a guest Sep 20th, 2019 109 Never
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- A lone antifa hitman scuttled right past security in a NYC penthouse. The nonbinary assassin was 6ft tall and built like an olympic acrobat, but nevertheless they managed to graciously avoid every single laser alarm.
- As they finally made it to the master bedroom, they spotted their prey: a sleeping Andrew Yang. Andrew laid on his back, perfectly still, almost as if in cryogenic suspension. He was their final target, and current acting president of the Transatlantic Union.
- As the antifa hitman approached their prize, the entire film roll of their campaign so far flashed before their eyes. It all started with Donald. They waited until Donald naturally woke up, salivating in anticipation of the horror that would befall his face. However, upon opening his eyes, the old fart convulsed and died of a heart attack.
- Disappointing, but it got the job done anyway.
- Beto too was not that much of a challenge. Turns out gunless zones really are a haven for murderers.
- Then came Elizabeth. They were never one to advocate for violence against women, but the rich couldn't be called human. They dispatched of her from afar , a single bullet to the brain, from miles away.
- Yang was set to mark the end of an era. His accelerationist utopia would burn to the ground alongside his corpse, and over the ashes, a new America would be born, one without masters, one without gods.
- Returning to the moment, the antifa hitman, now by Andrew’s bedside, slowly unsheathed their blade. A night-black tanto knife, beautifully encased in a black lacquer scabbard. The hitman ceremoniously raised their hand, laughing internally as they remembered a certain Indiana Jones movie scene.
- As the antifa hitman was about to drive their blade through Andrews heart, they stopped. A gust of air and a wave of static electricity went through the room. They were unable to process what happened next. As they looked down, they saw their blade piercing a heart, except it was not Yang's. It was theirs.
- The antifa hitmen stumbled, braced against the bedframe in order to regain their footing. As they slowly turned around , they saw the unthinkable: Andrew Yang, with his traditional navy blue two piece suit, vacuum fitted to his slender body. In his face, a cold and arrogant smirk was painted. "The future is now, my friend". Unbeknownst to the hitman, Yang, predicting the attempt on his life, used his advanced technology to cut open a rift in time, killing his nemesis with their own blade, in a rather ironic fashion.
- The hitman fell to the ground, hitting the persian carpet and causing a mute thud. Dedicated to their cause as they were, they didn't even let out a final breath. Their blade fell on top of the sleeping Andrew, fulfilling its duty of creating the perfect time loop.
- The sleeping Andrew got up in an almost mechanical fashion, stoic and unmoved by the scene around him. His blanket uncovered his body, dressed in his characteristic navy two piece suit. Sitting on the side of his bed, he greeted future Andrew. "How nice of you. Come now, this current predicament tells me we have much to learn from our past mistakes... and our future ones as well hahaha". With a lighthearted, yet void chuckle, he got up and signaled to future Yang as if beckoning him to follow. "Come now, not left, not right: forward". The two figures faded into a dark corridor, headed to the elevator.
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