LtD 37-43

Apr 11th, 2014
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  1. >>Chapter 37 - Part 2
  2. > Zorrow started rolling around on the ground, "Come on, I wanted kids!"
  3. Look at the bright side; you’re sparing your potential offspring the horrors of the Living-verse.
  4. > [Greg] walked over to where Seth sat and walked up behind him. He levitated two pies on either side of Seth's head and slammed them into him.
  5. Oh. A good ‘ol fashioned pie to the face. At least not everything is—
  6. > "What the hell is wrong..." He began rubbing his eyes, "What did you put in those?" He began thrashing around the room. Greg turned to the camera and smirked, "I though he would have liked a pie filled with salt."
  7. So you’re going full Jackass. I get the feeling everyone will be alright by the next chapter, regardless.
  8. > Greg looked back at us, "Do I have to?"
  9. Yes, the lazy plot ___ demands it.
  11. > Greg walked up to Big Macintosh and tapped his flank, "Yo, big ugly. Bet you can't knock me out."
  12. Despite his best efforts, the largest amounts of ass-kicking haven’t been provided by Lance, but rather Big Mac.
  13. > He bucked his back legs out and they slammed into Greg's face.
  14. I ‘could’ say that Big Mac is acting entirely out of character by taking part in such a reckless and stupid activity, but saying someone is out of character in the Living-verse is like saying that things get wet while underwater.
  15. > I stood on the box, looking at the camera, "I'm Girokon, and this is Foal killer."
  16. In an ideal world, he’d actually try to kill a foal and be sent to prison.
  17. > Greg smiled and picked up the rock. He used his magic to send it backwards a few yards. Then, using a speed spell, he sent it flying straight at me, at a speed only possible by Rainbow Dash. It hit its mark, my jewels.
  18. I’ve got to say. Lance getting his testicles crushed with a rock is not as satisfying as I thought it would be. Probably because I have to read ~50k words of ‘this’ to get here.
  22. >>Chapter 37 - Part 2
  23. > Zorrow started rolling around on the ground, "Come on, I wanted kids!"
  24. Look at the bright side; you’re sparing your potential offspring the horrors of the Living-verse.
  25. > [Greg] walked over to where Seth sat and walked up behind him. He levitated two pies on either side of Seth's head and slammed them into him.
  26. Oh. A good ‘ol fashioned pie to the face. At least not everything is—
  27. > "What the hell is wrong..." He began rubbing his eyes, "What did you put in those?" He began thrashing around the room. Greg turned to the camera and smirked, "I though he would have liked a pie filled with salt."
  28. So you’re going full Jackass. I get the feeling everyone will be alright by the next chapter, regardless.
  29. > Greg looked back at us, "Do I have to?"
  30. Yes, the lazy plot development demands it.
  31. > Greg walked up to Big Macintosh and tapped his flank, "Yo, big ugly. Bet you can't knock me out."
  32. Despite his best efforts, the largest amounts of ass-kicking haven’t been provided by Lance, but rather Big Mac.
  33. > He bucked his back legs out and they slammed into Greg's face.
  34. I ‘could’ say that Big Mac is acting entirely out of character by taking part in such a reckless and stupid activity, but saying someone is out of character in the Living-verse is like saying that things get wet while underwater.
  35. > I stood on the box, looking at the camera, "I'm Girokon, and this is Foal killer."
  36. In an ideal world, he’d actually try to kill a foal and be sent to prison.
  37. > Greg smiled and picked up the rock. He used his magic to send it backwards a few yards. Then, using a speed spell, he sent it flying straight at me, at a speed only possible by Rainbow Dash. It hit its mark, my jewels.
  38. I’ve got to say. Lance getting his testicles crushed with a rock is not as satisfying as I thought it would be. Probably because I have to read ~50k words of ‘this’ to get here.
  42. >>Chapter 37 - Part 3
  43. > Frederic took a deep breath and walked into the room, "Hey honey. I have to tell you something."
  44. “The guys are being stupid, so I have to be stupid too or they won’t let me hang out with them.”
  45. > He quickly pulled out a water balloon and slammed it into her face, followed by lifting her up in the air and wrapping a rope around her hoofs. He than sat he on her back and put an apple in her mouth.
  46. Frederic just physically assaulted his new wife and Princess. Can we safely say that the honeymoon is over?
  47. > She snapped the ropes off that bond her hoofs and jumped up. She looked over at us and throw the bed straight at us.
  48. This is probably that should warrant a disciplinary action at the very least.
  49. > I looked at Greg, "Run?" He nodded, "I think that would be best."
  50. And of course, the fact that they just assailed royalty won’t be mentioned again.
  51. > "Great video dude. I think we will be hits on Youtube." I looked up at him and raised my eyebrow, "Umm dude, there's no computer's here. So that means there's no Youtube."
  52. Odd, one would have thought that Greg of all people would have known if there’s no internet by this point.
  53. > “we can all just enjoy it." He shrugged, "Fine, but one last scene." I sighed, "What is it?" He smirked, "Nut crush."
  54. Was this all just an excuse to have all of their characters get hit in the crotch? Can’t say I’m surprised.
  55. > "What happened to him." Frederic said while looking at me. Greg smiled, "We just played nut crush. You wanna play?"
  56. In case you are wondering, yes. Greg hits Equestria’s new Prince in the testicles with a hammer.
  57. They keep hitting themselves in the testicles for the rest of the chapter.
  58. I am dead serious. What the fuck was this? Seriously, what the hell?
  62. >>Chapter 38 - Part 1
  63. >Title: The long awaited wedding!
  64. “Dreaded” would be a more appropriate title.
  65. > As I stood at the alter, I began to feel an uncomfortable sensation in my groin. They still hurt from that Jackass video we made. It's been two weeks, and yet the pain is still there. May need to see a doctor about that.
  66. “I got hit in the nuts repeatedly. Surely this is nothing to worry about. The weeks of pain must be normal, right?
  67. > [Frederic] chuckled and patted my back, "Its a good thing you alright got Twilight pregnant."
  68. Did he mean to say “already”? How do you confuse those two?
  69. > I shifted my gaze out to the pews, to where Greg and all of the other bronies sat. I glared at him. I had had a talk with him before this began. If he does what he did at Frederic's wedding, he will pay.
  70. We don’t even have Greg’s antics to look forward in this chapter.
  71. > [Twilight] walked up the small staircase and walked up to stand in front of me.
  72. I’m glad that we’re skipping all the prep time and diving straight into the wedding. The sooner we get over this, the better.
  73. > Celestia nodded and began to read from a old looking book, "Twilight Sparkle and Girokon,have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
  74. Well, they were forced by an awful author. Does that null the wedding?
  75. > Celestia nodded, "I now pronounce you as husband and wife.”
  76. To all the Twifags that read this, wherever you are, I am sorry for you.
  77. > I turned and Frederic handed (Hoofed?) me the golden wedding bracelet.
  78. I don’t think this is the right moment to be worried about semantics.
  82. >>Chapter 38 - Part 2
  83. > Peter galloped into the garden, surprised and angry to see that he had missed ceremony and most of the reception.
  84. If they didn’t wake you up, you should probably take a hint.
  85. > He galloped over and grabbed Lance, "Come on dude, we have to get ready for the performance!"
