Cupcake Half-full (RGRE) (Too real)

Nov 30th, 2020
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  1. > Be Anon, Pinkie Pie's underling
  2. > You happened to show up as the Cakes were thinking about retiring, and none of the free locals had a baking cutie mark
  3. > Of course, you don't either, but Pinkie took one look at your gut and (correctly) assumed you could bake
  4. > For some reason, Pinkie was a little worried the first few days you were at the register, but you do mental math well enough to handle the calculations
  5. > It helps that there is only one coin in the Equestrian currency system, so making change is not really an issue
  6. > The ponies themselves are perfectly friendly, some more than others
  7. > Caramel comes by at the end of your shift
  8. > "Hey Anon, want to get some drinks?"
  9. > You shrug and hang up your apron
  10. "Sure, why not?"
  11. > You've been trying to lose some weight, but it's the weekend, and you will only get a drink or two
  12. > Caramel claps his hooves together excitedly and practically drags you to The Swan Dive
  13. > You look around and notice an awful lot of pegasi milling around with drinks in their wings
  14. > Caramel doesn't seem bothered, and leads you straight to the bar
  15. > The two of you sit on the stools, Caramel only half-sitting, extending his other hind leg to his side
  16. > The bartender has a dark grey coat and a light yellow mane draped over her shoulder, tied in a knot and wedged in a shot glass
  17. > She smiles at Caramel and glances at you
  18. > "What would you like? It's Lord's night, so it's on the house."
  19. > Caramel rubs his chin
  20. > "I'll have a blueberry bop. What about you, Anon?"
  21. > You skim the chalkboard, but there are simply too many unfamiliar choices
  22. > You shrug helplessly
  23. "Do you have a root beer? Uh, sassafras?"
  24. > The bartender nods with a smile
  25. > "One bop and 'fras, got it."
  26. > It's kind of interesting, watching her mix Caramel's drink with her wings and forehooves juggling bottles and lids around
  27. > She finishes with a flourish, sliding a oblong glass of blue liquid to Caramel
  28. > She then grabs a mug and fills it from a soda fountain
  29. > When you get your drink, there's a decent amount of foam, and you take a sip
  30. > It's an odd flavor, a little richer than the store bought root beer from back home
  31. > Caramel is barely paying attention to his drink, scanning the room with half-lidded eyes
  32. > You say,
  33. "So what is lord's night? Some sort of holiday?"
  34. > Caramel glances at you with a smile
  35. > "You could say that. Once a week, stallions drink for free at bars. That brings in the mares, it's a win-win."
  36. > You blink
  37. "Oh, like ladies' night. Actually, why isn't it ladies' night? I would expect there to be more guys champing at the bit, er, no pun intended, to try to pick up a girl."
  38. > Caramel fully turns to look at you with a bemused expression
  39. > "What are you talking about? Even if the ratio was equal, no stallion worth his salt should need to pick up a mare, that's their job!"
  40. > You think back
  41. > Are there more mares than stallions?
  42. > You think your customers were pretty evenly split, but then again, out in the marketplace...
  43. "Huh. I never really noticed."
  44. > Caramel frowns
  45. > "Surely, you've had mares hitting on you before?"
  46. > You scratch your chin
  47. "Uh, maybe? Pretty much everyone says I'm a sweet guy, so I don't think it counts as getting hit on."
  48. > Caramel takes a gulp of his drink
  49. > "Well, uh, it's not important. Just...if I bang the bar twice while a mare is talking to me, bail me out, okay?"
  50. > You raise your eyebrows, but nod anyways
  52. > As the night goes on, the occasional mare will drop by and chat with Caramel for a few minutes, maybe even offer to buy him a drink
  53. > You're kind of amazed you never noticed it before, the way mares act around him
  54. > Flirtatious, smiling, eyes wandering
  55. > After a few approaches, though, you get an inkling as to why you never picked up on it
  56. > Most mares barely glance at you unless Caramel mentions you by name
  57. > You...
