ran out
- in xxx's suite and got totally drunk so most of them are in red-eye policy. You start talking and as time moves
- the venue picks more people, there's not a real demo but you might have given a hint regarding some interesting technique.
- Eventually you finish up by taking a shot from the organizer, everyone cheers, you get totally drunk the next day
- at the 60th floor in someone's suite, until next time.
- Talk Level: 9000
- You don't really submit anything and your t, you got 10 slides and most of your talk is actually showing your toolset
- and how you work, you got totally wasted last night and got about 2-3h of sleep, it's kind of irritating that the organizers always pick you to be in morning to those kind of things but eventually you fill up 35 minutes along with
- a producticize thing on stage, the crowd kinda lost you the moment you wrote that oneliner anyway,
- only your friends actually figured something because they've worked on this range of topic with you.
- Talk Level: over 9000
- 5 slides, high dose of alcohol, no sleep, you miss the whole conference anyway and rise up at your
- slot accidently, you go on stage and you use the organizer's laptop, most of the talk is really just oneliners
- and eventually you drop "on the fly" a few hints for interesting stuff. nobody really figured out what just happened
- but they saw a couple of calcs and blue screens going on over and over. you get quite a lot of reactions later during
- the post-speaker party.
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