  86. Another copy pasted song? Ugh…
  87. > I'm going to need to sing and play the guitar. All my past attempts have been somewhat unsuccessful
  88. Which makes you wonder why you’re doing this in the first place.
  89. Again, just as in the Grand Galloping Gala, Kickass222urmom resorts to copying and pasting an entire song and don’t break it into paragraphs to show actions or emotions.
  90. Just a copypaste of Paralyzer, by Finger Eleven.
  91. > [Greg] walked up to [Peter] and stopped him, "Yo, I need your help."
  92. The stoner and the prankster. Oh, boy.
  93. > Greg smirked, "A new spell." Peter sighed, "What does it do? Will it hurt?"
  94. I hope it’s not as stupid and irrelevant as his last spells.
  95. > Greg shook his head, "Nah, it doesn't hurt. All it does is give you a mustache."
  96. There is no way in which this could backfire.
  97. > His horn glowed even brighter as he accidentally thought of five spells at once. The light from his horn began to fill the room, engulfing Peter.
  98. How do you “accidentally” think of five spells at once?
  99. > he wasn't there, he was gone. All that remained was a small burnt spot on the floor.
  100. Peter is now in a better place. Away from the Living-verse.
  101. > I walked out of the Palace, Twilight by my side. We continued down the street, towards my house. Tonight was going to be a night to remember.
  102. The memories will remain burnt into our brains, so yeah, we will remember.
  103. Wait, did he invite his mother? It's your wedding you cur.
  108. >>Chapter 39 - Part 1
  109. > I awoke with a smile. Last night had been wild and crazy. I'm not going into detail
  110. Good, let’s keep it that way.
  111. > I climbed out of bed and felt a sharp pain in my groin.
  112. And thus, our mighty protagonist fell victim to testicular cancer.
  113. > I yelped in pain and fell to the floor holding them.
  114. How did you have sex if you’re writhing in pain just by walking?
  115. > With every step, I let out a small yelp of pain. Halfway down them, I stopped and leaned against the railing.
  116. You. Have. WINGS!
  117. > I raised my head and facehoofed. I forgot I had wings, I don't have to walk and endure this pain.
  118. Finally. Now let your buddy Zane know that as well.
  119. > The kitchen was a mess. Dishes piled high, food wrappings everywhere, old food on the counters, and I was pretty sure that a family of rats where making a home under the table.
  120. You just got married, the least you could have done is clean up your house.
  121. > David and Greg need to learn to clean up after themselves.
  122. You live there too!
  123. > I lifted up my saddlebag and checked to make sure my bits were still there. Luckily they were still there, all eight hundred.
  124. I am 30% sure there are banks in Equestria.
  125. > After a hour of searching, I came across a nice little store on the outskirts of Canterlot. Owned by a nice old stallion, who's coat was a dull grey and white mane and tail. The old stallion looked up from a book he was reading and adjusted his glasses, "Well now, your a strange fella aren't ya?"
  126. Never doubt the wisdom of old people.
  127. > I chuckled and walked up to the counter, "Yeah, I'm pretty strange. In more ways than one."
  128. I’d say abnormal, but I think strange works just as well.
  132. >>Chapter 39 - Part 1
  133. >, "I don't think I could do that. I'd rather sit around all day than work."
  134. This is the sort of mentality that landed him a house in the middle of Canterlot, the highest paid waiter job in Equestria, and a beautiful wife.
  135. > I spotted a bag of animal feed and smiled, I think I know someone who would like that.
  136. Louie went to Sweet Apple Acres to become a family man, that’s why we haven0t seen him since forever. And who could blame him.
  137. > I nodded and pulled out the correct number of bits. I placed them on the counter and smiled, "I like your store."
  138. Poor old stallion. Carrying on, minding his business. He couldn0t have known the disaster that was coming his way.
  139. > He smiled proudly, "Thank ya. I've had it for years."
  140. I see the store burning to the ground in the foreseeable future
  141. > David scratched the back of his head, where was Peter? He was suppose to meet him at Lance's house to talk about future performances.
  142. So they are forming a band.
  143. > Greg gulped loudly and his horn began to glow, "Sorry, but your Peter is in another dimension!" He then disappeared in a green flash.
  144. Is he really in another dimension? I wouldn’t feel surprised.
  145. > Fluttershy ran to the front door and closed it. She then quickly turned and smirked in her signature way, "There's nowhere left to run Angel!"
  146. “Kickass222urmom is not resting until he’s ruined every aspect of the show!”
  147. > She began to stare at him, a stare that she rarely used and had no control over. The Stare!
  148. So now we’ve come to acknowledge things from the show just as they become relevant to the plot.
  149. > I landed outside of Fluttershy's cottage, the bag of feed in my saddlebag.
  150. You flew all the way from Canterlot to Fluttershy’s cottage just to give her a bag of animal food?
  154. >>Chapter 39 - Part 3
  155. > I looked at her and my eyes widened. She was doing the Stare!
  156. I severely doubt that Fluttershy would resort to the Stare if one of her animals was just making the usual trouble, especially if it’s Angel.
  157. > Her eyes looked deep into mine, looking into my soul. They penetrated my mind, digging away at my sanity. I could fill my sanity being ripped form me. All my memories and thoughts where being replaced by those eyes, those piercing eyes.
  158. Sort of what happened to me after I started reading this.
  159. >"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it to you. It was meant for my pet bunny Angel." I let out a ragged breath and stood, "I forgive you. Just please don't let that happen again, I don't think I can take that again."
  160. What do you know, Lance is affected by the Stare in a more extreme way than anybody else shown so far. I wonder if this will actually amount to something.
  161. > As I flew through the air, I shuddered. I couldn't stop thinking of those eyes. I was still on the verge of insanity, so close.
  162. You mean you have been in a normal state of mind all this time?
  163. > As [Twilight] sat up, she became confused. There was a large lump under the covered where Lance had been.
  164. Lance left for a the store, went to Ponyville, flew back , got to bed again and whimpered like a pussy for an indeterminate amount of time, and Twilight kept sleeping?
  165. > What if this was because of last night. She had been sorta rough with him
  166. Who, besides Kickass222urmom, would want to read a story about a horrible OC having implied sex with Twilight? Is this a fethish of which I’m unaware?
  167. > She glared slightly at him, "Tell me whats wrong." He shook his head, "No!"
  168. Though I’d like to say that the Stare turned Lance into a bratty kid, he already was one.
  169. > He gulped and nodded, "Yes, I'll be fine."
  170. Sadly, I know that by the next chapter you’ll be.
  174. >>Chapter 40 - Part 1
  175. > Twins
  176. Twilight is going to have twins!? I don’t think I can take two little Lancespawns.
  177. > I had been trying to make soup, but I'm not much of a cook. Like seriously, how do you catch soup on fire?
  178. If you put enough spices and vegetables in it, it just may catch on fire.
  179. > I knew of a cool way to put the fire out. I would slam my hooves down on the table, which will cause the glass of water to fly past me and put out the fire.
  180. If you are trying to establish Lance as an idiot for the chapter, I’d remind you that you already succeeded with the past thirty nine chapters.
  181. > [Greg] levitated a blunt out of his bag and held it over the fire.
  182. He’s always making the best out of situations. I like him for that.
  183. > Greg shook his head and turned off the stove. When it was off, the fire slowly began to die down, "All you had to do was turn it off."
  184. He is going out of his way to write Lance even more incompetent than usual.
  185. > [Frederic] heard the double doors opened that lead to his study. He turned to see Luna standing in the doorway, a happy and worried look on her face, "Frederic, I have to tell you something."