  58. > Aren't particularly surprised, to be honest
  59. > You still have that gut, after all, and you never really thought of yourself as handsome
  60. > You nurse your drink some more, keeping Caramel in your peripheral out of a sense of duty
  61. > "Hey, uh, you new in town?"
  62. > You turn to find a blue-violet pegasus mare with a long teal mane, wearing a pink bow
  63. > You smile politely
  64. "I've been here a few months, working down at Sugar Cube Corner. My name's Anon."
  65. > She smiles back
  66. > "I'm Flitter, nice to meet you. How do you like Ponyville so far?"
  67. > You shrug
  68. "It's pretty nice, everybody's pretty friendly, the pay is good, can't complain."
  69. > Flitter nods
  70. > "Things have really settled down recently. Used to be a monster attack or something every six months to a year."
  71. > You raise your eyebrows
  72. "Sounds exciting."
  73. > She wiggles her wings
  74. > "After the first few times, it's just tedious to wait while the Elements take care of it."
  75. > You nod, having heard of them in passing
  76. > It's hard not to, when a substantial amount of Ponyville is a tourist trap for fans of the Elements
  77. > You glance at Flitter's cutie mark, three dragonflies
  78. > Entomologist, perhaps?
  79. "So, what do you do for a living?"
  80. > Flitter preens a little
  81. > "Ponyville Weather team, along with my sister. She's the one talking to your friend over there."
  82. > You look, and sure enough, Caramel is laughing with a mare with the same coat color, though her mane is light blue and spiky
  83. > The mare waggles her wings at Flitter, who frowns faintly
  84. > Flitter turns back to you and scoots a little closer
  85. > She smiles at you in a way that doesn't reach her eyes
  86. > "You know, you're a sweet guy, maybe we can talk more in private?"
  87. > It takes you a moment to realize what is going on
  88. > You feel your face grow warm and your heart quicken
  89. > You try to play it cool
  90. "Sure, uh, your place or mine?"
  91. > Flitter raises an eyebrow
  92. > "Can you walk on clouds?"
  93. > You blush
  94. "Oh, no, right. Um. My place it is."
  95. > She giggles
  96. > You stand up and glance at Caramel
  97. > It seems he was waiting for this, because he immediately hops of his stool and Flitter's sister puts a wing around him as the four of you make for the door
  98. > The night air is cool, and you relax, no longer hearing the murmur of the bar
  99. > Caramel leans against his date and winks at you as they head towards his house
  100. > You swallow and glance down at Flitter
  101. "I'm this way."
  102. > As you walk towards your apartment, Flitter walks about two or three feet to your side
  103. > And she's not looking at you at all
  104. > Your heart sinks
  105. "Playing wingmare?"
  106. > Flitter stops and looks at you, a blank expression on her face
  107. > You stop too, your shoulders slumping
  108. "It's...it's okay, I get it. I think Caramel was holding out for something like that, for me."
  109. > The pegasus mare frowns
  110. > "Anon, I..."
  111. > You wait, but she doesn't know what to say
  112. > You rub your neck
  113. "Let's just end it here. It was nice meeting you, Flitter."
  114. > She relaxes a little, and gives you a small, sincere smile
  115. > "You too, Anon. You're a sweet guy, I'm sure there's a mare for you out there."
  116. > With that, she takes off into the night sky, and you amble on home
  118. > The next morning, you open up Sugar Cube Corner
  119. > Pinkie Pie takes one look at you and zips in and out the kitchen
  120. > You end up with a chocolate cupcake in your hands, a smiley face drawn in icing on top
  121. > You give her a wry smile
  122. "I'm trying to lose weight, you know."
  123. > She tuts
  124. > "That's a special cupcake, it goes to your heart instead of your stomach. No calories."
  125. > You laugh at the nonsense
  126. "We should make all our sweets like that."
  127. > Pinkie shakes her head vigorously
  128. > "Nuh-uh, it's only for friends and family when they need it. Otherwise it wouldn't be special!"