  186. Oh. So… Luna is the one that’s—
  187. > She took a deep breath, "I'm pregnant, with twins."
  188. Yeah, she is. I don’t know how to feel about this. At least is from one of the more marginally normal OC’s, unlike poor Twilight.
  192. >>Chapter 40 - Part 2
  193. > He quickly changed course and flew straight towards Lance's house.
  194. Your new wife, whom you’ve been pinning for years, just tells you that she’s pregnant, so you don’t even acknowledge her, but rather run away to tell your three month friend ?
  195. > Lance and Twilight looked up from the couch with a surprised looks, "What the hell!"
  196. I know, right? At least give an “I feel so happy”, “I love you” or even an “awesome”.
  197. > Frederic grabbed them in his hooves and pulled them close, "Come my friends, I have wonderful news for you to hear!" With that, he teleported them back to his study.
  198. I guess I never actually thought about the implications of a pony teleporting with a baby on her womb. But now I do. And so do you.
  199. > Frederic smiled and looked over to Lance and Twilight, "Huh, we're going to need some alone time."
  200. Yes, a long talk between you two is overdue. Your relationship has barely been developed since you were introduced, and now that you’ll have twins seems like the perfect opportunity to—
  201. > Frederic looked into Luna's eyes, "Now that we're alone, how about some fun?"
  202. Of course. It’s always about sex. It was silly of me to think otherwise.
  203. > Greg, Seth, and Zorrow sat on the hill overlooking Sweat Apple Acres.
  204. Well, Zorrow has already lost all reproductive function, but I think he should worry about his physical integrity. And soon, the beat up jokes were half-funny the first time they were made.
  205. > Zorrow yet again had his binoculars, 'observing' Applejack
  206. As much as I want this to end, “stalker” is the only character trait Zorrow has.
  207. > Zorrow sat up, "I told you guys that I couldn't get hit there anymore, but after I told you, Peter slammed his hooves into my balls!"
  208. One of these days I may stop talking to you! Not really, though, because I’m chronically dependent.
  212. >>Chapter 40 - Part 3
  213. > As he was whining, Greg pulled a rope from his saddlebag and grinned to Seth. Seth shook his head yes.
  214. I almost remember a point in which Greg was a laid back stoner that just fooled around Equestria, and Peter was the half-assed prankster. Can we really say he's acting out of character if anybode barely has any character at all?
  215. And, though I’m tempted to say that he absorbed Peter’s prankiness when he teleported him away, I’m sure that level of plot depth is way too much for Kickass222urmom to handle.
  216. > Instead of answering him, they both jumped on him. They bond his hooves together and put a apple in his mouth.
  217. Oh, I get it. You two never actually wanted to help him hook up with AJ, you’re just awful people.
  218. > Greg backed up, "Shit! Fuck! Big Mac just caught Zorrow!"
  219. Gee, I wonder what will happen next.
  220. > Zorrow smiled awkwardly, "Can you let me go, I kinda have a date with an apple pie."
  221. In the end, it’s revealed that Zorrow just wanted to be in the receiving end of an abusive relationship with Big Mac.
  222. > Greg and Seth held back laughs as they watched Big Mac carry Zorrow off into the bushes, towards the barn.
  223. I just realised that Kickass222urmom hasn’t introduced a gay couple yet. It’s probably for the best, his portrayal of gay people could set back homosexual rights a couple of decades.
  227. >>Chapter 41 - Part 1
  228. > Title: Weird events
  229. What constitutes “weird” by LtD standards?
  230. > For this to make complete sense…
  231. …drink a gallon of bleach.
  232. > your going to have to read this chapter by Nathan Traveler.
  233. I am already reading your shitty self-insert story. Why the hell would I want to read another self-insert by another probably just-as-shitty writer?
  234. > Read that first, or after this chapter
  235. Or not at all, since anything you can introduce won’t be as mind-bendingly stupid as the introduction of the other OC’s.
  236. > Zorrow walked out of the barn, wiping his mouth with his hoof.
  237. I ‘could’ tell you what happened, but I prefer to leave you with this mental image.
  238. > He licked his lips and smirked. Time to get Greg and Seth back.
  239. You mean “get back at them”? I’m not sure they care, pal.
  240. > I scratched the back of my head, how much does it cost to replace a window? I hope not a lot, I've been looking to buy Twilight those new spell books that just came out.
  241. Well, you managed to get three hundred bits in half a week, I’m sure a window and a couple of books won’t be a problem.
  242. > I picked up the broom in my mouth and began sweeping the glass up. Once it was in a pile, I put a pan down and swept the pile of glass into it. I put the broom down and smiled proudly, I knew I could do it.
  243. If you keep working, you may be able to wash the dishes some time.
  244. > She broke the hug and began bouncing around slightly, clearly overjoyed, "I'm going to teach him every subject!"
  245. Please let the little abomination be like Twilight.
  246. > He had a look of surprise on his face, "I think I saw Peter and some other pony walking towards the front door."
  247. Poor Pete couldn’t stay away for too long. The black hole that is Living the Dream dragged him back.
  251. >>Chapter 41 - Part 2
  252. > As I opened my mouth to speak, the door flew open, and in walked two cloaked ponies. Their cloaks where brown and both wore jester hats. Strange?
  253. Please tell me they’re cultists who want to sacrifice Lance to their god
  254. > They lifted their heads, and I instantly recognized Peter, but the other I didn't know. The other pony was brown, with a goatee type beard, and glasses. I've never seen him before.
  255. Well, what do you expect? You’ve only been here over three months, and even then, there’s no way you can know every pony in Equestria. Besides, there’s a random OC introduced every seven chapters, so there’s that too.
  256. > Blaze had a wicked smile on his face,
  257. So, we’ve been calling him Peter since always, but now it’s back to Purple Blaze? I insist, why bother having two names, it’s not as if human names are totally uncommon in Equestria.
  258. >"My name is Purple Wan Prankenobi…" The brown pony smirked, "And I am his new ally, Luke Piewalker…"
  259. No, screw you. Do you really have to do this? Do you have to mess with Star Wars too? Haven’t the prequels been punishment enough?
  260. > Then, they both slammed the pies into Greg's sides, encasing him in a aluminum type box. "And we are Joki Knights!"
  261. This sounds like the kind of things that George Lucas would reject from the Holiday Special.
  265. >>Chapter 41 - Part 3
  266. > While Greg tried to kick his way out of the massive pie tins, Peter and the brown pony ran up stairs. A door slammed shut.
  267. Peter lived there? Just how big is this house? Wasn’t it “big enough for two ponies and a dog”? And now Lance, David, Greg, Peter and occasionally Twilight live there without problems. Did Louie use the rest of the rooms?
  268. Also why does the royalty own houses in the suburbs of Canterlot? To house foreign embassadors and political envoys? Wouldn’t it make more sense to let them stay at the castle? It is pretty damned big.
  269. Or did they just buy a mansion for Lance? Are there seriously no other things in which they could have spent that money? Besides, if you want them to integrate in Equestria, why would you keep them in a single place?
  270. > I looked at Twilight and chuckled, "Today is super crazy."
  271. Hopefully we can return to the normalcy that is our every day lives.
  272. > A door upstairs opened and slammed. Then, Peter came down the stairs, wearing a suit. Wait a fucking second! Is that my suit?
  273. I want to note that none of the bronies have respect for Lance’s property, but what’s the point?
  274. > He looked at us and smiled proudly, "Hello Mrs. Sparkle, hello Mr. Greenfield, how are you today?"
  275. I’m glad to know she didn’t take Lance’s last name.
  276. > I shrugged, "Fine with me. But... Never mind, just don't tear my suit."
  277. I know this is a gift from Rarity, and I used it on Frederic’s wedding, and my wedding, and it probably holds a lot of sentimental value; and I barely know anything about you aside from the fact that you’re a prankster, and I just saw you with several large pies, and even though that alone should raise some red flags, I’m still ok with you using my suit.
  281. >>Chapter 41 - Part 4
  282. > I put a hoof to my face, "Today really is the strangest day of my life."
  283. Stranger than the day you were sent to a magical land of talking equines? Or stranger than when you became a pony? Or stranger than the time you died and God sent you back? Or when a single crazy Pegasus managed to take down a squad of trained guards? Or the time you did a Sonic Raainboom? Or the time you went back to Earth when you were in a coma despite not being sent back to Earth the first time you died? Or stranger than the fact that I’m still reading this?
  284. > The front door blew open and Greg ran in, "Holy shit, I almost forgot my weed!"
  285. “I gave Greg one and a half character trait, might as well Flanderize him!”
  286. > When he reached the bottom, he looked at us strangely, "This blunt feels off somehow. Has a certain taste to it."
  287. I know there are at least two people who have something against me, one of which was probably in my room just a few minutes ago. Meh, weed.
  288. > I turned to Twilight and motioned for the door, "Quickly! Before another weird scene begins!"
  289. “The author can’t even keep his promise of weird events for over one thousand words!”
  293. >>Chapter 41 - Part 5
  294. > Once I had pulled her out the door, I threw her, or more alone the lines of climbing under her, onto my back and jumped into the air.
  295. Throwing over and climbing under something are not even remotely similar. Also, you should be more careful with your pregnant wife.
  296. >"The Library, then to the rest of Ponyville. You haven't been back there in a while. I think you should get Spike to move in with us."
  297. You remember Spike, right? Your number one assistant?
  298. >"Oh my gosh! I forgot about Spike!"
  299. How did you forget about Spike? You should have least made sure he got back to Ponyville safely after your wedding, which was just a couple of days ago.
  300. Wait…
  301. Did you invite him to the wedding? Because I don’t remember him being there.
  302. Damn, that’s cold, Twilight.
  303. > I laughed, "Don't worry, I heard he was staying at Rarity's."
  304. Well. At least Sparity shippers will come out of here victoriously…
  308. >>Chapter 42 - Part 1
  309. > Where's the books that you own?" She pointed to a large bookshelf, filled with books, "They're all on that shelf." My jaw dropped, I didn't know she owned that many books!
  310. I’m surprised she only has ‘one’ shelf. Considering that she’s an avid reader and lived under the tutelage of the Princess in a library of her own, I imagined she’d have a large private collection.
  311. > Twilight began walking up stairs, "I'll go pack my things and Spike's."
  312. I know Twilight is basically Spike’s mother/guardian/big sister and he’s so loyal to her that he’ll follow her to Tartarus and back. But I still think they should have at least informed him that they’ll be leaving for Canterlot, most likely forever.
  313. > If I stack the books in a organized order, I'll be able to fit them all in.
  314. Your deduction skills amaze me. Not in a good way, but they still amaze me. Also, this implies was Lanc was just throwing the books into the trunk without actually caring.
  315. > She nodded, "Yep. I've forgotten about my studies, but thanks to Peter, I'm going to get back to work on them."
  316. Ok, while I’m sure Princess Celestia would give you some free time because of the whole marriage thing, how are you going to excuse falling back in your studies before that? You freak out every time that happens. And why is it thanks to ‘Peter’ that you’re going to catch up?
  317. > Its hard to study with you around, I'm too distracted by you." I smiled and shrugged, "It's my job."
  318. When your partner actively prevents you from focusing on your studies/career, it’s usually considered a bad sign.
  319. > She shrugged, "Hurry home." And with that, her and the chest disappeared in a purple flash.
  320. Why didn’t you do that when you came here instead of flying and risking getting pregnant Twilight hurt?
  324. >>Chapter 42 - Part 2
  325. > Peter walked out of Lance's house for the second time. He had come back to return the suit, that he had torn. It wasn't his fault (It was!) he was just trying to fly through a tree.
  326. Right, for a second I forgot that everyone takes advantage of Lance because they know he’ll just frown at their general direction and then shrug it off.
  327. > It was a golden necklace with the finest sapphire bits could buy. He had worked his flank off to buy it. (He borrowed the bits from Lance and Frederic!)
  328. This guy is a jerk, then again, so are the rest of the bronies.
  329. > It was the perfect present for her.
  330. Oh, right. Everyone must be shipped.
  331. > He gulped and began the long walk, which was just twenty eight meters but seemed like more to him, to the Carousel Boutique.
  332. You are a prankster and musician, and you half ass both of those things. What the hell could you have in common with Rarity? Are you going to show a new creative and generous side all of a sudden?
  333. > Rarity opened it and smiled, "Why, Purple Blaze dear, what brings you to my Boutique?"
  334. Kickass222urmom’s shipping madness, mostly. But also the fact that there is no plot to this story, so he has to make things up as he goes.
  335. > He quickly handed (Hoofed? Never mind, we've been over this) her the present
  336. You are a pony now. You ‘hoof’ things over. I understand you could have problems adapting, but it’s been several months already, you don’t have to ponder about semantics every time you do something.
  337. > and turned about face and bolted off.
  338. You pranked Rainbow Dash, you kicked and got kicked in the nuts, you were sent to an alternate dimension by the stoner. Grow a spine.
  342. >>Chapter 42 - Part 3
  343. >Does Purple Blaze like her? He seemed very nervous and shy when she answered the door. Which wasn't like him. She had seen him play on stage at Twilight's wedding, he didn't show any signs of shyness or nervousness then
  344. “I’ve only seen him twice, so I’ll assume the most favorable of those is how he normally behaves”
  345. > Her expression turned to one of determination as she began galloping after Purple Blaze.
  346. Clearly, mumbling and sweating before running away was enough for Rarity to give him a chance.
  347. > She caught up to him, just as he was sitting down on a bench and tuning his guitar.
  348. And here I thought this chapter would actually be sort of long. But no, it’s another five paragraphs of copypasted lyrics.
  349. > He dropped the guitar and put his face in his hooves, a few tears running between them.
  350. Oh, please. It’s not as if she’s rejected you.
  351. >"Oh... hey Rarity. How much did you hear?" He said hanging his head. She let a tear roll down her face, "All of it."
  352. I don’t know anything about you. And I’m sure we’ve only talked to each other once before this, but that song was enough to move my heart.
  353. >"Its okay Purple Blaze, you can be your self around me." He smiled weakly, "Okay, that makes it easier on me."
  354. So… You were planning on ‘not’ being yourself? That’s a shitty attitude to have.
  355. > "Rarity, I've been holding back feelings for you. Ever since that day I walked into your boutique, looking for Whitemark. I've been fighting with those feelings for the past three months, but I just can't hold them back anymore. I want us to be more than friends."
  356. Disregard that, based on what I just said; my feelings for you are based on superficial things.
  360. >>Chapter 42 - Part 4
  361. >"Nopony has ever felt that way about me. Well, plenty have said that, but none of them had the meaning and the love you just showed."