  129. > You nod seriously
  130. "Can't argue with that."
  131. > You take a bite, and you have to give the mare her due, she makes a good cupcake
  132. > Caramel comes waltzing during the slow time, grinning from ear to ear
  133. > You keep wiping the tables as he approaches
  134. > "That was some night, eh, Anon?"
  135. > You shrug
  136. "Had fun with Flitter's sister?"
  137. > Caramel licks his lips
  138. > "You don't know the half of it. Pegasi have the best tufts for burying your face in and just letting your instincts take over. And Cloudchaser? She knew what she was doing, edged me good until I came so hard I couldn't see for an entire hour afterwards. She's definitely going in my little black book. How about you? Did Flitter take care of you alright?"
  139. > You shrug
  140. "Didn't work out."
  141. > Caramel blinks
  142. > "She couldn't get it wet, or got called on an emergency, what?"
  143. > You decide to play a little trick on him
  144. "Well, when I got undressed, she was looking rather pale."
  145. > Caramel leans forward, a worried expression on his face
  146. > "And when I got hard, she took one look and threw up all over the floor."
  147. > Caramel gasps
  148. > Pinkie Pie drops from the ceiling
  149. > You frown sadly
  150. "Then she said that she only went along with me so that Cloudchaser could have a chance with you."
  151. > Caramel drops his head onto the table and moans
  152. > "I'm so sorry Anon, I never thought it would end like that."
  153. > Pinkie is chanting to the elder gods, a dread gleam in her eye
  154. > You laugh
  155. "I'm just joking, you two. After we left the bar, we talked a little more and decided to part ways. No harm, no foul."
  156. > Pinkie gives you a flat look
  157. > "That special cupcake? Straight to your hips."
  158. > You roll your eyes
  159. "As if it was going anywhere else."
  160. > Pinkie giggles and bounces away
  161. > Caramel doesn't raise his head, his ears pinned back in shame
  162. > "I really am sorry, Anon. Flitter's a good mare, I thought she'd treat you right."
  163. > You sigh
  164. "She's alright. I'm not romantic enough to save myself for the perfect mare, but I would like my first time to occur because of mutual attraction."
  165. > Caramel pales
  166. > "You're a virgin?"
  167. > You raise an eyebrow
  168. "Yeah?"
  169. > He mumbles, "I thought, a janefilly with his own kind would... you know..."
  170. > You snort
  171. "Turns out I'm just as attractive back home as I am here."
  172. > Caramel groans
  173. > "I'm a terrible friend, trying to make you lose your virginity in a bar!"
  174. > You pat him on the withers
  175. "Yeah, that wasn't great. At least you were trying to be a good friend, I can appreciate that much."
  176. > He wraps you in a tight hug
  177. > You can't help but smile at the genuine warmth
  178. > You hug him back for a few minutes, then pat him on the back
  179. > He lets go and looks up at you
  180. > "Will you be alright?"
  181. > You nod
  182. "I'll be fine, thanks. Now, if you'll excuse me, I should get back to work."
  183. > Pinkie Pie calls out, "You can have an hour paid break if you kiss!"
  184. > Caramel scrunches
  185. > You roll your eyes
  186. "Not happening."
  187. > "The day off, if you tenderly hold hooves in the window booth?"
  188. > Caramel isn't any happier with the second offer
  189. > He frowns at you
  190. > "She may be an Element, but you don't have to take that kind of harassment."
  191. > You wave your hand dismissively
  192. "It's all in good fun."
  193. > Pinkie Pie grins, then disappears into the kitchen
  194. > Caramel shakes his head
  195. > "Suit yourself. Let me make it up to you, I'll take you to the spa on Sunday."
  196. > You nod in acceptance
  197. "That does sound nice, I'll see you tomorrow."
  198. > "Until then! Good luck, and slap Pinkie for me."
  199. > You laugh and see him to the door
  200. > You get back to work, a smile on your face and in your heart
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