  362. Really? Because it didn’t sound all that special. It could have helped if the author had given a more detailed description of his confession. Maybe the tone he was using, or the body language he was showing, or any of the methods of showing emotion through written means that have existed for centuries.
  363. > Peter steadied himself and prepared for rejection, "Will you be my marefriend?"
  364. No dinner, movies, not even a “let’s go out and see where things go from there?” you just straight up ask her if she wants to be your marefriend?
  365. > She smiled lovingly, "Purple Blaze, I would love to be your marefriend."
  366. It’s a good thing women have no free will and will always agree with men’s wishes. I mean, could you imagine if that was the case? Then this would be extremely sexist.
  367. > He smiled, "Oh yeah, its a date alright. Do you like Pranks?" She smiled, "Not really, but I'm willing to give them a try."
  368. Of course she’s immediately willing to give his interests a chance, but we’ll probably never know if she can get Peter interested in fashion because women never do anything in this fic besides orbiting their respective male partners.
  369. Oh, God, this is turning me into a feminist. Please make it stop.
  373. >>Chapter 43 - Part 1
  374. >Title: Living the Dream! Part one
  375. You mean everything so far has only been the prologue and the story is starting just now?
  376. Why would you name a chapter of the story the same as the story itself? It’s not as if you’ve been building up for something awesome to happen. The last chapter ended with Peter and Rarity getting together, and Twilight moving in with Lance despite the fact that they already lived together.
  377. >Crossover with ‘Omniu’s Travels: Equestria’
  378. Are you serious? Is this going to cross over with every horrible self-insert fic out there?
  379. >READ IT!.
  380. No, I am already stuck with your story, and it’s not as if reading someone else’s story is going to improve yours, even if the other story is a literary masterpiece. Ugh… let’s hope this is a short crossover.
  381. >7,743 words
  383. >(Omnius’s Point of View)
  384. If only there was a way of establishing who is speaking within the text through the actions or dialogue… Meh, fuck it, I’ll just put a header that says it’s Omnius’ POV.
  385. Also, if the name ends in an “s” you just put the apostrophe.
  386. >“You’re leaving?” Twilight said as I packed a few essentials into a set of saddlebags.
  387. Is this Omnius guy shipped with Twilight as well? Have Twifags offended some deity that they must be punished through every mean possible?
  388. >“I actually know that I’ll only be gone from this world for only a few minutes this time.”
  389. I said the same when I went to 4chan for the first time, and here I am.
  390. >“Actually, I’ve been to this world once already,” A couple of days after I had helped Purple Blaze with his revenge on Greg, my curiosity had been piqued.
  391. So, Greg is responsible for the coming disaster. Good to know there’s a specific person to blame.
  395. >>Chapter 43 - Part 2
  396. > See, while I was there, I had gotten a memory back, but quickly lost it when I returned. Problem was, I could remember remembering that memory, but I couldn’t remember what memory it was.
  397. I’m sure that much mental stress would give you a stroke. Or at least a very powerful headache.
  398. > Okay, I read that sentence, and I still find it confusing!
  399. Then why did you keep it in the story? Wait, is Omnius talking to himself? He can break the fourth wall? God damn it, this chapter is going to feel even longer that it already is.
  400. > I had told Twilight my plans, but she instantly assumed that I would be gone for a few years (she tends to overreact easily, does she not?)
  401. This Twilight is already more like her show counterpart than the Living-verse one, thought that’s not saying much. And, wouldn’t hyphens be more appropriate in that context?
  402. > I gave the rest of the girls a quick hug, and then saluted at them, saying, “You all know what I’m gonna say now, right?”
  403. Catchphrase?
  404. > With a crazy grin, I leaped out of the open window (even though my door was still open…screw logic) and shouted, “IT’S GOOD TO BE THE TRAVELER!”
  405. Catchphrase.
  406. And it’s only the first five hundred words and I’m already sick of his fourth wall stupidity.
  408. What is this? Did you smack the keyboard? Did Omnius have a stroke?
  412. >>Chapter 43 - Part 3
  413. > Seven things popped into my head as I was falling through the sky:
  414. I will proceed to analyse the stupidity of each of them.
  415. >> 1)I’m falling. Again.
  416. And yet you find the time to be snarky about it. And how are we supposed to know this isn’t the first time you’re falling after teletransporting, or doing a dimensional jump or whatever it is you did? Is the story going to be littered with references to your story as to compel us to go read it? Because if so, then get bent.
  417. >> 2)This was the right Equestria.
  418. And you are able to guarantee this after the ten seconds you’ve been falling through the air.
  419. >> 3)I’m a Brony.
  420. Why would you think of this while you’re plummeting to your potential doom?
  421. >> 4)Holy Shit, I’m a Brony!
  422. Why are you surprised? You weren’t one before? If you weren’t, then what happened? What made you a brony in the time you were falling?
  423. >> 5)Sweet Glory Hallelujah, I’m a Brony who’s been with the Mane 6 since the beginning!
  424. I don’t know if that’s a reference to your universe. But let’s assume you mean the beginning of this story. The only brony in this universe that has been with the Mane 6 since the beginning is Lance, and even that is stretching it. Did you somehow replace Lance? Is that what’s happening?
  425. >> 6)I’ve been a Brony since before I started Traveling.
  426. If that’s the case, then why are you acting surprised!?
  427. >> 7)I’m still falling....
  428. And you’re shockingly nonchalant about it.
  432. >>Chapter 43 - Part 4
  433. > I put my forelegs in front of my face in an attempt to ward off the inevitable crash, when the small part of my brain that wasn’t screaming, calmly said, “Don’t we have wings?”
  434. Why does every Pegasus in this universe forget that they have wings?
  435. > As I stood on trembling legs, I made sure that my saddlebags were still firmly attached to my sides, and then nodded once satisfied they hadn’t been damaged.
  436. His saddlebags are okay despite crashing through half a forest and several rocks.
  437. >“Okay. I’m still in one piece, I’m not splattered all over the ground, and, oh yeah, I’m a Brony,”
  438. Why do you keep talking about bronies as if they’re a separate species? What makes them so different that you’re able to recognise that you are one, besides you’ve been one since before your story started, so what the hell are you talking about?
  439. > With a grin, I flew into the air, and took off towards Ponyville.
  440. Hurry up, I want this crossover to end already.
  441. > So wait a second, if I didn’t know anything about this Equestria (other than the Brony bit), then that means that I still remember my friends, but they don’t remember me.
  442. Enough with the attempt at paradoxes, that’s not how it works. And how did you know about the bronies?
  443. >“Welcome to Sugarcube Corner!” A sweet and happy voice called out from the counter. I looked over to see that Mrs. Cake was running the shop
  444. Mrs. Cake is married, so she’s safe. Right?
  445. >“You wouldn’t happen to have any Blueberry Muffins, would you?” “Well you’re in luck! We just finished pulled a fresh, hot batch, right out of the oven!” Alternate Universes, same delicious sweets.
  446. Be glad that this alternate universe has the same physical laws as yours. Lance and the others get a pass; they were spawned in new bodies here by God after they died, you just came from an alternate dimension, there's no excuse for that.
  450. >>Chapter 43 - Part 5
  451. > Oh yeah: It’s good to be The Traveler.
  452. I don’t know if this is supposed to be a Mel Brooks reference or not. Either way I’m sick of it.
  454. Oh, it’s a scene transition? Seriously? Can’t you just keep using the long lines?
  455. > I sat at a table inside, and looked through the windows, taking in my surroundings. Everything and everypony still looked the same, except for that Pegasus over there. He was clad in all black clothing, and he had a set of thick goggles on his face.
  456. “He having red zebra stripes and weird, red things going down his wings should probably tip me off too.”
  457. > Shrugging, I decided, “What the hell, I ain’t got nothing to lose.” I finished my muffin, and then hollered out, “HEY! ARE YOU GIROKON!?”
  458. Well, you just arrived here, so I’d say that you do have stuff to lose; such as the trust of the rest of the ponies.
  459. > Oh yeah. Master of subtlety, right here people.
  460. Hanging a lampshade on your shitty writing doesn’t make it any less shitty. It just calls more attention towards it.
  461. >[Lance’s Point of View (written by kickass222urmom, author of ‘Living the Dream)]
  462. So everything until this point was written by someone else? There is someone out there just as bad as Kickass222urmom?
  463. > I looked at the muffin in front of me, trying to decide if I should eat it or not. I'm not much of a muffin man (Muffin Man! Get it?
  464. So he’s doing the thoughts within thoughts thing too. Also, yes you are not a man who prefers muffins, that’s what makes you not much of a muffin man. That’s what you meant, right? Because referencing the nursery rhyme makes no sense whatsoever in this context.
  465. >"HEY! ARE YOU GIROKON!?" a loud voice called out.
  466. The plot is a-callin’!
  470. >>Chapter 43 - Part 6
  471. > I raised an eyebrow, and thought to myself, who is that? I've never seen him before.
  472. You. Can’t. Know. Everyone. In. Equestria. Stop acting as if you do, besides, you had a huge wedding which the Princesses attended, a lot of people will know about you.
  473. > Wait a second, I think I know him. He's that pony who had been with Peter this morning.
  474. Oh, so he’s the one that made the lame Star Wars jokes with Peter. Wait, if he was at your house today, then he should already know who you are.
  475. > So, why did you call me over here?" He got a smug look on his face, "I never called you over, I just asked if you were Girokon."
  476. Don’t act so conceited. Did you expect him to yell “Yes!” and keep walking? You were going to call him over and you know it.
  477. > I pointed a hoof at his bag, "Is that...A COKE!?!"
  478. I see, despite adapting so quickly to Equestria, Lance still misses things from his life on Earth. And this is one of them. Surely this nostalgia will play a major—Oh, who am I kidding.
  479. > You see, I have a huge weakness for Coca-Cola. Those things are amazing! Let me say that again: They. Are. Amazing! I would do anything, and I mean anything, for one bottle.
  480. How nice of you to never mention that until it became relevant.
  481. > I turned to see the brown Pegasus, his beard flecked with the remains of the muffins, (Messy eater much?).
  482. Why are you doing the parenthesis thing? The narration is in first person, everything you say that isn’t between quotation marks are thoughts, your thoughts. If you actually feel the need to insert a thought between thought –though I don’t see what could be gained from that– just use hyphens.
  483. > ”the name’s Omnius." […] “Sounds better than Mr. Snuggles at least."
  484. I am assuming you know a Mr. Snuggles and that’s why you made that comparison. Otherwise it’s just a completely stupid joke.
  488. >>Chapter 43 - Part 7
  489. > "if you’re looking for Twilight Sparkle, she doesn't live there anymore." "What!? Where does she live then?"
  490. Hey, Omnius. Remember when you went to Lance’s house with Peter? And Twilight was there?
  491. > He said, shocked, a look of surprise on his face.
  492. If you’re shocked, wouldn’t it be obvious that you have a look of surprise on your face?
  493. >"My house in Canterlot. Come on, I'll take you there. You can tell me what you had to tell me while we fly there."
  494. When Louie came looking for Twilight, that’s the first thing you told him was that you two were going out. How do you know he’s not after Twilight too?
  495. >[Omnius's Point of Veiw!]
  496. All of this could have been avoided if you just wrote in 3rd person.
  497. > Lance and I were flying towards Canterlot, and I tried to think of a good way to tell him. I mean, come on! He’s a dude who died (at least from what Blaze said) and chose Equestria as his afterlife.
  498. So, Peter told you about Lance, but failed to mention that Twilight and him got married? It’s the last thing he remembers from this Equestria, it makes sense that he’d mention it.
  499. > Why wouldn’t he believe me about my Traveling?
  500. Why wouldn’t he? Has he given any indication that he wouldn’t believe you?
  501. > Wait, I bet you’re all wondering why I decided to tell him.
  502. I am actually wondering how much of this self-awareness I have to tolerate.
  503. > Mostly because a little voice in my head that sounded like a certain someone (Who’s name starts with “Princess” and ends in “Celestia”), told me that I could. Well, if a Goddess of Good says it’s good to do, I can’t exactly argue with that!
  504. So he’s schizophrenic. That explains a lot.
  508. >>Chapter 43 - Part 8
  509. >“I’m the Eternal Traveler of Good,” I said simply. “I am doomed, fated, and destined to Travel throughout all of Time, Space, and Matter, and across all of the Realities for all of eternity, and beyond, for the side of Good.”
  510. My God, this is the ultimate overpowered self-insert. Also, how the hell are you supposed to travel through matter?
  511. >“BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Lance laughed, almost forgetting to flap his wings in his mirth.
  512. I would have just backed away slowly. Delusional people can be dangerous.
  513. > “is it as unbelievable as you being a Zebragus?”
  514. You’ll have to give him that. And, shouldn’t it be Zebrasus?
  515. >“Well, yeah! At least mine you can see! What about you?” (Wait, here comes my favorite line!) “How can you prove that what you said is true?” Oh, I love it when someone asks me that!
  516. You know, Kickass222urmom may be a horrible, horrible writer; but whoever writes this Omnius guy is far more annoying. Kickass’ writing is like being thrown in a sack of broken glasses and then tossed around several times. But this Omnius guy is like getting a nail down your dick hole.
  517. >“Catch you? What are you-” He started to ask, but I didn’t let him finish. I was too busy shifting back into human form.
  518. I am going to assume this guy is supposed to be immortal.
  519. Otherwise it’d be stupid of him to just let himself fall to the ground like that. You couldn’t have waited until you arrived to Canterlot? What are you gaining by endangering yourself?
  520. > I pulled a nail file (a remnant of my lessons on Jail Breaks) out of my pocket, and started to go over my finger nails with it, whistling as I did so.
  521. See, that’s how you use parenthesis, not to insert a stupid joke between the stupid narration.
  525. >>Chapter 43 - Part 9
  527. >“ARE YOU CRAZY!?” He shouted, as he slowly flew over to a nearby outcropping of rock that was large enough to hold the both of us.
  528. “Probably. I hear voices in my head all the time,”
  529. So, he admitted he’s crazy, now let’s see how everyone ignores this.
  530. >“I’ve got a few things that I need to tell you before we go on,” I explained patiently.
  531. Well, let’s see what this guy’s deal is.
  533. You’re skipping the entire explanation!? That’s just lazy and a cheap hook to try to make us read the other story. And really, I’m not that surprised anymore.
  534. >“So…You can’t die?” Lance said, confused. “Nope.”
  535. Called it. Doesn’t make it any less stupid, though.
  536. >“So you and Twilight are hitched?”
  537. And Lance apparently filled Omnius in with all the nonsense that has been happening here. I’m kind of glad we skipped over that.
  538. > She looked like the normal Twilight Sparkle, with a lavender coat, and the same cutie-mark…but now she had a swollen gut that was very disproportionate to the rest of her body.
  539. Lance told Omnius that Twilight and him got married, but didn’t mention the small detail that she was pregnant.
  540. What else did you skip, Lance?
  541. > I stood there, dumbstruck, as I tried to wrap my mind around what was going on.
  542. Don’t you jump between realities? If pregnant Twilight is the most bizarre thing you’ve seen so far, then all those alternate realities suck.
  543. > Mind = Blown.
  544. You suck as a dimension traveler as much as these guys suck at writing.
  545. > “what’s your human name?” “Omnius? Or do you mean Sean? Maybe Nathan?” I said, trying to come up with a good answer.
  546. You don’t know? Or did you forget? Has nobody ever asked you your human name, so you have to come up with something on the fly?
  547. >“Yeah,” Lance said, intervening before I could say anything else that would make me look like an idiot.
  548. You are three thousand words too late.
  552. >>Chapter 43 - Part 10
  553. >“Well, if you excuse me, I just have to go get Omnius settled into his room, he’s going to be staying with us for now.”
  554. At least you’re offering your own house this time, and not just pimping Twilight’s.
  555. >"So, how was it seeing a pregnant Twilight?" He smiled and shrugged, "You know, I've seen worst, but that was just weird. She's so out of character!
  556. For all of its flaws, he can at least state the obvious.
  557. >"Wanna meet a dragon Brony?"
  558. Oh, yeah. Malbatorus. I wonder if Fluttershy and he are already a couple, or are they waiting for Lance’s magical relationship advice.
  559. > His eyes widened, "Holy crap! A dragon is a Brony? How’s that possible?"
  560. It’s the magic of the self-insert.
  561. > He furrowed his eyebrows, "Sweet! I've been a dragon before." I smiled, "You already told me that."
  562. As you should clearly remember after that long, detailed conversation they had.
  563. > I looked at his saddlebag, and asked, "Got anymore coke?" He smirked, "Maybe. Got anymore muffins?"
  564. Just how many Coca Cola bottles can he keep in there? How did he know to stash on Coke? Did he know that Lance would go apeshit over them? Was it just a big coincidence?
  565. > I nodded, "Oh yeah." I walked into my room and brought out a 'muffin.'
  566. If you don’t have muffins, why don’t you just say so? You’re friends with Pinkie Pie, I’m sure she’d be more than willing to give you some muffins.
  570. >>Chapter 43 - Part 11
  571. > He began examining the 'muffin' and frowned, "Hey! This isn't a muffin! It’s a freaking cupcake!"
  572. I actually Googled this, and the main difference between cupcakes and muffins are the looks and the texture. Muffins are considered “healthy” because of the preparation method while cupcakes are just small cakes, what with the frosting and everything. Meaning you shouldn’t have to examine it to tell the difference, and if they’d been made so they look the same, you’d actually have to taste it. But I’m going to assume one of your powers of Dimension travelling also cover pastry.
  573. > He glared at me, "You cheated me out of a coke!" A smile started to form on my face, but I covered it up by laughing, not a good cover up, "I see it as, relieving you of a coke."
  574. See, it’s not that I’m taking it, it’s just that you’re losing it.
  575. > He pointed a hoof at me, and said, "Give it back! Or I’ll be forced to resort to...overdramatic measures…"
  576. Oh no. What will happen if you’re not your normal, even-minded selves?
  577. >"But if you do that again, I will love and tolerate the shit outta you…in retrospect, that sounded manlier in my head."
  578. That was never manly. Ever.
  579. > I walked over to the stairs, "Let’s get going, before someone does something regretful."
  580. Again, too late for that.
  581. >"Then let’s get going." He ran to the door and slammed into it, flying through it and doing a barrel roll once he hit the ground. He stood up and did a pose.
  582. Oh, no. I’m sure he had a reason for doing that.
  583. > I walked out and raised an eyebrow, "Over dramatic much?" He smirked, "Hey, it’s part of what I do."
  584. I don’t even.
  585. > I’ll make it up to him later…maybe I’ll give him a full 20 pack of coke. That’s a nice thing to do, right?
  586. Where are you going to get so many Cokes?
  590. >>Chapter 43 - Part 12
  591. > we flew on towards Fluttershy’s cottage in silence for a while, and I didn’t make any attempt to break it for once. Surprised? Well, hey, even I like to just enjoy a nice quiet flight.
  592. Then shut up and just go see the dragon.
  593. > Man, that’s gotta be awesome… Then again, in retrospect, maybe not.
  594. You’re right, I doubt Malby has grown a pair in the twenty chapters he hasn’t been mentioned.
  595. >“Alright…he was given a choice, and he chose Equestria. That means that he must have some sort of love for friendship and magic…He chose to be a dragon though, meaning he wanted to do something…well, different. So far, he’s only chosen to live with Fluttershy, which implies a certain kindness or shyness about him. Maybe he chose to be a dragon because he wanted to be something that couldn’t get pushed around so easily…”
  596. And we can add prescience to Omnius ever growing list of powers
  597. > He nodded, agreeing with me. I lost myself in my thoughts again, and felt a memory start to show up...and then I firmly pushed it back, denying the viewers the opportunity for a flashback sequence. Ain’t I a stinker?
  598. Actually, I’m glad we were spared of a retelling of your most assuredly riveting past.
  599. > Grinning, I decided that it was time for a bit of Traveler shenanigans, and I instantly shifted back into human form without warning Lance.
  600. Damn, this guy is an asshole. And, by the Living-verse’s standards, that’s saying a lot.
  601. >“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” He shouted, as I plummeted towards the ground.
  602. “I’m finding new lows to which we can sink!”
  603. >“Hey Lance, follow me!” I called out, pulling a metal square out from my pocket. I pressed one of the corners with my thumb, and it slowly expanded into a long, blue and white hover board type deal.
  604. Do you have a subdimensional storage space in there? Where do you get all of these things?
  608. >>Chapter 43 - Part 13
  609. >“ With a cocky grin that hid the nervousness I was feeling, I quickly stomped on a switch, and activated the hoverboard. There was a steady humming sound, and I shouted, “Race ya to Fluttershy’s!”
  610. A part of me wants to know if Omnius is always this much of a douche, or if it’s just Kickass222urmom’s horrible writing. The rest of me doesn’t want to be hooked into more shitty self-insert fics.
  611. >“Lance, come on!” I shouted over my shoulder. “Follow me, set me free! Trust me and we will ESCAPE FROM THE CITY!”
  612. What are you talking about? Why does everything you say sound like a non-sequitur?
  613. >“Damn it Lance, don’t you recognize a Sonic the Hedgehog reference when you hear one?!”
  614. This guy. This. Guy. He is doing his best to be hated, and he’s almost succeeding.
  615. > I cracked my knuckles, and pulled my bandana on.
  616. See, there’s the point where it’s obvious that you’re purposely trying to make the character so stupidly self-conscious and a parody of a parody that it’s not even that maddening because you know it’s not sincere. It’s just annoying.
  617. > Well, at least he doesn’t know that I know a veeeeerrrryyyy good shortcut
  618. This is a different dimension. How do you know everything remains the same? It’s been made clear that you can’t sense the difference, or you would have known that Twilight is pregnant.
  619. Omnius then proceeds to explain the shortcut, including the point in which he must press the “X” button repeatedly.
  620. >“Here goes nothing!”I shouted, right before hitting the rock. “Remember kids, don’t try this at home!”
  621. Does he think he’s clever by breaking the fourth wall in such an inane manner every two paragraphs?
  625. >>Chapter 43 - Part 14
  626. >I shot off the rock, and was suddenly soaring through the air. I started spinning on the board, and had to resist the urge to vomit violently. Instead, I just settled for flying over a very surprised Lance
  627. Far be from me from questioning the physics of a cartoon show, much less a terrible fan fiction based on said show, but I’ll do an exception tonight. That scenario is stupid and implausible, How the hell are you supposed to be flying over a Pegasus who is already flying at top speed by bouncing of a freaking rock!?
  628. > I needed to be insanely careful about what I said, or else I might accidentally let them know that I’m technically not from their world, and alert them to my Traveling. Thankfully, this was something I’d had a lot of practice with. I should be fine.
  629. Then why bother mentioning it at all.
  630. > I waved a hoof over to Malbatorus, "Well, I give you the honor of being the one who wakes him up."
  631. I know Omnius assumed that Malbatorus was shy and all of that, but he doesn’t ‘know’ that, Lance never confirmed it. So as far as he should be concerned, he’s going to wake up a fully grown dragon.
  632. > He walked up to Malbatorus and started poking his stomach, "Yo, big red! Wakey wakey!"
  633. Even if you are totally sure that he’s inoffensive, that’s still a shitty way to wake someone up. Specially someone who can accidentally kill you.
  634. > I waved, and said, "Hey Malbatorus. I brought a friend to meet you."
  635. “I’m not entirely sure why, he’s proven to be a dick over and over again. But he ‘is’ my Coke dealer, so I guess I’m at his mercy”
  636. >"I was picked on back on earth and thought being a dragon would mean no one would mess with me. I was right. No one will mess with me... or be my friend. Only the other bronies and Fluttershy will even come near me."
  637. What exactly did you expect? You’re a giant fire breathing creature. Ponies aren’t going to welcome you with open arms.
  641. >>Chapter 43 - Part 15
  642. > Omnius wiped a tear out of his eye, and said, "Manly tears have been shed man."
  643. What else can be said about Omnius? He’s trying to be a giant tool in every possible way.
  644. > A loud scream from Fluttershy's cottage caught us all off guard.
  645. Oh, good. Something is happening, I forgot how that felt.
  646. > She looked at us, tears in her eyes, "It’s Angel! He's gone!"
  647. He knew that he was no match for the dickery of Omnius, so he left.
  648. > Omnius cocked his head, (Get those dirty images out of your heads!)
  649. Fuck you, what the hell? Why would anyone think something dirty from that? How sex deprived must you be before you read that and thing that someone is taking a dick to the head?
  650. > I wouldn't give him a carrot because he wouldn't go outside and play. He ran off, and I don't know where he went."
  651. Ok, let’s back up. Angel didn’t want to go outside, so you didn’t give him a carrot when he asked for one. So he rebels by going outside? And when you see him running off you did nothing? And only after it hit you, and you realised that he was leaving, you screamed and began crying? Is that what happened
  652. > I looked around, and would you believe it, I saw the paw prints of a bunny that lead into the Everfree Forest.
  653. And Fluttershy somehow failed to notice this?
  654. >"Well, me and Omnius can go after him. We've both been in the forest alone before."
  655. When!? When did that happen? Why did nobody bothered to mention that before? Also, I’m, going to remind you that last time Lance was on the forest alone, he got attacked by a manticore.
  656. > I shook my head, "I didn't forget. I just thought you should stay here with Fluttershy, in case he comes back out."
  657. Sure, let’s go into the Everfree and let’s leave behind the one creature that could deter dangerous animals from attacking us.
  661. >>Chapter 43 - Part 16
  662. > I looked at Omnius, "You read to brave the Everfree Forest?" He smirked and put on sunglasses, "Oh you know it!"
  663. How will obscuring your sight will help you search for a rabbit is beyond me.
  664. > He turned to Fluttershy, and reassuringly said, "Don't worry, we'll bring back your bunny, dead or alive."
  665. It’s hard for me to remain objective, because every time Omnius does something I just want to scream “Douche!” as loud as I can.
  666. >"Does it feel like we're being watched?" I looked around and shuddered, "Yeah, it kinda does."
  667. Usually this is followed by hiding and trying to figure out what could be going after you.
  668. > [Omnius] jumped forward and stood up on his hind legs. He pointed his hoofs into the forest and said, "I know you’re out there! Whoever is watching us, come out!"
  669. Other times, this happens.
  670. >“Timberwolf!” I snarled, putting myself between it and Lance. Never taking my eyes off the thing, I said to Lance, “When I give the signal, I want you to fly above me, and buck it in the head.”
  671. You know what would be useful right now? A dragon next to you that could easily burn/stomp/shred the timberwolf.
  672. Omnius stares the timberwolf into leaving. Seriously.
  673. >“Either that, or I just sent it to get help from the pack. We should find that bunny and then make like a tree- and get out of here!”
  674. Does he think he is clever? Does he think that just spewing several references to good works make him better?
  675. > We walked in silence for a while, following the cartoonish rabbit tracks (shhhh. Be vewy vewy quiet…we’re looking for rabbits! Huhuhuhuhuh)
  676. Well, what do you know. I’ve managed to hate Omnius more than I do Lance in slightly over 6k words. Is that why Kickass222urmom made the crossover? So Lance would seem like a better character in comparison?
  680. >>Chapter 43 - Part 17
  681. > We looked around, and searched for the bunny, and every little sound we heard made us jump. It was almost like that moment in a horror movie, when you KNOW there’s a monster in the closet, but you have to open the closet anyways,
  682. “I ‘could’ try to make this scene scary. Actually carrying some suspense and set up a tense, dreadful atmosphere. But it’ll be easier if I make you think of something scary and tell you that the same is happening right now.”
  683. > A white blur had launched itself at my face
  684. Oh, it’s Angel. Well done, Angel.
  685. > it immediately went into a frenzy, scratching and biting at every inch of my exposed visage, and I frantically started running around, yelling
  686. Here lies Omnius, Dimension Traveller, he was slayed by a bunny.
  687. > Lance stifled a laugh, and I ignored him, choosing to focus only on the rabbit. “Yes, you’re going. What? Surprised I can understand you?” I said at the rabbit’s surprised look.
  688. Ok, first of all, why should you act as if it’s a big deal that you can understand Angel? Everybody can understand what other animals are saying on a basic level, for that matter, why is Angel surprised?
  689. > I managed to convince him to go back with us, on the condition that I didn’t mention to anyone that he was jealous of the Brony dragon.
  690. I can imagine Angel being jealous of a gigantic, fire-breathing mythological beast that everyone fears.
  694. >>Chapter 43 - Part 18
  696. Fucking transitions.
  697. > He leaned his head closer to me, and I whispered, “Good luck with Fluttershy. She’s a nice pony, and deserves someone who’s as nice as her. I sincerely hope you can do that for her.”
  698. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I don’t want any more OCxCanon shippings, but I know they’re going to happen either way, so they might as well get together now and get it out of the way.
  699. >“How did you figure it out?”
  700. You are the worst stereotype of a Flutterfag ever. It’s painfully obvious.
  701. >“Elementary my dear Draco, I guessed,”
  702. I am thankful there’s only one more part to this crossover.
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